TNA iMPACT
March 29, 2007

- We open with Sting and James Mitchell in a segment which reminded me of when Shane and Kane had their little sit down dinner a week before their Ambulance match at Survivor Series 2003. Mitchell is such an awesome promo. Ugh @ bringing in Abyss' mom though. So retarded. Whatever, at least Chris Abyss has a backstory of sorts though.

1 - Six Sides Of Steel Elimination Match - Sonjay Dutt vs. Alex Shelley vs. The Austin Starr vs. Petey Williams vs. Shark Boy vs. Jerry Lynn
Giving away a cage match three weeks before an all cage PPV. Wonderful decision, Russo! Fun match here though, so fun that they dug up Shark Boy from obscurity to get him in here. Shark Boy hit the Dead Sea Drop on Shelley to eliminate him. Shelley, as over as he is, just can't get a break, can he? Sonjay flipped about 10 times on Shark Boy's back. Lynn powerbombed Dutt into the cage and then hit the Cradle Piledriver to eliminate him. Good. I hate him so. Starr with the old school back rakes on Lynn. Shark Boy kicks Aries in the face, goes fro the Deep Sea Drop, but Starr slams him down and hits the Brainbuster and eliminates Shark Boy. Good, he sucks too. Williams and Lynn work as a team on Starr, through him into the cage and then take turns nailing him in the face. Lynn gives Starr to Williams who nails him with the Cradle Piledriver to eliminate Austin Starr. Pinfall rules are gone now as you must escape to win. Lynn tries to escape but Williams blocks. They fighton the top of the cage. Mighty dangerous stuff here. Lynn almost falls, but both men fight outside the cage but Lynn drops to the floor first to win the match. Match lasted about 5 minutes, was full of spots but was fun, I'll give it that. *1/2 Post match, Chris Daniels attacks Jerry Lynn with a baseball bat.
Winner: Jerry Lynn

- Leticia Cline is backstage trying to interview Tomko. Christian runs up to him to greet him after three weeks. He asks Tomko if he had noodles and oragami classes. Christian takes a phone call, but as he does, Tomko walks away.

- Following a commercial break, The Christian Coalition (Christian, AJ Styles and Scott Steiner) makes their way to the ring as Bob Backlund continues to do Harvard steps at the announcers table. Steiner reminds Christian about the title shot. Christian then brings about member #4 -- Abyss with James Mitchell. The fans chant "WE WANT STING" as Styles asks for where member #5 is. Christian introduces Tomko as #5. His music hits, but Tomko doesn't come out. Christian re-introduces him, and he finall shows up. Tomko says that ever since he came to TNA, Christian has made a bunch of promises but they've all been lies. He wants his title shot that Christian promised him. Christian says that he'll give the title shot after Lockdown when Kurt Angle's (awesome) theme music hits and Team Angle (Angle, Samoa Joe and Rhino) make their way to the ring. Angle states the obvious about Christian not giving him a title shot. Angle offers him a spot on Team Angle. Tomko considers it when Jim Cornette comes down and books a member of Team Cage against a member of Team Angle and the winner gets Tomko on their team at Lockdown. Commercial time is now.

- Video package for the Team 3D/Latin American Xchange feud that never ends. Supposedly, the Electrified Cage Match is the specialty match of LAX. Hmmm, funny, I don't remember LAX being in any Electrified Cage Matches.

- Kurt Angle says that he'll face the member of Team Cage tonight as we fade to yet another commercial.

