What the HECK?/Intro- Classic SuperStars of Wrestling - Booker T: The Early YearsOnce again, I made a mistake of picking up a crappy rasslin' DVD from a bargain bin. Produced by the same clowns who brought us the
Classic Superstars or Yesteryear, this disc features 7 matches from Booker T's days in the GWF. You'd think I would've learned my lesson from the first disc.. but just like C.H.U.D 2, this proves that people do strange things and come back for second helpings of utter crap. Good news--- this only ran me 3.49 at MediaPlay's Goin' out of Bid-ness Sale a few months back. And yes, it's taken me since January through mid-June to compile this!
Cheap graphics welcome us to the basement, errrr, studio, with host Brian Webster and special guest "Mr. USA" Tony Atlas. Atlas has apparently been taking public speaking lessons from Jimmy Snuka and provides valuable "insight".
Match 1: Booker T vs. "Beach Boy" Sean Summers (w/Alex Porteau)To borrow from the Amazing Race, this would be a "Roadblock Match-- a task that only one team member can perform". In this case, it looks like Booker T and his brother Stevie Ray were in a tag-team feud with Summers and Alex Porteau, the "Beach Boys". A very ugly match. Summers is completely ass-tacular worthless, while hitting half-assed versions of his few "moves". Booker goes to roll him up off the ropes, but in a VERY awkward spot, Summers grabs the ropes and bends forward, allowing Porteau to shoot Booker with a Super Soaker squirt gun. Booker sells the water like it was battery acid and Porteau runs into the ring for a disqualification. Stevie Ray hops in as well for the Obligatory Tag-Team Four-Way Brawl.
Match 2: GWF North American Tag Team Championship:Ebony Experience vs. LazertonsThe Experience was the old name for Booker and Stevie Ray's team. They're big fan favorites, complete with rainbow trenchcoats and headbands. Well, they're favorites of the 20 people in attendance. No idea who the Lazertrons are...two guys in raggedy masks named "1" and "2". I guess the parents of the PitBulls, Super Destroyers, Conquistadors and Lazertrons all smoked from the same bowl, as "1 & 2" seemed to have been popular baby names among that bunch of hippies. The commentary team consists of Doyle King and "Elvis"-- announcer David Webb had amnesia and believed he was Elvis Presley. He does a terrible Elvis impersonation and sounds more like Jimmy Stewart. Complete squash match as the Ebonies pound away on the Lazers. Stevie Ray actually does most of the "high" spots-- including two vertical press slams and a suplex. Match ends as the Ebonies hit their finisher: Stevie hoists a guy into an over-the-shoulder bearhug while Booker hops off the top rope and TAPS the guy in the chest.
Match 3: Booker T vs. Action Jackson (w/Louie the Lip)Jackson looks like a fat Iceman King Parson clone, with the letter "A" cut into this hair. Not sure if "Louie the Lip" is the legitimate name of his manager (more on that in a second). He looks like a cross between Kamala and the neon-thugs from "Batman Forever". I'm going out on a strong limb by profoundly stating that Louie was NOT former Pittsbrugh Steelers wide receiver Louis Lipps! The commentary is dubbed over and replaced with new audio from Brian Webster and a buddy. This is terrible, as they try to play it off as being "live", but have no idea who Jackson's manager is. They also add ridiculous comments like "wow, this Booker T is impressive...he could definitely be a future World Champion and main event star!" Jackson thumps away and drops a few elbows. Booker T comes off the ropes, hops around in a cirlce and kicks him in the head. Webster calls it "the scissors kick", even though Booker did not do the "scissors" portion. After a backdrop from Jackson, Booker does his breakdance spin, although the cameras miss most of it. Another awkward spot as Louie gets up on the corner turnbuckle, while Jackson and Booker screw around with irishwhip reversals. They can't quite pull it off, so eventually Jackson decides to run into Louie for the "surprise heel miscommunication bump". Booker rolls him up from behind and gets the pin.
