WWF WrestleMania 2
- Time for my least favorite WrestleMania of all time! Since these were the early Mania's, McMahon wanted to make it as big as possible each year, so for WrestleMania 2, he (or probably someone else who he stole credit from) came up with the idea of holding the event at 3 seperate locations, in 3 different time zones. The NWA had done something similar with their Starrcade SuperCards, usually holding shows in North Carolina and Atlanta, so why not Vince give it a try? Quick Note: This is the Coliseum Video version, so while most (if not all) the matches are in complete form, pretty much everything else possible is cut out, including most of the interviews and all the entrances.
- Quick rundown for the locations: the first 4 matches are being held in Uniondale, NY, with Vince McMahon and Susan St. James on commentary. The next 4 match from Chicago, IL with Gorilla Monsoon, Mean Gene Okerlund, and Kathy Lee Crosby on commentary. Finally, the remaining matches are from Los Angeles, CA, with Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira of all people doing commentary. Talk about a weird threesome. Short and sweet, most of the commentary is rather sucky or annoying, thanks to EVERY match being called by at least 1 celebrity with no wrestling knowledge. Where's Bob Uecker when you need him!?
- "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs. The Magnificent Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji):
I used to think this was some sort of branched feud to do with Roddy Piper, but now I think it had something to do with the incident on SNME a month earlier, where Muraco and Bundy laid an ass-kicking on the Hulkster. Since Orndorff was still Hogan's lap dog of the year, he probably took it upon himself to get revenge on Muraco while Hogan was scheduled to face Bundy in a Cage match later in the night. With all that out of the way... this match sucks. For a match so short, they don't really go through the trouble of pretending like they give a shit. After a brawl sends both men outside of the ring, you can guess what opens: A double count-out finish clocked in at the 4:30 mark. TO OPEN THE BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR! The crowd proudly lets out the first "bullshit" chant in WrestleMania history, especially since this part of the card looked rather weak compared to all of the others. (DUD)
- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
"Macho Man" Randy Savage © (w/ Elizabeth) vs. George "The Animal" Steele:
It's the feud that wouldn't die, but this was actually one of their earliest encounters, not counting their match at the January '86 Saturday Night's Main Event, which triggered the feud. Short and sweet, Steele took a liking to Elizabeth, so Savage is pissed off and wants to kick Steele's ass. Savage was only about a month into his reign here, besting Tito Santana for the strap in Boston, with more than a little help from an international object. For those not familiar with the Memphis style match, this is a great blue print. Savage does NOTHING but stall, come in the ring, get knocked out, and stall again. I pretty much described the entire match. The match goes from bad to worse, as Steele starts beating up Savage with a bunch of flowers, and Savage actually sells it! At least Savage is trying to make an attempt, but this match was fucked seconds into it considering loveable George Steele is even worse in the ring than heel George Steele. On to the finish... Savage comes off the top with his signature elbow drop, but GEORGE FUCKING STEELE kicks out of the pin. Savage then rolls him up and uses the ropes for leverage to retain the title at 7:07. Ouch... a shitty match with an anti-climatic finish. This feud, sadly, would go on for more than a year before Savage finally won the blowoff. Hell, Savage won EVERY match I think. As for this match, there's no doubt in the world that the negative stars are coming out. (-**)
- George Wells vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts:
Fairly early in the run of Jake Roberts in the WWF, as he only debuted a month or so prior, and was yet to be truely "Challenged" in a match at this point. George Wells is a JTTS, but the card is spread so thin, even he is getting a spot on the biggest show of the year. According to commentary, Wells is a former professional football player, probably from the CFL. That's all I know about him though, since he only hung around for about a year, and doing nothing of note in that time other than jobbing to everyone. Wells, surprisingly, dominates the entire match with some basic moves like slams and hip tosses. Roberts heads out of the ring, and that proves to be the smartest move of the night so far, as he catches Wells coming in the ring with a high knee, and the DDT sends Wells back to the bench on the Saskatchewan RoughRiders bench, or whatever team he was on, at 3:06. After the match, Roberts gives Wells the Damian treatment, making Vince McMahon scream like a girl. This was nothing more than a squash match for Roberts, but Wells got some offense in, no matter how worthless. ( * )
- Hilarious interview from Roddy Piper, as he says, and I Quote... "If Mr. T can knock me out, I will not only quit professional boxing, I would quit and retire from professional wrestling, I would quit tiddleywinks, I would quit dating girls!" But he says he's going to keep Bob Orton around with him. Sounds like this interview was taped during the opening match, as a faint chant in the background sounds like "Beach Bum".
