WWF August-September 1996 Television Compilation
- After hours of hard work and mind altering substances to make me contemplate getting this crap, I finally have 1 of 2 missing pieces to my long list of TV compilations. Through 1993 and March '97, I taped the WWF religiously, but over the course of time, two tapes either broke or were stpuidly taped over. The two in question were the build-up to the 1994 Royal Rumble and what follows, and the other, the one I'm reviewing now, takes place around SummerSlam '96 through the IYH: Mind Games PPV. Since I finished the stretch of reviews months ago, I declare this "The Lost Review Part I." I should also note almost all the matches are from SuperStars, unless otherwise noted.
- The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Who:
And right away, I get thrusted into a truck load of manure. For those who didn't read a previous review describing Who, it's basically Jim Neidhart under a dingy yellow mask, and the commentary teams spend some time making terrible "Who" jokes, like the ones Abbott and Costello would do with the "Who's on first" bit. This is from the weekend of SummerSlam '96, so witness the last time Paul Bearer managed the Undertaker on SuperStars, the same show he debuted at as his manager back in February 1991. Who attacks before the bell, hammering with big rights in the corner. Irish whip to the corner, and Who runs into a big boot. Undertaker misses an elbow drop, and Who goes back to the clubberin'. Irish whip, and Undertaker comes off the ropes with a flying clothesline. Tombstone Piledriver time, and it's over just like that at 1:10. Damn that was quick. I guess only Who knew Who was jobbing to 2 moves. Oh fuck, now I'm making those horrible jokes. (DUD)
- Savio Vega & Freddy Joe Floyd vs. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw & Uncle Zebekiah:
If you told me in 1996 that Justin Bradshaw would be a World Champion, I would've laughed in your face. Hell, I was laughing when Jim Ross said it at the 1996 Survivor Series. This one isn't going to be pretty. FJF is most liekly better known as Tracy Smothers, playing a "good ol' country bumpkin", and Zebekiah is known as Dutch Mantell, a.k.a the guy who nearly killed NWA-TNA in 2003-2004 with his stupid booking and "We're booking for 70 year olds" mentality. I think the "program" going on at the time was Floyd debuted and scored an upset on Bradshaw. There was also a minor Vega/Bradshaw feud going on during June-July as well, so maybe it's a cross-promoted match. The babyfaces rush the ring and attack Bradshaw with some clubbing blows. Irish whip is reversed, and Vega comes off the ropes with a cross body for a two count. Floyd tags in and they connect with a double dropkick. Floyd with a series of thrusts to the side of the head, followed by a jumping heel kick. Vega comes back in and works over Bradshaw in the corner. Irish whip to the corner, but Bradshaw misses a charge, and Vega rolls him up for a two count. Bradshaw thumbs Floyd in the eyes to take control, but that lasts about as long as the Undertaker's offense in the last match. Zebekiah with a cheap shot to FJF, allowing the heels now to get to lay the smackdown on his crippled ass... whoops, sorry, quoting Hulk Hogan there. JBL with a scoop slam on Floyd, and now Zebekiah tags in for the first time to stomp away. Zebekiah with a clothesline and rake of the eyes. Floyd tries fucking back, but gets caught in the corner... AND IT'S TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL! We come back with Bradshaw whipping Floyd hard into the corner. More double teaming by the heels while Vega distracts the referee. Zebekiah comes back in and quickly gets kicked in the belly, but it's not good enough to allow Floyd to tag out. Floyd with a diving back elbow on Zebekiah, and now Vega gets the hot tag. He nails everyone and puts Zebekiah down with a spinning heel kick for a two count. Floyd and Bradshaw brawl now, as Vega rolls up Zeb' after ducking a shot with the branding iron, and that's the three count at 8:37. After the match, Bradshaw and Zebekiah kick Floyd's ass, just because they can. Not a very good match, but I've seen much, much, much, much worse from all of these guys. (*)
- "Man-O-War" Aldo Montoya vs. Crush (w/ Clarence Mason):
Jesus Christ, it's like a collection of crappy gimmicks, and we're only three matches into the tape! Crush had recently returned about a week earlier, now playing an evil convict with the fakest tattoo I've ever seen on his forhead. I guess that's better than being the sucky member of Demolition, a smiling nice-guy wearing bright orange and purple, or a villain from the foreign country of Hawaii. J.R. helpfully (but not thankfully) reminds me that Aldo was Jake Roberts' "protege" around this time, and he even used the DDT to beat Jerry Lawler with it a very weeks earlier. Crush with a boot to the midsection and a series of headbutts. Snapmare takeover and chinlock applied by Crush. That must be a record for "quickest to perform a resthold in a match." Irish whip, and Montoya mounts a comeback with rights and a dropkick. Diving clothesline by Montoya, but then he runs into a tilt-o-whirl back breaker. Crush throws Aldo over the top rope and follows out to dish out more punishment... to me, for sitting through his lumbering crappy offense of punching. Crush with an overhead shoulder breaker (think Papa Shango's finishing move), and the Full Nelson makes Aldo submit at 3:10. Basically a squash match, and at least it was kept short. (1/2*)
