WWE Bad Blood 2004
- We all know the story behind this show. As a random reference, this was the last time I paid full price for a WWE PPV, for reasons surrounding this show, and several other factors.
A. Maven vs. Batista:
Yes, the future World Champion (less than 9 months from then, I might add) is pulling Sunday Night Heat duty for a Pay-Per-View. You can't get much lower than that for someone who was in such a prominent role in the WWE at the time. Oh, and Maven was still hanging around, being "that Tough Enough Kid." Short match, with very little in terms of action. Mainly slugfest action. Maven gets in his token offense of dropkicks and.... uh... dropkicks, but Batista ends up no-selling everything and powerbombs him into the ground for the easy three count at 3:44. At least I didn't have to sit through a match featuring Viscera... whoops, Viscera still hasn't returned at this point, so excuse that last remark.
1. Tag Team Titles: La Resistance © vs. Chris Benoit & Edge:
Even though it was less than three years ago, it's kinda hard remembering Edge as a baby face now. At this point, he was almost ready for his turn. He had the grungy "hobo" look at the time, and by SummerSlam, the seeds were completely planted. The reason behind this, I guess, is that Eric Bischoff was favoring Kane, so he's having Chris Benoit, the reigning World Champion, fight TWO matches. Of course, that also means two times to see him pull off miracles. Too bad La Resistance sucks (well, Sylvain Grenier sucks). For a PPV with only seven matches (and 6 not including a joke match), this one doesn't go to long. After about 9-minutes, Benoit manages to trap Grenier in the Crossface... but you know something's up, since he doesn't tap like a bitch. As some expected, Kane comes out and chokeslams Benoit to hell, giving the Challengers the win by Disqualification at 10:08. Since titles don't change hands that way in a GOOD wrestling promotion, the team of the French-Canadian Frogs retain the straps. Not exactly the best way to open a show, but it served it's purpose for later in the night.
2. Chris Jericho vs. Tyson Tomko (w/ Trish Stratus):
I'm not 100% sure, but this might've been Tomko's In-Ring Debut. It was all downhill from here. One moment I remember leading up to this match is Tomko slamming Jericho across the announcers table, WITHOUT removing all of the monitors and equipment, and no doubt hurting Jericho in the process. Idiot. To my surprise, Jericho, who I branded as "phoning it in since 2003", carries Tomko to probably his best match ever... and considering this probably lands around the ** mark, that ISN'T a compliment for Tomko. Short match, thank God. Jericho ends up rolling Tomko up after an accidental collision with Trish. That's good enough for the three count at 5:39. Wow, jobbed in one of, if not your first, matches? Sure, it's to Jericho, but losing your first matches isn't exactly going to make people go "this guy deserves a push."
3. Intercontinental Title: Randy Orton © vs. Shelton Benjamin:
Another feud I don't really remember, but I seem to recall there being a "racial" scenario going on, like Shelton's "kind" weren't championship material or something. In another surprise, Orton ends up having a good match, and it isn't even with Benjamin's style. It's a more deliberate, old-school NWA Style match, if I have to give it a kind of name. I guess that happens when you hang around Triple H and Ric Flair all the time. On the other hand, the match runs a bit long in the tooth, making the middle portion kind of a chore to sit through. Not because it's BAD, just not a lot of action you might expect from current day wrestling. On another note, it's nowhere near the levels of Orton/Edge from Vengeance, which went nearly 30-minutes. This one only goes half that long. After both men exchange blows and near falls, we get one of those lame-ass finishes no one likes: Benjamin comes off the ropes with a cross body press, but Orton uses the momentum of Shelton to roll through it, and hooks the tights to get the three count at 15:05, and retaining the Intercontinental Title. I must say, Orton was on a major role when it came to PPV matches in 2004. From WrestleMania XX to SummerSlam 2004, he was involved in matches that were all at least "good."
4. Womens Title: Victoria © vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim:
No matter how many women you throw into a match, it's not going to make people care any more. Victoria had recently turned in her awesome theme song for some generic crap that she still uses to this day. The only person worth a damn in this match is Trish, and guess who wins? Trish pins Lita for the Title at 4:44. I lost track, but this was probably her 4th reign as Champion (as if it actually matters, since the WWE's women division is the biggest joke this side of the Light-Heavyweight Title in 1997). As you might have guessed, no, I'm not wasting my time on a worthless, pointless, heatless women's match when I have to center my attention towards the main event of this card.
