One thing that amuses me is running into overzealous fanboys who proclaim that the last comic book they read "totally kicked ass" or "rocked". Dude...it's a frickin' COMIC BOOK... it's impossible for them to kick any amount of rear-end. Any medium that consistently features men wearing underwear on the outside of their pants can't be "cool" or "bad-ass". The closest thing to exterior underwear "rocking" would be the band Cameo ("Word Up!")...and I don't think they're on anybody's top list of skullcrushing rock.

You may LIKE your comic books, but trust me...no matter what Coheed & Cambria might tell you... they do not "kick ass" or "rock". They're frickin' COMIC BOOKS.

But that's never stopped the two mediums from intersecting. Sure, everyone knows about the Beatles appearing in DC comics in the 60's, but a wide majority of comic book fans are into hard rock/heavy metal. I'm not sure what started this, but a Ven diagram of comic fans and hard rock fans would display aan overlapping, shared, audience. So, presented here are 5 Various Comic Book/Hard Rock tie-ins. It works both ways, as some are comics based on songs...while others are songs based on comics.

Defenders #45 (1977)
Defenders #45 Marvel's Defenders were sorta' like the Avengers. On drugs. They routinely faced some of the weirdest cornballs in the Marvel U. Two of their members were, respectively, a sorceror supreme (Dr. Strange) and a Norse "choser of the slain"....so they had an instant avenue for all sorts of weird shit.

In the midst of the 70's, it wasn't surprising to open "Defenders #45" and see a caption on the splash page, dedicating to story to "Alex, Geddy and Neil of RUSH". Yes, the seminal trippy Canadian band who sang about By-Tor And The Snow Dog, plus the trouble with The Trees.

This issue steamed with ambition, as the Defenders fought a foe named The Red Rajah, whose motives paralled the anti-collective Ayn Rand themes that RUSH preached about in their magnum opus "2112". The Rajah wanted to assimilate the Defenders (and ideally, all of the world) into his massive collective consciousness. But the plot didn't work too well... and it came off as only a mild connection to "2112". It's similar to dedicating any superhero and his girlfriend to any top 40 love song. To further complicate matters, the Rajah proclaims: "Truth is false and logic lost, seek the Rajah at all cost." Similar lyrics can be found on the somewhat lesser-known second side of the "2112" album in the song "The Twilight Zone". A song that had nothing to do with the famous title track. Even worse, Dr. Strange instantly discounts the line as gibberish, which instantly strips the reference of any relevance. But who knows... maybe, there's like, 2,112 words in this comic book, man?!

ROCK power rating: 3/10. Loosely based on the musical inspiration and the story itself is rather ordinary. Similar to a bar band trying to cover "2112", then ending up with "What You're Doing".

Anthrax- "I Am The Law" (1986)
Whereas the RUSH/Defenders connection required some homework, Anthrax's 1986 homage to British comic legend Judge Dredd was about as subtle as a bulldozer. Titling the song after Dredd's catchphrase was similar to naming your song "Faster than a Speeding Bullet" or "My Spider-Sense is Tingling". From the first line to the last, there is no mistaking what the song is about. "They call him JUDGE...his last name is DREDD". Okay, so while that's not techincally correct (any Dredd-naut knows Dredd's first name was actually "Joe"), it told any clueless t-shirt n' Converse-wearing headbanger what the song was about. Besides, re-working your song to mention "Joe Dredd" just doesn't have the appeal of shouting "JUDGE Dredd".

The rest of the song is filled with nothing but Dredd references. Iso-cubes, the Cursed Earth, The Apocalypse War, Judge Anderson and even arch-foe Judge Death. Along with the common Dredd/2000 AD expletive of "Drokk It!" It's amazing that the Angel Gang or even the famous line "Gaze into the fist of Dredd" were left out.

The song became a staple of the band and is still performed at most of their concerts. Dredd was even featured on several Anthrax T-Shirts in the 80's. Humorously enough, many "uninformed" Antrhax fans believed that Dredd was simply a character created by the band. Similar to Eddie the 'Ed (Iron Maiden) or Vic Rattlehead (Megadeth). But the band was never shy about their love for comic books, often speaking about them in interviews or mentioning them in liner notes. So it safe to say that even the dimmest mosher eventually picked up the connection. Since Judge Dredd comics weren't sold on US newstands with Superman or Spider-Man, curious fans would then have to enter... gasp... their Local Comic Store!