- "Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin:
Time for me to get HAPPY! The only other matches I've seen between these two were both very good-great (from KOTR '96 and International Incident), so I have high expectations here, even if it's on free T.V. and on a show no one watched by 1996. Before the match, we see Sunny behind a screen deciding on what bikini she'll wear for the Bikini Beach Blast-Off. The less said about that, the better... especially since it's coming up NEXT! Lockup into the ropes, and Mero gives a clean break. Lockup #2, and Austin tries a cheap shot in the corner. Mero ducks, and floors Austin with a big right. Outside they go, and Austin with a kick to the midsection. Back into the ring, and Austin drops an elbow across the back of the neck. Irish whip is reversed, and Mero takes Austin over with a back drop. Mero with a dropkick, followed by an arm drag, and into the armbar. Austin with some hair pulling. Austin with a drop toe hold to counter, but Mero escapes and goes back to working the arm. In the meantime, Goldust and Marlena join the broadcast booth. Irish whip to escape, and Mero puts Austin down with a shoulder block. LOU THESZ PRESS~! by Austin, followed by a series of rights. COMERCIAL! We come back with Austin having a chinlock apploed, and using the ropes for leverage. Too much split-screen stuff on Marlena and Goldust. McMahon steals an old Piper quote, saying "when we know the answers, you change the questions" in Goldust's direction. Random note about the Mero/Sable and Goldust/Marlena thing... was I the only one back then thinking "Lesbian angle"? Mero escapes with a series of elbows to the midsection, but gets caught in a sleeper hold. Irish whip, and Mero comes off the ropes with a spinning head scissors. For no reason, out comes Mankind, screaming something about mommy at Sable. Sable's acting here can be summed up with one name: Hayden Christensen. In the ring, Mero connects with a top rope hurricanrana. He heads outside to brawl with Mankind, and apparently it's a Disqualification win for Mero at 5:54. Afterwards, Mankind applies the Mandible Claw on Mero, then chases Sable around until the Undertaker makes his way out to stalk Mankind. LAME! Nowhere close to being as good as their previous matches, thanks to a lack of time and an undecisive finish. I'm really disappointed, mainly because this was one of thew bright spots on the tape! (*1/2)
- Yokozuna vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin:
From the SummerSlam '96 Free For All, and a match I still don't understand. First, Yokozuna had all but disappeared from WWF Television in May '96 following his loss to Owen Hart in a KOTR Qualidying Round. Second, Austin, the King of the Ring Winner, is reduced to a FREE FOR ALL MATCH on the 2nd biggest PPV of the year? In 1994 and 1995, the winner got title shots, and in 1993, Hart was put into a pretty high profile feud with Jerry Lawler. In 1996, Austin gets a shit match on a show seen on the preview channel. The entrances of either man are longer than the actual match. Austin attacks from behind with roundhouse rights, but Yokozuna "Fat's-Up" and floors him with rights and a headbutt. Austin thumbs the eyes and punches more. Yokozuna barely budges from two clotheslines, then plants Austin with a Samoan drop. Yokozuna follows with a fat-assed leg drop, and it's time for the Bonzai Drop. Gravity proves not to be Yokozuna's friend though, as he falls off, ripping out the top turnbuckle and rope along with it! Austin makes the easy cover at 1:53, and that might be the easiest win for him ever in the WWF. Didn't even have to do the Kick-Wham-Stunner (or any other wrestling move, for that matter). (DUD)
The Bikini Beach Blast-Off! For those who don't remember, the BBBO was some stupid idea used to promote the Free For All, the selling point being able to see Sunny, Sable, and Marlena in bikini's. Sadly, that's all there is for the good stuff. The vision of wrestlers sun-bathing INDOORS is stupid enough, but the overall thing is just that. Wrestlers laying around sun-bathing in-doors. Visual "pleasures" include Goldust wearing a thong over his ring attire, Aldo Montoya wearing his mask, even when he's half-dressed, and the Bushwackers... Jesus, were these guys STILL around?! Oh yeah, and Lawler is floating around inside of a pool. Todd Pettengill obviously makes an ass out of himself, stomping over Aloex Porteau(?)'s sand castle, staring at Sunny's ass for about 30 seconds )OK, who can blame him?), and just in general being a nuesiance to everyone around. The biggest pile of crap involves crap, as we see a "brown log" thing floating around the bottom of the pool. Naturally, T.L. Hopper examines the fecal matter, but eats it, since it looks like a candy bar. For the love of God, I hope those nuts aren't what I think they are.
- Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Who:
Oh great, more of Who. On top of that, we've got Born-Again Bible-Thumping Jake Roberts, complete with Bible Thumping Wrist Action, available in Toys R' Us today! We're about a week removed from SummerSlam, which featured Roberts doing the job to a giant bottle of alcohol. Who actually has an introduction, and get this... his hometown his "who knows where", and his weight is "who knows what." You can't buy creativity like that anymore. I wonder who Jim Neidhart pissed off to be stuck with this gimmick. Who attacks before the bell... again, and pounds away in the corner. Irish whip across the ring, and Who continues the clubbing. Roberts fights back with some his signature rights and lefts, but Who rakes the eyes to take control, then chokes Roberts across the middle rope. Irish whip, and Who with a clothesline. Who continues punching as the crowd chants for the DDT. More choking, more punching, more punching, more choking. Who misses a diving clothesline, and Roberts connects with the short-arm clothesline. Jake with the DDT, and it's all over at 2:45. I was hoping this would be as short as the Undertaker/Who match from earlier on the tape, but I'm not that lucky. Total crap. (DUD)
- "Man-O-War" Aldo Montoya vs. Salvatore Sincere:
From the next week of SuperStars, and more garbage. We've already covered Montoya countless times already, but Sincere is a stereotype Italian (with a terrible accent) who claims to be "Sincere", except he's not. You can't buy comedy like that... and yes, I just used the same joke in two straight matches. Lockup into the corner, and Sincere gives him a kiss on both cheeks... on his face. BITCH SLAP by Sincere, and he hides in the corner. Sincere whips Montoya across the ring, but a series of reversals leads to Montoya connecting with a dropkick. Irish whip to the corner is rveersed, and Sincered bounces off the ropes with a clothesline. I'm sure he stole that spot from Raven... if Raven used it back then. Sincere with a second rope elbow drop, then dumps Montoya over the top rope. Montoya hangs on and comes off the top with as cross body for a two count. Montoya with a diving clothesline for another two count. Sincere catches Montoya coming off the ropes and finishes him off with the "Sincerely Yours" (a Full Nelson Slam) at 2:18. What's with all these matches being so short? It was looking decent from what was here, but way too short to give a good rating. (*)
- Bodydonna Zip vs. Goldust (w/ Marlena):
I can't believe I'm typing ZIP as a wrestlers name. Yes, I did it before, but it didn't really come to me how stupid that name is for a wrestler (or anyone in general). Before the match, we get a pre-recorded promo from Goldust and Marlena. In a bit of unintentional comedy, Kevin Kelly says Zip is a "young man." I'll ignore Tom Prichard has been in wrestling since the Mid 70's and had to be pushing 40 by this point, for the sake of not insulting Kevin Kelly. Lockup to start, and Goldust applies a wristlock, then follows with a slap. Goldust rakes the eyes and hammers away on Zip. Irish whip, and Zip escapes a back drop and hammers away. Irish whip is reversed, and Goldust connects with the butt-butt for a two count. Goldust drops Zip throat-first across the top rope. Goldust works over Zip in the corner, stomping a Golden Mudhole in his ass. Goldust with another rake of the eyes to take control. Zip with a sloppy small package for a two count. Goldust takes control again and floors Zip with a clothesline for a two count. Zip hammers on Goldust in the corner as we go to a Commercial. We come back with Zip escaping a headlock with elbows to the midsection. Goldust remains in control (still), and mounts Zip in the corner. For punching, that is. Irish whip across the ring is reversed, but Zip runs into an elbow. Goldust poses, allowing Zip to roll him up for a two count. Goldust finishes with the Curtain Call moments later at 4:27. Sloppy match that was all over the place. Not something I expected from Tom Prichard and Dustin Rhodes. I guess you can blame 1996 WWF booking on this stinker. (1/4*)
- Barry Horowitz vs. Faarooq Asad (w/ Sunny):
