WWF World Tour 1992


- I've said it before and I'll say it again... the World Tour series released by Coliseum Video (and their bastard cousins Best of the WWF Vol. 16 and Global Warfare) have to be the worst collection of videos ever released. Most Coliseum Videos suck, but almost all of them have at least a couple saving grace matches that's worth sitting through a bunch of crappy ones. Just a note: "World Tour" doesn't have to mean "Non-US Exclusive", since the United States is shocking part of the World. Go figure... however, the 1991 version of the series was almost nothing but US matches (and a handful of crap from UK Rampage '91), so at least for 1992, they went more with a foreign based collection.


- "The Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich vs. The Mountie (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Pulled from the UK Exclusive event, the Battle Royale at the Albert Hall, which has to be the WORST name for an event this side of Taboo Tuesday. This match is going to be really fucking awful. Von Erich was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY past the point of being useful in the ring, and Jacques Rougeau, while being a good tag wrestler, isn't a good singles wrestler, and the chances of him getting anything worth a damn out of Von Erich in 1991 is close to nothing. The good news here is that Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan have the call, so at least that can keep me awake. 5-minutes into the match, and we've had maybe 10 seconds of actual wrestling. The Mountie finally comes back in the ring, and we get a 3-minute sleeper hold. If you looked up boring in the dictionary, you're wasting your time, because that joke has been shit since 1962. Tornado FINALLY escapes and applies his own sleeper hold, and that lasts a couple of minutes too. Von Erich misses a charge to the corner, ramming his shoulder into the post. Mountie beats on him a bit, but nothing of note really happens, other than Tornado no-selling the injured shoulder. Oh wait, he missed the discuss punch against the ring post. At least he's selling that. Back in the ring, and about 50-seconds later, the Mountie sweeps the legs from under Von Erich, puts his feet up on the ropes, and that ends this mess at 13:17. After the "match", Von Erich beats up the Mountie to get his undercard heat back. The crowd goes kinda happy. Without going into a paragraph long rant, this match fucking sucked. Plain and simple. Giving this a DUD would be the most generous rating I've ever given, but I won't, because I'm not a nice guy. (-***)


Special Coliseum Video Profile on the British Bulldog!

- We join a Battle Royale pretty damn late in progress, probably from the same show as the previous match. We're down to the British Bulldog, Typhoon, and The Mountie. Hmm... they're in England, I wonder who's going to win this one! Typhoon accidentally splashes the Mountie in the corner, and now Bulldog hammers on Typhoon (way to go with being impartial, Lord Alfred). The Mountie attacks from behind to make the save. Irish whip, and the Jimmy Hart Gang put Bulldog down with a double clothesline. Mountie holds Bulldog in place for a clothesline, and if you don't know what happens next, you have no business being a wrestling fan. Mountie is gone at 1:30. Bulldog with a series of shoulder blocks and dropkick to Typhoon. Irish whip to the corner, and Typhoon squashes him with an avalanch. Typhoon charges, but Bulldog back drops him out to win the Battle Royale at 2:31. Nothing here to rate, so I won't bother.


- We see clips of a bunch of hired child actors to mug Bulldog around England (who is he, Hulk Hogan in WCW?), then we get an interview with him and his family. Oh, how touching. At least this means I don't have to sit through another crappy match for another five minutes. We see Bulldog around the country a few more times, but fuck it.


- The British Bulldog vs. Irwin R. Schyster:
We're still in England, this time from the UK Rampage '92 event held a few weeks after WrestleMania VIII. Heenan and Monsoon are once again calling the action. Someone in the crowd has one of those damn air-horns, so we can expect it to be used the entire match. At least the british crowds are into everything so it's not completely terrible (except for Mountie/Tornado, which killed the crowd dead for the most part). Not much is going on, as usual with UK exclusive matches. I'm not accusing the wrestlers of half-assing... oh the hell with it, yes I am. Bulldog controls the early stages of the match in between Irwin stalling. I'm not surprised, either. Bulldog works the arm with a wristlock, but Irwin nails him in the eyes and dumps him out of the ring. For the next 5-minutes I check out some websites, and without a doubt, haven't missed a thing, since I can tell by the commentary this match isn't going anywhere. Irwin remains in control for a bit too long, but at least they aren't doing 15 minutes of stalling and sleepers. Bulldog pulls off his signature delay-suplex and beats on Irwin with headbutts. After a bit of boring see-saw stuff, Bulldog finishes off Irwin with the running Powerslam at 12:49, but not before Earl Hebner kicked Jimmy Hart off the apron for holding onto Irwin during the set-up of the hold. Boring, bad match, but at least it was out of the negatives. That really isn't supposed to be a compliment. (1/2*)


