This diary will suck. I'm only doing a halfass diary in my 100th lame attempt to maybe keep playing this game for more than a week.

Backstory.

Vince McMahon had willing sexual relations with a 22-year old slut named Princess Leena. Leena then sued him for sexual harassment, because she's a greedy bitch. And won. Leena obtained the rights to the WWE, and the entire McMahon family was exiled to work in the zoo, cleaning panda poop.

The end.

Introduction by the new Owner.

Press conference with the new WWE owner.

Princess Leena: Hi. I own this thing. Let's cut to the chase about the ensuing changes.

All current title holders are stripped of their titles.

There will be a 64-wrestler tournament to be WWE Champion.

There will only be one WWE Champion. The World Title has been removed.

After the tournament, the Intercontinental, European, Cruiserweight, and Tag Team belts will be added.

The brands will remain the same. The only change with the TV shows, is that the current Internet shows are removed. And are replaced by WWE Scrubs. On every Saturday night at 3am! Scrubs will consist of "superstars" from both brands.

The WWE Championship tournament consists 32 workers from each brand included in the tourney. The draw was made randomly... with the top 16 ranked wrestlers spread amongst the draw.

Here's the draw: http://tournawiz.com/64draw.php?id=82&uid=leena

Fin.

Sweet bracket. Kane v Mickie James, MOTY!~!

Its great to see a new diary pop up since the DWB NWA took over again. I look forward to reading this one, and those brackets are impressive.

Hey - that's the site I was looking for. Thanks. :)

Good stuff, good stuff.

RAW Preview - 5/1/06.

A new era begins, as "May Madness.", the 64-wrestler tournament begins in the quest for the WWE Championship.

Eight 1st round matches begin tonight...



Can the KING OF KINGS win his 11st WWE Championship? Mickie James vs. Kane? Danny Basham is on RAW?

Such excitement.

Watch.

Death to the Spirit Squad! (dances like an idiot)

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 5/1/06.

Triple H interview.

Bow down, bow down, bow down to the King.

“Some broad gets control of my business, and decides to run some cute tournament. Fine! Great! But, all of the boys know it’s a waste of time. The WWE Championships belongs to the King of Kings! The Game! God! And how did I gain such neato monikers? Because I win a lot of matchesaaa! I’m pretty goodaaa!

*says the same thing basically for another 18 minutes*

So, cheerleader fag, tonight, your fantasy ends. Apparently, the online losers think you were all that in OVW, whatever that is. The morons can think what they want. The fact remains that when it comes to workrate, I am the greatest. I bust my ass in one-hour classic matches at PPV’s because I am just so gosh darn great!

Tonight, I’m squashing you, Doane!”

----------

1st Round: Gene Snitsky vs Rene Dupree.
Snitsky in control early with punches.
Dupree fights back, hits Full Nelson slam
1…. 2….
Dupree with a big clothesline
1… 2….
Snitsky with a big boot.
Pumphandle slam. End.

Winner: Gene Snitsky (4:52) 1/2*

----------

1st Round: Matt Striker vs Chavo Guerrero
Chavo controls for most of the match.
Crowd chants EDDIE.
Chavo cries.
Matt hits the Happy Monkey, and Chavo taps.

Winner: Matt Striker (6:29) DUD

----------

Grisham: “Chavo, you lost.”

Chavo: “Eddie Guerrero.”

Grisham: “Talk about your match.”

Chavo: “Eddie Guerrrero?”

Grisham: “K. Bye.”

Chavo: “Eddie. Eddie. Guerrrrrerrrro.”

----------

The Spirit Squad is backstage.

“Cheer. We will all have to work hard to defeat Val Venis. He’s a professional jobber, so we like can’t lose, and stuff. Rah rah, Johnny is gonna win, sis boom bah.”

1st Round: Johnny vs Val Venis

Venis hits a right hand and slam.
More jobber offense.
Johnny flips around and stuff.
Venis no-sells it with his oozing machismo.
Venis goes for the Money Shot, this will do it.
But Mitch or Mikey, whichever one isn’t injured, I can’t remember, pulls Venis off the ropes.
Ref sees it.
Spirit Squad do the lifty thing to Venis then.
Pain ensues.

