Deep South Wrestling Television - May 14th, 2006

- In the ongoing cycle of crappy indy television on my local CSS network, we have what I believe is a farm system for WWE, featuring a bunch of losers that will never see any kind of push in WWE, and some untalented hosses that will, despite the screams of horror from everyone watching. Judging by the roster and the banners, this seems to be about 5 months old, so don't bug me asking for an exact date on when this first broadcasted.

UPDATE: Research tells me most of this stuff was taped on February 16th, so it's 4 months old.


- Some chump talks to open the show, showing us highlights of some DSW loser pinning William Regal from "last week" (dammit, I missed a good show), then throws it to the Laughing Man, Bill "Don't Get Me Hugh Morrus or E. Rection" DeMott, who is with the Tag Team Championships, which will be given to the winners of a Tag Team Tournament... then comes in a bunch of skanks, blowing their lines, and talking incoherently. Then comes in the former Dicks, the Gymini, without any names.

NOTE: My scale of ratings for Independent Promotions are usually more generous, so whatever I give a match, usually subtract about half for what I would call it in WWE. Example: If I gave a match *** (which will never happen, since I'm still a stick in the mud), it'll probably be at most ** on my WWE scale.


- Damian Steele & Ray Gordy vs. The Gymini:
Everyone is familiar with the Gymini, since I just mentioned them, and they've been stinking up the WWE rings for the past few months. I think Ray Gordy the son of Terry Gordy, but the fuck if I can remember. Damian Steele kinda looks like a combination of Jay Lethal and Shelton Benjamin if you kinda ignore that they look nothing alike. RACISM IS BAD! Steel and Gymini #1 lockup, with Gymini Dude applying a side headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Scoop slam by Gymini, foillowed by a second. A THIRD! Hopefully we'll get past the year 1985 in terms of moveset. FOUR! FOUR SLAMS! AH AH AH AH! (Thunder clap) Gordy tags in to hammer away. Irish whip, and Gordy with a drop toe hold, followed by a basement dropkick for a two count. Gordy nails Gymini #2, so Gymini #1 snaps him back by the hair and stomps away. Gymini #2 tags in and continues to pound away on Gordy for a two count. Irish whip, and Gordy with a sunset flip. Gymini quickly gets up and nails Gordy with a clothesline. Gymini #1 tags back in and they nail the Crash Diet for the three count at 2:51. The Gymini drop a series of elbows on Gordy after the match (a series being about 50) until Roughhouse O'Reilly makes the save. The Gymini then have a lame conversation with Bill DeMott, no doubt mocking him for being named after a dick before them. * Much shorter than I thought it was from the first viewing, and what it was wasn't very good either. Surprise, the Gymini suck. Damian Steele got zero offense, so I can't comment on him, and Rasy Gordy looked decent from what he was allowed to do.


- Michelle McCool interviews Johnny Parisi. All of these interviews are boring, but hey, at least these guys are getting some... and I had no idea Michelle McCool was still around in WWE (or their farm system, at least). There's a bunch of these bumper segments, but all are pretty skipable, so for the most part I'm ignoring them.


- "Roughhouse" Ryan O'Reilly vs. Johnny "The Swinger" Parisi:
Everyone should be familiar with Johnny Swinger (a.k.a the guy who has been on Heat 56 times but Raw 0), but I have no knowledge of who O'Reilly is, other than he looks like your average "looks to be on 'roids" guy. Parisi with some smack talk and bitch slap, so O'Reilly returns the favor. The referee looks to be Nick Patrick, for those who care. Parisi calls for a test-of-strength, and clearly losses it to the guy with a 3 inch height advantage. O'Reilly with a wristlock and jerking of the arm, then continues wroking over the arm with an armbar. Parisi fights free with rights, but gets ran over with a shoulder block. O'Reilly with another wristlock, followed by an elbow drop across the arm. Parisi takes it into the corner and drives a shoulder into the midsection. Irish whip is reversed, but O'Reilly misses a charge. Parisi with a rude awakening neck breaker for a two count. Parisi chokes O'Reilly across the middle rope and rakes the eyes for good measure. Short-arm clothesline by Parisi, but O'Reilly fights back with several rights. Parisi with a boot to the midsection and slaps across the chest in the corner. Snapmare out of the corner, and Parisi applies a reverse chinlock. O'Reilly escapes with elbows to the midsection, but Parisi drop toe holds him across the middle rope for a two count. Parisi with a series of short rights to the jaw, then applies a sleeper hold. O'Reilly fights back to his feet and pulls Parisi off his back and drops him with a side suplex for a two count. O'Reilly with several roundhouse rights and a scoop slam. ROID RAGE! O'Reilly with a running clothesline into the corner. He goes for... something, but Parisi escapes. Parisi tries for a Russian leg sweep, but O'Reilly counters into a Full Nelson Slam, and that gets the three count at 6:40. *1/2 Parisi made a match out of it, thankfully controlling most of the match, but O'Reilly looked pretty green, using basic stuff for the most part, and just didn't do anything for me. On a side note, I'm not still not used to calling Johnny Swinger this other name.