- The British Bulldog (w/ Andre The Giant) vs. Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart):
From Bacelona, Spain, held on October 5th, 1991. Davey Boy has a Bulldog with him (Winston was still around?), and this was during the go-nohwere Andre/Earthquake feud. This could've been one of Andre's final appearences on a WWF tape, since I don't recall him showing up in 1992, and he died in January of '93. Oh yeah, we've got Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred calling this match, so I guess I should bust out the negative stars again. Nothing but stalling for the first few minutes. I'm starting to sense a patern on this tape. Both men trade power moves until Bulldog sends Quake out of the ring with a dropkick. Earthquake quickly comes back to apply a bearhug and squash Bulldog during a slam and sunset flip attempt. HOLY CRAP! Sean Mooney remembers Hogan slamming Andre at WrestleMania III, despite not being with the company for another year! This tape keeps on dragging, and if you can't tell by that comment, this match also sucks. Quake goes after Andre and kicks him in the leg. Quake goes for the Vertical Splash on Bulldog, but Andre bashes Quake against the back with his crutch, and Bulldog with a slam gets the three count at 8:15. Retribution from the Giant is worth a quarter of a star, and thankfully this match was a bit shorter than the previous matches already showcased. (1/4*)


- At Home with El Matador Tito Santana. A SOMBRERO! A BULL-FIGHTING PAINTING! Now we get Tito Santana practicing to become a Matador. We all know the deal... close up shots of Santana, and blimp shots of "Santana" fighting a bull. This just drags on and on...


- "Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs. The Barbarian:
We're still in Barcelona, and I feel sorry for the poor bastards who had to sit through these matches. Just to get it out of the way now: Outside of a few instances, Roddy Piper post-1987 was near-worthless in the ring and on the microphone, but more-so in the ring, especially when stuck with this kind of baggage. I guess you could say this is the most anticipated rematch in movie history since Hulk Hogan vs. Zeus. For those who don't get the joke, I'm 99% sure that the Barbarian was one of the bad guys who beat up Roddy Piper in the movie "Body Slam." [NOTE: I take a break from the review here to gather my brains and skim through about 15 new tapes. Hopefully I can keep up the good review.] Once again, lots of stalling to start, with minimal contact being made. The first few minutes drive home the point that Piper isn't intimidated by the Barbarian. We're passing the 4-minute mark and they keep proving it. After a Piper headlock, Barbarian wants a Greco-Roman Knucklelock. To the surprise of everyone, The Barbarian doesn't kick him the second they lock hands. Piper ends up escaping, of course, and sends Barbie out of the ring. Barbarian cheats to take control of the match, and this baby is starting to make me wish I was watching Von Erich vs. the Mountie again. SUPER-LONG BEARHUG by the Barbarian! Feel the drama! Piper escapes and scores a few near falls before tumbling out of the ring. Sunset flip back into the ring, and it's the same Barbarian finish ever at 10:19. I'm knocking points off just for the fact they over-abused the "Barbarian blocks the sunset flip, poses, but gets caught anyway" finish. The match sucked on top of that, too, so we're going into the negatives again. (-*1/2)


