WWE Raw
January 29, 2007
Tonight: Mr. McMahon is holding “Fan Appreciation Night” which will probably do nothing but insult the fan base, and the fallout from New Year’s Revolution!
Raw is airing from Dallas, TX. Our hosts for the evening are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.
The show kicks off with the DX music. DX consists of only Shawn Michaels now, but this whole DX gimmick gets him bigger pops then he was before the revival, so it makes sense to keep it going. HBK takes the microphone and talks a bit about his loss in the Royal Rumble match last night, putting over The Undertaker in the process. HBK still plans on headlining Wrestlemania and becoming the WWE Champion again. HBK reminds us that the Rumble winner gets to pick which champion to face, and that The Undertaker hasn’t made his choice yet, so HBK wants a title shot. This brings out the WWE Champion, John Cena. Cena was in quite a war last night in a Last Man Standing match against Umaga.
Cena takes the microphone. Cena likes the idea of HBK challenging him at Wrestlemania, but whether or not this happens is up to the Undertaker. Cena is interrupted by Edge. Edge is making fun of HBK and puts himself over for beating Cena several times in the past. If Undertaker does not pick Cena, Edge wants the title shot against Cena. This predictably brings out Randy Orton. Orton points out that Edge has had something like “30” title shots against Cena, while he hasn’t gotten any. Cena cuts them off and challenges them to a fight. Edge and Orton make their way to the ring, but Mr. McMahon cuts them off on the Titantron. McMahon “tells the audience what they want” and tonight Orton and Edge will defend the World Tag Team titles against Cena and HBK. That should actually make for a good main event. This entire opening segment was good enough, if not a bit predictable. However, it only took up 11 minutes of air time, so no complaints here.
Backstage, Cryme Tyme are hanging out. JTG gives a shout out to all his homeboys. They head to the ring for a match.
Cryme Tyme vs. The World’s Greatest Tag Team
Damn, it is good to see the WGTT back together. Cryme Tyme is still undefeated in the WWE. Charlie Haas starts off against Shad, and puts him in a hammerlock. This turns into a side headlock. Shad pushes him off and grounds with a shoulder. JTG accidentally distracts the referee, allowing Shelton Benjamin to hit a cheap shot to the back of Shad knee. Haas targets the knee and tags in Benjamin. Benjamin continues the attack on Shad’s knee, and so far this match feels like a rushed, abbreviated version of a full length tag contest. Shad brawls back but gets caught in a half Boston crab. Shad is a face in peril about 2 and a half minutes into this match. JTG makes the “hot tag” and cleans house with some basic moves. Benjamin skins the cat on the ropes and takes an interfering Shad over the ropes with a head scissors take down. Meanwhile Haas hits a DDT on JTG, and allows Benjamin to gain the pinfall victory at 3:38. Cryme Tyme’s undefeated streak is over! This match was short and felt like it was in slow motion, ½*.
Winners: The World’s Greatest Tag Team
Backstage, Mr. McMahon claims his fan appreciation night will be as big as Wrestlemania. McMahon compares himself to Mother Theresa and Gandhi in a typical self masturbatory segment.
Own the unrated version of John Cena in The Marine tomorrow!
This week in wrestling history: the very first Royal Rumble in 1988! Hacksaw Jim Duggan won! I bet he jobs to Kenny Dykstra in the next segment!
Or not, MNM’s music plays. Melina comes out and takes a microphone. She took some advice from Mr. McMahon, so now she’s wrestling for a shot at the Women’s title.
Melina vs. Maria
They tie up and Maria pulls out some adequate moves. My being impressed ends when she hits the bronco buster. Melina awkwardly shoves Maria to the mat and hits some punches. Melina whips Maria into the corner and positions her in the turnbuckles for a stiff kick and then some choking. Maria fires back with a kick and a roll up for a near fall. Melina fires back with some kicks, but soon suffers a jaw breaker. Melina drops Maria with a flap jack and takes a moment to scream. This turns into a reverse camel clutch and Maria taps. I forgot to time the match, but it went about two minutes and a half. I did not hate this match, as Maria has actually learned a few new tricks, but it was sloppy as hell, ¼*
Winner: Melina
Tomorrow on ECW, Lashley faces Test yet again. So they wrestled for free last week, wrestled again at the Royal Rumble to a count out finish, and now are having part three. That is some genius booking.
