I saw a very extended trailer for it today and I have to admit I started to feel excited about the final episode. So could someone talk some sense into me and remind me the trash Lucas put out for the last 2 movies.

No, because I'm foegeting the last two movies even exist and am going on my gut instinct that this will be a fucking awesome movie.

Remember: fucking awesome movie. :) I hope I'm right.

I'm not getting my hopes up. I got fooled with the last two movies and I don't want to be fooled a third time.

Fuck it. I'll let this one fool me regardless. Especially because it's the last time it has to happen.

I thought the Episode One trailer was pretty lackluster back in the day, and I was hoping it would be a great movie anyways. Unfortunatly, it wasn't.

Episode Two isn't so bad in my book, aside from the Anakin/Padme hilarity.

I do think Episode Three looks tremendous. I have high hopes for the film and I'm not afraid to admit it.

You could do like me and just decide to love it regardless. Life is so much simpler that way.

I'm looking forward to it, and going in with low expectations. Nothing can beat Episode II for me, tho....


....."I hate sand".

I mean, really. Where the hell did that come from?

It kind of got lost in all the excitement. That and Darth Maul looked damned awesome at the time. Too bad Lucas didn't do much with him.

Fucking Lucas... Darth Maul is pimped on everything for months, and then when the movie comes out...

He's in a grand total of 5 scenes, a few no longer than 45 seconds, and he has maybe 3 lines od dialogue. Thank God he kicked ass in the Jedi Battle at the end with Obi-Wan-Jinn.

I wasn't really excited until I pulled into the Burger King drivethrough to get my 2.99 Chicken Sandwich Value Meal of the Day. They had a big Chewbacca sign hanging from a post. I offered the immigrant worker at the window 2 bucks for it. She had to check with her manager. After a few minutes, I realized I wasn't excietd for the movie... I was just excited to have Chewbacca greet me at Burger King. The movie can get cancelled for all I care, I've had my fun already.

I'd much rather see episode 7..but you can't de-age Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Billy Dee Williams, so it's impossible. And yes, you'd NEED Billy Dee for episode 7. Maybe not George Lucas's Episode 7, but MY episode 7. I know that there's some shitty post-movie novels and stories out there, but they all assume too much.

Crappy Assumption #1- Han and Leia have KIDS. YAY!
Cool Twist #1- Han was FROZEN. Not all of his parts work anymore.
Cool Twist #1a- Leia is pregnant and is expecting. But there's no ultrasound in the Rebel Alliance. The baby is born...and it's black. "I was lonely" Or..
Cool Twist #1b- The baby is born.... and it's half-wookie. "I ate that walking carpet" Or...
Cool Twist #1c- The baby is born...and it's half-Hutt! See, Hutt's secreet sperm differently from humans. If they want to, they can impregnate you by simply touching you, and you wouldn't know it. My, your hands sure are sweaty, Jabba. Cool irony, because Han the biggest stud in the universe, has been firing blanks and can't have kids. Instead, the only kid his wife has produced was spawned by his arch enemy. Mooowahahaha! Me Cha Wonka Han Solo.

Crappy Assumption #2- Boba Fett isn't dead
Cool Twist #2- Sorry, he's dead. The most worthless muthafuckin' screen villain of all time whose biggest claim to fame was hiding in garbage and following someone. He didn't catch Han Solo... he just sat around and let Darth Vader, 3,000 Stormtroopers and an enitre city do it. Later, he was killed by a blind guy. General Madine contributted more than this worthless dork.

Crappy Assumption #3- Luke gets a broad
Cool Twist #3- Re-watch Return of, errrr..EPISODE 6. The moment Luke realizes "Leia...Leia's my sister", his entire life heterosexual career comes screeching to an end. Farm boy left his home, travelled across the galaxy with an old fart and two robots, dodged numerous Stormtrooper bullets, led a seemingly suicidal mission against a space station, froze his nuts off in Siberia and fought the Yeti...just cuz' he had the hots for some cute brunette in a sheet and wanted to impress her. If anything, Luke decides to spend more time with R2 and his nifty gadgets. Or he really, REALLY takes an interest in Wedge as his, ahem, Jedi apprentice. Or maybe he just castrates himself with his lightsaber.

Crappy Assumption #4- New characters
Probably a gimme in ANY version. But no new character can be as cool as Plif the Telepathic Bunny, or Jaxxon the Rabbit-Man. (yes, they both exist). If I had to make my own NEW character, it's easy: Ice Cube as Doughboi-- Mace Windu's great grandson. Then he can say "damn, this kid's got more droids than a muthafucka"

But you need a plot, right. Another easy one- "Episode 7- Revenge of Walrus Man". Fomerly a surly drunk and then a ridiculed one-armed surly drunk, Walrus Man has spent the past three years waiting...planning...preparing. With the long lost Hidden Weapon of the Techno Alliance, Walrus Man is out for redemption. With the help of his friends, Stupid Satan-looking Guy and Pink Furry Guy with 8 Eyes, they will present the Greatest Challenge to the New Republic.

...hmmm... either ES is really George Lucas looking to make another quick buck, or he's drunk off his ass, especially with the Walrus Man thing.

I never thought about it that way... now I can justify hating the bastard as a kid AND as an adult.

Of course, having Walrus Man as a master villain makes about as much sense as having Boab Fett's dad be the backbone of the ENTIRE Clone Wars and the Stormtroopers. A seemingly worthless finrge character who is written into a significant portion of the plot simply because fanboys think he's neato.

Walrus Man was a bad mutahfucka'. Remeber, his friend had the death sentence in seven star systems. You'd better watch yourself.

That's some really funny stuff, eStragand, but you've obviously put a lot of thought into that.....

Keep it up! :D

Your views intrigue me greatly, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter (checks mail) oh wait, I already get it. :P