Hey guys, I've been posting my EWR diary on my blog, Cheap Plug for a while now, and, after consultating with Ernie, I'm gonna post it here from now on.

This is the WWE...sorta, because there's been a few changes. The McMahons are gone, and for the time being, the onscrenn authorites are the GM's, and Vince Russo, who thinks he's running Smackdown, but he's not. And I've had a few problems...I hired Shane Douglas, and HHH and HBK's morale promptly sank, so I got rid of them...Taker refused to job to anyone, so I bumped him, and brought in Raven, you'll catch on pretty fast, and any questions you have, feel free to throw my way. As a gift, results for NO WAY OUT are gonna be DWB exclusive tomorrow, maybe followed by a huge announcement and Raw.

I love feedback though. Please tell me what you think of my angles, my gimmicks, my gimmick matches, ideas for guys I can't think of (but be reasonable)
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Again, most questions can be answered by reading my blog archive, but any quick...who is this/what is he doing here, blah blah, just hit me up and I'll answer no probs. I really, really hope you enjoy this, so, without further ado, it's the last weekend before No Way Out

Smackdown Weekend
-Smackdown

· The Big Show World Tour – Non Title. The Big Show def. El Grande Luchadore. Monty Brown attacked afterwards

· Samoa Joe comes out for his match with Orlando Jordan, but Team Angle came out instead. Kurt grabbed the mic – “I’ve got it, I’ve got it Joe. The solution that will make us both happy. How about, instead of my humiliating your ass – again, at No Way Out, I want you, to join Team Angle….Yeah, that’s right. You see Joe, I don’t have a lot left in the tank, and I’m seriously contemplating retirement. And, I’ve been looking for someone to replace me, I want to pass on my knowledge, and my legend, my TORCH, to someone else, and I’ve decided, that that person, Samoa Joe, is you!!! So, Whaddya say?” Joe – “Kurt, I’m a man of few words, and I’m touched, but I’ll be even more touched when I slap the Samoan Chokehold on you at No Way Out… - (Kurt) – So…that’s a no?….”Yeah, Kurt, it -…….Team Angle attacks before Joe can say anything else.

· Kidman squashed Jerelle Clark. Teddy Long came out…”Playa, Playa, Kidman, I’m impressed, I’m very impressed. Playa, I’m so impressed, that you’ll get your wish, and you’ll get, a title shot for the cruiserweight title, at No Way Out, against AJ Styles, playa”

· JBL comes out. Walking, it should be noted, his limo is nowhere to be seen. “Uh…uh..is this on, you’ll have to excuse me, I’m in some sort of distress…he pulls a note out of his jacket…uh, uh….”Quote the JBL….Nevermore (what does that even mean anyway). You see, Raven can come out and talk all he wants, about the redistribution of wealth, but it seems, he’s also interested in the redistribution of property. My limo, was STOLEN from the airport this morning when I arrived. The valet service there, told me…it had been picked up by a man called T.R……The Raven!!!! Raven you bleeding heart liberal – I want my limo back. Raven, of course, comes out, standing in the sun roof of the limo, which is spray painted on, dinged up, and so forth. Even so, JBL rushes forward to confront Raven, and The Dudley’s get out of the limo to stop him.

John Cena def. Johnny Devine in a battle rap. I don’t do rap

· Kurt Angle, Luther and Dawn Marie def. Samoa Joe, Charlie Haas and Jackie when Kurt rolled up Joe and used the ropes.

· Russo and Teddy Long are having another spat. Since Monty Brown won the Playa’s Battle Royal, Russo had to replace him in the 8Man Tag at No Way Out, but since everyone hates him, no one will take the day’s work, not even Bob Holly. Russo threatened to go to court to get an extension on finding a replacement, but Teddy told him that time was up, and that Brown’s replacement at No Way Out….would be…Vince Russo. In this segment, Weapon X was played by Amy Weber (in the mask). A running gag I should have explained earlier, if I’d thought of it earlier, was that Everytime Weapon X is in the ring, it appears to be someone else. Furthermore, this is never really a secret, but adds to the speculation of who will be under the mask come No Way Out, because, as Russo says- “Surprises = Ratings”. Teddy then left Russo’s little cubbyhole, and went to his office, where a huge gang of cruiserweights were waiting for him. Teddy asked what they wanted, and Chavo Guerrero, apparently speaking for the group, said that they were sick and tired of being underrepresented on the “Home of the cruiserweights” and they never get enough attention, and when they do, it’s usually the same group of guys. Teddy said he understood their concerns, and booked them all in a match at No Way Out. When Chavo pointed out that a battle royal wouldn’t showcase their individual strengths, Teddy said he never proposed a Battle Royal,, he had something else in mind, with a unique prize for the winner. At No Way Out, 10 cruiserweights will take part in a “Tower Of Power Gauntlet”. 2 guys will start off in the ring, and when one is defeated, the winner metaphorically moves up in the tower, to meet another opponent. Whoever is at the top of the tower, will go on to meet the winner of AJ Styles/Kidman, not later on that night, not on Smackdown, but at WRESTLEMANIA, as one of Smackdown’s showcased matches. All the cruiserweights were buzzing

· The Anti-Russo’s defeated Weapon X, (played by Bobby Lashley, the same guy under the El Grande Luchadore mask) Carlito, Jesus and Frankie Kazarian when Eddie Pinned Kazarian

Velocity

· Vince Russo, Weapon X, (played by Fifi The Dog, who obviously never tagged in) Rene Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki def. Charlie Haas, Hardcore Bob, Al Snow and Daniel Puder when Russo pinned Puder. At least the dog didn’t pin him

· John Cena rapped about Johnny Devine

· AJ Styles pinned Nunzio

· Johnny Devine waffled about John Cena. His basic point was Cena took advantage of his story to get a few weeks off, and he’s a liar and a dirty cheat, and has no consideration for real victims of violence, which is too bad, because he’s gonna be a real victim come No Way Out.

· Raven came out, holding the bullhorns from JBL’s limo. He went on about how the limo was an analogy for JBL, US Foreign policy, and the Neo-conservative right, and wealthy in America. The Bashams came out to retrieve the bullhorns, and when they were coming down the ramp, the Dudley’s music played out, and Raven jumped outside the ring to sandwich them, but the Duds never came out, and JBL rolled out from under the ring and clotheslined from Heck, Raven

· The “Canadian Destroyer” pinned Big Show. Teddy Long came out and reversed it because it was Monty Brown under a mask

You should put more spaces in, it's kinda difficult to read. Otherwise, looks good, I'll be reading.

Done and done.

Thanks, that makes reading a lot easier.

Looks much better organizationally speaking. Looks good so far. I'll wait til reading a few newer shows to insult or question anything being done. :lol:... I was kidding.

I like the way you are using the talent who are in WWE in real life (Kidman, Haas, JBL). This looks like it could be really good, I look forward to updates.

I wish I could find something for Haas to do, frankly

Stylistic Change: I'm no longer gonna make up promos for guys to say. Everything is gonna be a wrestling Observer-esque description of what happened. I cannot, absolutely cannot, write promos, especially for guys like Flair. It's an injustice to them, and myself. I'll keep doing the Devil's Advocate shtick, but that's it.

THERE’S NO WAY OUT!!!!! Now with super special detailed results where necessary

· HEAT MAIN EVENT: Charlie Haas def. Orlando Jordan when he stole Sonny Siaki’s “Siakolypse” Neckbreaker Finisher

· MAIN SHOW: John Cena squashed Johnny Devine to retain the United States Championship. So much for that one.

· Paul London won a Tower of Power Gauntlet to win the right to take on the Cruiserweight Champion at Wrestlemania.
- Nunzio pinned Spike Dudley with a sunset flip.
- Chavo Guerrero pinned Nunzio with the Gory Special
- Chavo Guerrero pinned Scotty Taylor with a powerbomb
- Jerelle Clark pinned Chavo Guerrero with a roll up
- Funaki pinned Jerelle Clark with the FNK
- Paul London pinned Funaki with a La Majistral
- Paul London pinned Shannon Moore with a dropsault
- Paul London pinned Kazarian after a London Calling 450 Splash
- Paul London pinned Carlito Caribbean Cool after debuting the whomp-ass Canadian Destroyer Piledriver

· SUPER SPECIAL BONUS MATCH: Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak def. Al Snow and Danny Puder after a Lutheran Style Neckbreaker

· AJ Styles pinned Billy Kidman to retain the WWE Cruiserweight Title after a Styles Clash off the top rope. Paul London came out afterwards and shook hands with Styles

· Raven and The Dudleys beat JBL and The Bashams when Raven pinned JBL after an Evenflow

· Samoa Joe pinned Kurt Angle by pinfall after the match was re-started. Joe went for the Samoan Chokehold, but Kurt kicked him square in the nuts and was disqualified. Teddy Long called Bullshit on that and had the match restarted, and Joe won clean with the Island Driver.

· The Network, featuring Weapon X, revealed as Heidenreich, Russo, Dupree and Kenzo def. Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio when Russo stabbed RVD with a stun-gun and Dupree hit him with his Arc de Triomphe finisher, and Russo pinned him.

· The Big Show defeated Monty Brown to retain the WWE Title, by disqualification, when Brown bonked him with a chair. They kept fighting, and Show hit the chokeslam, to send the crowd home happy.













WRESTLING OBSERVER NEWSFLASH: Carnage Backstage No Way Out

Two people are voluntarily unemployed after a bizarre weekend in the WWE, the umpteenth chaos since Dave O'Neill took over.


Shane Douglas arrived at No Way Out, as a guest, and promptly handed in his notice, asking for a release. Partially calling his bluff, Dave gave it to him. Douglas cited his unhappiness at having to work with Ric Flair as the reason for his departure, despite insider's claims that the duo's angle , due to start by winning the tag titles tonight on Raw, and culminating with Flair/Doulgas vs. Mick Foley/The Rock at Wrestlemania 21. Douglas had been unhappy for a while, ostracised in the lockerroom, and unhappy with his push, citing the cutting short of his program with Chris Benoit as poor booking. O'Neill, who was responsible for bringing Douglas into the promotion, thus causing Triple H and Shawn Micheals to quit in disgust. O'Neill spent much of Monday searching for a replacement for Douglas (He has a fixed roster, and if one goes, they have to be replaced). According to our source, a "major" Independent star is backstage at Raw.



And then, it got even worse for Dave. He fired Kurt Angle.

No, really. Angle, himself disgusted with the way his character was booked against Samoa Joe (when in fact, Kurt has been booked to be far superior to Joe), allegedly walked into Dave's office and demanded a World Title reign as a "reward" for putting over Joe. Dave pointed out several facts - Kurt Angle's contract expires in five months, and neither party has moved on a renewal, Angle himself had spoken publicly about retiring, and so on, so forth. Dave proposed that the Joe/Kurt angle continue, and Kurt put his career on the line at Wrestlemania. Kurt would lose, take a few months off to refresh his character, and heal nagging injuries. Kurt would come back, be put over Joe in a blowoff, and go on to the World Title, a not unreasonable booking plan.

When Kurt refused to put over Joe, especially at Wrestlemania, Dave fired him.
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Yeah yeah, I know, completely unrealistic, blah blah. Blame the game for draining people's Morale. I'm trying to be creative here.

You can expect
- A Major guy to debut on Raw
-I used TNA as my personal shopping mall to replace Kurt Angle, and Jindrak, who's contract expires.
-A jump from Raw to Smackdown



Oh, and AJ Styles and Paul London vs. Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam for the WWE Tag Team Championship on Smackdown. How do ya like them apples?

Much better methinks without the promos. More often than not, they probably wouldn't be too great. I like the Observer style notes though.

Good to see someone actually stealing... er.... purchasing talent from TNA.

It's the game's fault for not putting them all on contracts

Oh, Verbal Contracts. Well no one ever accused the Jarrett's of being smart, unless it's based on them losing millions of dollars thats not even their own.

Cool stuff man. AJ/London vs. Mysterio/RVD should be excellent.

Exactly. That's how I ended up with AJ Styles, CM Punk, Raven, Julio Dinero, and Alexis Laree at the beginning of my diary.

Yeah, same here, as well as all these guys I signed to Developmental deals

- Alex Shelley

- Petey Williams

- Chris Sabin

- Michael Shane

- Roderick Strong

- Colt Cabana and Ace Steel

- Kanyon

Raw will be up later, or def. Tomorrow

I always had fun driving the WWF out of business by driving up everyone's contracts when it came time to expire. It sucks you can never get any WWF guys but it's funny to see them paying mid-carders 100k a month.

Hey fellas, thanks for the feedback so far, looks like everyone is enjoying it, so without furtherado, The Road to Wrestlemania, starts HERE


Raw
- Show started with the Dream Partner Match. Bischoff decreed Benoit and Edge could pick anyone in the locker room to team with them. Benoit picked Christian. Edge was humored, but Coach pointed out Christian knew Edge backwards. Edge picked Kane. JR rightly declared that Edge wasn’t interested in pissing Benoit off, or getting under his skin, he wanted Benoit Hurt.

The match: Benoit/Kane, , Christian/Edge, Christian/Kane, Edge/Kane. After what seemed like an eternity, Benoit tagged in and finally looked to be going toe to toe with Edge….and the bell rang, a 15 minute draw. JR called bullshit on it, but pointed out that since the Royal Rumble, the pair haven’t laid a finger on each other. Next week: A debate, sorta. And the big contract signing for Wrestlemania

Evolution were in their locker room and Flair came in on his mobile phone, yakking to “The Man”, who was at this point, stuck in traffic, because Boston sucks. It was strongly implied that “The Man” was Triple H, but they weren’t explicit enough.

