So we've seen a month where the Reds and Tigers have excelled, Mirabelli has triumphantly returned to Boston in one of the most useless trades of all time, and Bonds is still a douchebag.


Fire away.

So I grabbed Roger Clemens for my fantasy team today. Hopefully he gets signed up and is pitching by the end of the month. My team is 26-13-1 and in first. Clemens will put me over the top for the season if he plays well.

Despite my team's overall talent level, they're hugely underachieving. I'm like the Phillies!

Speaking of the Phillies, man do they suck.

My team:

Offense:

C - Josh Willingham
1B - Albert Pujols
2B - Tadahito Iguchi
3B - Hank Blalock
SS - Miguel Tejada
OF - Juan Pierre
OF - Gary Sheffield
OF - Carlos Lee
Utl. - Travis Hafner

Bench: Ty Wigginton, Bobby Crosby, Jermaine Dye, Jay Gibbons

Pitching:

Félix Hernández
Aaron Harang
Zach Duke
Huston Street
Todd Jones
Trevor Hoffman
Freddy Garcia
Tim Hudson
Roger Clemens

I can't believe that the Red Sox traded Bard for Mirabelli.

I can't believe they traded Mirabelli in the first place, but this? THIS????

Oi

Don't forget about above average pitching prospect Cla Meredith!

So Mirabelli is back?

Welcome to Boston, where they waste their time trading for people, then trading back for them.

At least we didn't have to pay $200 mil for our team.

You're right... you still paid $140 mil., which is still way too fucking much.

Says the Yankees fan. Tell that to Steinbrenner

Both of your teams are filthy friggin' rich. Especially you, Scrooge. Now play nice.

Next month Bahston will probably trade Papelbon for Bellhorn. :P

If they do, I'll drive to Boston and punch someone myself.

I mean, Loretta is doing good enough

Yeah, that .218 batting average is putting smiles of the Fenway Faithful.

Wait until Crisp gets back.

Besides, he's a patient hitter. He makes pitchers throw LOTS of pitches before David Ortiz can bat. That's as good as a high average to me

I'm not denying that he's a solid player. But making the pitcher throw a lot of pitches and then getting an out is not as good as making them throw a couple and getting on base for Big Papi.

Yay! Aaron Small! (fap fap fap)

I don't want to know what "fap" is.

And the O's pitching chokes again. Erik Bedard leaves the game with a 3-1 lead, and the bullpen blows it. LaTroy Hawkins, Jim Brower (who sucks badly), and John Halama all allowed runs. O's score 4 runs in the 9th, but former Oriole BJ Ryan shuts the door on them, and Baltimore loses 9-7.

Wait... he left leading 3-1 and they LOST 9-7?!?!

Jesus Christ, how does a bullpen allow 8 runs that quickly?

I hereby dub Jim Brower "Kirby", because he sucks so damn bad.


I've never seen a reliever blow more clutch situations and still get trotted out there. There must be somebody better than him somewhere.

Well, Todd Williams is back from injury. And maybe they'll use Tim Byrdak again when he returns from the DL. On the offense side, Markakis is in suck mode, and Brian Roberts has a groin injury which puts him on the 15-day DL.

Arroyo remains perfect for the Reds as he moves to 5-0 after pitching a complete game where he only allowed 4 hits and 1 run. His ERA is now 2.06. St. Louis didn't make him work for it as he only threw 109 pitches.

How the hell are the 3 first place teams in the NL the Mets, Reds, and Rockies?!

(pokes 'self with a stick) Well, I'm not dreaming. And I need a bandage.

Because the Reds had the best offense in the NL last year and the pitching is performing just well enough to get them to 18-8.

Yeah, but it won't last. We'll be passin' you boys in a month or less. Enjoy the ride.

I'll make sure to save that post for when the Cardinals finish in 3rd place this season. :D

To who? The Astros and......the Reds? Excuse me while I laugh for a half hour.

I'm laughing right now that you're behind the Reds.

Then I'll laugh about you being tied for second with the BLUE JAYS.


Bitch.

So? At least we're not the Orioles.

Ouch. Poor Strickler.

Highlight of the Pirates' season: they took 2 of 3 from the Phillies over the weekend. I could sense their manager in the locker room, chanelling the spirit of "Major League": "We won a game. If we win tomorrow, that's 2. If we win again, that's called... a Winning Streak".

They fell short.

You left out the "It has happend before" part, but then I forgot you were talking about the Pirates.

Harry Doyle's call would work for any Oliver Perez-pitched game.

"Vaughn sets...and here's the pitch..." !THUNK! "..oh shit.."

Completely unrelated, but I love it:
"Hey Rick..... y'know, I never had a girlfriend or anything. But I did get kicked in the balls by a mule once! And ya' know what happened a week lafter that? My grandma died...(snif) and..after that, I didn't care about my balls hurting anymore. (snif) See what I'm gettin' at?!"

"Oh shit..." has to rank up there with "(Vaughn throws ball about 10 feet from the strike zone) Just a bit outside..."

So there's a tied game in the bottom of the ninth, your lineup is missing all its punch guys, and you throw in...Brian Fucking Falkenborg, who promptly shits the bed and loses the game. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, LA RUSSA?!

Losing to the Reds via some sucky pitcher who shat himself.

Oh.

Zach Duke pitches a shutout against the Cubs.

Half-full view: There will be more shutouts for Duke.

Half-empty view: It was against the Cubs.