Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special:
Before I even begin to review this, let me just say anyone who hated Pee-Wee's Playhouse will get a healthy foot up their ass for Christmas next year. That show was awesome I tells ya, awesome! Just because Pee-Wee whiped out his willy in an adult movie theatre shouldn't have taken his show out of syndication! Maybe if he actually did it in front of kids, that's understandable, but I doubt kids new what "playing with themselves" means at such a young age (I know I didn't.) Anyway, this isn't about the Playhouse series, it's about the Christmas Special that aired in the Winter of 1988.
For those unfamiliar with the show, during the opening number with "U.S. Marines" (actually fill ins since the real Marines were unavailable for the shooting), Pee-Wee runs down the list of puppet characters that live in his Playhouse, as well as his human friends, and the guest stars. Helpful list...
Puppets: Pterri, Conky 2000, Globey, Floory, The Puppet Band (Cool Cat, Dirty Dog, and Chickie Baby), Chairry, The Flowers, The Fish, Clocky, Mr. Kite, Randy, Cowntess, Magic Screen, Mr. Window, The Ants (clay animated), The Dinosaur Family (clay animated), Billy Balogna, and the food in the refrigerator (clay animated).
Human Cast Characters: Cowboy Curtis (Morpheus?), Miss Yvonne, Ricardo the Soccer Player, Mrs. Rene, The King of Cartoons, Reba the Mail Lady, and Jambi the Genie.
Special Guest Appearences: Frankie Avalon, Charo, The Del Rubio Triplets, Annette Funicello, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Whoopi Goldberg, Magic Johnson, Grace Jones, k.d. Lang, Little Richard, Joan Rivera, Dinah Shore, and Oprah Winfrey.
Much like the TV Series "Pee-Wee's Playhouse", the Christmas Special is a mix of live action sequences, clay-animation, cartoons, and in this case, musical sequences while trying to teach lessons to little kids about stuff like being nice and not being greedy. The main story of the show revolves around Pee-Wee wanting to get as much as he can out of Santa Claus, to the point of hanging up two giant stockings (one for each foot) and sending a list a mile long. The official running gag of the show is that everyone who gives Pee-Wee a present ends up giving him a Fruitcake, the most disgusting food in the history of mankind.
The first person to pay a visit to Pee-Wee is "the Most Beautiful Woman in Puppetland", Miss Yvonne, who has a special dress for the occasion and a weird hairdo to show us that it really is Christmas. In what I first thought was the most hilarious unintentional comedy of the show (or was it?) Miss Yvonne says "there's enough of me for everyone" when everyone wants a kiss, but that is shot down when Pee-Wee asks her to give him his present before she makes out with everyone in the Playhouse. In exchange for the Fruitcake he recieves, Pee-Wee gives her a bottle of Perfume, which smells just like him. From there we get the token refrigerator foods claymation, which includes the food decorating a tree (grapes) and the freezer foods ice-fishing for presents... oh, and Pee-Wee gets another Fruitcake.
Picture-Phone Time! Whoopi Goldberg is on the phone and wants to be in the Holiday Special, but Pee-Wee shoots her down because he's over-booked, as well as the next year. Wow Whoopi, can't even get a guest-spot on a childrens saturday morning show that had the fucking Del Rubio Triplets and k.d. Lang as guests? Now it's MAGIC SCREEN TIME! This weeks connect-the-dots object is a Sleigh, and before Pee-Wee can go away, Magic Johnson arrives and informs us that he's Magic Screen's cousin... yeah, that's kinda odd. They go through with a blue-screen effect scene until Pee-Wee ditches Magic just as the sleigh is likely to crash.
Once Pee-Wee returns to the Playhouse, Chairry reminds him that he forgot to decorate the Playhouse (time for a lesson about being selfish). Pee-Wee wishes he weren't so selfish... wish? Did someone say wish?! And so we see Jambi for the first time. Pee-Wee manages to get two wishes out of him today since it's Christmas. His first wish is to decorate the Playhouse for Christmas. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Hiney Ho! Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Ho Ho Ho! The wish is granted, long live Jambi! Mr. Window informs us Reba is here, and delivers several bags of Christmas Cards. Pee-Wee recieves another Fruitcake, and gives her a most unsual present: press on TOE-nails. Reba also has a giant present for Pee-Wee... Grace Jones. Only problem is the box is addressed to the WHITE House, not the Playhouse. Oh well, since she's already there, she performs a quick version of the Little Drummer Boy (this scene gives us an amazing visual of Pee-Wee doing his goofy dance while Jones does what looks to be a
drumming motion... here's a .gif stolen from I-Mockery... if it would actually work)
We come back from the commercial break with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funcello (who was pretty hot for an older woman) making Christmas cards. Annette is using stencils to create images around a Christmas tree with her toothbrush. Pee-Wee reminds her to wash it before she brushes again, but she shows the camera she didn't. Frankie, on the other hand, is carving up potatoes to create Candy Cane images. Pee-Wee is so impressed, he forces the two of them to make 500 cards of each that they demonstrated. In a surprise appearence, Cher comes over to find out what the secret word is. For those who don't remember, whenever someone said the day's secret word (in this case, "Year"), you would scream real loud (and all of the characters in the playhouse would, too). It seems as if the secret word was always one used at the end of sentences so it constitutes no interrupting someone by screaming. I can see why they didn't promote Cher's appearence, since it's rather boring.
