I've been reading comics for the past 30 years and have pretty much liked/loved every DC "big event", not counting that "New Blood" fiasco. Final Crisis sure felt like it should have been just nail-biting good fun reading. What in the bloody hell was this crap. Honestly, all I've really read were DC comics, but really the only thing about this thing that got me excited was the return of Barry Allen stuff, and he wasn't even in issue 6, was he?
I couldn't keep this story straight to save my life. Darkseid gets shot by the Godbullet that killed Orion in one shot, but can still stand around like a day on the beach, until the Black Racer takes him down? What the fuck? From Darkseid's schpiel, I got the feeling they picked Turpin because somewhere deep down he WANTED to become DS's body host? Am I taking this wrong?
Also, Superman memorized every nut and bolt on the Miracle Machine and they now have one in present day time, and Luthor and Sivana have part of the specs on this thing now?
How did Wonder Woman get free from that virus? How did Lois Lane get Batman's cowl so fast to put in the rocket? (Yes, I know she's married to Superman, but he REALLY wants to get rid of it that fast?) AND, what's to stop Bruce from pulling a Dr. Emmett Brown and sending a telegram to Clark telling him where he is?

Hi, Clark!
Greetings from sunny pre-historic ages! Yes, I am alive and well in the past, making time with pre-Eauropean babes who REALLY don't know how to shave, and let me tell you, it's getting old, fast. So, be a good chap, go get Jay & Wally (he doesn't know about Barry yet), fire up the treadmill and COME SAVE ME from this shit! We did it for O'Brien. If we can pick that plastic idiot from the botton of the ocean after thousands of decades, you can find me! Tell ya what, I'll stir up a big 'ol campfire, get me some branches and fashion myself an old school Batsignal, shine it on the side of Mount Rushmore and hone in on that. I'll be the one with spandex slacks. Now, come get me!

Yours truly,
Bruce Muthafuggin' Wayne



Actually, I guess he MAY be trying to do that, as the last thing we saw him doing was scratching the Bat-logo onto the cave wall.

Oh, and WHO THE FUCK gives two rats shit about that Japanese Lightning-Flash teen-love story? People are dying here!


Catwoman and JSA were pretty good, tho.

Speaking of JSA, Hawkman and Hawkwoman are dead again? Seriously. He'd have better luck being Spinal Tap's drummer.

I couldn't put my finger on what was bugging me about Final Crisis. I kept using the word "perversion"... not in "argh, blasphemy" sense, but just that it felt kinda'...icky. Like a "bad ass fan fiction" where people get SHOT, marry-off, say "shi*t" and other OMG BAD ASS STUFF. Plus the weird Kirby-dick suck that's been going on with Dan Turpin and his transformation into Darkseid. Kinda' like if Marvel had a a Stan Lee stand-in as the master villain of "Secret Invasion"

I think it was issue 5, where Libra and some Darkseid flunkies are talking to Lex Luthor at a lynching. They say something like: "if you help us, Luthor, you can be first in line with Supergirl".

After that, the word "perversion" seemed to hit the nail on the head. The whole thing is sorta' like "Super Friends 1983--- EXTREME!!" But the word "Extreme" has never equaled "good" (case in point: anything using that word in the 90's). I'm really surprised that Wonder Woman made it out of Final Crisis without getting cornholed by Darkseid.

But I haven't read issue 7 yet, or any crossovers in Wonder Woman's title...


OH..and bonus DC Value Stamps to you for referencing Plastic Man and the JLA's ridiculous "Obsidian Age" story arc from about 2002-2003. Remember, that was the story that would "re-define the JLA and their place in the DCU!!!" Of course, it was promptly forgotten by every employee at DC and hasn't been mentioned since.

E summed up perfectly what I currently hate about DC. It's written like fan fiction now. I don't feel like I'm reading the DCU anymore. I feel like I wandered onto some internet site where some fan has uploaded their garbage. The only books I can stand anymore is Justice League with McDuffie at the helm and Dini on Detective Comics.