We are treated to an advertisement for last night’s Royal Rumble, which by all accounts sounds as if it was a very good show.
Backstage, Shawn Michaels is grumpy. Todd Grisham wants an interview, despite being super kicked by HBK last time. Grisham asks HBK how he feels about his chemistry tagging with Cena, and HBK puts it this way: “he is no Triple H.” That was classic Kliq burial right there.
Elsewhere, Super Crazy is annoying Mickie James. Melina gets into Mickie’s face, threatens her, and they start brawling. They are broken up by Super Crazy and Johnny Nitro. It looks as if Melina vs. Mickie will be a Wrestlemania feud.
Elsewhere, Edge is hanging out with Trevor Murdoch and Lance Cade. Edge is boasting about his Wrestlemania streak. Edge nobody can take the tag titles away from him and Orton. Neat.
Val Venis vs. Umaga
Jim Ross reminds us that Venis is a former Intercontinental Champion, which is a disservice to the belt at this point. “Hey, this jobber once held a prestigious title!” There is little doubt who is winning this match. Venis runs right into a clothesline to kick things off. Umaga hits a Samoan Drop and places Venis into a tree of woe to continue the assault. Umaga hits the running head butt before Venis finally falls out of the tree of woe. Umaga follows up with his running butt tackle and goes right for the Samoan Spike. This earns Umaga the victory at 1:48. This was a basic squash, DUD.
Winner: Umaga
While Umaga is still making his way up the ramp, Mr. McMahon comes out wearing a cowboy hat. He stops to make eye contact with Umaga, before the commercial break. Apparently the “Fan Appreciation Night” segment is next.
There is a big cloth covering a display behind Vince for the Fan Appreciation segment. McMahon thanks the fans for making him a billionaire. He has a special gift for one of the fans in attendance. He picks a little girl in the front row, who is then revealed to be a rather attractive twenty something year old. She is from Dallas, and obviously a plant. Her name is Jackie, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s one of the twenty new divas that Johnny Ace just hired. Anyway, the present is revealed to be the Muscle Fitness cover that featured McMahon on it. Hey, that cover is from last year and is old news! Jackie gets to keep the cover as a gift. What a lucky girl! You know something, I had a feeling this segment would be bad, but this is beyond my expectations.
But then Donald Trump shows up on the Titantron! Trump tells McMahon that they have no choice but to like him because they have no alternative! Trump says that no one would want the autograph. Trump claims to know the audience better than Vince. He says they want value for the money they paid for tickets. Trump is going to give the crowd what they want, and money starts falling from the ceiling. I guess it turns out to be real money. I bet they confiscate this money when the show is over. The crowd isn’t nearly as excited about this free money as I would be. Well, now that I know why this segment started out so overly poor, it seems okay. Vince is furious that Donald Trump embarrassed him like this and demands the money back. This was something different and I am a bit interested to see where this heads.
Although it is a bit sad that Trump dumps hundred dollar bills from the ceiling and still couldn’t get a good face pop. I bet they were counting on the fans turning around and spending it all at the merchandise stands.
Next is a hype package for Wrestlemania 23. The theme song is a new Saliva track, which works pretty well.
Backstage, Coach is apologizing for what Donald Trump did. Vince says he has never been embarrassed like that in his life. I would have thought having his face shoved into Big Show’s ass would have been worse, but I’m not a billionaire, so I can’t quite say.