- Andriy Dante Video. This was the first time we actually saw the guy. It’s fucking Mordecai, except he now has black hair. He was in some crap ghetto part of America, and asked was this “The American Dream”. He saw Communism die, because of “The Dream”, and take his country with it. He promised to restore “The old ways”

- CM Punk returned from wherever the hell he’s been since Royal Rumble. He was giving one of his speeches to someone off screen. He suggested that the individual was been held back by his partner, and everyone needs to break free. Only playing Devil’s Advocate mind, the individual should forcibly break off from the anchor that is his partner. Then, they guy got a phone call, and CM Punk left the room. Although we didn’t see his face, we heard Hurricane speak to someone on the phone.


- Triple Trial By Fire. Rules were, when one match ended, the other started immediately, and so on. JR surmised the feud pretty simply: Orton hates Conway because Conway joined Evolution for the fame, much like Orton, and that makes Conway THE STUPID. Jericho and Shelton hate Evolution because they’re Evolution, and because Baroni knocked Benjamin the fuck out a few weeks back, and Baroni was introduced on The Highlight Reel, and punked out Jericho in the process Evolution hate everyone. Despite all this (Because of)?, there was still interference and messing about. Randy Orton, Chris Jericho and Shelton Benjamin def. Evolution: Batista, Phil Baroni and Rob Conway, 2-1. Benjamin def. Batista by DQ, Baroni KO’d Jericho, and Orton pinned Conway. Bischoff came out and said next week it’d be a six man House of Pain match. Although he didn’t say what that was.

- Lita def. Trish to win the Women’s Title. Christian went for her afterwards, and Matt Hardy returned to rescue her. As Christian was walking up the ramp, Matt challenged him for next week

Flair was talking to Conway about “The Man” and he described his finisher, miming a Pedigree……………

- CM Punk defeated Rosey when The Hurricane ran in……………….and turned on him. Hurricane came out in street clothes, with no mask, or green shit in his hair, and bashed him in the head with a chair, and then left through the crowd.

- Flair came out and gave one of his coked up interviews about Mick Foley. Basically, yeah, Flair said some naughty things about Foley in his book, but Foley wrote naughty things about Flair first. So morally, Flair wins. Oh, and Shane Douglas is a lying son of a bitch who Flair wouldn’t trust as far as he could throw him. Eugene and William Regal came out and pointed out that Flair was without a tag partner for the match that Douglas created, and he’s up shit creek without a paddle, only for CHRIS DANIELS to jump out of the crowd and attack both of them. A match started, and Daniels pinned Eugene after a Pedigree/Angel’s Wings, to win the Tag Team Titles. Foley ran out afterwards to brawl with the pair of them to end the show


Smackdown – Um big Heap Of Stuff

Big Show World Tour Challenge. Big Show pinned Sonjay Dutt in a surprisingly competitive match. Russo (Teddy Long had the night off) came out and said he found the whole thing to be bullshit, and next week, Show would defend the WWE Title against “Mr. America”. Russo wouldn’t say who that was though, because “Surprises = Ratings”

After a commercial, Big Show had left, but Russo stuck around, and he went to the ring, and said he was intent on not only delivering ratings for the show, but also the best talent, and introduced……….Shane Helms. Helms came out looking completely different from his Hurricane persona. He defeated Nunzio in a quick squash with the “Nightmare On Helms’ Street”, a newer, faster impact version of the Eye Of The Hurricane. Afterwards, he teased the Vertebreaker, and even put Nunzio in position for it, but elected to ram him backwards into the turnbuckle.

Booker T and Eddie G were surprisingly dropped by The Bashams when Kenzo Suzuki ran in and stabbed Booker in the eye with one of Hiroko’s hair thingy’s. He had come from the crowd, and one of the security guards assigned to stop him, turned out to be Rene Dupree in disguise, and he dropped Eddie with the Arc de Triomphe. Tazz and Cole surmised that the issue between the Network and Los Quatros Hombres wasn’t really settled at No Way Out.

THA BIG ANGLE. John Cena came out and said he was volunteering to defend the United States title on Smackdown, against an opponent of his choice. “A Real American”. Cena called out Samoa Joe. Joe came out warily, but Cena wasn’t acting heelishly and held the ropes open for him and everything. Cena marveled at the guy who “iced” Kurt Angle, and sent him packing from the WWE. He was so impressed, in fact, that he’d like to thank Joe, on behalf of the We Hate Kurt Angle fan club, to offer him a United States title shot. Joe was impressed, thanked Cena, and asked him was he sure he’d be up for it, so soon after killing Johnny Devine. Before Cena could answer, the lights went off, and when they came back on, AMERICA’S MOST WANTED, Chris Harris and James Storm were standing in the ring. They punked out Joe and Cena, really doing a number on them. After they had dropped Cena with the Death Sentence, Dawn Marie and Luther came out. Addressing the prone Cena and Joe, she said that they got what they deserved. “The Office”, and in particular, “The Boss” (a reference to Dave O’Neill) were pissed off, she said. Joe had run Kurt Angle, one of the World’s greatest wrestler, out of the WWE, Cena was trying to be a rapper first and a wrestler second (“and you suck at both”). The Office, she said, were gonna stick around and make sure the company got back on track, because when the Office is pissed, everybody suffers. She introduced Kris Harris and JJ Storm (just to be a bit different) as her “Trust Company”, the right hand men of “The Boss”. And if anyone tries to get through her, to get to the Boss, Luther will be standing in their way. Al Snow, Danny Puder, Charlie Haas and Hardcore Bob came out, and Al Said they’d get in her way.

“The Office” started a man short, but midway through the match, Kidman walked out, said something to Dawn Marie, and got up on the apron beside Luther.

Kris Harris, JJ Storm, Kidman and Luther Reigns def. Al Snow, Danny Puder, Charlie Haas and Hardcore Holly when Harris swung the heel on Dawn’s shoe into Holly’s throat and super kicked him in the throat.

Raven came out and referenced the previous angle, saying he knew two guys who were loyal to him, calling out the Dudley’s. When they came out, Bubba grabbed Raven by the throat and said they were never loyal to him. They beat the crap out of him and 3D’D him.

It was at this point that Michael Cole stood up on the announce desk and asked “what the hell is going on here?”

AJ Styles and Paul London defeated Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam to win the WWE tag team titles. As expected, the announcers spent the whole time wondering how the hell Styles and London were supposed to co exist knowing they’d take each other on at Wrestlemania. The finish gave an indication of things to come. London had RVD down for the London Calling, but, when he got to the top rope, elected to dive out onto Rey Rey. Van Dam got up, and Styles nailed him with a title belt and pinned him. London, while happy, was pissed at Styles for cheating, giving an indication that, at least until Wrestlemania, their tag title reign might not be on the same page. AJ Styles and Paul London, going into Wrestlemania, might not even be reading the same book.

And yeah – Match Quality – 94%

Very cool. I like The Office, reminds of The Network from ECW kinda. Daniels' debut was also very cool. Good work.

2 Frickin weeks of EWR.

But first, some news.
The following people have all been shitcanned. Buff Bagwell and Frankie Kazarian (both fired for indiscretions)
All released: Heidenreich, Tyson Tomko, Garrison Cade, The Diva Search losers, Jackie Gayda, Torrie Wilson, Maven, Mark Henry and Mark Jindrak.

I bought out a load of promotions, but none of them are important to do an invasion angle. And I'm giving money to IWA-MS.

New Japan went through their contract rigamorale, and as per usual, the game fucks up and doesnt grab everybody. So I got a few guys, and most of them are in developmental. The game kept Liger, Minuro Tanaka, Koji Kanemoto and Jamie Knoble though.

Anyway, HERE'S TWO WEEKS OF TELEVISION

This just in – Buff Bagwell picked a fight backstage and was fired. I’m staggered he lasted that long


Raw

Eric Bischoff met Matt Hardy while he was coming into the building. Bischoff told him he didn’t have medical clearance yet. Hardy was pissed off, as you would be. Bisch said there was a guy in his office looking for work, and if Matt wanted, he’d wrestle the match for him, and, if he won, Matt would get Christian when his medical clearance came through, which, co-incidentally, would be Wrestlemania.

CM Punk defeated Rosey, now called Kimo, with the exact finish as last week. The Hurricane ran out and belted him with a chair. Except when “The Hurricane” took off his mask, it was Ace Steel. Guess there’s gonna be a Second City Saints reunion in WWE.

Edge came out for the Debate. Then, a midget Benoit came out, and Edge made a load of deeply unfunny jokes, and as the segment was dying, Benoit jumped from the crowd and smacked him in the back of the head. That’s all he did, but as J.R. pointed out, come Wrestlemania, Edge would have to watch himself, and not get distracted.

A huge big fuss was made at Ringside as two guys kicked two fans out of their seats in the front row and sat down. JR couldn’t identify them, and neither could I (Well, I could, but I’m not gonna, yet)

Christian def. Kanyon by disqualification when Matt Hardy, in full view of the ref, clonked Christian with the ring bell. Kanyon promptly turned on him, which the crowd saw coming a mile off anyway. IT WAS ALL A SET UP. After commercial, Matt was been checked out my medical personal, and Bischoff and Lita were giving him a hard time. Lita said Matt had to call “him” to help them out. Matt said that’s the last thing he’d do. Lita said to call “him” or she’d do it herself.

Yes this is all one huge segment, so keep up. Pat Kenney and Sean Morley, The Fighting Irish, came out for the Tag Team title match. Before Flair and Daniels could come out, Chris Nowinski’s music played, and he came out. Followed by Abyss and Gene Snitsky, who laid them out. Nowinski is now, apparently, the manager of the potential world’s worst tag team. Flair and Daniels came out and pinned the prone Morley. He then put Kenney in the figure four, and that brought Foley out, who punked out Flair. Daniels got in his face, and said he didn’t get it. Flair hated him because of the past, but He hated him because he was the past, and Daniels in the NOW. While this was going on, Flair was trying to sneak up on Foley, but Foley was wise to that and left the ring.

The Big Contract Signing went off rather peacefully, except when, while Benoit was signing the contract, Edge leant over and smacked him in the head, just to get him back.

House of Pain. This was a six man, with random, staggered entrances. Jericho and Conway started, and after a minute, Baroni ran in and nearly KO’D Jericho. Batista came in and Shelton entered early to help out Jericho, but the numbers game went against them until Orton came out to SAVE THE DAY. He RKO’D Batista and Baroni, but Conway threw powder at him, and rolled him up. Another six man next week, but Evolution pick the stips.


Smackdown

Trust Company def. Al Snow and Hardcore Bob. Dawn Marie was on commentary and yammered about the “Boss” making changes, because the GM was too busy fighting Vince Russo. That would become important later on. The match was a squash, and Harris pinned Holly after the Death Sentence, which is now called the Hostile Takeover.

Raven was in…wherever the hell he hangs out, the Boiler room or something, and he started to blather about the Dudley’s but they were hiding there aswell, and they beat him up. Phooey for Raven.

Teddy Long and Russo had a spat. It turns out Teddy wasn’t sick last week, SOMEBODY cancelled his plane tickets on him. Russo was shocked and appalled, and challenged Long to a match. No really, Long instead put the network and his “loyals” in a battle royal. And that Russo better find a replacement for himself. Russo walked out of the office and asked Charlie Haas. He told him to piss off.

Samoa Joe killed Kidman with a Samoan Chokehold in a short, sharp match. Pair worked well together, as Joe saw right through Kidman’s smugness. JJ Storm ran out afterwards and choked out Joe with ether, or something, and Kidman tried to kill him with a SSP.

Russo asked Orlando Jordan to take his place in the Battle Royal. Orlando was distracted on his cell phone trying to contact JBL, who was not in the building and hadn’t been seen.

Josh Matthews TRIED to interview Shane Helms. I say tried, because Helms is now this cocky asshole who wants everyone to live in “Shane’s World”. “The Incredible” Jack Jack Evans, for example, lives in “Shane’s World”. And now only ever says his own name. And then, in one of those bits you never forget, SPANKY walked into the shot holding a Giant sign saying “POOP”. And then helms gave Matthews a wedgie. Words don’t do this justice.

“Crazy Max USA”: Helms, Jack Jack and Spanky def: Funaki, Shannon Moore and Scotty Taylor when Helms, who was holding a giant stopwatch to try and prove he could beat them in under “7 minutes 13 seconds”. He couldn’t, so he conked Taylor in the back of the head with the stopwatch, and gave him the Nightmare on Helms’ Street.

Spike Dudley wanted 1000 dollars from Russo to do the Battle Royal. Russo gave it to him.

Luther Reigns def. John Cena to win the United States Championship when Kris Harris punked out Cena with a bull rope. Then Joe ran in, followed by JJ Storm, and they all fought.

The Bashams def. Styles and London by DQ. Styles was caught in full view of the ref of conking Doug with the title belt. Styles and London had another spat afterwards.