From the next week on SuperStars. Horowitz was back to being Mr. Job In 90 Seconds by this point, and Faarooq was still wearing his goofy Gladiator attire with nerf helmet. Horowitz bounces off the ropes, and runs right into a clothesline. Horowitz with some punching, but Faarooq floors "Horriblewitz" with a shoulder block. Holy crap, Kevin Kelly mentions the Sunny/Horowitz scenario from many months previous. We get a promo from Savio Vega, who faces Faarooq in the 1st Round of the Intercontinental Title Tournament. Close your eyes, and it kinda sounds like Carlito, except without the apple in his mouth. I turn my attentions back to the match, and Faarooq finishes off Horowitz with the Dominator at 2:11. Yet another squash match, in a series of them on this tape. I guess I have one positive thing to say about it, though: I got to look at Sunny for about 14 seconds, and made reference to Mr. Perfect's clever nickname for Horowitz. (1/4*)
- Freddy Joe Floyd vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin:
Blech, more Floyd garbage. More squashes for everyone! WHOOPY! Brian Pillman joins the commentary team for this match. Austin starts with a standing side headlock and turns it into a hammerlock. Floyd counters into his own and applies a headlock. Irish whip to escape, and Floyd comes off the ropes with a cross body for a two count. Headlock takeover by Austin, followed by a shoulder block. Austin floors Floyd with a roundhouser right and pounds away on him. Pillman does some shootin' on commentary, talking about his background with the Hart Family, and calling Perfect "Mr. Hennig." For those wondering why that's noteworthy, the name "Hennig" was only name dropped since 1990 to make reference to his father, or it was a slip up. Floyd tries a comeback, but Austin puts him down with the Lou Thesz Press. The Stone Cold Stunner finishes Floyd's night early at 2:13. Hopefully he can make it home in time to eat some fried pigs feet. Another match that looked to be going somewhere, but ended up being nothing more than a quick squash. (3/4*)
- The Undertaker vs. Salvatore Sincere:
From the 9/9/96 episode of Monday Night Raw. For the first time in over 5 years, we're seeing the Undertaker no longer managed by Paul Bearer. We're joined in progress here with Sincere hammering away on 'Taker with rights. Undertaker no-sells though and choke-lift and slams Sincere back down. Undertaker with a series of blows to the midsection, and a whip across the ring. Undertaker misses a charge, and Sincere takes him over with an arm drag. Undertaker escapes an armbar with a roundhouse right. Undertaker misses an elbow drop, and Sincere stomps away on him in the corner. Sincere with a jaw-breaker, followed by shoulder thrusts to the midsection. Irish whip across the ring, and Sincere takes him down with a clothesline for a two count. Sincere pounds away with rights, and takes Undertaker down with a side Russian leg sweep for a two count. We get a Goldust and Marlena promo while Sincere applies a reverse chinlock. Sincere remains in control, to my surprise as we go to a commercial break. We come back with Undertaker escaping a headlock with a back suplex. Undertaker with a headbutt, but he runs into a powerslam from Sincere. Sincere with a series of elbow drops. Undertaker sits up now, and comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline. Undertaker with the chokeslam, and a Tombstone Piledriver puts Sincere away at 7:39. Sincere over-sells that to the point you might think he was the influence for the Rock over-selling the Stone Cold Stunner years later. Joking aside, a surprisingly decent match, but the chinlock spot was a bit too long. (*1/2)
- Savio Vega vs. Vader (w/ Jim Cornette):
Back to SuperStars, and the first episode to be broadcasted on the USA Network, and on a new day, too (Sunday morning). Those who have no life may remember that Vega was used as the Sacrificial Lamb to put over Vader during his debuts at the Royal Rumble and the night after on Monday Night Raw. Vega dances around the ring to avoid Vader, no doubt learning not to go head on and get his ass kicked like last time. Lockup into the corner, and Vader with his signature punches across the chest and side of the head. Vader connects with a short-arm clothesline. Irish whip, and Vega comes off the ropes with several clotheslines, but misses a spinning heel kick. Vader with an avalanch in the corner, but he runs into a heel kick in the opposite corner. Vega hammers away with rights and chops. Vader thumbs the eyes of Vega, but gets nailed with a dropkick. Vega whips Vader into the corner and connects with his corner heel kick for a two count. Vader whips Vega to the ropes and puts him down with his pump-splash. Commercial time, and we come back with Vader connecting with a clothesline. Vader heads up to the middle rope for his signature splash, but Vega gets up and kicks Vader in the ass and takes him down from the middle turnbuckle with a back suplex. Vega tries a sunset flip, but wisely moves out of the of an ass drop, and covers for a two count. Vega with a cross body press for another two count. Vader puts Vega down with a clothesline, and the Powerbomb is enough to put Vega away at 4:57. Another surprisingly good match, considering I've given maybe 2 Vega matches good ratings. Kept short enough to limit resting (a.k.a zero), and Vega's comebacks were rather entertaining. (**1/4)
