Yes, I'm stealing ES' idea from a few months ago, so sue me. It's a free country, doncha' know? Since my NES is basically on it's death bed, I make sure to play it as little as possible... and with some of the games I have for the system, that shouldn't be too hard of a goal to accomplish (especially with free downloads all over the internet.) I'm omitting the Mario Bros. series from the list since they're generally a waste of time to explain why you liked them.


DuckTales: One of many Disney cartoons turned into video games. Uncle Scrooge (no relation) must find rare artifacts from several locations, including the Amazong, the Moon, and a haunted mansion in Transylvania. Basic controls for jumping and what-not, and with enough difficulty to make little kids pissed, but only 6 stages means short life span for more advanced gamers.


Legend of Zelda: We know the deal with this one. Despite being very bland to look at, the Zelda series has yet to stop thanks to it's innovative layout for dungeons... and stuff. Still way too fucking hard unless you have a detailed map for every hidden Dungeon location.


Bases Loaded: For a while, my favorite sports game to play. No real teams or players, but still tons of fun, and challenging enough to keep playing. I also approve of the "game is called if you're up by 10 after the 5th inning rule."


Pinball: Awesome! Totally awesome! Way to go Hamilton... sorry, got caught up in the moment of something. Addictive game despite it being very limited in graphics and depth. It's just Pinball!


Fester's Quest: An Addams Family Game made before the movie, meaning someone must've REALLY loved the TV series that was canceled about 24 years earlier. Super tough game, thanks to weak weapons and tough enemies, and the underground maze's are a bitch.


NFL: I don't even know if this was the actual name of the game, but it's what's printed on the top of the cartridge, so huzzah. Too tough to play, the graphics were shit, and did I mention the controls are totally pathetic? You're better off playing football with wiener dogs.


Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers: Much like DuckTales, a game designed primarily for children, but still fun enough to play as an adult. Who didn't love beating the crap out of those weird little aliens that tranform into Dale like in that episode where the little alien transformed into Dale?


Bump N' Jump: A unique style "racing" game, although there's no racing involved... you just go at fast speeds hoping not to crash into the walls or other obstacles. This used to be the most addictive game for my family back when we got it, and it can still be like that.


Jaws: BLECH! The sub-text on the cartridge: This time it's personnal! Yup, JAWS THE REVENGE was turned into a video game, and like the movie, this one sucks BIG TIME. All you do is shoot at an endless onslaught of jelly fish and sting rays before stabbing an ugly shark with your pole like in the movie. You can easily beat the game in 20 minutes, if you don't try killing yourself first.


Double Dribble: MORE SPORTS! This time you actually have real teams: The LA Lakers, Boston Celtics, NY Knicks, and Michael Jordan... I mean Chicago Bulls, but you only had the key player from each team, so I'm actually right with saying MJ instead of the Bulls. Terrible depth considering you only have 4 teams, and only exhibition mode. Cheap bastards! One bright spot: Random mascot sitings during halftime. When was the Celtics mascot a weird Frog Thing?

Part II coming next time...

Last summer my girlfriend had a day off, so she went online and printed out the detailed walk throughs to the rest of the game she hadn't beaten yet and played it all day, finally beating after having owned it since she was young. She said that some of the things you have to do in the game is rediculous and there is no way you ever would have thought to do it unless you had a strategy guide.

And I felt kind of dumb, because I didn't know that once you completed the eight dungeons, the game would turn into a dark world and there would be eight more dungeons. Seriously, I had made it to the seventh dungeon and always felt that I had been close to finishing the game.

So yesterday I saw there was a new Jaws game out for PS2. I honestly thought about buying it. I bet it sucks.

The hard world for Zelda is rough. I don't know if I've ever beaten that portion of the game. On a side note if you put Zelda as your character name you can start out with the hard world.

Happy to know that I'm not the only person who was suckered by "NFL". That is the slow-moving game that says "Long Gain Run" and consistently gives you penalties for the rarely-called "Chucking", right? Awful game, but I was a football addict in 1989/90, so I kept a notebook of playoff brackets, Super Bowls and other junk.



Coming Before I Die.... the ATARI flashback. Chopper Command all up in your area!

Football was a disaster back in the old days minus Tecmo Bowl. Tecmo Super Bowl is still the best football game ever. I'm always downloading hacks with updated rosters.

Updated rosters of Tecmo Super Bowl?!!! Most Massive Boner Alert!

I would mark out the moment I saw that hospital screen with the little jingle and text flashing "Jake Plummer Comes Back!"

Did anyone ever create a hack to get rid of the Broncos' shitty ORANGE uniforms? Bucs for that matter, too. Whattabout the Panthers, Texans, Ravens and Jags? Seattle in the NFC?

Madden's fun and all, but sometimes I wish I could play a goofy 10 minute TECMO game with modern players, instead of the long-ass 45 minute Madden game.

Yeah, they changed the uniforms on at least Tampa Bay for the last update I played. I've also seen really indepth hacks where they turn it into a college football game.

I've been tempted to pick it up too. You get to play as the shark and eat people, that alone sounds like it would be worth the price of admission.


Having said that, the controls are probably shit.

I have to agree with the"NFL games sucked" then. Another atrocious one was Walter Payton's Football for the Sega. Weird colors make you go blind.

And I too saw the new Jaws game. I immediately screamed in horror, remembering the last one.

Finally, Part Deux:

Donkey Kong Classics - What a cheap way to make a few more sales... by combining the original Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. into one game, and marketing it for the same price as an original one. We've all played these two before (I hope), and they're still classic entertainment if you need to kill 15-20 minutes, but longterm playing = repetetive.


Track & Field II - Basically what it sounds like. A bunch of "olympic" events that you can play. For the most part, it's impossible to get good scores on any of the events, meaning even a game of this caliber (not very good) is still impossible to beat.


World Championship Wrestling - The first NWA/WCW game, and in my opinion, the best wrestling game for a home console until the WWF Royal Rumble came out for SNES and Genesis. Everything was very simplified, but running the gauntlet in the championship mode thingy was hell-a fun, and the "Boss Fight" at the end is still a bitch (it's basically a masked Andre The Giant). Thumbs WAY Up... except for spelling Flair and Steiner's names wrong (they swopped the Rick/Ric)


Ice Hockey - I think I mentioned this one a long time ago, but eh, I got time to kill. I haven't played this is in a while, but I think you can only play in exhibition mode, and each team is a country, with randomly assigned players (skinny, medium or fat) filling up the rooster. Good ol' team USA... always a bunch of fat guys for me. There was nothing better than starting brouhaha's and having it all come down to a ShootOut.


Xenophobe - I still don't understand this fucking game. 15 years later.


Bases Loaded: The Second Season - Basically the same game as the original, with different fake teams and players, and the animation is spruced up just a bit. I still prefer the original, probably because it was more player friendly with the controls than this one.


Pac-Man - If you don't know about or have ever played Pac-Man before, you need help. Mucho help. Or I'll stick a yellow pill... thing down your throat, and shove Pac-Man up your ass. And yes, I stole that joke from a Simpsons episode... back when it was still good/entertaining.


I'll get to part III when I feel like it, rounding out this series.

I forgot to finish this list... dammit!