I accidentaly skipped over the Battle Royal. But Booker won. And Carlito is now a member of the Network (because I shitcanned Heidenreich)

The Big Show def. “Mr. America” by count out. Big Show got real suspicious early on, and, sure enough, unmasked Mr. America to reveal: JBL. JBL left the ring and got counted out, and came back with Orlando and they tried to beat up Big Show


Raw

Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho and Randy Orton defeated Evolution in a Caged Heat match. A six man tornado rules. In a cage. And they only way to win was to handcuff all three other men on the other team, to the cage. Finish was STUPID. As Shelton handcuffed Batista to the cage, only for him to BREAK the handcuffs and nail Benjamin with the Demonic Bomb, except Bischoff was pretty pissed off at the rules being broken. In fact, in the past few weeks, anytime any of those six have been in the ring together, there’s been an infraction, a run-in, a disqualification, somebody breaking the rules. Not so at Wrestlemania. The first ever WWE Sin Bin Match. Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin and Randy Orton versus Batista., Phil Baroni and Rob Conway. If someone so much as lets go of the tag rope for five seconds, they go into the Sin Bin for 2 minutes, and their partners have to duke it out without them.

CM Punk introduced The Advocate, Ace Steel. He’s a believer.

Ace Steel defeated Kimo. He cheated, of course, but that’s par for the course these days.

Chris Benoit def. Christopher Nowinski. With a Edgecution Implant DDT. Our Mr. Copeland was not impressed.

The well dressed gentlemen arrived at ringside again. They had tickets this time. ~COACH~, having done his detective work, was able to identify the dark haired one as Ricky Banderas, who’s a star in Puerto Rico.

Kanyon defeated Eugene. Matt Hardy tried to interfere, again, but Bischoff sicced the cops on him for going past the entrance ramp when he’s injured. Matt then asked Bisch could he use his phone, and he called “Jeff” who’d be there next week.

Edge def. William Regal. With a Crippler Crossface. Benoit snarkily gave him a round of applause from the commentary desk.

Chris Daniels and Ric Flair def. The Fighting Irish in a proper match this time. And then Foley came out and said he knew another guy who didn’t like Flair, and he wanted to team with Foley, at Wrestlemania, for the tag team titles, against Daniels and Flair. Do you smell what the Sock is cooking? As if you couldn’t guess………….




Smackdown. (from Maine, for reasons which will become obvious)

Trust Company def. John Cena in a Maine Event Brawl (geddit?). Basic Hardcore rules. Harris put Cena through a table with the Live from the 504, and then nutted Joe in the throat with a broken off piece of table, and super kicked him. Popular finish for him. They fought through the crowd afterwards.

Commercial. They’re still fighting

Teddy Long’s office. Long is explaining the “House of fun match” at Wrestlemania. Eddy, Booker, Rey Rey and RVD and X vs. Monty Brown, Carlito, Kenzo, Rene Dupree and….X. It’s a Hell in a Cell cage, without a roof, with staggered, Wargames entrances, but it’s a regular 5 on 5 tag match, with Lucha rules where if one guy gets knocked outside, he can be replaced. What an extraordinary waste of talent. Both Russo and Long want Haas to be their MR. X. Haas took all of ten seconds to side with Long. Which means Russo has to find a guy, or he’ll be in the match himself. Haas left and JBL came in, and apologized for last week’s stunt, but he REALLY, REALLY wants to be WWE Champion again. Long says he can have the WWE title shot at Wrestlemania. If Orlando Jordan beats Big Show tonight. With JBL watching from Long’s skybox. And the Basham’s escorted from the building. They did a funny bit throughout the show where JBL, after each segment, would turn around to Long and poke holes in it.

Trust Company. John Cena. Samoa Joe. Still fighting

The Dudley Boys came out. Bubba started blathering about “the past” and ECW and all that shite. They stayed until it was no longer financially viable for them to stay. Raven left at the first opportunity. Raven knows shit about loyalty. BLAH BLAH BLAH until Raven, wearing an ECW shirt appeared, and sprayed a fire extinguisher at them. When The Dudley’s regrouped, Tommy Dreamer and Stevie Richards jumped out of the crowd to back Raven up.

Styles and London did an interview together and spent the whole time making snide remarks about each other. Basically, Styles wants to win, and London is a pussy who can’t take the easy way when it’s presented to him. Or, Styles is defying his own moral code to get a win whenever he can, instead of letting his ring work do the talking. Oh and Styles will kill London at Wrestlemania. Or vice versa.


Cena and Joe and Harris and Storm fought all the way back to the ring, and the latter get put through tables.. Ya. Next week: Best of three tables.

AJ Styles defeated Matt Cappotelli. London came down afterwards and smacked Styles around. Something about taking any opportunity.

Haas beat Carlito.

A video played: The Dragon System Is Coming To Smackdown.




Danielson. Coming Soon

Orlando Jordan defeated Big Show, when Shinsuke Nakamura, I guess the first of the New Japan refugees, spewed Black mist at Big Show and Jordan pinned him. JBL was over the moon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tentative Card for Wrestlemania. More To Come

World Championship
-Chris Benoit vs. Edge

WWE Championship
-The Big Show vs. JBL

House Of Fun
-Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, Rob Van Dam and Charlie Haas vs. Monty Brown, Carlito Caribbean Cool, Rene Dupree, Kenzo Suzuki and TBA.

Matt Hardy return match against unconfirmed opponent

World Tag Team Championship
-Chris Daniels and Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley and The Rock

WWE Cruiserweight Title
-AJ Styles vs. Paul London

“ECW Rules”
-Raven, Tommy Dreamer and Stevie Richards vs. The Dudley Boys

Sin Bin Match
- Evolution vs. Randy Orton, Chris Jericho and Shelton Benjamin

Lets assume Cena/Joe vs. Trust Company

I must say..... way to trim off a lot of dead weight on your roster in one big massacre.

Cool shows. Who the hell is this Baroni fellow?

The New York Knockout Phil Baroni is a UFC guy, and a complete asshole, and watching him, you get the feeling he'd make the jump to Pro Wrestling easy.


Anyway, he knocked out a guy in 18 seconds, and I basically fell in love with him

Second third and fourth pictures

If nothing else, he looks the part, and his stats were ok, so I picked him up

HUGE ASS UPDATE - TWO WEEKS WORTH OF TELEVISION, UP TO WRESTLEMANIA, WITH SOME MAJOR NEWS ASWELL- FEEDBACK REALLY APRECIATED



Raw.

Much of the show revolved around the debut of Josh Barnett. The show opened with scenes from Saturday’s Press Conference when they announced his hiring. Nothing much of note, but it was different at least.

Evolution arrive. And are kicked out again, because Bischoff doesn’t want them getting into it with the Three Amigos, especially when they’re not booked for tonight. This was a weird segment, but added to the whole “booked on the fly” theme that was running through the show.

Foley came out, ostensibly to yak about Flair, The Rock and Daniels, but plugged his book, and then the two creepy guys arrived. JR. identified them as Ricardo Banderas and Marco “Shane” Alexander, from the IWA-PR company. Banderas wanted to know if Foley had enjoyed himself in Puerto Rico, for New Years’ Revolution.

(I know I didn’t run NYR, so in this, NYR was just a Raw Taping)

Foley said he had, and said that Puerto Rico was a lovely place. Banderas said it wasn’t lovely. The WWE he said, stayed in the best hotels, visited the most exclusive shops, ate the best food, while most of Puerto Rico lies in poverty. Foley wanted to what they wanted him to do about it. Alexander said “Pay”. And they kicked the crap out of him, like, really. Rhyno and Tajiri came out and brawled with the Puerto Ricans, and a ref came down and started a match

“The Puerto Rican Yakuza” Ricardo Banderas and Marco Shane Alexander def. Rhyno and Tajiri when Banderas pinned Tajiri. Banderas had Tajiri in a wheelbarrow position, and Alexander came off the top rope with a Fameasser.

CM Punk and Ace Steel def. The Fighting Irish.

They aired part one of a special interview between Josh Barnett and JR. Stuff about his MMA Background.

The “Three Amigos” were up in a skybox. Pointless segment.

Jeff Hardy made his big return to save Matt from getting his head kicked in at the hands of Kanyon and Christian.

Lita def. Trish, Molly and Victoria in a four way to retain the Women’s Title.

Daniels and Flair def. Benoit and Edge to retain the tag team titles. Usual wacky partners who can’t stand each other nonsense. Benoit ran into a chair that Edge was holding and Daniels pinned him. Benoit and Edge were about to go at it, and then Bischoff came out and announced that Josh Barnett would be the special guest referee at Wrestlemania.



Smackdown
Cole and Tazz, sitting in front of a blank background announced that, on Tuesday, when the Smackdown show was being taped, in a tag team match, The Big Show broke his leg mid match, and would be out for 7-8 months. Furthermore, Show had immediately vacated the WWE Championship, and tonight’s live show would be a one night tournament for the WWE Title. They also announced that, since this had to be put together quickly, not all of your favourite Smackdown stars would be there

Tournament Brackets
a. Rob Van Dam vs. Shinsuke Nakamura.
b. Booker T. vs. WWE United States Champion Luther Reigns
c. John Cena vs. Shane Helms
d. Raven vs. No.1 Contender John Bradshaw Layfield

Live from Montreal, Canada.

Shinsuke Nakamura stunned Rob Van Dam. RVD controlled large portions of the match, and went up for the Frog Splash, and as he was coming down, Nakamura caught him with the cross-armbreaker, and RVD tapped out. Crowd was in shock.

Raven def. JBL. They made no mention of JBL’s match at Wrestlemania, or even if there’s gonna be one. Raven won clean with the DDT.

Booker def. Luther Reigns.

Shane Helms def. John Cena. More weird booking. Spanky came out carrying a huge sign that said “BOOBIES” and Jack Jack waves a Tourymon-esque flag with Helms’ name on it. Both were kicked out early. Helms reversed the FU into a Nightmare on Helms’ Street but left the ring immediately after pinning him. Cena looked distraught about Big Show.

Rene Dupree came out and said some naughty things about Montreal. Montreal native Jacques Rougeau came out and had a spat with Dupree. A ref came out and started a match. Rougeau won on a Dusty finish when Kenzo came out and splattered Rougeau. Dupree and Kenzo double teamed him, but he fought back and threw them out of the ring, and waved a Montreal Flag to make the crowd happy.

AJ Styles def. Nunzio in a non title cruiserweight exhibition. Match Quality 100% btw.

Booker T def. Shinsuke Nakamura cleanly. Danny Basham came out with Nakamura but didn’t interfere.

Shane Helms def. Raven by disqualification. In a nice spot for Big Show, Helms’ did a Hurri-ChokeSlam mid match, and Raven sold it like death. He bonked Helms with a chair and got disqualified.

Samoa Joe def. JJ Storm in a tables match. Harris was on commentary and said he was supposed to be taking on Cena in a tables match aswell, but….things happen. Not in character at all. Storm got STO’D from the second rope, through a table for the win.

Shane Helms def. Booker T to become the WWE Champion. Spanky hit Booker with his big sign, and Helms’ followed up with an X-Plex for the win. Cole pointed out Helms basically cheated his way to the title, so that’s what’s probably gonna happen for Wrestlemania.

Plus – Bonus – PRIME TIME VELOCITME!!!.

Much of the show revolved around deciding who would take on Helms, at Wrestlemania

Helms def. Matt Cappotelli. In less than five minutes. And then balloons and streamers and firecrackers, all that glitzy shit went off, because Shane MUTHAFUGGING Helms is the WWE Champion. Spanky’s sign said “Naughty Naughty”

Booker T was on the phone with Teddy Long, who was in the hospital with Big Show. Booker tried to explain about being cheated in the title match and all that, and Teddy agreed, and made the match: Booker T vs. Shane Helms for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania.

The Cabinet come to the ring, and JBL waffles on about being screwed and all that, but that’s not important, because here’s the new Secretary for Foreign Development: Shinsuke Nakamura. Wee-Haha. In addition, Dan The Man Basham acts as his interpreter.

Shinsuke Nakamura def. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Samoa Joe was backstage, and Trust Company burst in to his locker room and beat seven shades of shit out of him. Harris screamed “Where’s Cena Now, punk!!!!!!!”

JBL met Russo backstage. I thought these two hated each other. They walked and talked, as per The West Wing. JBL was concerned about his Number One contendership, and stated that his lawyers at Doey, Screwum and Howe could explain very easily that he was still Number One contender to the WWE Title, and he was entitled to a match, against Shane Helms, at Wrestlemania. Russo gave it to him to shut him up.

Monty Brown def. Jacque Rougeau with the POUNCE!!!!!. Eddie Guerrero attacked Monty afterward, and the announcers teased that Rougeau could take Booker’s place on Team Los Locos at Wrestlemania.

Cena was backstage. He doesn’t give a shit about Russo, Teddy, Booker or JBL – he’s taking on Helms at Wrestlemania. And that’s final.

“The Untouchables”, AJ Styles and Paul London def. “The Incredible” Jack Jack Evans and “Tha Gangsta Wanksta Spanksta’ Brian K” Spanky’s sign said “SPERM!” London pinned Evans cleanly after a London Calling 450, and was all “That’s how we do that beyotch” to Styles, of course completely missing Spanky waffling him in the head with the sign, and Evans came off the top with the Incredi-Sault. Styles didn’t exactly bust a nut trying to help London.

Raven was backstage yammering about The Dudley’s and ECW and all that. Open challenge for Wrestlemania; Team Raven vs. Team Dudley, ECW Rules, all you have to do, is pick a side. And be ex-ECW.

Teddy and Booker came to the ring, followed by JBL and Russo, followed by Cena and his own damnself. Then, Helms came out. On a horse. Then they all got in the ring and had a fight, and then Dave O’Neill came out and made it Helms vs. Booker vs. Cena vs. JBL at Wrestlemania.


HARDSELL HEAT!!!!!!!!