- The Stalker vs. The Goon:
This is Barry Windham's Debut as the Stalker on SuperStars. Despite being introduced as "the Stalker", Jim Ross and Mr. Perfect both refer to him as Barry Windham, and J.R. even calls The Goon "Bill Irwin." HE BE SHOOTING! Brawling to start, with Windham winning that battle. Irish whip, and Windham puts the Goon down with a back elbow. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and the Goon misses a running high knee. A split-screen shows us an interview with Gorilla Monsoon, shooting down comments of J.R. saying Diesel and Razor Ramon will be coming back, and calling him a fountain of misinformation. Back to the match, and the Goon drives a knee into the midsection of Windham. Windham fights back with forearms and rams Goon into the buckle. The Goon takes control eventually with crappy punching and not much else. Windham fights back for good, and finishes off the Goon soon after with the Super-Plex at 4:28. Not a very good match, to say the least. I watched most of this match on Fast Forward, so I can't give it a lower rating than usual. (DUD)
- Bob Holly & Alex Porteau vs. Owen Hart & The British Bulldog (w/ Jim Cornette):
We get highlights from Monday Night Raw, where Bob Holly and Porteau (a.k.a the Pug, who's gimmick was being a wrestler) scored an upset in a non-title match against Tag Team Champions, the Smoking Gunns. Bulldog and Owen challenge for the belts at IYH: Mind Games later in the day, so here's their warm-up match. Owen and Holly start, with Holly applying a side headlock. Holly comes off the ropes with a shoulder block. Owen Hart with a hip toss, and Holly fights him off with a mule kick. Porteau tags in and they double team on Bulldog. Irish whip, and they take him over with a back drop. Irish whip, and Porteau takes Bulldog over with several hip tosses. Owen runs into a drop toe hold, and Porteau sends him out of the ring with a dropkick. Porteau works the arm of Bulldog more, and Holly tags in to do more of the same. Bulldog fights free and tags in Owen, who gets taken over again. Irish whip, and Holly connects with a spinning heel kick to the side of the head. Bulldog tags in for some wish-boning on Holly. Owen with an inverted atomic drop, and tags back out to Bulldog. Holly escapes a suplex, but a double collision puts both men down. Porteau and Owen both tag in. Porteau with a back drop on Owen, and another to Bulldog. Bulldog kicks Porteau in the back from the apron, and finishes him off with the running powerslam... wait, Owen applies the Sharpshooter, and now it's over at 3:31. Fun match while it lasted, but it was a bit hard to keep up with at times. After the match, the Smoking Gunns run in to brawl with Owen and Davey Boy. Since both teams are heels, no one really cares about it. (**1/2)
- The Body Donnas vs. Owen Hart & The British Bulldog:
From the 9/23/96 episode of Monday Night Raw. I could've sworn Skip (Chris Candido) was gone by this point, but I'm wrong again I see. We're joined in progress, with Skip having an armbar applied on Davey Boy. DBS escapes with a scoop slam and tags out to Owen. They do a wristlock counter, with Skip controlling. He gets caught in the heels corner, but manages to escape a Bulldog press slam and rolls him up for a two count. Promo from Jim Cornette, who bitches out Clarence Mason, who stole the contracts of Owen and Bulldog from under his nose. Back in the ring, and Owen misses a splash. Zip gets the hot tag and hammers away on both opponents. Back elbow to Bulldog, and a back drop on Owen. Skip comes in and gets back dropped onto Bulldog outside of the ring. Gutwrench powerbomb by Zip, and he heads up to the top rope for a Rocket Launcher Splash, but Owen kicks out at two. Irish whip is reversed, and Zip gets nailed in the back by Bulldog. Owen connects with a spinning heel kick, and the Sharpshooter forces Zip to submit at 3:01. Too short, but was pretty good for 3-minutes. Lots of quick action, but sometimes being too quick isn't the greatest thing ever. Now THIS I believe was Skip's final appearence on Monday Night Raw. (**1/4)
- The Stalker vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