- New York Main Event; Boxing Match:
Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier) vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (w/ Bob Orton Jr.):
I think it's a common rule, but WORKED Boxing Matches on a show promoting WRESTLING never works. From this, to the Butterbean fiascos, Johnny B. Badd, and the infamous Brawl for All, it just doesn't work. The only positive things going into this match is that A.) Roddy Piper was a former amatuer boxer, so he was a little credibility, and B.) Mr. T trained in a boxing role for Rocky III. That doesn't mean he can work a live match all in one go, though. As you would expect, most of the "punches" thrown either miss by a mile, or look so fucking fake that you can't help but laugh. At one point, they start throwing WRESTLING PUNCHES, which would probably knock someone out, but are shrugged off like they were hit by Glass Joe in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. The madness runs the length of nearly 4 Rounds until Roddy Piper has enough of this and slams Mr. T, awarding Mr. T the match by Disqualification at 1:17 into Round 4. I won't even try to rate this as an actual match, but on the "Boxing Scale", it was really bad. This, I think, FINALLY ended the Mr. T relationship with the WWF until his very brief Summer of '87 run as a Special Enforcer. (N/R)
- WWF Womens Championship Match:
The Fabulous Moolah © vs. Velvet McIntyre:
I don't know if I mentioned this in the first WrestleMania review, but Moolah was the one put into the match for the famous "Wendi Richter Screwjob", donning the mask of "the Spider Lady", and getting the very surprise pin for the title, despite Richter obviously kicking out at the 1-count. According to some reports, McIntyre actually had a reign as Womens Champion, but it must've been very short-lived, since it's rarely ever mentioned by anyone. My pre-match rantings are longer than the actual match, as it's super-rushed, with Moolah pinning McIntyre after she missed a splash from the second rope to retain the title at 0:57, despite McIntyre's foot being on the ropes for the entire three-count. Velvet screwed Velvet! Oh great, I'm stealing jokes from whats-his-name again. I need to get kicked in the balls! (DUD)
- United States vs. U.S.S.R. Flag Match:
Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddy Blassie):
Just incase anyone thinks the evil Russian is winning a flag match, I won't spoil the finish now. For those who don't know who Kirchner is, join the Club. He seems like a poor attempt to recreate the Sgt. Slaughter gimmick, but from what I've seen of Kirchner, he's dog shit in the ring and wasn't over enough to even be considered a midcarder. Once again, the roster is spread so thin, THIS match makes it onto the big show (not Paul Wight). I'd rather have seen both men thrown in the battle royale and putting a tag match on between the Hart Foundation and Killer Bees, but I'm fantasy booking again. Despite lasting barely a minute, Kirchner BLADES, although it appears that Volkoff did it for him. Anyway, nothing of note happens until Kirchner bops Volkoff with Blassie's cane, and picking up the pinfall victory at 1:36. After the match, Kirchner gets to wave the American Flag, as if that booking decision was a surprise to anyone. (DUD)
- 20-Man; WWF vs. NFL Battle Royale:
(Participants: Jimbo Covert (NFL), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (NFL), Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (NFL), B. Brian Blair, Jumpin' Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (NFL), Brett Hart, Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis (NFL), Bruno Sammartino, William "Th Reffrigerator" Perry (NFL), Andre The Giant)
As Usual, I will only cover the eliminations until the ring has cleared out considerably (or in better terms, down to the final few participants). Ernie Ladd joins the commentary team just as the match is about to start. Everyone gangs up on the Fridge of course, but Covert makes the save for him. Covert and Tonga do some hugging until Bill Fralic is able to push both over at 0:56. Studd and Andre go at it while Bret Hart squares off with Brunzell. Holmes is dumped out by Sammartino at 1:45. Niedhart eliminates Jim Brunzell (who is sporting a cast) at 2:34. Tony Atlas is out of it thanks to William Perry at 2:57 (poor guy, first this, then Saba Simba...). Morales and Martin both go out in the same fassion as the first two men at 3:49. Ted Arcidi is dumped out by Hillbilly, Spivey, and Blair at 4:21. Iron Sheik eliminates Spivey soon after at 4:36. Hillbilly