2 - "Showtime" Eric Young vs. "The Tennessee Cowboy" James Storm with "The Pride of Tennessee" Jackie Moore
Moore holds Young's leg to give Storm the advantage. Young gets some moves in and closes with a belly to belly and makes a pin, but fails at winning. Storm goes for the Superkick, but Young blocks it and hits a back suplex. Jackie Moore shoves Young off the top rope right into a Storm superkick. Pinfall, victory and that's that. Squash match basically. 1/4* Chris Harris runs in post match and security stops him. Storm spits on Harriss and they brawl outside the ring. Awesome stuff here. Gail Kim and Jackie fight as well. Bobby Roode and Miss Brooks come down post match and yell at Eric Young and the like. Roode slaps Young and Eric goes to hit Roode, but Roode says he'll fire him if so. Petey Williams comes out and decks Roode and then proceeds to kick Roode's ass. He goes for the Destroyer, but Roode dodges.
Winner: "The Tennessee Cowboy" James Storm

- Team Christian debates over who is gonna face Angle, and nobody wants to. Mitchell volunteers Abyss. Again, a commercial.

- As we return, Mike Tenay introduce VKM and Christy Hemme via split screen. Lance Hoyt has aligned himself with VKM, apparently. Kip warns Christy to stop screwing with them. Christy says she has another team to face VKM. She then gives them the Mike Tenay inquiring stare.

3 - Abyss with Father James Mitchell vs. Kurt Angle - Winner Gets Tomko On Their Respective Lockdown Team
Angle works on Abyss' legs in the early going to keep the big man down. As Tomko sits at ringside, Christian makes his way down to the ring and gets in Abyss' face before we fade to ANOTHER commercial break. As we return from the break, Abyss is suplexing Angle and fails at victory following a pinfall. Angle with a belly to belly, staps go down. He goes for the Angle Slam, but Abyss goes for Shock Treatment. Angle reverses and locks on the Angle Lock. Christian yells for Abyss to not tap. Abyss reverses it and flips Angle into the referee and Hebner takes his 23982356892356893125896235th ref bump. Angle gets dropped with the Blackhole Slam, a new ref comes down, but Angle kicks out. Abyss goes for a Chokeslam, Angle rolls through and pins Abyss, further squashing any credibility Abyss may have had. He is truly a jobber. Match wasn't special either. *1/2
Winner: Kurt Angle

- Post match, Tomko gets in and raises Angle's hand then nails him with the contract. Tomko signs the contract for Team Cage. Guess what we have just seen? A RUSSO SWERVE~!!1one!. Members of Team Cage and Team Angle run down and brawl. In the end, Team Cage prevails to close the show.

Final Thoughts: Plenty of angle progression here tonight, but we knew that Tomko would swerve Angle as it was so obvious so the whole build to the main event was a waste of time and another shitty Russo Swerve. Sting's appearance on iMPACT was brief, thank God, so that was a plus. Right now, the most interesting thing in TNA is the Storm/Harris feud which is classic old school build at the moment. The Team Cage/Team Angle thing is decent, but the swerve was unnecessary. I am digging whatever is going on with Chris Daniels too. Lack of Chris Sabin is notable. Right now, TNA is in a streak of shit and this show was not able to break that streak. Crap.

Rating: 1/5 - The opening bout was decent, the Harris/Storm bit was fun and the rest of the show was just there.

Sorry for the double post, but can someone please edit the title with the correct date? Thanks in advance.

I actually watched the entire episode last night. Aside from the obvious flaws, which you covered in your review, I actually enjoyed it.

I haven't watched an entire episode in a long time, and you nailed every reason why

I haven't watched in forever. Honestly, they've lost me.

Every time I watch, it's the same things. A bunch of randomly tossed together matches with horrible finishes and a lot of dumbass booking decisions, mainly based around Abyss.

Yeah, Impact is on about 3 month hiatus with me. Close to Smackdown levels, even though I've bothered to catch one of those every now and then.

Smackdown is quality wrestling, but just doesn't always entertain me.
Impact is total shit that never entertains me.

I'm on a cycle where I watch one Impact a month. The spoilers made next week sound skippable, but I might watch it in two weeks to see if a certain huge pop for a certain returning star was true.

Cheex is finally coming back?

Yeah, but only to manage the Johnsons.

What about Ms. Brown Eye?

I'm watching next week if only for the Jay Lethal involvment which sounds awesome. But yes, TNA has sucked since October. Sad too because before they hired Russo, they were on the right track to success it seemed.