Running Skit dujour: Edge and Chris Benoit are handcuffed to each other for the entire show, in Bischoff’s office, and Josh Barnett watching them. Coach reveals that they’re on $100000 each, NOT to have an “altercation” before Wrestlemania. So, of course, he spends half the night egging them on.

Andriy Dante video. The Russian Revolution is here.

Andriy Dante def. Stevie Richards in a surprisingly decent little match. Dante finished Richards with the Russian Revolution, a kind of Bossman Slam.

Edge and Benoit nearly get into it, but Bischoff and Barnett pull them apart

FINALLY!!!!!! THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In a limo.

Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho and Randy Orton def. Chris Nowinski and “Harvard’s Basement”, Gene Snitsky and Abyss when Benjamin Stinger Splashed Snitsky and Orton RKO’D him. The announcers started pushing Jericho and Orton as a tag team, so who knows. Evolution were seen watching backstage.

Jeff Hardy def. Kanyon by. DQ when Christian ran in and they beat him up. Then Matt Hardy ran down to the ring but security stopped him, so Lita ran in, and Trish jumped in the ring, and they all fought.

Evolution def. The Fighting Irish and Kimo when Batista killed Pat Kenney with a spinebuster. Benjamin, Jericho and Orton were at the announce desk.

Chris Daniels and Ric Flair def. Rhyno and Tajiri when Daniels hit the BEST. MOONSAULT. EVER. On Tajiri, who was in the Figure four. Then Foley ran down and they fought, and the Rock came down, and Flair hit Rock Bottom.

Edge and Benoit got so sick of Coach’s taunting, they beat him up. Except for that errant punch from Edge which landed on Benoit’s jaw.



Last Raw Before Wrestlemania:

Bischoff had Matt Hardy come to his office. Bisch had a COURT ORDER saying Hardy couldn’t wrestle until Wrestlemania, because at three house shows he’s attacked Christian, and the State Athletic Commissions have fined Bisch for letting an injured guy work. So Matt’s screwed. Bischoff had the Police remove Matt from the building.

Benoit arrived in Bisch’s office, with a thing around his fingers. After a show a few nights ago, SOMEBODY attacked him in the Parking lot, and tried to break his hand. SOMEBODY.

Josh “Toughest Guy In America” Barnett CRUSHED Gene Snitsky. Despite Snitsky being big and tall, Barnett smacked him around. And then Abyss ran out, and Barnett smacked him about, and put Snitsky in a Rings of Saturn type move for the tap out. Josh Barnett: Bad Ass.

Edge arrived in Bischoff’s office…on crutches. Bisch nearly had a heart attack, but Edge told him it was alright, all he had to do was rest his ankle. SOMEBODY attacked him after a show a few nights back.

Chris Jericho and Randy Orton, now apparently a tag team (not like there’s anything else for them to do) came down to the ring for a match. And then the lights went off and Batista’s music played. And when the lights came up, Orton and Jericho looked like they’d been Blood bathed.

Chris Jericho and Randy Orton vs. Christopher Daniels and Ric Flair went to a No Contest. Jericho and Orton worked the match still covered in “blood”. Evolution were seen backstage laughing hysterically.
Anyway, THE ROCK and Foley ran down the ring and punked out Daniels, and Evolution ran down to the ring, and the ref gave up. Evolution and Jericho and Orton fought to the back, and Daniels/Flair and Rock ‘N’ Sock went at it in the ring. Foley thought he had Flair taken care of, and Rock went for Rock Bottom on Daniels, and Daniels reversed it into an STO in mid air and stood over Rock doing the Fallen Angle pose. Unbelievable Heat for the match and post-match shenanigans.

Lita and Jeff Hardy def. Trish Stratus, Christian and Kanyon when Matt Hardy, disguised as security, punked out Kanyon, and Lita moonsaulted Trish. Bischoff was seen in the back, banging his head off the wall, muttering about his authority being eroded. Coach came in with a thing for Bisch to sign. It was a manager’s license. Bischoff wanted to know why Coach wanted to be a manager. Coach cited being punked out by Benoit and Edge. Coach was sick and tired of being pushed about by everybody, and had found somebody to manage, who’d punk out anybody who got in Coach’s face. He then introduced Masahiro Chono.

Chono squashed Tajiri. Coach was on commentary and talked up Chono as a former IWGP Champion and GI winner, and World Heavyweight Champion, and WCW Tag Team Champion. Chono flattened Tajiri with the Yakuza Kick for the win. Coach said, regardless of Wrestlemania, things in the WWE were never going to be the same, and the camera cut back to the locker room watching Chono flatten Tajiri, and Benoit and Edge in particular looking on, knowing that once Wrestlemania is over, there will be no rest, regardless of who is Champion.



NO WAIT!, Because Josh Barnett got injured in the match against Snitsky, and is gone for 2 months. WELL FUCK, there’s my post Wrestlemania program gone. New Guest Referee, as announced on WWE.com, former IWGP Champion, Masahiro Chono.

And Kane is going at the end of the month. His morale is sinking because I’m not doing anything with him. This is because I can’t THINK of anything to do for him, and I don’t particularly want to do anything with him. Victoria and Molly will also probably go because I’ve very little interest in the Women’s division. All three will be replaced with Developmental call ups, or TNA/ROH steals.

Smackdown: Gimmick Central Night.

It was announced that Big Show had decide to retire because his injuries mean he will never be able to wrestle 100% ever again.

JBL and the Cabinet. Blah, Blah, Shane Helms this, Shane Helms that, blah, blah. The WWE Title is mine, etc, etc, Oh, and Orlando is fired for being in the ring when Big Show got injured, and therefore JBL doesn’t get the match he was entitled to at Wrestlemania. So the Bashams and ~SHINSUKE~ beat him up, and JBL follows with the Clothesline from HECK.

Trust Company def. Paul London and AJ Styles to win the WWE Tag Team titles. London finally snapped and grabbed one of the tag belts and went to nail Harris, but accidentaly nailed Styles instead, and Harris pinned him. Styles and London went at it after the match, and Styles hit the Styles Clash, and stood over London with the Cruiserweight Title, saying he still had one belt, London had nothing, and was nothing.

Teddy Long was watching the match backstage, and Samoa Joe came into his office, saying he still wanted the Best Of Three Tables Match at Wrestlemania. Despite Cena been taken out of the match. Long pointed this out, but Joe said he’d found a guy already. Long said that was cool, but Joe wanted to know if it was alright that it was a Raw Guy. Long wanted to know who it was, and Joe whispered it to him, and Teddy said it was VERY cool.

They played the Danielson video again.

Because he debuted after the commercial break. The ring had a new, black mat on it for this match, and Cole and Tazz explained that the match would be under “Dragon Rules”: which meant coming off the top rope was a DQ, Tap Outs only, leaving the ring brought a 20 count, and there were no rope-breaks.

American Dragon Bryan Danielson def. Nunzio under “Dragon” Rules. Crowd did not give two shits. I perhaps, should have put more thought into this. Danielson won with the Cattle Mutilation.

Carnival Lucky Dip 5 vs. 5.
Teddy Long came out with three buckets. In one was the names of Team Teddy in the House of Fun Match. In the other, the names of Team Russo. In the other, a load of “Gimmick” matches. Long and Russo picked a guy each, one of them picked the match, and whoever won got a point. The winners, would have first entry in the House of Fun.

Eddy Guerrero def. WWE United States Champion Luther Reigns (Non Title) in a Falls Count Anywhere in Vancouver Match. The match finished backstage, Eddy hit the frog splash off the top off a truck, then shoved Luther’s legs under a car (so he couldn’t kick out) and pinned him.

Rey Mysterio def. Kenzo Suzuki in a British Columbia Brawl match. Basic Texas Death Rules. They each got a pinfall, but also beat the count both times. Rey won after using the guardrail to do a West Coast Popper, and Kenzo bonked his head off the concrete, and he couldn’t beat the count.

Monty Brown def. Rob Van Dam in a “Momma Said Knock You Out” Match. Like the last one, without the pinfalls. Van Dam brought a table in, they brawled, Van Dam tried a Monkey Flip, did his little flip thing, and Monty PPPOOOUUUNNNCCCEEEDDD him through the table. RVD didn’t beat the count.

Carlito Caribbean Cool def. Jacques Rougeau Jr. in a “Survive or Scream” Match. I quit rules. Carlito worked on the leg the whole time, and then Rougeau fought back, only for Carlito to make for the entrance. Rougeau followed him, and Monty Brown, who I guess never left the entrance area, POUNCED HIM, and Carlito slapped on a Half Boston Crab, and Rougeau tapped out. Charlie Haas came out to fight off Brown, and Dupree sneaked up behind him and smacked him across the head with the French Flag and pinned him.

Rene Dupree def. Charlie Haas. I guess.

Team Russo won 3-2.

Raven was handing out flyers in the parking lot for the ECW Invitational.

John Cena and Booker T. def. John Bradshaw Layfield and WWE Champion Shane Helms in a CAGE MATCH. Helms came down to the ring in a Pope mobile driven by Jack Evans. Spanky’s sign said “Gonorrhea”. Typical cage match, except everyone hates each other at the same time, meaning a lot of sarky tagging in and shit. And then Orlando Jordan came out and climbed the cage, , distracting JBL, and Booker rolled him up for the win. AND THEN, Shinsuke Nakamura came out, climbed the cage, slapped the Shining Triangle on Orlando from the top of the cage, and took him down, still in the Triangle -> a powerbomb, splattering Jordan all over the place. While all of this was going on, the four in the cage were fighting. But they stopped what they were doing once they saw what Nakamura did to Jordan. Smackdown, much like Raw, faces an uncertain future, with men from the East coveting the WWE Title….maybe.

Absolutely Final Wrestlemania Card

WWE Championship Fatal Four Way
WWE Champion Shane Helms vs. Booker T vs. John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield.

World Heavyweight Championship
World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit vs. Edge
Special Guest Referee: Masahiro Chono

World Tag Team Championship
World Tag Team Champions Ric Flair and Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels vs. The Rock and Mick Foley.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
WWE Cruiserweight Champion AJ Styles vs. Paul London

House Of Fun Match.
Team Teddy Long: Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio jr., Rob Van Dam , Charlie Haas and Jacques Rougeau Jr vs. Team Russo: Monty Brown, Carlito Caribbean Cool, Rene Dupree, Kenzo Suzuki and WWE United States Champion Luther Reigns.

First Ever WWE Sin Bin Match.
Chris Jericho, Randy Orton and WWE Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin vs. Evolution: Batista, Rob Conway and The New York Knockout, Phil Baroni.

Matt Hardy Return Match
Matt and Jeff Hardy and WWE Women’s Champion Lita vs. Christian, Kanyon and Trish Stratus.

Best Of Three Tables Match
Samoa Joe and Surprise Partner vs. Trust Company: Kris Harris and JJ Storm.

ECW Rules Invitational
Confirmed Entrants; Raven, Bubba Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Spike Dudley, Kimo (Matt E. Smalls), Al Snow, Rhyno, Tajiri, Nunzio and Stevie Richards.

VERY good build for all of the matches. WM sounds like it will be excellent. Good reads.

Thank You Very Very Much. Anything in particular people are digging?

I'm loving the Edge vs. Chris Benoit w/ Chono as ref. I think that match should main event WWE's Wrestlemania

The Benoit/Edge matchup is interesting.

Alright I've done up to the end of March, but I'm gonna have to take a little break, I've exams the week after next and I need to focus, so updates will be maybe once a week after this weekend, for three weeks, I hope no one has a problem with that.

Wrestlemania will be posted up tomorrow, and the last week on television in March(I skipped a week, I know) will be up at the wekend.

WRESTLEMANIA.
Live from wherever the hell they are actually holding it, in LA, California.

Your Hosts are, at various times, Raw’s Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler and Johnathon Coachman, and Smackdown’s Michael Cole and Tazz.

With a Opening Match Bell Time of 1800, PST, The Wrestlemania Day Experience began at 1530 , with a special pre-show for the fans who had been queuing since morning, and had started to take their seats. Various under carders came out, signed autographs and that sort of thing, and World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit, and WWE Champion Shane Helms came out to the set, for a special photo shoot.

There were also the following Matches:

Interpromotional Triangle Tag Match: The Nightmares: Gene Snitsky and Abyss (with The Sinister Minister, their new manager*) vs. The Basham Brothers vs. Hardcore Bob Holly and Orlando Jordan.

*I got rid of Andriy Dante and brought him in, I didn’t think anyone would mind

If Jordan wasn’t injured after Smackdown, he sure as fuck was selling it. Sinister took his guys out of the match early, and Danny pinned Jordan after the Defense Pact.

Smackdown Offer Match: Cruiserweight Showcase: Bryan Danielson, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Scotty Taylor, Matt Cappotelli and Funaki def. Kidman, “The Incredible” Jack Jack Evans, Spanky, Jerelle Clark and Shannon Moore when Cappotelli pinned Clark.

Raw Offer match: Victoria and Stacy Keibler def. Molly Holly and Dawn Marie when Victoria pinned Molly after the Widow’s Peak.


HEAT:

Raw HEAT Match: The Fighting Irish; Sean Morley and Pat Kenney, Eugene, William Regal and Harry Smith def. CM Punk, Ace Steel, the Puerto Rican Yakuza; Ricardo Banderas and Marco Shane Alexander and Christopher Nowinski when Eugene pinned Nowinski after a Big Boot and a Legdrop. Yes, That one.

Smackdown HEAT MATCH: Shinsuke “Will Murder For Food” Nakamura def. Daniel Puder in a very shoot-type match with the Shining Triangle tap out.

Various Hype for various matches.