Jim and Brian Blair go out as well at the hands of the Sheik, at 4:47. Fralic is eliminated at 5:14 by Studd and the Sheik. Sammartino back drops the Sheik out at 5:24. Sammartino is tossed off out by Studd at 5:52. The Foundation double team Perry as Studd clotheslines Andre to the corner. Perry with a tackle on the Foundation gets a monster pop, but both members hold onto the ropes. Perry tackles Studd into the corner now. He goes for it it again, but Studd elbows him, and hip tosses him out at 6:31. Perry offers Studd a handshake, and goes heel and pulls him out at 6:50! The Foundation work over Francis and double dropkick Andre into the ropes, where he gets tied up of course. Francis does his best to keep away, but is taken down easily, and is dumped out fairly easily at 7:51. Andre continues being double teamed, and Neidhart gets whipped into Andre with a shoulder block. Andre fights off an elmination attempt. They try the same move, except Brett runs into a big boot. Andre beats on both men and knocks their heads together. Andre has Anvil by the hair of his chin, and boots him over the top at 8:58. Brett goes to the top rope, but Andre catches him and slams him onto Niedhart at 9:09 to pick up the victory. Hard to rate Battle Royales, but this one wasn't too bad, and they at least tried making it unique with the NFL players. (N/R)
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
The Dream Team © (w/ Johnny V) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Lou Albano):
(Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake vs. The Dynamite Kid & Davey Boy Smith)
Coliseum Video pretty much clips out any appearence of Ozzy Osbourne, so I'll pretend he isn't in the Bulldogs corner, either. The Bulldogs/Dream Team had been going at it for a few months at this point, including a non-title victory for the Bulldogs and the Dream Team evening the up the score on an episode of Saturday Night's Main Event. The average of good to suck is a 3:1 shot, which is pretty damn good for 1986. Valentine is one of those unappreciated workers of the past, in my opinion. While he was never Mr. Electricity, he was always a solid worker, and even managed to get good matches out of Brutus Beefcake! After over an hour of pure trash, this match finally lifts my spirits up, as the Bulldogs dominating with their high impact offense and the selling of Valentine covers up Beefcake's lack of everything. This one is about lightyears ahead of everything else done on the show, and the crowd is really into it. Davey Boy gets to play the face-in-peril, and in a pretty surprising finish, whips Valentine into his corner, which happens to cause Valentine to bop heads with Dynamite Kid, knocking him off the top rope in the process in a nasty little bump that was probably nothing unusual about DK's matches (and what lead to him being stuck in a wheel chair for the rest of his life), and Smith makes the cover for the pinfall and the Tag Titles at 11:48. Really good match that did it's best to save this portion of the show, but for Gods sake, they aren't miracle workers! The Bulldogs would reign as champions until the February 7th, 1987 episode of SuperStars, where the Hart Foundation took advantage of a near-crippled Dynamite Kid, and double teamed Davey Boy non-stop, and won with a little help from referee Danny Davis, who went on to become one of the most over heels in 1987. (***)
- Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez:
Time for the final stretch of the show in Los Angeles! Hercules still has his Bruiser Brody wanna-be hair-style and at the time came to the ring wearing gladiator style outfits, because he's HERCULES! AHAHAHA! That creative Vince McMahon... Hercules was also managed by Freddy Blassie at this point, but since Blassie was in Chicago to manage Nikolai Volkoff, he doesn't have anyone to back him up and cheat in the corner. Despite Steamboat being in the prime of his career, Hercules was still way too green to get an outstanding (or even very good) match out of, so Steamboat relies mostly on his arm drags and resting throughout the opening minutes of the match, while Hercules takes control with his usual shitty offense and more resting. Hercules meets his fate at the end though, as he stupidly heads up to the top rope, and naturally his splash meets the knees of Steamboat, and Steamboat quickly goes to the top himself, and comes off with his signature cross body press, and that's good enough for the three count at 7:26. Boring match, but not entirely worthless. Sadly, this is the second best match of the night at this point, which goes to show how bad this has been. (*1/2)