Also from the 9/23/96 episode of Raw, and coming towards the end of Helmsley's Job Tour '96 run for pulling the "Curtain Call" shit at Madison Square Garden 5 months earlier. Hemsley hides in the ropes a few times, but Windham throws him down and works over the arm with a wristlock and elbows across the forearm. Windham applies another wristlock, then floors Hunter with a roundhouse right. Hammerlock slam by Windham, and he continues working the arm. Hunter with a thumb to the eyes to take control. That doesn't last long, as Windham takes Hunter down with a back drop and does more boring arm work. Hunte with a series of knees to the midsection, and he dumps Windham out of the ring. Out comes Mr. Perfect, no doubt to steal Hunter's Valet for a Day service woman. Hunter avoids a charge in the corner from Windham, but is too distracted by Perfect. Windham connects with a back suplex as we go to a commercial. We come back with Windham wiping the floor with Hunter outside of the ring. This one fucking sucks, and yes, that came out of nowhere. Hunter finally takes control for good, dropping a knee across the forhead for a two count. Reverse chinlock applied, and it's time to hit Fast Forward. Windham beats Hunter around the ring for a while before applying a chinlock. Hunter escapes with a back suplex. Hunter climbs up the ropes to yell at Perfect, allowing Windham to crotch him across the top, and his signature Super-Plex ends it at 7:26. Damn, doing a clean job to Barry Windham 3 years past being worth a shit in the ring had to suck. Terrible match, one that I hope I never have to watch again. (-*)
- WWF Intercontinental Title Tournament Finals:
"Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. Faarooq Asad (w/ Sunny):
Same episode of Raw as the previous two matches. To get here, Marc Mero had to go through Steve Austin and Owen Hart, and Faarooq made it by getting by Jobbio Vega and Psycho Sid. No doubt there were not-so-clean finishes for 75% of those matches. Special referee for the match is 1st ever Intercontinental Champion Pat Patterson. We're joined in progress with Faarooq in control and Ahmed Johnson mumbling on the telephone. Faarooq catches Mero off the ropes with a powerslam for a two count. Faarooq climbs up to the middle rope with Mero on his shoulders, and connects with a Super-Samoan drop for another two count. Faarooq chokes Mero across the bottom rope, and Sunny gets in a cheap shot. Patterson throws her out from the ring area, probably because she isn't his type. Commercial time, and we come back with Mero taking Faarooq down with a back slide for a two count. Faarooq quickly comes back with a clothesline for a two count. Reverse chinlock is applied. Mero surprises Faarooq with a sunset flip, but that only gets a two count. Faarooq with anther reverse chinlock, as J.R. pimps "Exposing Double J Jeff Jarrett" (who was in WCW at the time), and the "returns" of "Razor Ramon" and "Diesel." Mero mounts a comeback and takes Faarooq down from the middle rope with a hurricanrana for a two count. Irish whip, and they manage to fuck up a double clothesline spot. Sunny returns to ringside, so it's Cat-Fight time! Faarooq grabs Sunny's purse (which made a loud smack against the canvas), but Mero ducks the blow and nails Faarooq instead. Mero heads up to the top rope, and the Wild Thing (shooting star press) ends it at 6:31, making Mero the new Intercontinental Champion. We find out afterwards that the purse in question had a brick in it. I'm sure some pervert would say it wasn't something else, but it was a small purse. Decent match for Mero, but Faarooq was never too good in the ring, and his bubbly butt made this one unenjoyable. (*1/4)
- Psycho Sid vs. Marty Jannetty (w/ Leif Cassidy):
I smell another squash. Sid was being prepared for a run at the World Title, and Jannetty was once again some undercard scrub who teamed with another guy with a goofy gimmick. I should note that Jannetty is a TERRIBLE heel. Why? Because he doesn't really do anything heel-ish except occasionally have his partner cheat and dance like an idiot, the latter he does about every 30 seconds. Sid is the first person on this tape in over an hour to get REAL face reactions. Jannetty hops around to start and tries a go-behind waistlock, but Sid is too big to take down. Jannetty hammers with rights, and uses his speed to avoid Sid. That is, until Sid nails him with an elbow drop. Sid scoops up Jannetty, and holds him up for about 20 seconds before connecting with a back breaker, followed by a leg drop. Jim Ross be shootin' on commentary! Irish whip to the corner, and Sid catches Jannetty comes off the middle rope, throwing him down to the canvas in the process. Sid applies a craptacular chinlock, but Jannetty is in the ropes to escape. Jannetty with more token offense, but we all know what's coming in about a minute. Sid with an inverted atomic drop. Jannetty tries a sunset flip, but Sid grabs him by the throat and plants him with a chokeslam. Sid calls for the end, and the Powerbomb sends Jannetty back to his meth-lab at 3:35. Cassidy (a.k.a Al Snow) comes in to eat a chokeslam and Powerbomb as well. Sid squashing people is always worth a small amount of points. (1/2*)