ROCK power rating: 9/10. A case where both the comic AND the song helped one another. The two are forever tied together. It can be a bit cheesy, but it's essentially the Breakfast Club and Simple Minds for 80's headbangers.

Entombed- "Wolverine Blues" (1993)
The 1994 album from this Swedish death metal band remains an oddity to this day. Most US copies featured a re-worked album cover that showed stone runes. But the real treat was the official release, which featured the X-men's famous adamantium claw-wielder slashing his way across the cover. This version even included an exclsuive mini-comic that featured a common hunter; soon realizing he was in over his head as he mistook Wolverine for his quarry. The comic was briefly featured by Riki Rachtman on MTV's "Headbangers' Ball" and was probably the genesis for the long-running "Glenn Danzig will play Wolverine in a movie" rumor.

Sorry X-fans, but this was not a Wolverine concept album. Even though the entire album was named in his honor, only the title track actually concerns Wolverine. Yet it's only a passing reference, as the lyrics sound like they're celebrating Frankenstein's Monster rather than the ol' Canucklehead. "I'm a misanthropical breed. Insatiable in my need to feed! Pound for pound, I am the most vicious around!" The song actually seems to be about caging wild animals and trying to rid them of their wild nature. In that regard, it makes a direct connection to the accompanying mini-comic...but little to the overall character of Wolverine.

ROCK power rating: 5/10. The exclusive comic was a nice touch, but the album could have been named "Wild Boar Blues" and had the same effect.

Rollins Band- "Ghostrider" (1994)
In 1993, the Ghost Rider franchise was threatening the letter "X" as one of Marvel's flagship properties. Danny Ketch's frequent transformation into the ethereal biker with the flaming skull and magical chain sent fans into a tizzy. So it was weird that, in 1994, a straight-up ode to the original Ghost Rider, Johnny Blaze, would appear on a soundtrack to the movie "The Crow". A movie based on a independent comic book character.

I usually enjoy Henry Rollins--- even some of his music-- but his mid-90's work was pretty damn awful; with the likes of the wretched "Liar" and this tune. The lyrics start out screaming about Ghostrider, the motorcycle hero, riding into town in a blue jumpsuit with his head on fire. It doesn't help that the music and singing are both incredibly grating, or about as appealing as jamming your ballsack into a Cuisinart. "The Crow" was probably the best movie soundtrack of the 90's, with the sole exception being this track. After a few minutes of screeching, the lyrics babble about how "America is killing its youth!" Now either that means Ghost Rider comics were rotting our minds, or that maybe this song was. I'm inclined to believe the latter.

ROCK power rating: 1/10.

KISSNation #1 (1996)
A few years before Oakland Raider and Boston Red Sox fans began referring to themselves as a "nation", KISS began using the term during their 1996 "Alive Worldwide Reuion Tour". KISS pulled off one of the most unlikely and successful comebacks in recent history by re-donning their iconic makeup and old 70's indulgence. KISS was still cheesy, but were suddenly "cool" again.

KISSNation They were no strangers to comic book crossovers, either. They had teamed up with Marvel Comics in their 70's heyday to produce two oversized KISS comics (along with an appearance in "Howard the Duck"). The band even donated their own blood to the printing process. So it was no surprise that they returned to Marvel, once again, in 1996.

The results weren't as successful this time. In a story with the wildy popular X-men, the superpowered members of KISS fought demons and other junk in a rambling mess of a story that evoked comparisons to "Phantom of the Park". The sole highlight (if you can call it that) was Gene Simmons putting the moves on Psylocke. With Psylocke providing no opposition to Gene's lecherous ways, saying he was "preaching to the choir". Sexual references in comic books are always a little creppy, but this called for a shower and a rabies shot. Gene has long claimed that he took pictures of every woman he slept with, so now here's another; depicted in a comic book. Several celebrities, political figures and others have appeared in comics, but Gene was probably the only one to put the moves on a superheroine. Pure class.

It also did not help to slap the 48 paged book with a $14.00 cover price. Or to saddle it with crappy art and typography, either. Still, it sold a few copies to rabid KISS fans of 1996. Most bought it as a novelty. Keep in mind that this was shortly before KISS began slapping their name on everything from condoms to caskets.

ROCK power rating: 3/10. For KISS fans only. Yet further proof that Marvel's X-men never met a crossover or team-up that they didn't like.

So, while ROCKING is involved, these connections are still not enough to prove that your comic books "kick ass".

See MORE of this article, including pictures and aa bonus SIXTH entry at E's Comic Books That Tried to ROCK