Winner: Val Venis, via DQ. (8:20) 3/4*

----------

Maria: “Hi. I’m Maria. You’re Chris Masters. You have match against some guy.”

Masters: “DER. IM DA MASTERPIECE. BOO ME.”

Maria: “BOO!”

Masters: “YAYA BOOOOO I POOT YA IN DA MASTERLOCK! NOBODY CAN GET IN IT AND THAN GET OUT OF IT! IM DA GIME BUNNIE!”

1st Round: Chris Masters vs Danny Basham
Piss break for the crowd.
Danny won when Masters tripped over his drool.

Winner: Danny Basham (0:27) -***

----------

1st Round: (9) Rob Van Dam vs Trevor Murdoch
Power fat guy stuff from Murdoch to starts.
RVD sells with mild discomfort.
Then magically gains all his power back for a flying elbow.
IT'S 420 TIME, OH EM GEE IM SO HIGH
1….2….2.87
RVD face jams Murdoch.
1….2…2.33
Some more uninspired brawling from Murdoch.
RVD counters with a Spin Kick.
Then Rolling Thunder.
Then poses like Mickey Mouse.
Then hits the 5 Star Frog Splash.
Then rolls around with a sore tummy.
Then pins Murdoch.
Then wins.

Winner: (9) Rob Van Dam (5:02) 1/2*

----------

Cade and Murdoch are backstage. They wanted to rip into Edge. They’re angry that they suck, and Cade so knows he’s losing to Edge.

Meanwhile, Edge stuffs his entire head inside of Lita.

1st Round: (8) Edge vs Lance Cade
Squash.
Then, Lita cheats by going in the ring and slapping Cade.
Ref sees it, but it’s Lance Cade. So, whatever.
Murdoch tries to interfere, but missed his cue, so ignore that.
Spear from stick boy that wouldn’t kill a fly.
3.

Winner: (8) Edge (1:42) **1/4

----------

Kane backstage: “Mickie James. This will be the greatest match ever. Inside of that ring. I will rape you in front a live national audience. Muahahahaha.”

1st Round: (16) Kane vs Mickie James

Mickie James takes the mic.

“Kane… ummm, I wouldn’t mind sleeping around. But, I only do that with girls. So, bye.”

Kane runs up the ramp and grabs Mickie.
Throws in the ring.
Giant chokeslam, and he starts to undress Mickie.
We see her lovely breasts.
And her roast beef down there.
For pics, search online. Google is best. This is a family show.
Then, Kane suddenly remembered that he burned his penis off long ago, and cries.
CONTINUITY IS REBORN!
Mickie runs away, and loses via countout.

Winner: (16) Kane, via countout, I guess (2:00) -*

----------

1st Round: (1) HHH vs Kenny
Kenny walks into a knee.
HHH hits him with more knees.
Knee lift.
The Spirit Squad looks to interfere, but HHH stares at them, and they back off.
Then they attack anyway, and of course, HHH beats them 1-on-5.
Pedigree. Take it to da pay winda.

Winner: (1) HHH (0:58) *

----------

Results!



Next week on RAW, more 1st round fun! Tune in!

I'm not entirely sure what to make of this.

You meant to sleep with McMahon, didn't you? This was your plan all along.



















AWESOME

This is just plain weird, I'm not going to lie. No wonder why you are friends with Scrooge. That Kane/Mickie James match...gross.

AWESOME!

And go Kane! KANE! KAAAAAAAAAAAANE~!!

Dude, she is friends with Scrooge?

Goddamit.

Probably not.

Yeah, probably not. :P

And we haven't gotten to the wrestlers I perv over yet...

I sense some disturbing male nudity in the future. In which case, I'm going to kill Scrooge.

You seriously need to add BALLOONS at the end of each main event.

Why is it always ME that has to be THE CENTER OF ATTENTION?

BALLOONS, why?

Because you're the one who's always talking about male nudity.

NO I'M NOT, you lying scumbag!

What about Kane?

I'm just a mark for Kane. BIG DEAL!

Getting a little defensive, there.

I knew you'd break down.

...? Break this! (thrusts crotch)

Let's steer this ship back on topic.

Ok... Come on, Kane! WOOO!