Match 4: Booker T (w/Sebastian & Gary Hart) vs. "Maniac" Mike DavisSebastian was the "Jamison" clone and Hart was NOT the former Demorcatic Presential candidate. Hart & Sebastian have some sort of partnership going on...Hart got the rights to the Ebony Experience because he gave their mom money to pay off her ranch. The babyface Ebonies were doing the "good guys reluctantly forced to work for the bad guys" deal. Doyle King has the call along with special guest Sputnik Monroe. Davis is supposed to be a lunatic, so he's out there in boxes shorts and mismatched shoes. Booker delivers one hip toss, then Davis bails and wanders around ringside. Davis returns and Booker applies an ARMBAR. Davis goes to the eyes, kicks and whips Booker to the ropes for a clothesline. Booker gets a powerslam and that's enough for Davis. He hops out of the ring, runs about ten rows up and takes a seat. Countout bells sounds and Booker gets the win. 3 across: a three-letter word for "complete crap" that rhymes with "BUD".
Match 5: Booker T (w/Sebastian) vs. Alex PorteauThey start off with a basic lock-up, headlock and wristlock sequence. Porteau complains about a hair pull to waste everybody's time. Booker gets another headlock. Porteau tries to hook his feet ont he ropes, but Booker breaks the hold and drops him to the mat. Poretau gets his own headlock and tells the crowd to "shut up"! Action like this can only be found in the GWF!! Booker gets two nice hiptosses and a high dropkick to knock Porteau out of the ring. Porteau comes back with a suplex and gets a series of 2 counts. Another headlock happens. Look, a chinlock! Booker reverses a piledriver into a backdrop, hits a powerslam, then goes up top for the patented missed elbow off the second rope. Porteau get shis own slam, then tries to jump from the second rope onto Booker's upraised foot. Booker whips him around for a leapfrog and a butt-butt (shades of "Iceman" King Parsons!), then whips him to the ropes for a dropkick. Porteau hangs onto the ropes and Booker misses. Porteau covers for the 3.
Match 6: Booker T (w/Sebastian & Gary Hart) vs. Super DestroyerI'm pretty sure Super D is Bill Irwin in one of his old identities. As the Super D's, Irwin and his brother Scott were World Class tag champs for a good year or so, around 1984. Basic masked heel, and I'm sure there's a Super Destroyer family tree out there somewhere. The announcers play it up like this is the official return of the Super Destroyer to Dallas. Tom Mantel is the guest commentator and spends the match ragging on Kerry Von Erich. Sebastian, still doing an increasing amount of nothing, is now wearing shoulder pads and a motorcycle helmet. Quick opening sequence, as Super D gets a drop toehold and they trade hip tosses. Booker goes to the armbar...which after seeing this hold for the 637th time on this disc, I am now renaming it the Arm-Booker. Super D gets a crisp slams and follows up with a kneedrop for 2. Booker reverses a suplex for 2. Booker twistes the arm then spins off the ropes for a kick to the noggin. Goes for the cover, but too close to the ropes. Super D with a side salto suplex for another 2. Sunset flip gets 2 for Booker, who follows up witha flying burrito for another 2. Sebastian hops up on the apron to consult with Booker. Super D attacks from behind and knocks Booker into Sebastian's helmet. Booker is wobbly and Super D covers for the 3 count. Basic moves, but probably the best match on the disc... not that that's saying much. Like being the best player on the Kansas City Royals.
Match 7: Booker T (w/Sebastian) vs. Alex PorteauBooker shoves Sebastian away and wants nothing to do with him. Mike Davis is the guest commentator, wearing an old flight helmet. His headset comes undone and he complains that he "can't hear the voices anymore". Pretty much the same as the last match, but Booker nails some nice spinning slams. The Arm-Booker happens. Then the sunset flip for 2. Porteau whips Booker and hits a sweet dropkick to the jaw. Then it's chinlock time. Booker goes up to the top rope, but Porteau grabs the ropes and shakes him off (another "sentence that sounds bad out of context"). Porteau tries a super-plex, but Booker blocks and sends him to the canvas. Booker is whipped to the corner, but does a split-leg flip and attacks with a lariat. Booker tries a backdrop, but Porteau reverses into a powerbomb for 2. Half-assed swinging neckbreaker from Porteau, but then Calvin Napp appears on the apron. Who? Napp nails Porteau, allowng Booker to get the pin.
Why'd You Tape This??Ah yes, a chance to re-live the glory years of the white hot Booker T vs. Alex Porteau feud that tore up Texas! Quite a few weirdos on this disc (yet no G.I. Bro), so unless you REALLY like Booker T (or are related to him), skip this.