Carlito (with Torrie Wilson and Chloe) and Super Crazy vs. Chris Masters and Kenny Dykstra
Raw is midcard! This should be a good one, hopefully it will go longer than four minutes. Masters kicks off the match against Super Crazy, and quickly corners him. Super Crazy leaps off the middle rope into a crossbody and takes control with a corkscrew elbow. Masters won’t have any of this, and tags in Kenny. There is an audible “Super Crazy” chant from the crowd, I have long believed that he is more over than anyone thinks. Carlito is tagged in, and takes control of Kenny. Carlito hits a head scissors takedown and tags in Super Crazy. Soon after, Super Crazy and Carlito hit simultaneous suicide dives over the ropes to their opponents on the floor. Carlito was a bit off with his dive, but whatever. Back in the ring, Kenny takes control of Super Crazy and tags in Masters. Masters hits a back breaker and punches before tagging in Kenny again. Kenny gets a near fall before going into the obligatory rest hold. Super Crazy eventually breaks the hold, but Kenny keeps control. The tag is made to Masters, and they hit a double vertical suplex on the Crazy one. Any momentum this match had is completely dead by now. Masters and Kenny keep up the tags, with Masters seemingly trying to weaken the back of Super Crazy for an eventual Masterlock. Kenny goes for a second obligatory rest hold. Super Crazy fights out and tries to block a back suplex, but takes the bump anyway. Crazy finally tags in Carlito, who collides with the newly tagged in Masters. Carlito cleans house, at least until Kenny interrupts. Super Crazy unloads Kenny to the ringside area, leaving it down to Masters and Carlito. Carlito escapes a military press slam, hits the back cracker, and this is enough to get the victory at 7:31! I take back what I said earlier about wanting this match to go longer than four minutes, as the heat section on Super Crazy just about killed this one, ¾*.
Winners: Carlito and Super Crazy
Backstage, Todd Grisham is standing by with Randy Orton. Grisham asks Orton how he’s going to put past his heat with Edge for the match tonight. Orton says being tag champs with Edge has been a highlight of his career, though not the greatest. Orton is looking forward to victory tonight. I like the seeds they are planting for the Edge/Orton split.
Give me a break, The Great Khali is challenging Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Championship. I suppose it makes sense that Khali would be getting title opportunities, but still, this is the worst wrestler on television today.
Intercontinental Championship:
Jeff Hardy © vs. The Great Khali
This is where I start begging the wrestling gods (or the WWE writers) for a disqualification finish, or Hardy picking up an upset victory. Khali poses with the belt before the match even begins. Hardy tries to start things off quick, but runs into Khali’s arms. Hardy falls to the outside, but gets caught on the apron by Khali. Khali swings Jeff into the ring and corners him with some shots. Khali is actually moving, I am very impressed! Khali celebrates his dominance, and keeps kicking at Jeff Hardy. Jeff props himself up in the ropes, and suffers a giant chop. Hardy is lifted up for a slam, but he slides off and hits some token punches before being dropped to the mat again with a clothesline. Hardy leaps off the ropes, back first into Khali, who actually sells the attack a bit. Khali goes for his double fist Chokeslam, but Hardy falls into the ropes and drops to the floor. Khali stands there in the ring celebrating, seemingly unaware that he can’t win the title by count-out. Jeff Hardy is counted out about 3:30, retaining the title in the process. Hardy bumped his ass off to make Khali look competent here, and it worked, but I question the continued jobbing of the smaller, yet hotter, stars to Khali. ¼*.
Winner by count-out: The Great Khali
Candice Michelle is filming another commercial. How intriguing.
Wrestlemania recall: the first money in the bank ladder match! This is a match that I have grown to appreciate more with time. It was actually quite tremendous, and has seemingly kicked off a brand new Wrestlemania tradition.
Hey, Vladimir Kozlov is in the audience! He still loves the “double double e” but he was not pleased with the final four, or something, I could not really understand a word he was saying. Apparently, neither could Jerry Lawler. Jim Ross then puts over last night’s Royal Rumble pay-per-view, with emphasis on the Cena/Umaga match. If they think I am going to shell out 40 bucks for a pay-per-view encore instead of waiting a month to shell out 13 bucks for the DVD, they are insane. However, the match did seem like it was quite awesome, complete with using the top rope as a weapon.
Backstage, John Cena is hanging out with Ric Flair. Cena is excited about possibly winning the tag titles with Shawn Michaels. If I were him, I would be resenting being considered inferior to Triple H. Apparently the main event is starting after this commercial break, which means it should get some appropriate time.