- Uncle Elmer vs. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Excuse me while I go wash my eyes out with alcohol. Once more for those unfamiliar, Uncle Elmer is a really fat Hillbilly brought in to the WWF when Hillbilly Jim broke his leg or whatever. From there, we got Cousin Junior and Cousin Luke to drive the point home that Hillbillies are funny to look at and suck in the ring. Someone must've had some brains though, as Elmer didn't last long enough to see WrestleMania III, and neither did any other non-Jim Hillbilly. Really bad match, but not as bad as Savage vs. Steele from earlier in the night. Elmer is just fucking terrible and can't even do a leg drop properly. Adonis sells his ass off, but once again, selling a lot for a shit worker doesn't improve the match. The finish comes quick, but not quick enough, as Elmer misses a leg drop, and the recently ballooned Adonis comes off the top rope with a splash for the three count at 3:01. Thank God that's over with. (-*)
- Tito Santana & The Junkyard Dog vs. Terry & Hoss Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart):
The feud going into this was between the JYD and Terry Funk, and I don't remember much about Tito Santana being involved with anything about them. It's been said a million times, but again, Hoss Funk is Dory Funk Jr., and still way past his prime. to my surprise, 3 men about a decade pas their primes manage to work one of the best matches on the card. The faces beat the crap out of the heels for the most part, until outrageous cheating from the Funk Family puts them in control, beating the tar out of Santana. Not exactly a wrestling masterpiece like you would see from the Bulldogs earlier in the card, but the crowd is way into this and Santana knows how to make decent workers look good through his selling. JYD manages to get the hot tag, and all hell breaks loose. It's a pier-six brawl including some table spots about 8 years before ECW did anything, until Terry Funk heads back into the ring and clocks JYD with Jimmy Hart's Megaphone, to get the sneaky cover on him at 11:41. Santana's losing streak begins, although I like to be technical, and say tag losses don't count unless the person in question had been pinned. Surprisingly good match, as mentioned earlier, and Terry's last high profile match in the WWF until about a decade later. (***)
- WWF World Championship, Steel Cage Match:
Hulk Hogan © vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan):
Sometime since the last WrestleMania, Bobby Heenan has taken control as manager of Bundy, who was previously under Jimmy Hart's thumb. This match was set up by a post-match attack on the last Saturday Night's Main Event, where Bundy "broke" Hulk Hogan's ribs with multiple avalanches and splashes, with the help of the Magnficient Muraco. Hogan is all bandaged up for this match, and I wonder if it's the magic tape that heals broken bones or magic tape that prevents being killed by being bashed by a truck several times. This marks the start of the constant use of the steel cage with bars, probably because most of the time, they featured Hogan, and he couldn't climb them properly, or maybe just in general since the bars had better foot holes, and with guys like Bundy, needed a lot more support for his size. This isn't really a "good" match, but they work a decent story with Hogan's injuries. After a lot of see-saw action and escape attempts, Hogan does his hulking up bit, and after fighting off Bobby Heenan from outside of the cage, manages to escape to retain the Championship at 10:15. After the match, Hogan beats down Bobby Heenan, just for the hell of it. Hogan sure acted like a heel a lot for the top babyface. He constantly used illegal moves like eye rakes and beat up managers for no reason, and even beat up on Sherri once or twice. Decent Cage match, but Bundy was hardly a big contender for Hogan, and a cage match to end the show is hardly the greatest idea in the world. (*1/2)
Final Thoughts: The Bulldogs/Dream Team and Santana & JYD/Funk matches are both very good, but everything else, in short, either fucking sucks or was rather generic for the biggest show of the year. The New York portion of the show is damn near unwatchable, and the Chicago part is fast forward material until the Tag Title Match. The LA Show is the best of the bunch, but only because 1 match was very good and 2 others didn't completely suck. Easily the worst WrestleMania ever, and a Strong Recommendation to Avoid, except for completionists.