- The Silverback vs. "Mack Daddy" Johnson:
Johnson quickly pisses me off by doing that gay pose of Randy Orton that I absolutely HATE. Also imagine Ric Flair breeding with Jonathon Coachman, then steal something from Ernest Miller's wardrobe, and you have Mack Daddy. Silverback looks like Test on roids and without the ''talent'' and with stupid "big man on roids" manuerisms, so you can call him Test III. Johnson mocks Silverback's posing before the match. Lockup, and Silverback throws him into the corner. Johnson with a boot to the midsection and applies a side headlock (quite sloppy, too). Silverback escapers and KILL Johnson with a clothesline. Silverback with a slam, followed by a suplex for a two count. Johnson with a poke of the eyes, followed by The Best Dropkick in Wrestling Today for a two count. I guess Johnson is the current Jumping Jim Brunzell, too. Johnson with choking in the ropes, but Silverback is TOO BIG to dominate. Snapmare by Johnson, followed by a neck snap... AND THE BROADCASTER MAKES REFERENCE TO CURT HENNIG! AWESOME! Johnson with some elbows and stomping on the Roidedback. Mack Daddy applies a sleeper hold... and Silverback taps out! Wait, nevermind, he's just pumping up the crowd for support. Silverback escapes and connects with a shitty clothesline, then they fuck up a simple slam attempt. Press slam by Silverback, but it only gets a two count. Silverback with a running shoulder into the corner, but a second attempts meets the knee of Johnson. Johnson rolls him up and hooks the tights for the three count at 4:40. Wait... a skinny black guy pinned a roided up white guy?! WATSUPWITDAT!? DUD The match sucked, and this is a very generous rating. Very sloppy from Silverback. Very, very sloppy. Expect him in WWE in about two weeks.


Damian Steele vs. Eric Perez:
Perez with a series of knees to the midsection, followed by clubbering blows. Irish whip, and Steele comes off the ropes with a sunset flip for a two count. Perez dances like an idiot and comes off the ropes with an X-Factor for a two count. The crowd isn't into this chump at all. Criss-cross sequence, and Perez with a shitty dropkick for another two count. Steele escapes a slam attempt and connects with the Scorpion Deathdrop. Steele with several clotheslines and dropkicks for a two count. Steele with a Northern Lights suplex for another two count. Perez with a head to the midsection and an implant DDT finishes Steele off at 2:49. DUD Another bad match, but at least it was a few minutes shorter... and I guess they had time to fill, since the use of Steele for a second time is a bit unusual.


- Backstage, some guy and Palmer Cannon run down some fat guy in an ugly old mask he calls the Assassin. Cannon apparently is taking over Deep Throat Wrestling... well, this is lame filler. On the other hand, at least I get to see someone I recognized from WWE television.


- The Slaughter Brothers vs. The Giant:
OH FUCK! IT'S THE GREAT KHALI SINGH! HELP ME GOD! AAAAAAAH! Nice genie pants. The Giant throws both men off by the forhead with THE AMAZING Claw! Then he does it again! Slaughter Brother #1 eats a big boot, then Slaughter Brother #2 gets dropped with a headbutt. And That gets the three count at 0:39. Some guy who looks like a cross between Dan Spivey and Damian Demento comes out to fight the Giant (The Something Deacon?), but Palmer Cannon pulls him away before anything can happen. N/R Match wasn't long enough (thank God) to be worth a rating.