Here comes the King of Cartoons, and his present for Pee-Wee isn't a Fruitcake... it's TWO Fruitcakes! High-larious! Before the KoC (... KOC?!) could show us the cartoon, Annette asks him if she could present the cartoon instead. Berfore it begins, we get a very brief appearence of Joan Rivers from the set of Hollywood Squares. Wow, that was even more worthless than Cher! It's cartoon time, and it's one of those really old ones shown in movie theatres before feature films. In this one, an old man who seems to be off his rocker makes predents for an orphanage that has a Charlie Brown-esque tree. The old men eventually dresses up to look like Santa Claus. Hey, you mean he really was real?! AWESOME! This makes the poor little children happy, since he also made them toys to play with. We go back to the Playhouse for the token Billy "Baloney" appearence. Billy was a bad ventriliquist act done by Herman, for those who don't remember. Next Mr. Kite reports it's snowing!
Pee-Wee runs around screaming and exciting everyone in the Playhouse, but shoots down Frankie and Annette's joy by forcing them to get back to making Christmas cards until they're finished. What a buzz-killer Pee-Wee can be. And why would the big Kahuna take shit from PEE-WEE HERMAN? Pee-Wee has fun outside until we get the appearence of Cowboy Curtis, who seems to have a hard time finding Pee-Wee's foot prints in the snow. No one ever accused Morpheus of being the smartest egg in the nog. Our next special appearence is from the Del Rubio Triplets, who made guest appearences on other shows like Married... with Children (as Peg's "Wanker Triplet" reletives) and on Full House (Wrong R.E.M). They sing Winter Wonderland while wearing way too skimpy outfits for women who were 65 years old at the time of the show's broadcast. Pee-Wee and Curtis make a snowman, who comes to life to deliver a Pee-Wee line after they stare at him too long.
We cut from there to some of the Playhouse Puppets enjoying the outdoors while Little Richard makes an ass out of himself by falling on his ass trying to ice skate. Pee-Wee tries giving him words of encouragement, so Little Richard dares him to do it himself... and he does! Too bad we find out that Pee-Wee used his skating double to do all of the action, otherwise that would've been an awesome exhibition from a guy who wears a too-tight gray suit. Little Richard tries his best to not act gay while giving Pee-Wee a cold stare. Back in the Playhouse where the Playhouse Gang warm-up by drinking Hot chocolate, we get the next special appearence, this time by k.d. Lang, who either looks like a real ugly woman or a really ugly man. And she's got on a really ugly Elvis dress. If she isn't a lesbian, then she's doing a great impersonation of one, especially with that butch haircut of hers. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention she's performing Jingle Bell Rock while playing with a bunch of the Playhouse Puppets like the Band and Pterri (my favorite Playhouse puppet).
Back to original show content, as we get one of the Penny cartoons (more awesome claymation sequences about a little girl who had, you gussed it, pennies for eyes). Unless the stars aren't lined up properly, I'm betting my life that it's about Christmas. OOOH! BOB HOPE REFERENCE! AWESOME! According to one of the audio commentary tracks, the show creaters would interview little girls about basic stories for them to tell, and would then use them (with slightly altered dialogue) for these cartoons. Frankie and Annette complain about being hungry, so Pee-Wee offers them bread and water before ordering them back to work. Pee-Wee recieves yet another fruitcake, this time from the Cowntess (spelled incorrectly on the subtitles), and this leads us in to our next appearence, from Zsa Zsa Gabor. Yet another very brief guest shot, and she doesn't even bring Pee-Wee a present! What a bitch!
Picture-Phone Time Part II! Dinah Shore is on the phone to sing Pee-Wee a special holdiday song, the 12 Days of Christmas. Before she even completes the 2nd day, Pee-Wee takes another call, this time from Oprah Winfrey. Woah, remember when Oprah was skinny and had an awful hairdo? Yeah, I watched her show last week too. Back to Dinah, and the song is getting pretty... dull after 6 days, so Pee-Wee sneaks out and places a dummy wearing a Pee-Wee Herman Halloween Costume in the seat to give her the illusion that he's still listening to her. Here comes a character I don't remember, Ricardo the Soccer Player, who tells Pee-Wee about Feliz Navidad, the Christmas in Mexico that includes busting a pinata... Pee-Wee thinks this is great, but only an appearence by Charo could make it better. She sings "Feliz Navidad" while Pee-Wee takes wild swings at the pinata. I never noticed how fucking thick Charo's accent is, as her english is really torturous to listen to. "I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottle of my nar" seems to sound like she's singing instead of "from the bottle of my heart" and she mispronounces "Chairry" as "Chainey." She gives Pee-Wee some Pastel de Fruita which she translates to english as "Fruitcake." What a coincidence!