- "Man-O-War" Aldo Montoya vs. T.L. Hopper:
Another Montoya match. Hopefully this time he actually wins, since Hopper was pretty much on the same level as him by this point. More recycled descriptions: Hopper (better known as the Dirty White Boy) is an evil plummer that carries around a plunger named Betsy. I could've sworn that was the name of Ron Bass' whip, but what the hell do I know? Lockup to start... Montoya with a headlock, followed by a shoulder block for a two count. Repeat the same spot. Montoya uses leverage of the turnbuckle to take Hopper over with the headlock. Montoya tries again, but Hopper counters with a back suplex. Irish whip to the corner, and Montoya does the Sean Watlman sell. Hopper hammers on Montoya and connects with a side suplex. Canned heat central all the way, here. Hopper with a headlock, and a thumb to the eyes. Irish whip, and Hopper takes Montoya over with a back drop. Irish whip, and Hopper boots Montoya in the face for a two count. Scoop slam, but Hopper misses the follow up elbow drop. Montoya with a series of fists to the midsection. Irish whip, and Montoya with a double chop to the chest, followed by a clothesline. Hopper comes back by ramming Aldo's face into the canvas, but misses a second rope splash. Montoya heads up top again, and a cross body press wins it for Aldo at 4:02. ALDO WINS A MATCH! ALDO WINS A MATCH! ALDO WINS A MATCH! The stuff with Montoya in control was pretty watchable, but Hopper really sucked. (*)
- Shawn Michaels (w/ Jose Lethario) vs. Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw (w/ Uncle Zebekiah):
Oh man, there's so many jokes to be made here, but for one, I'll pass it up, because it's really too easy. Michaels was the reigning World Champion, but this is Non-Title, since Bradshaw was nowhere near the levels of being an actual contender to any title. Lockup into the ropes, and Bradshaw shoves Michaels down to the canvas. Side headlock by Bradshaw, followed by a shoulder tackle. Michaels with a headlock now, and he slides out of the ring to nail Uncle Zeb, who didn't do anything! Back in the ring, and Michaels comes off the ropes with a cross body for a two count. Michaels connects with a dropkick, sending Bradshaw out of the ring. We get a clip from LiveWire, where a fan asks something about the nWo... HE'S HARDCORE! HE'S HAR... wait, wrong chant. Michaels uses his speed to out-smart Bradshaw, but runs into a big boot after going to the well one-too-many times. Jim Ross continues shootin' on commentary, talking about Vince probably bragging about his muscular physique next week on Livewire. Bradshaw controls for a while, and drops an elbow for a two count. Bradshaw puts Michaels in the tree of woe, and pulls back on his chin from outside of the ring. Stan Hansen Jr. continues doing too much posing between his offense. Delay vertical suplex stolen from Davey Boy Smith as we go to a Commercial. We come back with Bradshaw still in control. Irish whip, and Michaels tries for a sunset flip. Bradshaw powers him up by the throat and slams him back down. Irish whip to the corner, but Bradshaw runs inbto a boot from Michaels. MORE SHOOTIN' by Jim Ross, making fun of the Billionaire Ted sketches, and basically calling Vince a whiner because Ted Turner is more successful than him. Bradshaw tries for a piledriver, but Michaels back drops out. Zebekiah gets knocked off the apron by Bradshaw, and Michaels trolls up Bradshaw for a two count. Michaels tumbles under a big boot lucha style and nails a diving forearm. That was actually a cool duck under. Michaels with the usual, and Sweet Chin Music wins it at 8:23. Another decent match, more specifically when Michaels was in control or at least running around, but Bradshaw dragged it down with his plodding offense and basically going slower than Harley Race circa 1987. Also bonus points for Jim Ross' comments. (**)
BONUS MATCHES: As always with most custom tapes I get, have a few extra ones at the end that don't fit in well with the time frame, so here you go, because I feel pretty and gay or whatever the hell the crappy song was from Anger Management. Yes, I'm making reference to a crappy movie that was made 2 years ago. I'M SO WITH THE CURRENT PRODUCT!
