WWF PrimeTime Wrestling - 12/28/92
Hosts of the final 2 hour episode of PrimeTime Wrestling are Vince McMahon, Hillbilly Jim, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan, and Jerry Lawler, who replaced Mr. Perfect sometime since the Perfect face-turn the week before the Survivor Series. Christmas talk, Hillbilly Jim bashing, and Heenan wishing near-death on Mr. Perfect before we get to the first match.
1. Virgil vs. The Berzerker
Monsoon and Heenan on PBP, and it's our first PrimeTime Wrestling Exclusive. Berzerker has a nice white fluffy vest on, for those with a terrible sense of fashion. Virgil has been at the end of the line in terms of usefulness, just barely squeaking out Koko B. Ware for the Token-Non-Black-Jobber, solely for the fact he won a match in 1992 against someone ranked higher than Barry Horowitz. Now that I think about it, the Berzerker was pretty much fucked in terms of a push as well. About as good of a match as you could expect here. Virgil does nothing more than punches and armbars, and the Berzerker does his best Bruiser Brody impersonation, which isn't a very good one. After a lot of nothing, the Berzerker gets frustrated after being knocked out of the ring, so he brings his sword into the action and clears the ring, but without making contact. It's still enough to award the match to Virgil by Disqualification at 6:03. For those who feel the Disqualification was unjustified (no contact was made), the Berzerker would get his revenge 4 weeks later at the Royal Rumble, eliminating Virgil in the background of the camera panned Curt Hennig's crotch.
- Sean Mooney from the Event Center, running down some of the action we'll be seeing later in the program. Bobby Heenan interrupts him, causing minor arguments between the panel of experts and Hillbilly Jim. We cut to a Primetime Flashback: Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan at some kind of Zoo feeding Giraffes, and out come the Bushwhackers.
[Commercials: Super Mario Kart for the SNES, Milk. It Does a Body Good, Long John Silver's, The Sci-Fi Channel]
2. Crush vs. Jerry Davis:
Monsoon and Heenan on commentary again, but this match is definitely pulled from Challenge. Crush cuts his own inset promo, due to the fact he was never really involved in an angle during his singles run at this point, and he was still a few weeks away from getting into it with an evil clown. Crush wins with the Cranium Crunch, Head Vice, The Unrealistic Finisher, or whatever else you want to call it at 2:24.
- Update, courtesy of WWF Magazine, and the Official WWF Fan Club. WWF Slam debuted at #4 on the U.K. charts... wait, is that the stupid Slam Jam music video? Jesus, the Brits really do have no taste. Oh, and the rest of the countries that comprise the U.K. My God, were these WWF albums of the 80's and 90's awful. Since I spoke too soon, we do get to see the Slam Jam. The video includes Davey Boy Smith, who has been missing in action you could say, since his SNME loss to Shawn Michaels 6 weeks earlier, as well as vocals from Bret Hart, Randy Savage, and the Undertaker of all people. I blame this album on inspiring the "rap career" of Randy Savage 10 years later.
3. Skinner vs. Buck Zumhoff:
A Primetime Exclusive Squash, and I guess Monsoon and Heenan will be doing commentary for every match. Zumhoff, I believe, was a former AWA undercarder, while Skinner is probably more famous for being one half of the Fabulous Ones along with Stan Lane. On the subject of Skinner, he was never anything more than a JTTS, considering his only "feature" wins were over the likes of Virgil and Koko B. Ware (Hmm...). Skinner wins with the GatorBreaker at 2:56. Thank you and good night.
[Commercials: Oxy Pads, Double Mint Gum, Once Bitten on USA tomorrow at 9pm, MacGyver tonight at 11pm, Crest Complete ToothBrush, Long John Silver's, Milk]
- Gorilla Monsoon comes out to look over the deconstruction of the Primetime Wrestling set. We're reminded that Bobby Heenan will NOT be a part of the new show, Monday Night Raw, which will be televised live from New York City. I guess someone forget this little angle was going on, since he was around for the 3rd week, and became a mainstay by April. Oh well, it's been 14 years... damn, 14 years?
4. Bob Backlund vs. Damian Demento:
Finally, another feature match... too bad this has to be one of the most unique pairings I can think of for the time. Demento (the man from the outer reaches of your mind that talked to the voice in his hand) was a few months away from being total demoted to Jobber status, and Backlund just made his return 2 months earlier after an 8 year absence from the federation. We don't get the first Opie joke until 50-seconds into the match. For those who have no clue who "Opie" was, Opie was the character name of Ron(ny) Howard on the Andy Griffith Show. Another not-so-good match. Backlund was a great wrestler for his time, but what he did in the ring didn't age too well, and Demento flat out sucked, so it was a lost cause anyway. Both men brawl outside of the ring until Backlund sends Demento into the steel barricade following an atomic drop, and Backlund beats the Count-Out at 5:18. Blech... protecting Damian Demento? Yikes... in a who-cares tidbit, we would get an "exciting" rematch at the SkyBox Office PPV, UK Rampage '93, the week after WrestleMania IX, where Backlund got the clean win, and then pretty much vanished on-and-off for the next year before turning heel in July of '94.
5. Money Inc. (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Jim Brunzell & Mike Collins:
We're up to the 3rd squash match to be yanked from the previous episode of Wrestling Challenge, but at least this time we have a "name" involved... Jumping Jim Brunzell, former AWA star as one half of the High Fylers, and well known to WWF fans as half of the Killer Bees from 1985 through 1988. Money Inc. (Dibiase & I.R.S.) were a couple of months into their 2nd tag title run. We get an inset interview from the Nasty Boys while Dibiase lays a beating on the other guy. I.R.S. picks up the pin with the Write Off (a diving clothesline) at 2:01 off of the Not-Brunzell dude.