Chris Benoit and Edge, in their locker rooms.
All four guys in the WWE Title match arriving
Samoa Joe leaving his locker room, giggling.
Yet another coked up Rock Interview.



WRESTLEMANIA: MAIN SHOW.

Opening Match: Matt Hardy Return Match.
The Hardy Boys: Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy, and Lita def. Trish Stratus, Kanyon and Christian when Matt Hardy pinned Christian after a Twist Of Fate-> Swanton Bomb Combo. So, that’s the end of that little storyline.

WWE SIN BIN MATCH
Evolution: Batista, Phil Baroni and Rob Conway def. WWE Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin and Y2O; Randy Orton and Chris Jericho when Batista pinned Shelton Benjamin after a Demonic Bomb from the top rope.

ECW Invitational.
Stevie Richards pinned Bubba Ray Dudley to win, after The Blue Melanie Meaniesaulted Bubba. This was under battle Royal rules and an unmitigated mess. Paul Heyman returned and choked Raven with a belt, leading to Rhyno pinning him.

World Tag Team Titles Match.
Christopher Daniels and Ric Flair def. The Rock and Mick Foley by DQ to retain the World Tag Team Title when Foley whacked Flair with Barbie.

Trust Company came out for the tables match. Joe came out and introduced his partner. He searched the WWE and found the most pissed off person he could.

Best Of Three Tables Match.
Samoa Joe and Kane def. Trust Company; Kris Harris and JJ Storm after Kane choke slammed Harris through three tables, all at the same time, from the top rope, and the ref, maybe fearing for Harris’ life, gave the match to Joe and Kane, despite is supposed to be one after the other. Kane then choke slammed Joe through a table, and got a mic, and screamed about “was this the best they could do?” and he “quit”.

WWE Hall Of Fame Inductions. Read this in three months, and whoever the WWE inducted, that’s who I inducted. Except Hogan, Randy Sewage or Brutus Beefcake or Jim Duggan.

WWE Title Fatal Four Way
John Bradshaw Layfield def. Shane Helms ©, Booker T and John Cena to become WWE Champion. Helms came out in a riot van. Spanky’s sign said “Parental Guidance” . Cena pinned Helms and started celebrating, thinking he’d won, when in fact, it was elimination rules, and JBL rolled him up for the pin. JBL pinned Booker clean to win the title.

House of Fun Match.
Team Teddy Long: Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio Jr., Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas and Jacques Rougeau Jr. def. Team Vince Russo: Luther Reigns, Carlito Caribbean Cool, Monty Brown, Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree when Eddie pinned Kenzo after stereo Frog Splashes from the top of the cage from Eddie and Rob Van Dam

World Heavyweight Title
Special Guest Referee: Masahiro Chono
Chris Benoit def. Edge to retain World Heavyweight Title. Benoit won “clean” with the crossface. Chono gave Edge a two count on a spear, and edge got into it with Chono, and he hit him with a Yakuza kick, and Benoit slapped on the Crossface, and Edge gave up. Benoit looked disgusted after the match, and Edge was furious.




Oh yeah


And finally

MAIN EVENT
WWE Cruiserweight Title.
Paul London def. AJ Styles to become WWE Cruiserweight Title. In one of those classy bits, all the cruisers came out onto the ramp to watch. London won clean after the Tower Of London Flip Piledriver, only the second time he’s done it, and the face cruisers put him up on their shoulders, and when Styles came to, he shook London’s hand, and put him on his shoulders, and all pyro and all that shit went off to end the show. Match Quality 99%

Raw and Smackdown will both be filler shows (Wrestlemania Recap/Best offs) because I need a fucking break after writing all that shit.

But I did fire Monty Brown for checking into a hospital for drug addiction.

Raw – The Road After Wrestlemania

Bischoff came out and made a surprising announcement. Tonight would be his last night as General Manager. Dave O’Neill had offered him a full time gig in Titan Towers, working to improve the WWE, and to help run the business end to the company. This, however meant, he couldn’t commit to a full time road schedule, and so, he was resigning, as of Midnight tonight.

Before he could say anymore, Edge came out, looking FURIOUS. He was screwed, AGAIN at Wrestlemania. Yeah, he knew he shouldn’t have put his hands on the referee, but dammit, the referee sure as hell shouldn’t have put his hands on him, least of all, a yakuza kick. Bischoff said he understood. More than Edge could guess, actually, because he’s spent the day with Chris Benoit, who was furious that he had won in such a tainted way last night. So, Bischoff made the match, Chris Benoit, vs. Edge, vs. Masahiro Chono, for the World Heavyweight Title, tonight, in San Diego.

Backstage, Chris Daniels arrived in Evolution’s locker room, sat down peacefully, and started to get ready for his match. The camera panned back and Batista was staring at him. Daniels wanted to know what was up. Batista wanted to know since when was it alright for Daniels to sit in Evolution’s locker room. Daniels said that he went where Flair went, and besides, no one asked Daniels did he want an Intercontinental title shot that night, it just so happened somebody felt he deserved one, after, oh, I don’t know, BEATING THE ROCK last night. Batista said he deserved the shot more because he pinned Shelton Benjamin last night. Daniels asked Batista to drop out of the match. Batista asked Daniels to drop out of the match. They started getting into it, and Flair and Conway pulled them apart. Batista told Daniels that next week, he’d have to find a new locker room. Daniels said that was fine, he’d need the space for the Intercontinental title.

Shelton Benjamin def. Batista and Christopher Daniels in an elimination three way to retain the WWE Intercontinental Title. Finish saw Rob Conway run down to the ring with a chair, and jump up onto the apron, only for Batista to “accidentaly” grab Daniels and Irish whip him into it. Benjamin hit the Exploider and pinned him. When Daniels was out of the ring, Batista stood at the ropes laughing at him, and Benjamin rolled him up for the win. Daniels started laughing at Batista, and Baroni and Conway had to separate them.

CM Punk was watching all this backstage, and he gave a waffling and patronizing sermon to Ace Steel about the power of sticking together.

The Puerto Rican Yakuza def. The Hardy Boys in an upset.

Rhyno won the Eric Bischoff Invitational Battle Royal, eliminating Abyss to win.

Y2O; Chris Jericho and Randy Orton def. Christian and Kanyon in a decent little match. Jericho and Orton have started to work on double team moves and the such. Orton planted Kanyon in the middle of the ring, and Jericho followed up with the Lionsault for the win.

Phil Baroni def. Harry Smith. Baroni got on the mic afterwards and said Barnett wasn’t injured, he was ducking the deal toughest guy in the WWE: Phil Baroni.

Chris Benoit def. Masahiro Chono and Edge in a triple threat to retain the World Heavyweight Championship. Because this was first pinfall rules, Edge and Chono spent most of their time screwing with each other, and Benoit just sold everything like nuts. Chono Yakuza kicked Edge out of the ring, but Benoit caught him in the crossface for the tap out. Edge went BESERK and hit them and the ref with chairshot, and the Bischoff came out and told him to calm the fuck down, and next week, he could take it up with Raw’s new General Manager………RIC FLAIR!




SMACKDOWN.

WEEEEEE HAAAAA Baby!!!!!! JBL is the WWE Champion once again. He comes out in a GOLD LIMO and all pyro and streamers and everything all goes off. He gets into the ring and starts to speak, but gets “emotional”, so Shinsuke Nakamura grabs the mic and spouts off a load of Japanese, and then Danny Basham tells him that Nakamura was speaking to the emperor of Japan, who said that the entire nation of Japan was happy that JBL was WWE Champion again. Of course, that just sets off JBL again. John Cena comes out to ruin the love in, he raps down to ring, making his deeply unfunny gay jokes and what not, and fights off the Bashams in the aisle, but gets stopped by Nakamura. Teddy Long comes out and makes Cena vs. JBL for the WWE Title tonight.

Eddie Guerrero, Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio def. Nakamura and The Bashams when Eddie pinned Doug Basham after Orlando Jordan came out and nailed him with the Orlando Magic. Jordan wanted to celebrate with Eddie et al, but they told him to piss off.

Hardcore Bob Holly came out for his match with Shane Helms. But FIRST, Spanky and The Incredible Jack Jack Evans came out and threatened Holly, and Spanky challenged him first. When Holly said Spanky was too short, Jack jack gave Spanky a bag and put this medical screen thing around him, and Spanky reemerged wearing one of those foam muscle suits and HULK HANDS, and went “Well, How do you like me now?” Holly laughed at him, and started to walk off, and Evans threw the screen at him, and stomped away at Holly, and then Helms came down

Shane Helms def. Hardcore Bob Holly.

Paul London def. Spike Dudley to retain the WWE Cruiserweight Title.

Luther Reigns def. Booker T to retain the WWE United States title. Booker looked seriously pissed off after the match.

Orlando Jordan was sitting backstage…on his own…because no one trusts him because he used to work for JBL. Charlie Haas came up to him, and said no one really liked him either because he publicly dumped his fiancé. Furthermore, they wouldn’t have to worry about what other people thought of them, if they became a tag team……Orlando was impressed at his pitch, and they walked off together.

Bryan Danielson def. Chavo Guerrero by Submission under “Dragon Rules”. Crowd still doesn’t care. Crazy Max USA jumped out of the crowd afterwards, and threw a bucket of water over Danielson. Just because.

AJ Styles was standing at the catering stand, when Shinsuke Nakamura came up to him, laughing.. Styles wanted to know what was so funny. Danny Basham said it was because Nakamura thought it was funny that Styles was here after losing the biggest match of his career at Wrestlemania. Styles said that he lost to an honorable opponent with a move he couldn’t kick out of, and it was a pleasure to work Wrestlemania, which neither of them two did. Styles started laughing, so Nakamura threw a coffee in his face and slapped on the Shining Triangle, and the usual gang of idiots had to pull him off.

John Bradshaw Layfield def. John Cena to retain the WWE Title when RON THE TRUTH KILLINGS attacked Cena.

Raw. Chris Daniels is not a happy bunny edition, (April 5, 2005, btw, since someone asked)

Naitch-WHOOOOOOOOO- General Manager- WHOOOOOOOOO comes down to the ring, with Chris Daniels. Flair said that over the next few weeks, we’re gonna see tons of changes to Raw, and the first was to the Tag team titles. Daniels pricked up on hearing this. Flair apologized, but stripped him and Daniels of the tag team title, because he couldn’t do both. Daniels was…well, fairly livid, but, Flair made it up to him, him and a partner would have first crack at the belts, in the Tag Team Tournament starting tonight, with the finals at Backlash. Daniels wanted to know who his partner was. Flair said Batista. That didn’t sit well with Daniels either, out came Big Dave to object to being Daniels’ partner. Flair told them to stop acting like children, and win the belts back for Evolution.

Before Flair could say anymore, Edge came out, pissed off as usual. HE WAS SCREWED LAST WEEK.. Flair told him he wouldn’t stand for crybabies on Raw, because he used to wrestle in one hour matches, just for the hell of it, Edge only wants the World Heavyweight Title as a status symbol. Edge said the belt meant more to him than life itself. Flair called bullshit on that because he’s never been champion. Flair said if he wanted a World Heavyweight Title shot, he’d have to earn it. Backlash: Edge vs. Masahiro Chono. The winner would meet Chris Benoit later on that night, for the World Heavyweight Title.

Main event tonight: Benoit and Partner of his choice vs. Edge and Partner vs. Chono and Partner.

Tag team tournament: Batista and Chris Daniels def. Eugene and William Regal. They played up the whole “Wacky tag partners who hate each other” shtick, and then Daniels hit the Angel’s Wings on Regal, and Batista pulled him off and pinned him himself. And then celebrated when Daniels fumed.

Benoit picked Harry Smith as his partner. Because he’s Canadian, and from Stampede, and stuff. Plus, we’re trying to get the guy over.

Flair was in his office when DISCO INFERNO walked in. Flair sighed, and wanted to throw Disco out, but he was desperate for a job. So Flair stuck him against Benoit next week.

Kimo came out for a tournament match, without a partner. Christian and Kanyon really worked him over, until Sonny Siaki jumped out of the crowd and planted Christian. C/K advanced because they were signed to the tournament, or something along those lines.

Phil Baroni, Rob Conway and Trish def. Stacy and Shelton Benjamin and Stevie Richards in a six-person. Conway insinuate he wanted the IC title after wards. Baroni went off on Josh Barnett again

Coach came out to intro Chono’s partner, his newest prodigy, who will learn everything from the combined knowledge of Chono and himself: The Modern Miracle, Matt Morgan.

Benoit and Harry Smith def. Chono and Matt Morgan and Edge and CM Punk when Benoit pinned Morgan.


Smackdown
Paul London def. Spanky to retain the WWE Cruiserweight Title. Nothing remarkable about the match, except for ELIX SKIPPER walking out during the match, in a suit, holding a clipboard and making notes. He went away after a while, and London won clean with the London Calling.

Cena walked into his locker room to find “Krush” Killings waiting for him. Basically, Krush, he’s a righteous man. And John Cean, most certainly, is not a righteous man. And he thinks he’s entitled to a WWE Title shot? Hell will freeze over before John Cena gets another title shot, while he baheves the way he does. Krush is gonna cleanse the WWE, starting with John Cena. Cena threw his chain at him, and they started brawling.

No.1 Contender Knockout: Elimination- Eddie Guerrero def. AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura to meet winner of Reigns/Holly/Helms for No.1 Contendership. Eddie simply let Nakamura and Styles beat seven shades of shit out of each other, Nakamura pulled Styles’ tights, and an enraged Styles hit the Clash, and Eddie pinned the prone Nakamura.