I can't remember where I read this, but I recall someone saying, regarding DC's fan-fiction emulation: "the only thing missing from DC is a scene where Bruce and Dick get it on"

Wait..so Batman violated one of his Main Ideals by using a gun to shoot Darkseid. Only the bullet didn't kill Darkseid, it just grazed him in the shoulder... despite the fact that Batman's word balloons just told us that it was "lethal to (Darkseid's) kind". So Batman got "killed" for his efforts.

Instead of the "noble hero kills master bad guy, but ends up dying himself"...the whole thing was essentially a pointless swerve to send Batman into Caveman Land. Great...cuz' Batman hanging with caveman and being sent through time is such a great use of the usual "street-level" character that Batman is.

Oh..and the art for Final Crisis #7 sucked bad. The shot of Superman with his arms folded... Supes looked so muscled-up that he was about ready to pop plasma onto the reader.

Can't forget the unnecessary "Obama as Superman" idea that was shoehorned in there, out of nowhere.

Or the gratuitous dog be-headings that have been going on through the entire series.

But yeah, I have some "real world" friends who have actually said all this shit is "bad ass and fucking awesome!!" Sadly, they all have jobs and are in their 30's...

Grant Morrison is writing this, right?

Absolutely correct!

The master of "strange concepts with things you've NEVER SEEN BEFORE!" Yet a complete hack when it comes to actually WRITING A COHESIVE STORY.

More wacky concepts from Grant Morrison:

-The BATman of Earth-711!
Tied into his BAT computer (Big Ass Terminal) inside the sanctun sanctorum of his convenience store, BATman along with Robbin' the Hobo Wonder keep their area clean of evil doers. Like the Automater, Dr. Infernal and Titus the Executioner!!


-The Green Lantern of Earth-345
Blake Connerly, a young man who was is prone to timeslides and temporal displacements, is transported to a new realm everytime he encounters a GREEN LIGHT!! Be it a traffic light, oven light or a plain ol' Green Lantern! Follow Connerly's adventures through the ENTIRE DC Multiverse as his non-traditional stories jump around all over the place in completely unintelligeble crap that will make fanboys cream their shorts!!

--more to come....

Yeah, I've never read something of Morrison's that was worthwhile. He's one of those writers who make me feel like maybe I have a future in comics.

Morrison's done some good work. Namely JLA and Seven Soldiers of Victory had some good series in there. Other than that he's sucked balls for the most part and I don't get the "Grant can do no wrong" crowd.

Honestly. Chuck Dixon and Gail Simone are the only two writers at DC that can consistently entertain me.

I really enjoyed his New X-Men run, save for the Assault on Weapons Plus arc or whatever the fuck it was called.

I stopped reading this mini after #1. Looks like I made a wise decision.

What storylines did he right on New X-Men?

And I haven't read Seven Soldiers of Victory. Partly because I'm a huge fan of Mr. Miracle, and I'm always afraid someone's going to ruin him

He was the one who introduced Cassandra Nova in a rather dramatic fashion, brought Emma Frost back to the team (as well as readjusted her age, putting her in her mid-late 20's), set up the entertaining Riot at Xavier's, Xorn, and started the Scott/Emma romance. Oh and Jean Grey died again under his watch, as did Magneto, but once he was left it seems his Magneto death was overruled by the editors.

So, basically he wrote all the stuff I didn't like about X-Men too.

Well, except the death of Magneto.

When I first saw what he was doing with New X-Men, I was like "Fuck this, I quit."

Then two years ago I actually went back and read it and enjoyed it.

Hey, Marvel fanboys! Take it to a thread where someone cares!


;-)

DC sucks so much right now apparently that their threads turn into Marvel discussion. I'm loving it.

Oh, forgot to mention that Captain Carrot (along with Pig Iron, Yankee Poodle and Alley Kat-abra) makes an appearance in the final Darkseid beat-down in Infinite Crisis #7.

Captain Carrot cameos are okay...if they're not trying to be serious and on the "fate of the entire DCU" level. I don't see how even the dimmest CD fanboy could've been jones'ing for the frickin' Zoo Crew to be included with the JLA and pals.

Then DC tries to maintain fan interest by bringing in Neil Gaiman to write Batman. *fart* So some DC fanboy is thinking:

"Oh yes...Neil Gaiman's Sandman was a big inspiration to my high school poetry class. Along with the Cure, OXYClean and paint thinner. DC is the greatest!"