- Royal Rumble Report, sponsored by IcoPro. You Gotta' Want It. Names already announced for the Rumble Match: The Berzerker, Bob Backlund, Ted Dibiase, Tatanka (Buffalo), The Undertaker, Yokozuna (promo from Mr. Fuji), Ric Flair (promo), Randy Savage, Irwin R. Schyster, Virgil, and Mr. Perfect (promo). Also announced: The Big Bossman vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, and Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon for the WWF Championship (Hart promo).
6. Marty Jannetty vs. Repo Man:
Wow, we're already up to our 3rd Feature of the night. This one could be enjoyable for me. I've always been a mark for Marty Jannetty (he was the better half of the Rockers, dammit!), and the Repo Man always cracks my shit up, which made up for his lack of wrestling skills. Jannetty was involved in an angle with Shawn Michaels at the time, and Repo Man was near the end of his run, so the end result who should be obvious, unless it's another lame twist like the Virgil/Berzerker and Backlund/Demento finishes. Not much of note happens for the first half of the match. Repo dominates for the most part, slowing down the match with chinlocks. Jannetty blindly comes back with a super kick, but that only gets a two count. Repo comes back, dropping Jannetty throat first across the top rope. More see-saw action until Jannetty surprises Repo with a crucifix pinning combination for the three count at 9:24. Good finish, but a mediocre match at best all around. Still, best match of the show so far.
Flashback: The Berzerker throws Jameson, who is tied to a piece of wood (like in a witch burning act), off the roof of the studio, and into a dumpster. HIGH-Larious.
7. Papa Shango vs. Todd Becker:
More action from people long past being useful. When was the last time Shango did something to his opponent? June? Come on, if he's not making Warrior puke or setting a jobber on fire, I don't care. Shango wins it with the reverse shoulder breaker (what a finisher...) at 2:47. We get a fireworks display from Shango's stick of Voodoo after the match.
- Flashback: Jim Duggan blows up Heenan's rented caddilac.
- The Reverend Slick cuts a promo. I fast forward, since I'm against anything preachy on television.
8. Tatanka vs. Bret Tyler:
Yup, another squash match, but to change the pace of the show, it's pulled from the previous episode of SuperStars of Wrestling, with Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler and Bobby Heenan calling the match. Throughout the match, we see a clown wandering around the aisle, and mocking Tatanka's war dance. Tatanka cuts his own inset promo, since he's also between feuds (finished up with Rick Martel, and yet to jump in on Shawn Michaels). Tatanka wins with the Papoose to Go at 2:43. After the match, the clown "accidentally" nails Tatanka in the face with his mop.
- Special Interview from Wrestling Challenge with Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji. Actually, it's more with Mr. Fuji, since Yokozuna barely said anything during his heel run other than "Yosh(i)" and "Banzai." I've always wondered why the broadcasters seemed to ignore that Raymond Rougeau was actually a wrestler, and not just some shmuck holding a microphone for people with no talent.
9. The Nasty Boys vs. The Beverly Brothers:
(Brian Knobbs & Jerry Saggs vs. Blake & Beau Beverly)
Now this is what I'm sure everyone's been waiting for. The recently-turned-face Nasty Boys vs. the recently-no-longer-managed-by-the Genius Beverly Brothers. I guess doing the job to Max Moon on PrimeTime a few weeks earlier drove him off the Poetry deep end. In another "Who Gives a Shit" tidbit, this match was later recycled for the "Invasion of the Bodyslammers" Coliseum Video. Your typical paint-by-numbers match from these two teams, but it was at least kept to a reasonably short length. In a "what's with these lame finishes" moment, both teams brawl, and end up beating up on the referee at the same time, resulting in a Double Disqualification at 6:45. The Nasty Boys end up clearing the ring not-too-long after the decision, restoring peace to punks with bad hair cuts and preppies around the globe.
Flashback: Vince McMahon and fake FBI Agents expose Bobby Heenan's fake Queen of England (probably the same one we've seen in European Vacation and Naked Gun, to name a few movies).
- Mr. Perfect Vignette, with newly-signed New York Yankee Wade Boggs. He hits a home run, after calling his shot of course. To show what 14 years difference there is, since the signing of Wade Boggs, he's been replaced at 3rd by the Yanks by Charlie Hayes, Scott Brosius, Robin Ventura, Aaron Boone, and Alex Rodriguez, among others.
10. Lance Cassidy vs. Barry Hardy:
Time to wrap up the show. I have NO clue about the Lance Cassidy gimmick, but I think it's one of the Armstrong Brothers (obviously not Brad or Brian). We get to see more shots of the clown again, attaching a "Kick Me" sign to the back of Cassidy's jacket. Cassidy mounts Hardy with a modified Reverse Cowgirl for the three count at 2:23. After the match, the trickster Clown kicks Cassidy, as if you couldn't guess that after finding out about the sign.
The Event Center with Sean Mooney is interrupted again, this time by Jameson, who's wearing Jerry Lawler's crown, and looking like a disgusting pig for the most part.
More Considerations Paid for by the Following: WWF Super WrestleMania for SNES and Genesis, ExAct Acne Cream, Spider-Man/X-Men for SNES, Spider-Man 2 for GameBoy
- The Primetime crew says so long as the last remains of the set are taken away, and we're wished a Happy New Year. What a wonderful thing to say.
Final Thoughts: The usual stuff once again... some lame feature matches and a bunch of recycled squashes from the weekend shows.