Mr. McMahon will appear on ECW this week! I guess they are desperate to turn the ratings around on that show, eh? I have no idea how his being on the show will possibly add to the program.
World Tag Team Championship:
Rated RKO © vs. John Cena and Shawn Michaels
HBK starts the match off against Edge. They tie up and shove each other into the turnbuckle. Edge then misses a spear into the opposite corner, and HBK capitalizes with some chops and an enziguri. HBK taunts Orton with some DX posing, which almost is enough to get Orton to storm the ring. HBK continues his chop fest on Edge, reverses an Irish Whip, and grounds the Rated R Superstar. Tag is made to Cena, who cleans house on Edge, drops an elbow, and gets a near fall. Edge reverses the Irish Whip, but runs into Cena’s boot and eats a DDT. Cena gets the near fall. Edge pulls Cena head first into the corner and tags in Orton. Orton hits a series of uppercuts on Cena, and mounts him for some punches. Orton seemingly wants to aggravate Cena’s cuts from last night’s pay-per-view. Cena comes back and hits a suplex and earns a near fall. Orton regains control quickly, and slugs Cena into the Rated R corner. Orton turns to taunt HBK, allowing Cena to mount an offense. Cena pushes Orton into Edge, knocking him off the turnbuckle, and gets a surprisingly convincing near fall at the four and a half minute mark. Edge is pissed off at what just happened and abandons Orton. We go to a commercial!
Back live, Cena is grappling with Edge, who I guess decided not to abandon Orton after all. Cena has been taking a beating for quite a few minutes now, and desperately needs a tag. Hey, isn’t that what happened in the other two tag matches earlier tonight? I think I might be noticing a pattern or something. At least this match is going long enough to justify the “face in peril” situation. Anyways, Orton is tagged back in and keeps control of Cena. He tags in Edge, and they double team the champ. Edge hits some forearms to Cena’s sensitive forehead and gets a near fall. Edge drags Cena to the corner and tags in Orton, who continues the “ground and pound” offense that Rated RKO has been using. This transitions into a rear naked choke into a leg scissors and back into the choke. Cena gets to his feet, despite having Orton clinging to him, and rams him into the turnbuckles. Cena is free and narrowly avoids a drop kick from Orton. Despite this, Cena is bleeding again and far away from HBK. Cena finally tags in HBK, who cleans house on Edge. HBK climbs to the top and connects with the flying elbow drop. HBK signals the Sweet Chin Music, but Orton cuts him off. Edge manages to tag Orton back in, who positions himself to hit the RKO on Michaels. HBK blocks the RKO, though he more or less takes the bump anyway. HBK tags in Cena, who hits the F-U on Orton and covers him for the victory and the championship at 14:51! This was a much more lively tag match than I was expecting, though there seems to be tension between the new champs as Cena gets into Shawn’s face with the WWE title. This was a solid main event, though not overly wonderful or memorable, so **3/4 would be appropriate.
Winners and new World Tag Team Champions: John Cena and Shawn Michaels
After the match, the music of The Undertaker hits! Taker rises through the stage (like Gangrel used to) as smoke and pyro goes off. The Undertaker doesn’t do or say anything, but we are led to assume that he wants to challenge Cena for the WWE title at Wrestlemania 23.
Final Thoughts: Pretty standard Raw for the most part. The matches mostly felt like they were in slow motion, nothing was very impressive. I did not like seeing Khali discredit yet another hot superstar, but I guess I’ll live. The Undertaker showing up was a nice surprise, though it would have been better had he actually done something. The Donald Trump angle seems like it should be somewhat interesting, but I want to wait and see if it goes anywhere meaningful before I give it any approval. This was a completely middle of the road Raw.
Thumbs in the middle.
When Vince McMahon's segment is the most entertaining, you know raw still sucks. Donald Trump's thing was obviously taped in advance, but hell, he cuts a better promo than most of the main eventers. (cough:Shawn Michaels:cough)
Cryme Tyme/WGTT? Pass... and nice of Haas to have his hair ghetto'ed.
Umaga/Venis? Squash
Maria/Melina? Maria has no business in a rasslin' ring. She has no business being anywhere near wrestling, period.
Hardy/Khali? ...