JBL def. Orlando Jordan to end that little issue, and to retain the WWE Title. Haas blocked interference from The Bashams, to no luck. Jordan and Haas are now called The O.C.

Crazy Max gave a hysterical interview. Spanky’s sign said “Pornography”. Basically, Helms thinks Bryan Danielson is a poopy head “his words” and Mr. Broing. Crazy Max wants to have fun, and he’s ruining their fun.

Luther Reigns def. Hardcore Bob and Shane Helms to get a No.1 Contenders match against Eddie next week. Luther pinned Helms after Bryan Danielson ran in and clocked him around the place.

Shinsuke Nakamura tried to break AJ Styles arm in a car door. He didn’t get very far.

Krush annihilated Matt Cappotelli, and pinned him after “The Truth Kills” Gourdbuster. Cena came down afterwards and they brawled.

Teddy Long had Skipper in his office. Skipper wants to run a cruiserweight tournament, because he’s an agent now. His fee, to run the tournament is a title shot at Judgment Day against London.

Trust Company were out for a tag team title match. Samoa Joe came out and said he’d already beaten them once, now he wanted to do it again, this time, for their titles. He brought out Booker T as his partner.

Trust Company def. Booker T and Samoa Joe to retain the WWE Tag Team titles when Luther Reigns clonked Joe over the head. Booker was furious after the match, and nearly came close to hitting Joe. Tazz had no explanation for his recent disquiet.


HARDSELL HEAT!!!!!!

Sonny Siaki def. Rob Conway in a short match when Shelton Benjamin ran in while the ref was distracted and hit a Stinger Splash on Conway. Cornette (on commentary) hypothesized that Shelton and Conway would go one on one at Backlash.

Orton and Jericho were just chilling in the back, when Snitsky and Abyss came up to them. In between slobbering all over them, Snitsky introduced their secret weapon to help them defeat Y2O tonight: The Puppet Master, James Mitchell.

Benoit and Chono had a run in backstage. Benoit didn’t want any trouble, and that was cool, because neither did Chono – all he had was advice for Benoit “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”

Phil Baroni was in the ring. Ignore Josh Barnett…EVERY muthafucker in the WWE is avoiding him because he’s the toughest guy in the business. He beat a guy in 18 seconds once. Blah Blah…open challenge, Stevie Richards came out.

Stevie Richards def. Phil Baroni when he hit him with a boxing glove. Baroni was LIVID afterwards.

The Hardys def The Puerto Rican Yakuza to advance to the semi finals of the Tag Team Tournament. They will meet Batista and Chris Daniels on Raw

New Heat announcer Mike Tenay (that’s right TNA – I even stole your announcer)called guest commentator Jim Cornette into the ring. Since they were in Louisville, they had a small retrospective for Cornette, on his career. A video of Cornette played (video archive rules!) and Cornette was emotional when it stopped. Tenay called Cornette the greatest manager of all time. That brought out Coach and “Modern Miracle” Matt Morgan. Coach has already laid claim to the greatest manager of all time title, because Chono will win the WWE Title, and Morgan is the next badass in the WWE, and he wanted to know did they wanna see a demonstration of Morgan’s abilities? Morgan grabs Cornette! MIRACLE BOMB. Cornette is dead, and Coach just laughs.

CM Punk comes out, and announces that he, personally, wants to solve the animosity flowing through the WWE like a river. He calls out Edge and Chono, and tells them to make peace. They brawl instead.

Disco Inferno def. Chris Benoit in a NON TITLE MATCH. When Edge came out and speared Benoit. You know, maybe Benoit should have taken Chono’s advice…………………………..

Flair came out and praised the tag team division for the tournament, and announced at Backlash, we would see a tag team turmoil match. He fined Morgan $5000 for hitting Cornette. Mick Foley came out. He said he wasn’t impressed with this new happy clappy I love everyone Ric Flair. He called bullshit on Flair’s new impartiality. He wanted Flair, one on one at Backlash. Flair said no, he was a GM now, he didn’t want to wrestle any more. Foley called Flair the biggest piece of shit in the business. Flair said he would wrestle Foley, on one condition: he needed collateral. The Doctors said Flair is risking his health getting into the ring at his age, and he needs something to make it worth his while. Getting rid of Mick Foley would be a start. Backlash: Ric Flair, vs. Mick Foley: Title (of GM) vs. Foley’s career. Foley accepted.

Chris Jericho and Randy Orton def. The Nightmares to advance in the Tag Team Tournament. They will meet Christian and Kanyon on Raw.

Raw. BACKLASH IS SIX DAYS AWAY EDITION!!!!!!

Tag Team Tournament Semi Finals
Batista and Chris Daniels def. The Hardy’s to advance to the final at Backlash. This week, Batista hit Jeff with the Demonic Bomb, only for Daniels to pull him off and pin him himself. To wit – Batista and Chris Daniels don’t like each other, how will all of this play out – TUNE INTO BACKLASH TO FIND OUT.

Flair is walking standing outside a boardroom, waiting for…something. He looks up and goes “aw no….”. Disco Inferno walks up to him with a pile of paper. Disco says that ratings have gone up 23% since he’s arrived on Raw, AND, buy rates are improving for Backlash I the south, because Disco’s face is on the poster. Ergo, Disco wants on the PPV. Flair tells him no, because all the spots have been filled, including SHELTON BENJAMIN VS. ROB CONWAY FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE. Disco says he’ll do anything…..except get into the ring against Chris Benoit again. So Flair gives him the super special gig…of refereeing Lita vs. Trish Stratus. Disco is over the moon, and Flair goes back to watching a door.

Harry Smith def. Matt Morgan by. DQ. Blah blah Coach interferes….beat down….Jim Cornette runs in with a tennis racket. Wham, wham….

Flair is called into a boardroom meeting. Mick Foley is also present. This marks the first time Dave O’Neill appears on Raw. Eric Bischoff is also present. Flair is asked why he offered to put his job on the line against Foley at Backlash, and Flair starts ranting about what Foley did to the business, and how much he wants to see Foley gone. Foley says nothing. Anyway, Flair is given a formal warning regarding disgracing the office of the GM, and told, if he gets another one, he’s gone for good.

Shelton Benjamin and Stevie Richards def. Phil Baroni and Rob Conway. Before the match, Baroni challenges Stevie to a taped Fist match at the PPV. Stevie accepts. He’s still flaunting the MMA Glove he used to beat Baroni.


It’s times like this I wish Josh Barnett was healthy

Anyway, Conway goes to throw the MMA Glove to Baroni, and Stevie intercepts, and ko’s Baroni in the jaw, again, and Benjamin bounces out of the ring to get at Conway.

Coach is on the phone, talking to some tag team about coming to the Tag Team Turmoil match at Backlash, making them the tenth team.

Rhyno murdered Disco Inferno. This was Disco’s “entrance fee” to Backlash. Or something.

Foley leaves the boardroom meeting, where’s he’s met by Trish Stratus. Apparently, Flair changed her match with Lita on the PPV to a Bikini Thrill match, and she’s not happy…objectification of women, blah, blah. If Foley becomes GM on Sunday…will he change it…….because she (Trish) can be very persuasive…. Foley’s more than Happy, Trish is happy…so happy, in fact, Foley might like a reward, and before he can object, she’s dragging him into a empty room……where, of course, Flair is waiting and boinks him over the head with a chair, and then Trish jumps on Flair. Space Mountain….oldest ride….longest line….etc, etc.

Y2O def. Christian and Kanyon to win the semi finals of the Tag Team Tournament, to go onto face Chris Daniels and Batista at Backlash.

Benoit was in the ring, he called out Chono. Before Chono could even come out, Edge came out…then Chono. They all got into it, and Chono went for a Yakuza kick, and Edge speared him mid move, and Benoit nailed both with German Suplexes…BACKLASH IS THIS SUNDAY THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP IS ON THE LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And etc.

SMACKDOWN!!!!!
They announced that tonight was the first night of the Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament, the final would be at Judgment Day, and the winner would get $1 million dollars.

Prime Time Cruiserweight Tournament
Shane Helms def. AJ Styles. All pretensions of this being a fair wrestling tournament went out the window when Shinsuke Nakamura ran down and spewed black mist at Styles. Because he’s a heel.

Helms was still in the ring, and Danielson came out. He wants a match, with Helms, under Dragon Rules. Helms said no, forcefully, but if Bryan can beat Jack Evans in a “real” wrestling match, he’ll think about it.

Elix Muthafuggin Skipper debuts in the WWE Smackdown, NEXT

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament
Elix Skipper squashed Funaki.

Krush Killings and Kris Harris def. John Cena and Matt Cappotelli when Killings nailed Cena with a LOADED BLACK GLOVE. (at least Gimme props for being creative). Cena dragged Killings into the crowd by his chain, and they kept brawling.

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament
Chris “Da Bomb” Candido def. JJ Storm.
Announcers said Candido had joined the WWE specifically for the cruiserweight division and the tournament. He won clean with the Headbutt.

Teddy was in his office with an unseen person. He was trying to convince the guy to come back. The guy shook his head or something, but he refused. Teddy was upset, but he didn’t have an explanation, but if he got one…would the guy come back….the guy wasn’t sure, or something, because Teddy went “well make up mind playa” Teddy left, and the camera spun round to reveal Raven.

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament.
Rey Mysterio def. Nunzio. Funny bit – on commentary,, Cole questioned how Rey Rey can keep bouncing from wrestling the cruisers, to wrestling bigger guys. RVD, who was on commentary, said…”because he’s Rey Mysterio man, he can do what he wants”

The O.C. def. The Dudley Boys, The Bashams, and Al Snow/Danny Puder in a four way. The O.C. now use Total Elimination as a finisher.

Eddie Guerrero def. Luther Reigns to become No.1 Contender to the WWE Title. Afterwards, Samoa Joe ran in and brawled with Luther. The camera followed Eddie back to the locker room, and JBL was there, watching him.


SO ANYWAY……it’s at this point that I get an incident, and CSWF owner, some guy, offers me a gig. I reject it, and hit continue. The next day, I get 33 bits of news. Jacques Rougeau Jr…the guy I have on my roster, has taken over the CSWF, and I go to my roster page…and he’s not there. Which is really weird, and that’s never happened before, has it happened to anyone else.

So anyway, I go to replace him, and get a brainwave to hire a certain tag team, and I make plans to bounce Hardcore Bob aswell, to get both these guys. Anyway, I make to hire them, and Jim Cornette and Paul E. both say they’ll go nuts if I hire these two. Never one to back down, I hire them. Cornette’s morale drops to 5, Heyman to 30, and they both want out. So they’re gone (I know, I know), I need two new guys for Raw……let’s just wait and see.

So anyway, yeah, watch out for Backlash

Haha, that was great, fun show, dude.

Backlash!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your Hosts are JR, Jerry Lawler, and Mike Tenay
Lives from Who The Hell Cares, OK

Opening Match: Taped Fists: Phil Baroni brained Stevie Richards in about a minute. Don’t know whether Baroni thought this was a shoot, or it was booked this way, but about a minute in, Baroni just leveled Stevie with a shot to the head, and he went down like a ton of bricks. Not the best start to the show.

Lita def. Trish Stratus, Special Guest referee, Disco Inferno.
Lita hit Trish with the killer DDT, then Disco started dancing, trying to hit on her, so she punched him in the nuts, he went down like a sack of bricks, and she grabbed his hand and counted out the three.

TAG TEAM TURMOIL!!!!!!!!!!
Christian and Kanyon def. Eugene and William Regal
Christian and Kanyon def. The Fighting Irish
Rhyno and Tajiri def. Christian and Kanyon
Rhyno and Tajiri def. The Nightmares
The Puerto Rican Yakuza def. Rhyno and Tajiri
The Puerto Rican Yakuza def. Kimo and Sonny Siaki
The Hardys def. The Puerto Rican Yakuza
The Hardys def. Ace Steel and CM Punk
The Hardys def The Backseat Boys,; Trent Acid and Johnny Kashmere

Edge def. Masahiro Chono to get the World Heavyweight Title Shot.

Matt Morgan and Coach def. Harry Smith and Hardcore Bob when Morgan nailed Bob with the Miracle Bomb. I’ll bet Bob was thrilled to be in the ring with a two rookies and an announcer. It was also stated he’d joined the Raw brand, which I’m sure thrilled EVERYONE, for various reasons.

Rob Conway def. Shelton Benjamin to win the WWE Intercontinental Title. Baroni came out to celebrate with him. Evolution sure are having a good night……..

Ric Flair def. Mick Foley, to retire him in a sick match.

Chris Daniels and Batista won the vacant World Tag Team Titles by defeating Chris Jericho. Batista and Daniels spent the whole time arguing. In fact, Batista would have Orton in a rest hold or something, and him and Daniels would still be name calling each other. Randy Orton was so pissed off, he decided to go over to their corner to stop them fighting……….by joining them under a common leader….namely, HIMSELF!!!!! HEEL TURN!!!!!!!! WHOO-HOO!!!!!


Now come on, who didn’t see that one coming? You really think I’m gonna keep Chris Jericho and Randy Orton as a tag team?????????

Jericho tried to fight on, but three on one won’t get you anywhere, and Daniels pinned him after a triple team RKO.

Edge def. Chris Benoit to win the World Heavyweight Title….Destiny, etc, etc………

EWR – Two weeks

Raw
-TONIGHT ONRAW!!!! Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Shelton Benjamin! Winner meets Edge at Bad Blood for the World Heavyweight Title.