BALLOONS were the gimmick in my shitty DWB/NWA promotion. At the end of every main event, I'd have BALLOONS fall from the ceiling. My promo for each week was : "Next week! Crappy matches! Some Interviews! BALLOONS!"

Well...at least I thought it was Fuckin' Awesome

Ohhh, I see. :)

Well, Smackdown will be better than Raw.

At least I hope so, since I actually watch and enjoy SD, instead of insulting Raw and wishing it tons of misfortune.

Please job Cena out to an inatimate carbon rod or something.

Well, Johnny Parisi is close to that.

We'll see what happens.

Wow. That show was excellent, especially the Triple H promo.

SMACKDOWN 5/5/06

Michael Cole: Welcome to Friday Night Smackdown! With me is Tazz, and we have a super show lined up for you tonight! 8 1st round matches in the quest for the WWE Championship!



Tazz: Yeah Cole, look at the lineup we got today. Undertaker/Booker T in a first round match?! That’s like 9 world titles amongst them! That could be a final for dis tournament. Plus, the return of Batista! Randy Orton! Bobby Lashley! Wow!

Michael Cole: Wow, indeed! And now we take you to a Scotty Go Potty match.

********************

Round 1: Scotty Go Potty vs. Gunner Scott

Tazz: Hey Cole, when did Scotty 2 Hotty change his name to Scotty Go Potty?

Cole: To be honest, I was surprised he was still hired by WWE. But, I must say this a fine name and gimmick change for him.

Tazz: Yeah, well overdue! And who’s this other guy?

Cole: Who knows? Let’s ignore this match, and hopefully it will go away soon.

Series of hip tosses to start, followed by a dropkick knocks Gunner to the mat.
Dropkick to the knee by Go Potty firmly puts down the former Albright.
Scotty goes for a flying elbow, but MISSES!
Gunner takes advantage with a huge suplex, and goes for the pin.
1….1.8.
Scotty tries to counter with a hurricanrana, but Gunner counters with a powerbomb.
Hooks the leg, 1….2…2.8… Scotty just gets his shoulder up.
Gunner then stupidly goes for a sleeper hold, quieting the crowd.
Scotty retards up, and takes the offense with a Russian leg sweep.
Followed by a flying axe handle, setting up… sigh.
You know the rest.
Still a good match, though.

Winner: Scotty Go Potty, via pinfall. (8:55) **3/4

***************************

Round 1: Jamie Noble vs. Sylvan

Sylvan botches a neckbreaker on Noble to start, but thankfully Noble is fine.
Noble then pulls out a mule kick, then a back heel kick, which Sylvan takes the bump on his head twice.
Noble is trying his damndest, but we’re in “bowling shoe ugly” territory here, so James wisely cuts to the chase.
Modified Dragon Sleeper, and Sylvan passes out.

Winner: Jamie Noble, via submission (2:30) **1/2

******************************

Randy Orton comes to the ring.

Randall: I’d like to thank our fine new chairman for giving me the opportunity to win the WWE Championship. A FAIR opportunity. As everyone knows I am a 3rd-generation superstar. And I enjoy killing legends. Triple H may call himself the King of Kings, but I am the proven Legend of Legends.

And look how damn sexy I am. I can have every woman in the world. I am truly irresistible. I can treat you all like shit, and you’ll flock to me.

Of course, I don’t expect any of you pathetic male losers to understand. So, continue booing me. Your jealousy only proves how damned incredible I am. Love me.

Oh, and Joey Mercury. Please refrain from attending our match today. It’s pointless. I’m only interested in defeating legends. And the only real legend on this paltry brand, is The Undertaker. Who has lessened himself to cheating tactics in order to defeat me before. That will be no more, however. I will defeat him.

So, Joey, please don’t interfere with my plans. Thank you.

**********************

Round 1: Mark Henry vs. Nunzio

Nunzio starts the match out with a spin kick, and a lariat that has the big man shaking.
Then, an attempted cross-body from the 2nd rope… and Henry catches Nunzio.
Henry tosses Nunzio in the air, and catches him by the neck, and sends him down with a side choke slam.
Nunzio looks dead.
Then, Henry drags Nunzio up again and delivers a huge power slam.
Splash. And Nunzio is mush.
3.