- The Ultimate Warrior vs. Isaac Yankem D.D.S:
From the April 29th, 1996 episode of Monday Night Raw, Warrior's first match ever on the show. I was pretty sure by this point the Isaac Yankem character was long gone, but I guess they brought it out of nowhere so they didn't ahve to job anyone of importance out to the Warrior. Looks like the booking team made a smart move too, considering the fucker ran out AGAIN in June. As usual, Warrior runs to the ring, then runs back beyond the entrance, then runs back out... the fuck? I guess now we know who inspired Jake Roberts for his entrance at the Heroes of Wrestling PPV. Maybe it's me, but the crowd barely goes mild for the Warrior's enrance. Considering this was the live episode of Raw for that 4 week block, that isn't a good thing. As usual Part II, Warrior's entrance is longer than the actual match. Warrior ducks under a Yankem clothesline and puts him down with a shoulder block, followed by a stiff roundhouse right. Warrior dumps Yankem out of the ring as we go to a commercial. We come back with Warrior nailing a series of clotheslines and the diving shoulder tackle. A big splash later, and Warrior wins it at 1:44. Oh well, at least he lasted longer than Hunter Hearst Helmsley did at WrestleMania XII, probably another reason he's still burying him 10 years later. This had to be the last appearence of Yankem on Raw, but he would be back under several other names. (DUD)
- The Patriot vs. Vader (w/ Paul Bearer):
From the August 18th, 1997 episode of the War Zone. The Patriot (Del Wilkes) was brought in a few weeks earlier to be the next challenger for evil Canadian Bret Hart, but his run was cut pretty short (about 3 months), most likely due to injuries. I went cold turkey on the WWF between WrestleMania 13 and October '97, so I've pretty much no idea on went on during that time frame, and was pretty damn clueless at the multiple heel/face turns and weird angles. McMahon brings up on commentary the claims Paul Bearer has been making about a younger brother of the Undertaker, but we've yet to see anything to believe the claims he's making. The Patriot's theme music would be recycled a few years later for Kurt Angle, for those who like pointless trivia. Before the match, Bret Hart comes out on the ramp to look on. Canadian vs. USA flag Waving Contest! Vader sneak attacks the Patriot in the corner, and beats him down to the canvas. Vader with a pump-splash in the corner, followed by a short-arm clothesline. Irish whip, and Patriot comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline, followed by lefts in the corner. Patriot trips up Vader from outside and reverse posts his crotch. Patriot with the Patriot Missile (top rope shoulder tackle), but that only gets a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and the Patriot comes off the ropes with a cross body for another two count. Sunset flip attempt, but Vader sits down on his chest. Vader with an elbow drop across the chest, and another short-arm clothesline. Vader connects with a splash for a two count. Patriot fights back with headbutts, but Vader remains in control, and floors him with another standing pump-splash. Vader with a front slam, and he heads up to the middle rope... but the splash meets the knees of the Patriot. The Patriot connects with a goofy DDT, but it only gets a two count. Vader takes control again, but gets nailed with the Uncle Slam (Full Nelson Slam), and it's over at 4:56. After the match, Bret Hart and Vader do a beatdown, but Vader takes exception to Bret laying the Canadian flag over his fallen body, and now they go at it until the Bulldog and Owen come to ringside to add a stomping in his ass. A gaggle of officials break up the fight, before the Patriot can get his hands on Bret. Good T.V. match, but way too short to go anywhere. I guess I noticed a trend with all of these matches. (**)
- Flash Funk vs. Shawn Michaels:
From the October 13th, 1997 episode of Raw, and marked the first full episode of WWF Television I had seen since WrestleMania. I started watching again the week earlier while channel surfing, and saw two hippies get their clocks cleaned by some giant guy in a mask managed by Paul Bearer. By this point of his run, Funk had lost his Funkettes (sometime in May, I presume), and Michaels had turned heel, forming D-Generation X with Triple H, Chyna, and Rick Rude. No idea if this is for the European Title, but it doesn't really matter.... the lights go out, and the red pyro goes off. Oh shit, Flash is Funked.
It's KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE~! Funk takes a few shots at Kane, including a spinning heel kick, but all of it is no-sold like his name were the Undertaker. Kane catches Funk coming off the ropes by the throat, and plants him with a one-armed chokeslam. Kane scoops Funk up, and quickly puts him back down with a Tombstone Piledriver. Paul Bearer cuts a promo on the Undertaker afterwards. He wants the Undertaker to fight Kane, but that'll never happen. Nope, never. Never ever. Never in a million years. Afterwards, Michaels finally comes to the ring, covers Funk, and Triple H makes the three count himself. Rick Rude awards the match to Michaels, after a long-winded self-hyping introduction. No match, no rating.
- Dude Love vs. The British Bulldog:
From the October 20th, 1997 episode of Raw. Another thing I didn't understand... the Dude Love character. I missed all the "transformation" crap, so I was left guessing what the hell was going on. Of course, this match doesn't happen either. I noticed the WWF didn't have Kane's entrance timed properly yet, since the pyro goes off during the middle of the organ introduction, and Kane comes out sometime in between. Oh well, I guess they wanted to find the perfect timing for it all. Dude might be a square, but he's not a Jobber, and does his best to mount some offense on Kane. Dude ducks under a clothesline and hammers away, all shots no sold, of course. Dude clotheslines Kane over the top rope, but he lands on his feet. Dude finds a chair under the ring and blasts Kane with it (not blocked, since the mask works as a defense anyway), but Kane no sells that too, and chokeslams Dude Love on the ramp! Kane picks Love up and does it agaib for fucking with him. This set up Mankind vs. Kane, yet another "one time only" transformation from Mick Foley.
Final Thoughts: I guess I'm not surprised why I wasn't in a rush to replace this tape. Most of the wrestling sucked, and all of the shows were over-run with stupid gimmicks that no crowd gave a damn about. There are a few decent matches scattered around throughout the tape, but nothing tyo go gah-gah over, unless you want a tape that highlights pretty much all the crappy gimmicks used from this time frame.