The Backseat Boys: Trent Acid and Johnny Kashmere def. The Fighting Irish in their “real” debut. Tenay went off again on the strength of the tag division on Raw. Acid won clean after the Backseat Driver.

Evolution and their gold all came out, Pimped out. Daniels took the mic and started waffling…but stopped a second later…..something was missing, he said. He asked Phil Baroni did he forget the fists he used to KO Stevie Richards in 90 seconds. Baroni held up his fists laughing. He asked Rob Conway did he forget his IC Title that he won last night, did Batista forget the tag team titles. They all held up their belts. No…..something was missing…Oh yeah, their new leader…….RANDY ORTON. Orton came out and started waffling about Chris Jericho, and how a leopard never changes its spots, and how all this was planned ages ago and blah blah, Jericho run in, nails Orton, ignores the rest, etc, etc

Christian squashed Hardcore Bob, like really decisively. And he was psyched about something aswell, and as he was walking to the back, Kanyon kept telling him to “do it”

After commercials, Christian was seen in the back, going into Flair’s office….intriguing

Edge and his World Heavyweight Title gave an interview. Blah Blah…my destiny, etc, etc, My time, the Era Of Edge, blah, blah.

Batista and Chris Daniels def. The Hardys with a CHEAT TO WIN.

Edge beat Sonny Siaki in 54 seconds

Coach, Matt Morgan and Masahiro Chono def. Rhyno, Tajiri and Harry Smith after Tajiri got hit with a Yakuza Kick-Big Boot combo.

Shelton Benjamin def. Randy Orton and Chris Jericho to become No.1 Contender to the World Heavyweight Title. Actually it was mostly Orton vs. Benjamin, because Evolution took Jericho out and beat the crap out of him, and then Benoit jumped out of the crowd and threw Orton into the turnbuckle and Benjamin followed up with a Stinger Splash for the win….show ended with Evolution on the ramp, and Jericho and Benoit staring back at them.


Smackdown

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament
Kidman def. Paul London in a non title match by using the ropes

Footage from a “press conference” (I’m even stealing TNA’s bad ideas now) announcing Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL for the WWE Title.

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament
Carlito Caribbean Cool def. Bryan Danielson after the contractually obligated run in from Shane Helms

Teddy books Samoa Joe vs. Luther for the U.S. Title at Judgment Day

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament
Chavo Guerrero squashed Jack Evans like a bug. Evans was completely out of his depth here.

Russo was on his phone…talking to someone about joining the network…..actually, they’re his fifth choice, but, whatever.

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament
Matt Cappotelli def. Spanky by DQ.

AJ Styles, Charlie Haas and Orlando Jordan def. Shinsuke Nakamura and Trust Company when Styles hit the Styles Clash on Storm, who Nakamura had hit with the Black Mist by mistake.

JBL and Luther Reigns def Eddie Guerrero and Samoa Joe when JBL gave Eddie the clothesline from Heck, onto the WWE Title.

RVD came out –yeah, the rumors were true, they were here, he introduced the most “controversial tag team ever!!!!!” – HHH and Shawn Michaels






Aw, no, wait, not really…..SHAGGY 2 DOPE AND VIOLENT J – THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE!!!!!

The Insane Clown Posse def. The Bashams in a …..I guess you could call it a match, with the Dark Carnival DD.




RAW-
Christian bounced Rhyno in minutes. Then he got a mic, and challenged the Rock. Didn’t give a reason or anything, just stated that at Judgment Day, he wanted to take on, The Rock. Also, if Rock was in the building or anything, he didn’t show his face either.

Batista and Chris Daniels def. Chris Jericho and Benoit to retain the tag team titles, when Orton and Conway ran in, and Benoit got hit with the Triple Team RKO again. And then The Hardys ran in to fight Evolution off……the plot thickens

Chono beat Hardcore Bob in the prerequisite shit match of the week.

Shelton Benjamin beat Kanyon. Edge was on commentary

Flair walked into his office, and Stacy was waiting for him….wearing not much. Geez, the guy gets around a lot.

Edge def. Eugene. Shelton was seen watching backstage on the monitor.

Baroni was backstage, and someone called him on his cell phone….the voice said…”next week” and hung up…He was confused, but carried onto his locker room, where Benoit and Jericho were hiding and they beat him up.

Randy Orton/Rob Conway vs. The Hardys went to a no contest after Batista and Daniels and Benoit and Jericho all ran in and the ref just gave up and they just brawling and brawling.

Edge and Benjamin had a ~Confrontation~ backstage. Fun stuff.



Smackdown

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament – Final Eight
Matt Cappotelli def. Shane Helms. Announcers talk about how Cappotelli quietly came up from the Developmental system, and how he’s only now being noticed, and this tournament is a great way for the cruisers to get noticed

Video of last years Eddie/JBL feud to plug this years one. I don’t know how that’s supposed to work, but, whatever.

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament
Kidman def. Rey Mysterio.

Raven is still sitting in the crowd, sulking about something. Also, with Paul E. now gone, I really don’t know how to resolve this angle. Gimme a week or two, I’ll come up with something.

The Network come out and introduce their new member – Chuck Palumbo. Crickets chirp. No, really, I muted the sound post production to make it really seem that the crowd didn’t care, but he bounces out there like he’s Brock Lesnar or something (don’t worry, there is a point to this)

Chuck Palumbo def. Booker T. Ignoring the fact that Booker has had a losing streak recently, Palumbo acted like he’s won the WWE Title or something when he won. Booker just slowly walked to the back.

After commercials, he was in Teddy’s office, at the end of a conversation or something. Teddy said “………….no matter what you do, we’ll support you”

RVD and The Insane Clown Posse def. All Three Dudleys in one of those matches the ROH Freaks use to justify their existence.

The over/under on the ICP is a month, btw.

Bryan Danielson def. Jack Evans and Spanky in a handicap match to get a match with Shane Helms at some indeterminate point.

Samoa Joe is backstage and Dawn Marie is standing there, and she “drops” her purse and asks Joe to be a gentleman and bend down and get it. He does, and, of course, Luther runs in and boinks him with a chair. I’ll bet the ROH fan base just loves the way I’ve booked this guy so far.

JBL and Shinsuke Nakamura def. AJ Styles and Eddie Guerrero in a really great match. JBL is now 2-0 over Eddie, JUDGMENT DAY is three weeks away ..etc,

THE VERY NEXT DAY
-Incident Report – Several Members of your roster have complained about the backstage behavior of Violent J. So I fired him, pissing off RVD and Shaggy. Shaggy does the “If he goes, I go” thing, so they’re gone…Jesus man.

And then I get an incident report where Rey Mysterio gets busted for drugs…WTF??? Anyway, he’s gone aswell. Yeah, I know

And – Danny Basham is out for eight months with a torn calf muscle.

RAW IS TAG TEAMS NIGHT!!!!
Live from Philly

Phil Baroni squashed Hardcore Holly. After the match, Josh Barnett jumped from the crowd and attacked Baroni. When the usual gang of idiots failed, Cops had to run out to separate the two. Barnett’s return was not as well received as hoped

The Puerto Rican Yakuza def. Eugene and Regal when Regal turned on Eugene. Yes, Finally. Finish came when Marco Shane threw a pair of brass knux aimed for Ricardo, and Regal caught them, but nailed Eugene instead. The PRY set up a table, and Regal power bombed Eugene right through it, and then EVIL REGAL’S theme music played. This, on the other hand, got monster heat.

Edge and Disco Inferno def. Shelton Benjamin and Harry Smith. More to the point, Edge won, because he didn’t tag in Disco once, so disgusted was he with Flair’s choice of tag partner for him. He pinned Harry after spearing him into Shelton, and when Disco started celebrating like he’d won the World Title, he speared him too, but by that time, Shelton was up and they started brawling. Since the crowd liked this aswell, I think it’s safe to assume that Philly doesn’t like shoot fighters.

Christian and Kanyon def. Rhyno and Tajiri. Christian is getting monster heat these days, which is a GOOD THING. He nearly beat the pair of them single handedly, and finished Tajiri off with an assisted Unprettier. Which looked swank. He then called out The Rock, but he didn’t show up. Christian said that was because all The Rock cared about was movies, and not wrestling. Christian cares about wrestling. Christian cares about you.

CM Punk promo. He was talking to a shrink (no, really). Ace Steel has apparently abandoned him. Quelle shock. The shrink asked why he thought Steele left, and Punk launched into the same waffling patronizing tone that he used with him. The shrink threw him out.

THE MACHINE IS COMING TO RAW NEXT WEEK!!!! Or so we are told.

The Nightmares and Dr. J (Jim Mitchell) came out and trashed Philly. The Backseat Boys came out and said it wasn’t nice of them to insult their home. Dr. J made some funny comments about “Backside Boys” and Trent kicked Snitsky in the nuts.

The Backseat Boys def. The Nightmares when Acid pinned Snitsky.

Evolution def. Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit and The Hardys when Phil Baroni ran in and nailed Jeff with a chair and Batista pinned him. Josh Barnett did not run out and brawl with Baroni, but everyone in the ring had a huge schmoz.


NEXT WEEK! GOLDDUST! No, Really.


Smackdown (100% Golddust free)

Samoa Joe came out. He wants a Goddamn United States title match with Samoa Joe, NOW. The Office come out and Dawn Marie says that he doesn’t really deserve a title shot, but, if he “measures up” to Kidman, Luther might consider it. Kidman was pretty pissed off about having to go against Joe, having done it before, and losing. Dawn shut him up….it was implied she’s keeping them in line with sex, but nothing was really said.

Samoa Joe def. Kidman…by DQ when Ace Steel ran in and nailed Joe with a chair. Despite apparently feuding with him, Luther Reigns was no where to be found. Dawn introduced the newest member of The Office, and announced that as a reward for jumping to Smackdown, he got a cruiserweight title shot RIGHT NOW.

Paul London def. Ace Steel in a really good match. Elix Skipper came out to watch and the announcers said the cruiserweight tournament resumed next week and Skipper has a semi final match and could work twice at Judgment Day. London nailed the London Calling and Skipper left before the pinfall.

Chuck Palumbo was denied entry to the building because no one knew who he was.

Krush Killings came out and waffled about Cena for a while. Basically, Cena’s a pussy, and real rappers don’t care about their fans and a “chain gang” and all that crap. Cena came out to the top of the ramp and Krush went for him. About halfway up, BG JAMES AND KONNAN came out. Krush was freaked, and left through the crowd.

John Cena, Konnan and BG James def. Nunzio, Rene Dupree and Krush (he came back after commercials). I don’t actually remember Nunzio joining the Network, but, whatever. Krush was freaked out about Konnan and James, but Cole and Tazz could only allude to their past. Cena finished Dupree when Killings left again.

AJ Styles def. JBL by DQ. JBL retains the WWE Title. Eddie and Shinsuke were watching on either side of the ring. JBL nailed Styles with the belt and got DQ’ed, and Eddie ran in and Shinsuke followed, segueing into……..

Shinsuke Nakamura NCO Eddie Guerrero. This time, Styles and JBL watched their respective opponents. And got involved within second and the ref just went home. When JBL and Shinsuke were backstage, JBL said that with Danny injured and Doug god knows where….they need new members of the Cabinet.

Chuck Palumbo and Carlito Caribbean Cool def. Booker T and Danny Puder when Palumbo pinned Booker. Story of the match…Booker is slow. Because he’s getting old. Anyway he was too slow in hot tagging Puder, and Carlito whacked him, and Palumbo rolled up Booker. After the match, Booker got on the mic, and talked for a little about his recent losing streak. He pointed out he wasn’t getting any younger. He pointed out his wife in the crowd, and talked about his shop, and announced that he was retiring after Judgment Day, before he became an embarrassment in the ring.

Palumbo came back out and pointed out that he already was an embarrassment in the ring, but there’s no shame in losing to Palumbo, because he was a Heavyweight Champion in Mexico or something. And three weeks ago, he was in a death match against Antonio Inoki in Japan and he lost, and he wasn’t retiring. Palumbo’s new gimmick is he’s a delusional weirdo who comes out with huge bullshit lines. Because he’s a prick. Anyway, the upshot to this whole thing, is Palumbo vs. Booker at Judgment Day and Palumbo will do this honors of retiring Booker. Or something.


Oh, wait, Stevie Richards has a drug problem. For some reason, I can’t fire him like I usually would, so he’s suspended for a year. That’ll sorta serve me right for giving him a Stoner Gimmick. Wait to you see who I’ve brought in to replace him…….


By the way, if you want to see someone hired, you must have a valid gimmick choice for them, that both fits the game, and my sense of humour. All suggestions reasonably considered, but, as Marino found out, there may be a wait……

I really liked your Wrestlemania show (that's as far as I am right now because I have to go to class). It was very imaginative and very edgy move by making the Cruiserweight title match the main event. I thought something was missing when I made it to the World title match.

Anyways, awesome diary, keep up the good work, and I'll be back to read more later.

Raw is Goldust!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christian SQUASHED Kimo. Finish saw him jump on the top rope and jump onto Kimo, into the Unprettier. Then he got on the mic and waffled about the Rock, reading from Rock’s schedule (wherever he got that from) and noted he was making three movies in six months, but didn’t have the time to come to Raw, where he got his break in the business. Then, THE ROCK appeared….on the TitanTron, and shut up Christian, and said he’d be there in two weeks.

Goldust is here. Tenay points out that Dustin Rhodes announced his retirement from wrestling, and this is his one last run.