Winner: Mark Henry, via pinfall (1:46) **1/4

**********************

Round 1: Paul London vs. Finlay

MY NAME IS FINLAY. AND I LIKE TO FIGHT.

Tazz: Ooh, Cole. I’ve been waiting for this matchup. Should be a wrestling masterpiece.

Finlay starts things out with some right hands, that back London into a corner.
Followed by a Stun Gun.
But, London manages to counter afterwards with a kick to the sternum.
London hits a flying kick from the top rope, and follows with a hurricanrana pin attempt.
1…2… 2.5
London hits a huge spinning kick to the jaw of Finlay, that knocks him down.
He follows with a 450 attempt from the top rope!
1….2….3… no he didn’t… 2.95!
London goes for a headlock afterwards, and Finlay fights his way out.
A brutal forearm shiver causes London to bleed from the mouth.
Vertical suplex from Finlay, and London is in trouble.
Some more stiff punches to London’s bloodied mouth further exacerbates Paul’s breathing.
Finlay then takes advantage with the Emerald Fusion!
1….2….3.
Finlay then grabs his shillalegh and beats the hell out of London!
London now his entire face covered in blood.
Though shalt not fuck with Finlay.

Winner: Finlay, via pinfall. (13:38) ***3/4

********************

Hardcore Holly backstage with Josh Matthews.

Matthews: Hardcore Holly, it’s good to see you in fine health again, and back to WWE.

Holly: Quiet. I’m here to teach some lessons to the new kids out there. I plan on beating the hell out of each and every one of ya. Bobby Lashley, prepare for pain. I’m gonna injure ya. How ya like me now.

Round 1:(15) Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly

Hardcore runs right at Lashley, and gives him some quick punches.
However, Holly goes for a body slam, which Lashley refuses to move for.
Lashley then does a firm spike slam, and side slam which knocks Holly out.
Lashley continues with his power offense, and whips Holly into the corner.
With Lashley in full control of the match, he celebrates with the crowd, and Holly uncovers the top turnbuckle.
Lashley slowly walks over, and Holly grabs Bobby by the tights, and slings him headfirst into the open turnbuckle.
Holly then knocks down the staggered Lashley with one of his trademark perfect drop kicks.
1…2….3.

Winner: Hardcore Holly, via pinfall & cheating (7:40) ***1/2

************************

Round 1: (10) Randy Orton vs. Joey Mercury

HEY! NOTHIN’ YOU CAN SAY!

Mercury hits an early drop kick on Orton, to which Melina screams…

And WWE owner Princess Leena comes to ring…

Princess Leena : Excuse me, Melina. But that behavior is unacceptable in a match with such a fine wrestler in the ring. Leave the arena, or you’re fired. That is all.

Melina departs.
Orton then hits the RKO on his Joey, who wonders why he’s still on television without Melina there.
Fin.

Winner: Randy Orton, via pinfall (1:00} **3/4

************************

Batista is backstage, and mumbles about returning from injury. He looks good in a suit.

(7) Batista vs. Orlando Jordan

Batista jumps into the ring, and tears a quad.
And his pecs.
He sits on the mat, and Orlando pins him.
Steroids are bad, kids.

Winner: Orlando Jordan, via pinfall (0:12) *1/2.

*************************

(2) Undertaker, The vs. Booker T

Undertaker punches.
More punches.
Punch.
Punch.
Old School, which Booker T no-sells.
Then Taker feels mild discomfort with whatever Booker T does.
Taker goes for The Last Ride, but Booker manages to drill Taker in the balls while upside down.
Taker says “he’s not feeling it”.
Booker hits the Scissors Kick, Bookend, and Harlem Hangover, which the big asshole still won’t lay down for.
Taker sits up, and Booker legit axe kicks Taker in the back of the head, knocking him out cold.
1….2….3.
Rest in piece, cocksucker.

Winner: Booker T, via pinfall (14:23) **1/2

**********************

Cole: For all of you that don’t want to read this shit, here’s the results today.



That’s all. I’m tired. Watch Scrubs on Sunday.

Scotty Go Potty. :lol:

I loved the balloons ;)

Why did Leena get banned

I think she was one of the accidental ones.

That's really sad, honestly.

At least we don't have to deal with the "You're hot" replies anymore.