We get out token "Talk about other religions" appearence from Mrs. Rene, who apparently is Jewish, and she celebrates Hanukkah. She gives Pee-Wee a dradel to play with (and a bunch of fruitcakes for every day of Hanukkah), and we get to sing the Dradel song with the help of the bouncing Jambi head. This leads us into the Dinosaur family appearence, yet another charming and awesome claymation sequence done in pretty much every episode of the series. Apparently the Dinosaurs are JEWISH! Who would've guessed that? Maybe Hitler existed back before time and killed them off... okay, I'm so going to hell for that. Back to the show, and Frankie and Annette have finally finished the 1,000 cards. Now they need to make the envelopes! In the meantime, Dinah Shore is STILL singing the 12 Days of Christmas.
We come back from the commercial break and the whole Playhouse Gang and Friends are there to help trim the tree. Randy the Evil Puppet explains the REAL meaning of christmas (commercial exploitation), but Pee-Wee counters by showing us footage from an awful childrens play about the baby Jesus being born in a farm stable to Joseph and the "Virgin" Mary. Okay, that's my yearly "talk about someones religion and be done with it" comment. Randy gives Pee-Wee a Fruitcake for showing him the true meaning. And then Curtis gives him another. Pee-Wee explains he built a new wing of the Playhouse made entirely of Fruitcake (check out the two men in skimpy and no shirts working hard). I don't think that wing ever appeared again. Everyone sings 1 line carols from various songs, either because they couldn't get the rights to use them or just wanted to work in every song possible.
After about 4-5 of these mini-songs, Santa Claus makes his appearence. I only know thanks to the helpful dialogue of Pterri: "It's Santa Claus." Santa has brung all of the presents Pee-Wee asked for, but he's asked for so many he doesn't have enough for every child in the world. Pee-Wee doesn't care, but after some inner-conflict, he relents and gives up all of his presents. In exchange for this act of generousity, Santa offers Pee-Wee to help him deliver the presents to all the children, and even gives us a lame Pee-Wee-esque line. Pee-Wee finally asks for his second wish: Peace on earth, everyone to have the merriest christmas and a happy new year. I guess Jambi only did the second part, since 18 years later and we're still waiting for that "peace on earth" wish to be done. To end the show, Dinah Shore finally finishes her song... and is left talking with the mannequin in a Pee-Wee mask sitting in the Phonebooth.
BONUS FEATURES:
Audio Commentaries from Cast and Crew Members:
Track #1: Paul Reubens (Co-Writer), John Paragon (Co-Writer; Jambi the Genie), Prudence Fenton (Animation Producer), and Lynne Marie Stewart (Miss Yvonne) - Continuing the tradition of the shows credits, Paul Reubens is not credited as Pee-Wee Herman. This track is Reubens talking about random happenings on the show and how some scenes came about, while everyone else says things not worth noting. Not too bad of a track, but not the most entertaining to listen to.
Track #2: The Puppeteers: Alison Mork, Wayne White, Ric Heitzman, Kevin Carlson, George McGrath, and John Paragon - A more fun to listen to commentary, although they mainly talk about the characters they did and how everything worked out. Random cast members going into character is pretty funny to listen to. Either way, both commentaries have their pros and cons, since both offer different information about the show.
Commercial Bumpers - Although these are technically Easter Eggs, you can play them (about 4-5 total, I think) by doing a fast skip during the DVD opening (before you get to the menu screen, that is). They are basicaly 8-10 seconds long of shots from in/outside the Playhouse to tell us to come right back/is sponsored by the following things.
Episode Rating: 9.5/10 - One of the most awesomest of awesome Christmas Specials that appeals to both children and adults. Everything is done at a lighting quick pace, the multi-acts of live sequence and animation makes it more charming, and all the characters are so cheesy you can't help but laugh at some of their jokes. The only problem with the special is, because of the insane amount of guest spots (14 by my count), all of the roles were trimmed down to basically a few lines and 30 seconds of screen time. In some cases, the actors only had to spend 20-25 minutes shooting their scenes, so it was definitely a rather bland attempt. Other than that, a perfect show.
Bonus Features Rating: 8/10 - While nothing truely amazing is on here, you have to remember this was simply a 48 minute primetime broadcast special, so the best you can hope for is basically the audio commentaries. I doubt there is any "Behind the scenes footage", since the show was rather quickly filmed according to some sources, so huzzah.
For those that really care, the transfer to DVD is pretty good, and on the "Zoom mode", it doesn't show many signs of lazy tranfering from VHS. Also, the DVD is available on Amazon.com for low price of $7.99, so buy it now, you underpants eating bastards!