- 16-Man Battle Royale:
(Joined in Progress - Particpants: The British Bulldog, "El Matador" Tito Santana, Bret "Hitman" Hart, Sgt. Slaughter, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, Road Warrior Hawk, The Mountie, Col. Mustafa, Jerry Saggs, Repo Man)
I don't get the point of showing another Battle Royale Joined in Progress, but at least we have most of the bulk of the match left. We're in Munich, Germany for this one, and since there's only one European in the match, just fucking guess who's winning. Hint: He's been featured quite a lot for most of the tape so far... and it's not the Mountie. He's Canadian. Santana is back dropped out by the Mountie 7-seconds into the "match." The GERMAN crowd starts chanting USA... wow those people really are sheep, considering Hitler brain-washed them all into following him without much trouble. The Mountie eliminates fellow Canadian Bret Hart at the 44-second mark while hugging with Saggs against the ropes. Hawk is out after missing a charge to Repo Man and Saggs at 1:41. Bulldog throws out Col. Mustafa and his massive belly at 2:22, then Bulldog saves Slaughter for some reason. For another "some reason", Repo Man sunset flips Davey Boy for a pin attempt... in a Battle Royale. Who does he think he is, Randy Savage?! Lots of nothing going on until Mountie dumps Duggan the same way he did Bret at 5:01. Bulldog saves Slaughter from all remaining heels with a trio of hip tosses, and now some clotheslines. The heels control again, doing little of note. TRIPLE CLOTHESLINE! Too bad they already did that spot a few weeks earlier at WrestleMania VIII. Slaughter dumps out Repo Man at 9:07, then Mountie dumps Slaughter at 9:20, with a little help from Repo Man at ringside. Shock Stick misses, and Saggs takes the blow. Bulldog clotheslines Saggs out at 9:49, and then the Mountie at 9:52 to win the whole fucking thing. I don't like rating battle royales, but this one sure did suck. (N/R)


- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
Bret "Hitman" Hart © vs. "The Model" Rick Martel:
This tape sucks, so it's COPY & PASTE TIME, since I already reviewed this match on the Wrestling's World Tour tape. Now we're in the Sheffield Arena and probably from the UK Rampage '92 event. I won't get too excited for this match, mainly because Hart wasn't usually in full kick-ass mode for these Coliseum Video matches, and Martel usually thought "gimmick first, good match second", considering almost everything he did from 1989-1993. Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are on commentary (thus confirming it's from the UK show), so that's a plus for this match. Crowd is really into Hart, and that's another plus... these British fans will be pumped for everything. [Feel free to skip the rest because it's recycled detailed PBP. I'll break off into a new paragraph for my worthless and unreadble comments.]

Lockup to start goes nowhere, so they circle each other and try again. Martel with a series of knees to the midsection, but an Irish whip is reversed, and Martel works in the cartwheel counter to break the match up. Lockup into the ropes, and some jackass has that horn thing to get the crowd to chant. Martel with a cheap shot in the corner, followed by some roundhouse rights. Irish whip, and Martel with a boot to the midsection. Hart blocks a roll up attempt and drops Martel with a series of clotheslines, sending him running to the outside. Back inside the ring, and Martel quickly goes to a front facelock. Hart escapes by applying a wristlock, but Martel is quick on the move and puts Hart down with a clothesline. Martel applies a front facelock again. Same reversal, and this time Hart ducks the clothesline and nails his own. Hart teases the sharpshooter, but simply stomps Martel like a bitch. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, but Martel misses a charge, hurting his knee in the process. Hart kicks his leg from under his leg and tries to tear the knee out. Hart jerks Martel back to the middle of the ring and scissors the leg. Hart drops a leg across the knee of Martel, and applies a spinning toe hold. Martel kicks Hart off to the ropes, but gets taken down with a hip toss. Hart takes Martel down again, and goes back to working the knee. Martel kicks Hart off again, with Hart eating the turnbuckle in the process. Martel hammers away at the back of Hart, but Hart punches the knee of Martel to get the momentum going again. Martel escapes a leg scissors with choking. Martel does a little dance... oh wait, he's selling my bad. Hart continues to not give Martel anything, using an atomic knee drop. Hart tries wraping Martel's leg around the steel post, but Martel finally gets the advantage and makes Hart eat some instead. Martel rams the lower back of Hart into the ring post, and slowly works him over. Irish whip to the corner, but Hart doesn't do the chest-first bump at 338 mph. Martel with a series of elbows across the back of Hart. Irish whip, and Hart comes back with a boot to the face. Martel is back up first though... and Hart jumps up to show he was playing possum, and it's the "five moves of doom" time. Side russian leg sweep gets a two count. Snap suplex gets a two count. Side back breaker and second rope elbow drop gets a two count. Irish whip, and a roll up attempt has Hart spilling to the outside. Martel with a suplex attempt from the apron, but the roll up doesn't work again. Hart with an inside cradle out of nowhere wins it at 13:02. That really was a bit out of nowhere.

