Courtesy of 24/7 On Demand, we're introduced to the show by Ricky Steamboat, who shows the results of the "Pick the Big One" poll, where this got 84% of the votes, Starrcade '83 only 14%, and SuperClash '85 got 2%, like my milk. HIGH-larious. Next month... HALLOWEEN HAVOCS!


- Hosted by Vince McMahon and Lord Alfred, with Gorilla and the Body on commentary, and Okerlund doing interviews. The concept is basically a KOTR, but with 4 rounds in 1 night. We run down the first round matches before heading to the ring...


1. Corporal Kirchner vs. Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Adonis is starting to phase into his "Adorable Adrian" character, recruiting Jimmy Hart along the way, but is still wearing his street tough biker jacket. Kirchner, for those unfamiliar, is basically an awful Sgt. Slaughter clone that couldn't get over with an electrified getting over machine. See also: The Renegade. Anyway, short match here, with nothing notable until Adonis drills Kirchner with a DDT (unnamed at the time until Jake Roberts came in), and picking up the easy victory. (1/4*)


2. The Dynamite Kid vs. Nikolai Volkoff:
At the time, you'd probably think Volkoff had the advantage, since DK was strictly a tag team wrestler in the WWF, and Volkoff was sometimes successful as a singles guy. After belting out the SOVIAT National Anthem, Dynamite surprises him with a missile dropkick, and makes the cover for the victory at around 6 seconds, breaking the "record" of 9 seconds by Bundy/Jones at WrestleMania. (NR)



3. Ivan Putski vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage (w/ Elizabeth):
Hmm... I forgot Putski was still hanging around at this point. Elizabeth does the same thing as from WrestleMania IV. Wear a different dress for every match Savage wrestles. Typical heel Savage match by the way, with him stalling a lot, then after about 30 seconds of action, rolls up Putski in the corner and gets the three count with his feet on the ropes. So long Putski, way to go out a loser. (DUD)



4. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat vs. Davey Boy Smith:
Now it's time... WOO... to go to school! Sorry, I'm suffering from RetardFlairism. This was back when Davey Boy could fucking GO... so naturally, with such a strict limitation for every match, they don't get to do much. Despite time limits, they put on a pretty good match for about 3 minutes until Davey Boy misses a charge, and cradles himself on the ropes. The referee calls for the bell because of an "injury", and awards the match to the Dragon. IS BOOS! (*1/2)


5. Junkyard Dog vs. The Iron Sheik:
Blech... this is one is not going to be pretty. As bad of a match as you could expect, with lots of SLOOOOOOw clubberin' until the Sheik mounts the Dog.... for the camel clutch. Of course, JYD can't even do THAT right, and it looks more like pathetic chinlock. See also: Hogan/Zodiac from Fall Brawl '95. After a lot more nothing, JD headbutts Sheik for the easy victory. Blech! (-*)


6. Moondog Spot vs. Terry Funk:
Jesus, talk about random. HEEL vs. HEEL! Classic Funk Moment: he spits his tobacco onto the camera lens to finish off his interview. Before the match, Funk tells Spot he doesn't want to wrestle, and offers a double walk-out. About halfway out, Funk double crosses him, to the surprise of no one, but foolishly tosses Spot back into the ring, allowing him to beat the count out at the 10 second mark. Yech! (NR)


7. Tito Santana vs. The Magnificent Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji):
Santana is the reigning champion (of the IC Belt, that is), and Muraco is the man I believe Santana beat for the belt back for his 1st reign as champion. Decent match, although Muraco's constant sluggish style always seems to drag things out. Muraco appears to win via a powerslam, but Santana's foot was on the bottom rope, and Santana cradles Muraco for the real three count to advance. (*1/2)


8. "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs. Bob Orton Jr.:
Before the match, Heenan makes mention of a $50,000 Bounty on Orndorff's head. That's some expensive paper towels! All kidding aside... both men work a decent, but boring match, so I'm guessing neither man ia really into going balls out with only a 10 minute time limit. Orndorff has the match won until Orton blasts him with his cast, drawing the DQ win for Orndorff. (*)


9. Dynamite Kid vs. Adrian Adonis:
This should be a good match with plenty of time, but again, too many matches with too little time. Adonis puts up a lot more offense than Volkoff (har har...), and they put on another decent/short match. DK nails Adonis with some high impact stuff, but not enough for the finish. Speaking of the finish... Adonis tries rolling up DK, but gets pushed back into the ropes, crashing into jimmy Hart, and DK covers for the three count to make it to the Semi-Finals. I should note Adonis had his foot on the ropes as Adonis throws a temper tantrum, no doubt inspiring Christian's character from 2003. (*1/2)


10. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage:
2 years later, this would be a match of the year candidate and an all time classic. Here it's given little more than 2 minutes. Again, Savage plays cowardly heel (God damn I hate that) while Jesse Ventura cheers him on. Apparently, there was an angle about Ventura helping Savage or something, but I'm not 100% sure. After very little action, Savage nails the Dragon with the magical foreign object no one can see (a true Memphis heel!), and gets ANOTHER cheap win. (1/2*)


11. Junkyard Dog vs. Moondog Spot:
So... bored. This match is not much longer than Spot's earlier match, as JYD no-sells a few shots, drops him with a headbutt and counts his own three for the victory. Yeah... I'm glad WWE hasn't pulled that stunt ever again, and when they did it (See: Over the Edge '98), at least there was an unconcious referee in the ring! STUPID! (NR)


12. Tito Santana vs. Paul Orndorff:
Pretty much the same match as Santana/Muraco, but Orndorff is still playing a babyface here. As you might expect, since neither guy is flashly like Steamboat or DBS, they put on a very boring match with plenty 'o resting. By the time Orndorff heels it up, the match ends about 30 seconds later, resulting in a double count-out, as both men brawled on the floor. LAME! (3/4*)


13. WWF Championship Match:
Hulk Hogan © vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper:
Weird placement for the match, since this means Savage has to wrestle 2 matches in a row... if he wins. Then it'll be Dynamite Kid doing it. Typical Hogan "phone it in match", with Piper not helping much by just being wild and uncooperative in the ring. After Piper over-sells everything, he puts Hogan down with a super-long sleeper hold. Ref' bump time, and a chair comes into play, with both men using it. As Hogan is about to finish Piper off, Bob Orton runs in for the DQ, and the two do a major league beatdown until Orndorff makes the save. God Bless Hulkamania! (*1/4)


14. Dynamite Kid vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage:
Okay, now we have a promising match. After Savage does his obvious stalling, both men put on as good of a match as you can have in 5 minutes. DK mops the floor with Savage for the most part, then connects with a top rope superplex, a rareity for the time I think... BUT! Savage cradles the legs of Dynamite, and with a little tights pulling, picks up another victory to make it to the Finals. Too bad they couldn't get 10-minutes, or I'd be in heaven. (**1/2)


- For an "Intermission", the WWF presents a classic Rolls Royce (or whatever) to some fan that isn't real. Next an interview with Hulk Hogan and Paul Orndorff, then nothing much else.


15. Junkyard Dog vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage:
How unfair... JYD wrestles 1 real match, while Savage is going onto his 4th, setting a record by being the only man to wrestle 4 matches on 2 seperate PPV's (not counting gauntlets, and really, who does?). Boring, bad, boring match. JYD controls with his shit offense, then Savage stalls, doing the occasional double axehandle and choking spot. JYD mounts a comeback, then back drops Savage out of the ring, and THAT's enough for the count-out, and the cheapest victory in a Tournament Final EVER. Ventura calls him out for his easy road to success, and rightfully so. (DUD)


Final Thoughts: Blech. Boring show, with too many rushed matches, and the matches with promise were even shorter than the bad ones. See also: WrestleMania Bore... I mean IV. Total thumbs down on the 1st WWF PPV (fuck everyone that says WM, since it was only available in like 1 city of the fucking world).

I think we need to give (as they say on the streets), a "shout out" to the chunky blonde bimbo who acted as the Vanna White co-host. She was backstage with Vince and Al to show off the tournament bracket. She helped out by POINTING to each match-up. Skills!

Especially funny was when Vince appeared to be snuggling up to her and said "So Tracy, have you ever been in a Rolls Royce?". "No.. I can't say that I have". Suave!

I need to record this show. How long is it, though? My on-screen guide says it's "1 minutes" long. If it's 2.5 hours or less, I can set my recorder on a higher quality.

Not a big deal, but I tried to record SummerSlam '96 since the guide said it was 2.5 hours. I got to the last match and my disc was full. Had to watch and record the damn thing again.

Ah, I see why Scrooge isn't on much anymore. He's watching this all the time.

Only on mondays. That's my designated "watch wrestling until I'm going to be sick" day.

And for some reason, my cable company had a hard time getting the Wrestling Classic to work properly. It would randomly shut itself down every minute or two.

Y'know, there was LOGIC in WRESTLING moment in this show. They showed backstage clips of certaint wrestlers drawing their opponents from a fish bowl.

Umm..this wasn't the Royal Rumble, so how did they know WHO to bring in for a draw. Only certain wrestlers were allowed to draw.

Hey, I drew Tito Santana. But...Santana's in line to draw. Oh, forget that, then. Wouldn't some wrestlers get upset that they weren't allowed to draw?! How did they determine who got to draw and who didn't?! Why would Terry Funk settle for a double elimination with Moondog frickin' Spot?! And what about Scarecrow's brain?!

Someone resurrect the corpse of Don Adams, we need answers! ... or whoever that schmuck was from Tennesse Tuxedo.