TNA iMPACT
March 15, 2007

Jim Cornette opens the show to announce the main event for Lockdown. A 10 man Lethal Lockdown match aka rip off Wargames. Team Captain #1 is Christian Cage, and Team Captain #2 is Kurt Angle. Both men face off from the face/heel entrance ramps. They're allowed to pick their own teammates as Cornette warns them to choose wisely. Christian tries to whine, but Cornette tells him to STFU. Christian tries to whine further, but the iMPACT theme cuts him off. This leads us to the "real" opening of the show.

AJ Styles comes to the ring with new theme music (which is cool, but not as good as his original. They show footage of AJ's plunge in Elevation X. He cuts a promo on crutches and in a neck brace and he claims that his neck and back and ankle will never be the same. Styles says that he wasn't able to call his wife and tell her what happened, so he tells Rhino to do it instead. I guess AJ doesn't go home to go to sleep. Rhino comes out and yells incoherantly and looks like a fucking bumbling idiot. Styles says he wants it all to be over and begs. Rhino says that it is, indeed, over. They shake hands and then Rhino turns his back, but Styles is an idiot and goes to hit Rhino with a crutch. Rhino blocks, but gets low blowed. Styles then proceeds to pwn Rhino because unlike Rhino, he doesn't suck. Tenay yells and pisses me off as we fade to commercial.

::COMMERCIAL BREAK::

As we return, Rhino is still brawling with Styles. Christian runs down and beats Rhino down with one of AJ's crutches. Together, he and Styles pwn the idiot Rhino before Kurt Angle runs down, another crazed fool. Syles runs away and leaves Christian alone as Joe joins Kurt and Christian climbs the cage and runs away through the crowd.

In the back, Alex Shelley is with LAX and Konnan and he and Konnan cut a promo on Team 3D and continue to pwn. Sadly, this 3D/LAX feud is continuing. Everything involving Bubba Ray, D-Von and Spike is stale and I hate so I hate their feud with LAX. This leads us to ANOTHER fucking commercial.

::COMMERCIAL BREAK::

We return from commercial and Jeremy Borash is with a bunch of X-Division stars. Chris Sabin was playing video games and claimed that he was busy trying to "pwn noobs" because he's the God of Wrestling. Bob Backlund randomly appears and talks rubbish and gets away with it because he's excellence. Sabin and Backlund pwn.

In the ring, Kevin Nash is with Sonjay Dutt and he introduces Jay Lethal's brand new theme music which is amazing. It's a rap version of Macho Man's "Pomp & Circumstance". He's been dubbed the new Macho Man. Lethal gets in the ring and mocks Macho Man with the twirling of the fingers and such. Maybe I will finally like Jay Lethal.

Triple Threat Match: Jay Lethal vs. Kaz (Frankie Kazarian) vs. Jerry Lynn
Fucking Christ. Lynn is STILL around?! Ugh. And WTF? Kazarian's new name. So retarded. Pretty fun little match with a nice spot, a sunset flip into a Northern Lights Suplex on Lynn and Lethal by Kazarian. Lethal hit the Lethal Combo on Kazarian to win the match in just over 3 minutes. Match was fun while it lasted, but wasn't much. Chris Daniels comes in the ring with his knew look and destroys all of them with a baseball bat. His knew look is awesome. He hits the Last Rites on Lynn and not only does his new look own, so does his music.
Winner: Jay Lethal

In the back, Christian announces AJ Styles as a member of Team Christian at Lockdown. AJ says that Christian promised him a title shot to join Team Christian thus ripping off the angle I did in my PWA diary in the Diary Dome. They hype the 3rd member of Team Christian to be revealed tonight.

Six Man Tag Team Match: LAX & Alex Shelley w/Konnan & the Latino Nation vs. Team 3D w/Johnny Rodz
Konnan calls Team 3D hasbeens and Tenay is appauled. Too bad it's the truth. LAX works on the injured arm of fat ass Bubba Ray Dudley. Hernandez hits Runt with the Cracker Jack. Shelley with the Frog Splash on Runt followed by Hernandez hitting a splash on Runt as well. Impressive. Konnan says he doesn't respect Team 3D or the ring announcer. WTF? Team 3D hit the WASSUP on Shelley, but no DQ. 3D through the table on Alex Shelley. Hernandex rolls up D-Von and wins the match clean. PWn3D. Post match, Konnan cuts a promo and claims that they will tarnish Team 3D's legacy. Newsflash: It already is.
Winners: LAX & Alex Shelley

In the back, Michael Shane is yelling at Raven and is told to STFU. Jesus fuck, this group SUCKS. In the back, Kazarian is stapped up like bondage. This is really fucking stupid. Raven tells Shane to hit Kazarian with a kendo suck but refuses so Raven slaps the fuck out of his repeatedly and sends him on his way. He tells Johnny Devine to do the same thing, but he also refuses, so HE gets caned. Pointless. All of four of these guys should be fired.

::COMMERCIAL BREAK::

Jermey Borash goes into the mens bathroom where Eric Young is cleaning a toilet because of Robert Roode. Roode comes in and sends Borash packing. This angle better lead to something.

Cut to the ring where Christian is in the ring with AJ Styles. Christian brings out his "good friend", Abyss as the next member of Team Christian. Sting comes out and is STILL trying to stick up for Abyss. I hate Mike Tenay he has to fucking explain everything like we're fucking idiots. FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP MOTHERFUCKER! Cornette comes out as Sting and Christian argue for power of Abyss so he books AJ/Christian vs. Sting/Abyss for next week. Sting says not next week, but right now. So after being opponents, Sting and Abyss get in the ring to fend off Christian and AJ as the show ends.

::END SHOW::

Final Thoughts: I only watched this because I wanted to express my thoughts on how truly terrible TNA is at this point. My already horrid day was made worse by sitting through this crap. We didn't get one match until 30 minutes into the show, and for a show that claims "WE ARE WRESTLING", we got nothing good in that department. 2 shitty matches and bunch of flawed angles such as AJ being perfectly alright just days after a SCAFFOLD MATCH PLUNGE!!! A FUCKING FALL "20 FEET"! FUCK! The Serotonin shit which is just fucking terrible and then the God-forsaken Sting/Abyss rivalry/alliance which WILL NOT FUCKING END! UGH! I hate TNA. It's abysmal and the worst wrestling brand in wrestling today.

Event Rating: .5/5 if only for the Jay Lethal bits.

Yeah, I've given up on Impact for the time being. But hey, Daniels got a new look? That's cool, cause just recently talked about that here.

I am so mad at TNA right now I can't even talk about it.

I am not mad at TNA, I am mad at Vince Russo. He is a plague.

I'm mad at TNA for keeping him around despite "Fire Russo" chants and etc.

Nothing against the talent.