To quote someone else, this was perfectly acceptable wrestling, although a bit on the boring side, with both men working over the other where it would possibly lead to their respective finishing moves (the Sharpshooter and Boston Crab), but the surprise ending didn't factor any of that in. You could make a case that working of the knee prevented Martel from kicking out a bit more, but that's grasping for straws since Bret does those cradles every match, regardless. (**)


- WWF World Championship Match:
"Macho Man" Randy Savage © vs. Shawn Michaels (w/ Sensational Sherri):
Back again to Munich, Germany, and I'm sure some HBK fanboys are going to say "OMG5-starclassic~~!!" Just a side note... this was early heel days Shawn, who still was tuning his gimmick, and learning how to work a heel formula match. To make things worse, Mooney and Hayes are on commentary again. Please shoot me! Me being a Randy Savage fan (Well, pre-WCW Randy Savage fan) boosts up my ability to forgive the match for not being as good as people want it to be, though. Savage actually limps to the ring, selling the effects from his match at WrestleMania VIII. Well, gotta give him points for his ability to sell something long term, since this was 9 days after WM, especially for a European tour where 99% of the matches look half-assed. In one of those "that was a cool idea" spot, Savage catches HBK coming into the corner with a knee to the face, but he does with the wrong one, and thus goes down as well to sell the effect. To eat my own words, this is a rather good match, probably because Savage told Shawn what to do beforehand. Michaels spends a good amount of time working over the injured knee of Savage, which is amazing, because in EVERY Michaels match ever, he works the arm with crappy armbars, despite the fact his finishing move had nothing to do with the arm. Even Sherri gets some cheap shots in on her formerly employer. Of course, neither Mooney or Hayes even hint towards that former relationship, but if they did and I didn't hear it, do you honestly blame me for not paying 100% attention to these two clowns? Michaels applies the Figure-Four, and again, my gripe on the actually execution of the hold is I'm more than sure the leg you're beating on should be the one that has the preasure of the other leg in a bent (or four) shape across it. If you can follow that, I applaud you, because it confuses me, and I typed it! Michaels continues working the leg, going almost 7-minutes in complete control. I'm shocked that the World Champion is selling this much for a midcarder, to be honest. Michaels wasn't even considered a contender at the time, and is holding his own quite well against the #1 babyface in the company. Savage manages to escape a second figure-four attempt, and out of nowhere connects with the flying elbow drop (making sure to steady himself more on the top rope first) to retain the championship at 14:26.

After the match, Sherri bashes Savage behind the leg with a steel chair and it's time for a beat-down! Michaels beats up on the knee and several goofy officials and some dork in an ugly brown suit that looks like Jameson as we end the tape. Pretty good match to my surprise, but I'll credit it more to Savage, though, since he was a stickler for detailing matches out ahead of time, and honestly, does anyone think "Mr. Armbar" would work the leg of someone for an entire match on his own? I sure as shit don't. Also you have to credit Savage for even allowing some midcard guy this much offense and chances to look like he could win, which is weird because Savage a few years later was a little more "strict" about who he had to wrestle and what he had to do. Anyway, I'm rambling. (***1/2)


Final Thoughts: This tape fucking sucks. If you really need to see Savage/Michaels, I'm sure it's available on another cheap World Tour tape. Everything else is either terrible or just flat out boring. The first 90 minutes of this tape ranks up their with Heroes of Wrestling for the honor of most painful tape to sit through. Obvious the Strongest of Strong Recommendation to Avoid.