5. Eugene vs. Jonathon Coachman:
Yes, this was actually booked on a Pay-Per-View. However, it's not as bad as you might expect. Well, the wrestling is bad thanks to Coach and it being a comedy match, but it's an entertaining comedy match, which is a rare quality in wrestling matches these days. Although Coach has to be one of THE Worst broadcasters in wrestling, he's a pretty good heel/coward, and sells Eugene's goofy offense and mannuerisms to perfection. Coach can only take control of Eugene with helpful distractions, but that's not enough to stop the Retard Express. For whatever reason, GARRISON Cade interferes in behalf of Coach (and ripping off the head of a stuffed doll), but it's not enough, as Eugene nails Coach with a Retard Bottom and the Retarded Elbow for the three count at 7:37. Yeah, this match with a Non-Wrestler got nearly twice as much as a 4-women Title Match. And people wonder why I hate the Women division so much (other than the awful wrestling).
6. World Heavyweight Title: Chris Benoit © vs. KANE:
OH YES MOTHERFUCKER! This is one match I was looking forward to for ages... too bad it's playing second banana to what we will be seeing next. A short rant on Kane, if I may. I know a lot of people complain about how "bad" he is, but a lot of that is because of booking. when you're character is some super-strong freak that doesn't feel pain, it's a LITTLE hard to work around that and have a good match on a consistant basis. Despite this being a TOTAL styles clash, Benoit manages to work his way around the limitations of Kane. The story of the match, in a nut-shell, is that Benoit must use resourceful attacks to bring Kane down to size and avoid any high impact moves, while Kane needs to fend off Benoit's relentless attacks to his limbs and Benoit's signature submission holds. For the most part, the match does a great job with that. Benoit is the plucky champion that never quits, and Kane is the giant monster who keeps swatting Benoit away, only for Benoit to keep coming back for more. Outside of a lengthy chinlock spot about half-way through the match, it's pretty much non-stop action, with various counters of submissions and... whatever Kane does. Benoit manages to take him off his feet, and goes UP TOP, but Kane sits up. Benoit beats him back down, then does the SNOT BLOW to show he means business, and connects with the diving headbutt. Benoit applies the crossface, but Kane powers out and chokeslams him for a two count. Benoit takes control of Kane going to the well one-too-many times with his top rope clothesline, catching him in the Crippler Crossface. Kane manages to power out of that though. Benoit keeps going for it, then, in what was a surprise to everyone no doubt expecting a submission finish, Benoit floats over to the other side of Kane, and catches him in an Oklahoma Roll for the three count at 18:13. I never was a big fan of that finish, but it served it's purpose. The submission finish was saved for a rematch on Raw that featured 700 years of commercials and a seriously lame lop-sided angle. Anyway, as for this match, Kane's best match in probably two years, and probably the last great match he'll ever be involved in, thanks to a lack of decent wrestlers to feud with (Umaga? Snitsky? Masters? MVP? Kennedy?) and even less mobile abilities than in 2004, where he was already showing major signs of wear and tear. As for Benoit, another great performance during a title reign that was ruined by the HHH/HBK circle-jerking. I'm probably a BIT generous, but I'll say this was close to, if not, the **** range.
7. Hell in a Cell Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H:
Yes, it's time for that match. I've stated this countless times, but this match has the "honor" of being the ONLY match EVER to make me fall a sleep to, not once, but TWICE in the same night (the live broadcast and immediate replay). This was, hopefully, the culmination of a 45 year rivalry between the two. Despite not being for a title, it gets top of the card billing, over-shadowing Benoit and Kane in the process. I was attempting to sit through the entire match, but fuck that, I can't do it. For those who've had the good fortune of never seeing this disaster, here's how it goes. Triple H and Shawn Michaels brawl. Then brawl more. Then more. Then, for whatever fucking reason, A LADDER comes into play IN A HELL IN A CELL MATCH. Then more brawling. Then the fun begins. Both guys lay around the ring, for MINUTES AT A TIME, DOING NOTHING. This lasts for the last 15-minutes of the match! One spot, then 2-minutes of resting. Lather, rinse, repeat. After literally 50-minutes of hell, Triple H pins Shawn Michaels after 67 pedigress, because we all know, NO ONE can kick out of just one (right, Booker T?), but Shawn can withstand them like he's fucking Hulk Hogan in his PRIME!!!! This is one of the ONLY matches ever to really piss me off. It's not because of it being a bad match, but because of the two ego maniacs involved, the totally unnecessary booking, and the fact that it over-shadowed a WORLD TITLE MATCH that deserved top billing because of the overall quality of the match. If there was one person I could wish eternal damnation on, it would be Shawn Michaels... and if he's already on someones list higher up than me, then Triple H. Both men can burn in hell for all I care, and they can take this match and shove it up their butt-brother asses. If I did star ratings for every match, I wouldn't waste my time doing it for this pile of monkey excrement.
Final Thoughts: Up until BORING AS HELL IN A CELL, this is actually a decent quality show. The World Title match delivered better than expected, the Intercontinental Title match was good, the tag title match was decent enough considering La Resistance sucked, the comedy match was watchable, and Jericho got a decent match out of Tomko. But for the love of GOD, never watch the last match, unless you want to hate wrestling for the rest of your life.