- Team Elite vs. High Impact:
(Mike Knox & Derrick Neikirk vs. Tony Santorelli & Mike Taylor)
I have no idea who any of these guys are. High Impact looks like the Red Rooster 2K6 and Shannon Moore meets Marty Jannetty, and the Team Elite dudes are pretty generic looking. Helpful commentary points out Derrick Neikirk is the current DSW Champion. Neikirk and Santorelli start the match with some shoving. Neikirk tries a waistlock, but Santorelli squirms out of it. Neikirk applies a side headlock, and Santorelli escapes on the ground. More feeling out process, with both men trading go-behind waistlocks until Santorelli applies a front facelock. Santorelli goes to the waistlock, and Neikirk counters into an armbar. Santorelli counters back with a head scissors, then starts humping his head. Neikirk escaped and applies a side headlock. Santorelli fights back to his feet and applies a wristlock. Taylor tags in for the first time and works over the left knee of Neikirk with elbow drops. High Impact tag in and out several times over the next minute or so, and continue working over the leg. COMMERCIAL BREAK! We come back with Santorelli having a toe hold applied on Neikirk. Knox nails Santorelli from the apron with a knee to the back, and Neikirk takes Santorelli down with a back suplex. Knox tags in for the first time and drops a series of elbows on the Rooster Boy for a two count. Delayed vertial suplex by Mike Knox... really long delay. That only gets a two count as well. Knox with mounted punches, and Neikirk drives a series of knees into the lower back of Santorelli before applying a reverse chinlock. Irish whip, and Neikirk nails Taylor off the apron out of nowhere. Team Elite work over Santorelli in the corner while Taylor argues with the referee. Knox with several measured rights to Santoelli, and Neikirk with an elbow drop to the back for a two count. Neikirk continues working over the back of Santorelli, then pulls forward on the back of his head. Neikirk grapevines the leg to prevent making a tag, and Knox tags back in. Knox with a scoop slam, followed by a somersault senton from the apron across the back for a two count. Santorelli continues to get the stuffing beat out of him while Taylor stands on the apron looking like a Fag Punk. Neikirk applies an armbar and puts preasure of Santorelli's neck against his knee. Santorelli with an elbow to the midsection, and Neikirk applies a front facelock. Santorelli escapes and takes him over with a hip toss, but another tag is cut off and Neikirk stomps on the back of Santorelli's head. Knox tags in to work him over and drops a big leg for a two count. Knox snaps back on the leg of Santorelli and applies a modified single leg Boston crab. Neikirk tags in and drops an elbow for a two count, then applies a chinlock. Santorelli escapes again with a hip toss, then mule kicks Neikirk away and FINALLY makes the hot tag. Taylor with dropkicks to both men. Clothesline to Knox and atomic drops to everyone. Taylor with a roll up on Knox for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Taylor with a cross body for another two count. Shannon Jannetty dumps Neikirk out of the ring and hammers on Knox with lefts and rights. Irish whip, and Taylor turns a Thesz Press into a reverse fameasser for another two count (another reason to call him Jannetty I guess). Santorelli comes in to brawl with Neikirk as Taylor hammers on Knox. Team Elite get rammed together, and High Impact nail spinning heel kicks in unison, sending Team Elite out of the ring. High Impact nail them off the apron, then dump them back into the ring, and they escape again, and eventually take the count out at 14:59. Pretty fucking cheap finish to what was a good tag formula match. **1/2 The best way to describe this is "Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling." It wasn't great, but the heels worked a nice formula of beating the crap out of one of the Punk losers, and the crowd was hot, but not in an annoying way. Easily the most enjoyable match of the episode.


Final Thoughts: Although only an hour show, they managed to fit in 6 matches (1 fairly long and several others of decent length), as well as interviews and backstage segments between almost all of them. Outside of the main event of the show, none of the matches were that good, but I'll give the show credit for filling up the time as much as possible with WRESTLING as they could... and limitng the Giant Singh to less than a minute is a great move. Good show for the last 20 minutes, not so much for the other 40.

Damian Steele is an XPW alum. Let's just say he was bad by even XPW standards.