Randy Orton def. Goldust when Disco Inferno ran in and distracted Dustin…..ok.

Eugene vs. William Regal went to a no-contest. Eugene came out, as ready as he ever is, and then Regal came out…in a suit, and said he wasn’t wrestling tonight, in fact, he probably wasn’t going to wrestle anymore. Regal then started saying naughty things about Eugene, and tried to goad him into hitting him, and when he did, a HHHHYYYOOOGGGEEEE guy burst out from under the ring and ANNIHILATED Eugene. Regal introduced the British Beast, BURCHILL.

Flair announces next week: Benoit vs. Chris Daniels, Jericho vs. Orton, Jeff Hardy vs. Batista, Matt Hardy vs. Phil Baroni and Josh Barnett vs. Rob Conway for the IC Title.

Disco Inferno was backstage with the bimbo. Get this: Disco is dead, so he wants to get into the movie business. Through Goldust. Disco wants Goldust next week, and if he wins, he gets Dustin’s gimmick. No, he really used those words.

Josh Barnett and (May God Have Mercy On My Soul) ERIK WATTS def. Phil Baroni and Rob Conway. Watts is apparently, the guy who trained Barnett as a wrestler, making the transition from shoot fighting.


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, Barnett stopped Conway with the Rings Of Saturn. Baroni ran away like a chickenshit.

Dr. J came out and introduced THE MACHINE (Doug Basham in a mask, in his old OVW Gimmick) (And if it works, every bland no descript worker I can’t do fuck-all with gets a Machine Gimmick)

The Machine def. Shelton Benjamin. If you can’t figure out who interfered in the match, thus causing Shelton to lose, you have no business reading this. Go away now.



SMACKDOWN: LAST ONE BEFORE JUDGMENT DAY!
(Yeah, I know I should stick a Velocity in there somewhere, but I’m studying and have a bit of a creative block going on. Sorry to anyone bothered by this, but Judgment Day will be pretty good)

The Network (Palumbo, Carlito, Nunzio and Rene Dupree) def. Booker, RVD, Al Snoe and Daniel Puder when Palumbo pinned Booker, again. Booker was upset about the loss, but RVD said it didn’t matter.

JBL and Shinsuke had a meeting. Shinsuke, through an interpreter, introduced his new manager, member of the Cabinet, and interpreter, TRACI BROOKS. She fired the old interpreter. JBL’s eyes goggled out of his head.

Shinsuke def. Chavo Guerrero Jr. Styles was on commentary, and after the match, Nakamura came to the announce desk and smacked him one, and they brawled, until the usual gang of idiots arrived.

Bryan Danielsen, Scott Taylor and Shannon Moore def. Crazy Max USA (Shane Helms, Spanky and Jack Evans) when Danielsen locked Cattle Mutilation on Evans. Afterwards, he reversed the Nightmare on Helms’ street into the Mutilation. Spanky’s sign said “Menstraution”

Trust Company and Luther Reigns def. The O.C. and Samoa Joe. Joe and Luther brawled to the back, and Harris pinned Haas. Afterwards, he got on the mic and wanted to know why they didn’t have a match at Judgment Day, and said it was because Teddy Long hated tag team wrestling.,

Josh Matthews was with Teddy backstage., talking about the Smackdown Cruiserweight Tournament. He said that Chris Candido was injured, and Elix Skipper had exercised his cruiserweight title shot for Judgment Day, so both Kidman had Matt Cappotelli won semi-finals at a houseshow on Tuesday, and they would ceontest the final at Judgment Day. (DON’T WORRY, THIS IS GOING SOMEWHERE). He then talked up the cruiserweight Division. And said many new cruiserweights would be joining soon.

John Cena and Paul London def. Ron Killings and Elix Skipper. Killings walked out again and Skipper got pinned after an F-U.

JBL came out and announced he had a new member of the cabinet to debut. A member of the Hart Family, one of the most decorated wrestling families of all time, a future legend, a superstar, TEDDY HART. Cole audibly groaned.

Eddie Guerrero def. Teddy Hart on a dusty finish when JBL came out and laid him out. The announcers yammered about The WWE Title match, and the odds Eddie will have to overcome now with the new Cabinet. The camera followed JBL backstage and he walked into a lockerroom and was talking to two guys we couldn’t see. He asked if they were impressed, and the Cabinet was only gonna get better, and told them to think about it. He was talking to the Dudley Boyz

The following people have been assigned to OVW. Not punishment or anything, I just want them to improve. As always, I call people up on the first of every month

-Abyss
-Elix Skipper
-Erik Watts
-Funaki
-Harry Smith
-Johnny Kashmere
-Pat Kenney
-Sonny Siaki
-Shannon Moore
-Doug Basham
-Gene Snitsky

Anyway, Smackdown, Presents, JUDGMENT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cole and Tazz opened the show, and announced that over the next few weeks, some Smackdown guys might be appearing on Raw, but no-body had any beef with that. The rule was that if neither GM objected, and saw a trade as fair, or the individual wanted to jump for personal reasons, they could. Not sure why they expressed that, but how and ever.

Primetime Cruiserweight Tournament; Matt Cappotelli vs. Billy Kidman went to a no-contest. Yep, I can’t even book a straight finish for a tournament I’ve been booking for six weeks. Of all things No wonder CM Punk quit and went to TNA. Anyway, the match was going along swimmingly, until a guy we know as KID KASH, but the announcers didn’t identify him, ran in and hit both of them with the dinky little trophy we had made for the winner, and then left the ring, muttering “It’s all bullshit!!!!!!!”

Samoa Joe def. Luther Reigns to win the United States title in a special “forgone conclusion” match. Joe fought off Ace Steele and Kidman, and choked out Luther for the win and the title.

AJ Styles def. Shinsuke Nakamura with the back flip DDT when Teddy Hart accidentaly nailed Nakamura with a chair, and Styles punked out Hart, and flipped over Nakamura, and hit the DDT, all in one motion.

Paul London came out, and said that since Skipper wasn’t there, he was throwing out an open challenge to anyone. Kid Kash came out. He’s now, just called KASH.

Paul London def. KASH, cleanly with the London Calling. Story of the match, work or not, was that Kash wasn’t exactly playing along, if ya know what I mean.

Shane Helms def. Bryan Danielson cleanly. By clean, I mean , Helms Cheated like Nuts, but won clean with the Nightmare on Helms’ Street.

John Cena def. Ron Killings. Storyline wise, Killings looked lost in the ring, because the arrival of James and Konnan has really bugged him out. Cena won within minutes, ostensibly becoming No.1 Contender to the WWE Title.

Booker T, in his retirement match, def. Chuck Palumbo cleanly. After the match, Booker got on the mic and made an emotional speech thanking everyone for the past 20 years of his life. RVD came down and held open the ropes for Booker as he got out of the ring, and all of the faces came out to shake his hand, and at the top of the ramp stood Teddy Long, who shook his hand and hugged him, and a huge firework display went off.

Eddie Guerrero def. John Bradshaw Layfield to win the WWE Title.

EWR – Last Two Weeks Of May
Raw is………full of Smackdown Guys.

Rob Conway def. Josh Barnett to retain the Intercontinental Title.
Phil Baroni’s music played during the match, and Barnett went psycho, nailed the ref with a chair, and locked the Rings Of Saturn on Conway, and the UGOI had to drag him off.

Flair was in his office and barbershop quartet were shown in. They started signing “Oh, He Is Coming! He Is Coming! He Is Coming! BACCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He Is Coming Back”. Flair really didn’t know what to make of it.

Batista killed Jeff Hardy with a Demonic Bomb onto two opened up chairs. The ref was out at this time, so he got away with it and pinned him to win the match.

Chris Daniels joined Batista in the ring. They yammered about already being one of the greatest tag teams of all time. They challenged anyone in the building to a match. TRUST COMPANY came out, apparently now faces. JR rightly identified them as Smackdown’s tag champs. Harris said they were here because supposedly, this is where the tag team wrestling is. Batista and Daniels sorta laughed off their challenge, but a brawl kicked off. Benoit came down after a while, and got into it with Daniel, kickstarting their match…

Chris Daniels and Chris Benoit went to a 20:00 draw. Both guys were furious afterwards.

Burchill splattered Eugene all over the place. Regal announced beforehand that this would be under “British Empire Rules”, which basically meant Hardcore rules, to disguise Burchill’s faults. Except for him being able to work in the first place. Burchill put a folded table onto Eugene, and did the running SSP onto that, and the crowd were impressed, so he debuted the Samoa Roll (one man Spanish Fly) for the win.

Randy Orton def. Chris Jericho when Masa Chono ran in and kicked him in head. He didn’t give a reason or anything, beut that’s why there’s A Next Week.

Phil Baroni def. Matt Hardy after a cast of thousands ran in. Spefically, MARC MERO, and then Josh Barnett ran in and went after the pair of them.

Disco Inferno def. Goldust to win the rights to the gimmick. Words fail me. He cheated, of course, then ran off with Dustin’s stupid wig.

Edge and William Regal came out. Seems Edge picked a partner for a tag match, but Shelton didn’t think of any. So Shelton comes out alone, and then….TWGTT music plays, and Charlie Haas comes out.

THE REUNITED WORLD’S GREATEST TAG TEAM def. Edge and William Regal. Edge was furious and stuff, because now the No.1 Contender has a pinfall over him. Yay Shelton.


Smackdown is…..only one to go until I can grab me some All Japan Guys.

Samoa Joe squashed Rene Dupree to retain the WWE United States Title. Rene threw Joe out of the ring to start, and started doing the French Tickler, and Joe came back in and slapped the Samoan Chokehold on him.

JBL barged into AJ Styles backstage. I say barged in because JBL clearly wasn’t looking where he was going, and when he clattered into Styles, he made a comment to Traci about midgets standing in his way. Styles was offended by that, but JBL was even more offended at having to wrestle a “shortarse jumping jack”. Styles said JBL gave heavyweights a bad name.

JBL and Teddy Hart came out for their match, and JBL intreoduced their newest member. The Dudley Boyz music played, and Bubba came out. D-Von wanted to know what Bubba was doing, and Bubba threw him off the stage. The crowd, not having a clue what was going on, sat on their hands.

~A word of explantion. The Dudley Boys start out, as default, heels. I turned them face(using Arsenic) for the No Way Out Match with Raven, against JBL and The Bashams, and turned them heel on Smackdown – which Rocketed their heat up, particulary Bubba, who, in fact is one of my top five heels in the company since I started shitcanning the non-wrestlers. I, using Arsenic, turned them face for this angle, and Bubba’s overness has plummeted.~

AJ Styles, Chavo Guerrero and Bryan Danielsen def. The Cabinet: John Bradshawl Layfield, Bubba Dudley and Superstar Teddy Hart when Styles pinned JBL after a roll-up. Announcers acted like this was major upset, and JBL acted all embarrassed after the win.

Teddy vacated the WWE Tag Team Titles until further notice, pending an investigation into Trust Company’s unaauthorised appearance on Raw.

Shinsuke Nakamura def. Orlando Jordan. This was actually footage from an old Smackdown, because the angle shot at the tapings - Nakamura defeating three “ninjas” in an exhibition was deemed to be fucking diabolical for air. But it wasn’t Nakamura’s fault.

Video of the ocean……..underwater, and the Jaws theme starts playing….and right when it comes to a foot, a very familiar person jumps out of the water……SHARK BOY IS COMING.

Kash gave a sit-down interview. The “Primetime cruiserweight tournament” is exactly what’s wrong with Smackdown – Teddy Long doesn’t give two shits about the cruiserweights – all he cares about is money…yap yap yap.

Ron Killings was in the ring…yap yap yap – Konnan and BG James come out – he’s got one week to snap out of this funk he’s in – or they’ll sort him out.

Eddie Guerrero def. Luther Reigns to reatain the WWE Title. The match was nothing special, but the post match angle was. As Eddie was celebrating….Dawn Marie got onto the apron to distract Eddie, and Luther nailed him from behind and started beating him up…John Cena ran down…..and nailed Eddie with his chain. Luther didn’t have a clue what’s going on, and left the ring as Cena beat seven shades of shit into Eddie, and gave him a new finisher, a “Drill A Hole” Cross arm Cradle Piledriver, onto a chair. CENA IS EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL

May 22nd is my Birthday, and since we’re at stage in the game…let’s do something fun.

The following People have accepted Developmental contracts
- The Havana Pitbulls, Ricky Reyes and Rocky Romero (I’m remembering pushing the hell out of Reyes in an older game)
- Nigel McGuinness
- Jimmy Jacobs (Huss! Huss! – Why Tha Fuck didn’t I hire this guy earlier)

The following People have been hired
ONE NIGHT ONLY – Kevin Nash and Scott Hall (Candido had a fit and walked)
ONE NIGHT ONLY – Randy Couture (He’s retiring Anyway)

Bobby, THE BRAIN, HEENAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The American Dream, DUTHY RHODES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


DAVE O’NEILL’s (In game) Birthday week Raw and Smackdown!!!!!!!!

Note – the following two shows are meant to be lighthearted, and, while advancing some angles, are not to be taken within the canon of my usual shows

i.e.; The Outsiders aren’t coming back.

Meaning: If the shows suck – Tough!

Randy Orton, Rob Conway and Phil Baroni def. Chris Benoit and Josh Barnett. Story of the match was that Barnett and Benoit had the numbers game against them, in a big way. Finish saw Benoit put the crossface on Baroni, but for Conway to distract the ref, Orton to take out Barnett, and Baroni’s new “corner man” Marc Mero (although they haven’t