Hey, I'm with ya. The only thing Dc right now that is vaguely interesting to me is Blackest Night and Flash: Rebirth. I even contemplated dropping JSA, then they had to bring back Black Adam. Fuckers!

Hey, I am pretty excited about Gaiman's issues of Batman.

Just wish it would be better than finishing one of Morrison's runs

The first issue was pretty craptacular. They really handicapped Gaiman with Morrison shit and having to make sense of all that RIP nonsense.

After 7-8 issues of Batman hallucinating/inner turmoil stuff with Grant Morrison... now "Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader" is more hallucinating/inner turmoil stuff with Neil Gaiman.

I love DC. Always have, probably always will. Growing up, I was always surrounded by Marvel Zombies who always trashed DC. I don't hate Marvel or anything, and I love Spidey and the Hulk as much as the next guy. But I just found the angst-ridden tone of Marvel really depressing. I know for most male, angst-ridden adolescents, that's the attraction. For me, though, I always felt I had enough real-life angst and insecurity, so I didn't need more. I loved the fantastical elements of the DC multiverse, and later the DCU.

That said, Final Crisis is the worst piece of crap that's ever come down the pike in a long time. Grant Morrison is known for writing offbeat, weird, existential pieces of comicdom metaphysics. Which has it's place, and is fine. But for a Big Company-Wide Event, do you want an offbeat, weird, existential piece of comicdom metaphysics, or do you want a big-ass cosmic-scale conflagration that threatens all of existence that only the combined might of Superman's strength, Batman's cunning, the JLA, JSA and every supervillain in the galaxy can possibly stop?

When it comes to company-wide events, I'm more old school. I'm looking for a thrill-ride. This ain't it.

DC can be good. Which is why it's everything from "Identity Crisis" to "Final Crisis" has been SO damn frustrating.

You're absolutely right about the fantastical elements. DC's the only place that can pull off stuff like the Bottle City of Candor, Ace the Bat-hound, teen sidekicks and little blue men in bathrobes protecting the universe...and make you like it! One of the great things about Superman is how his stories can really be awe-inspiring; from hikes across the galaxy to time travel to larger-than-life fisticuffs.

But...no. Instead we get crap that thinks it's an independent, crappy, superhero comic from the mid-80's. In fact, Neil Adams' "Skate Man" would fit right in at DC.

IGN Invterview with Morrison in which he says a lot of overtly pseudo intellectual things to try and explain Final Crisis

..and right out of the box he proves your point by saying: "it's like cubism..."

Whenever anyone asks me for any insight, I will now reference an art movement in order to make myself appear smarter.

Example:

SamoaRowe: "Why didn't you put up my WWE PPV review on Da' Site, E?"
Me: "Well, it's like pointillism in that it's a grand ordeal and a rather involving process".

Hey, I'm being good and patient regarding Survivor Series. But I'm not reviewing anything else until that gets posted ;)

What got me about the interview is that the guys that write novels and screenplays are bringing a bit of legitimacy to comics as writing. Doing something different just because you can doesn't make your stuff any better

Guys that write novels...like Brad Meltzer, the hack who wrote "Identity Crisis" and is probably the writer single-most responsible for DC's current fanfiction movement.

I really didn't mind IC, with the exception that it was Sue Dibny, as she was always a good shit, and funny, too!

The person most responsible for the current fan fic movement is Dan Didildo. Just like Quesada ruined Spiderman for me. At least Quesada, though, only fucked up one title. Didildo has ruined an entire universe.

Admittedly, guys like Gaiman, Rucka, Whedon, JMS, Brian K. Vaughan, etc., have made comics less laughable. (I know, EvE, I included Rucka. Sue me) They've got "legitimate" writing credits as well as comics, and aren't laughed at by their peers for dabbling in the graphical genre. Morrison just comes across as bitter that he's not getting those kinds of credits.

So, now word on the street is that Darkseid's Omega beam sent Bruce into the past onto a parrallel world? W. T. F.

Which, if you think about it, makes Bruce Wayne the luckiest SOB in all of DC!

Didn't both Batman AND Captain America get sent back in time instead of dying?