WWF Royal Rumble 2001
- Live from New Orleans, Louisiana, it's the 2001 Royal Rumble. Commentary is being done by Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, and with that, we quickly go into the show. Since I'm dubbing this onto a shitty VCR, I won't be able to put times until after the original viewing is done, but on Fast Forward Mode™, it shouldn't be much of a hassle.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Edge & Christian © vs. The Dudley Boyz:
I don't remember the feud leading up to this, but I do remember E&C giving the Dud's concussions with the (then) fresh "Con-Chair-To" (smacking an opponent with chairs from both sides) a week or two before the PPV. The Dudleys attack before the bell. Irish whips, and E&C quickly bail. The Dudleys follow them up the aisle and beat them back to the ring. D'Von quickly scores a two count on Edge with a neck breaker. Irish whip on Christian, and D'Von nails his twisting back elbow for another two count. Irish whip, and the Dudleys with a double shoulder block for a two count. Bubba hammers away on Christian in the corner. Irish whip, and Christain gets sent up into the sky to crash down on his face. Christian with a head scissors to take over, but it's short-lived and Bubba takes him down with a side suplex for a two count. Christian knees D'Von in the midsection coming in, but Edge tags in and walks into a powerslam. Irish whip is reversed, and Christian clocks D'Von across the back of his head. Edge stomps away at D'Von's cranium, and takes him down with a back suplex. Christian tags back in and connects with a side Russian leg sweep. Christian pounds the back of D'Von's head against the canvas. Edge works over D'Von in the corner while the referee yells at Bubba for no reason. Edge tags back in and connects with a neck breaker for a two count. Christian tags back in to choke down D'Von. The crowd with a mighty loud "D'Von" chant" as Edge comes in to apply a reverse chinlock. D'Von escapes with elbows to the midsection, but Edge quickly comes back with a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Christian and Edge trade tags to work over the concussed D'Von more. Edge tries for a piledriver, but D'Von sweeps him out and slingshots him into Christian on the top rope and rolls Edge up for a two count. A Double clothesline puts both men down, and we see Christian out of it in the corner. Bubba gets the hot tag... but the referee didn't see it. That was GAY! Edge & Christain grab a pair of chairs, but the con-chair-to misses, and D'Von nails a double clothesline. Bubba gets the REAL hot tag now and plows over Edge with clotheslines. Back body drop on Christian, and a hot-shot on Edge. Full Nelson Slam to Christian, and Bubba scoop slams Edge. WASSUP!!!!! I still love that, no matter how lame it was. D'Von goes for the tables, but Christian breaks it up. Edge tries nailing Bubba with a belt, but Bubba ducks and rolls him up for a two count. Christian goes for the Unprettier, but D'Von prevents it. 3-D TIME! Irish whip, but Edge spears Bubba to break up it up. That only gets a two count. Edge and Christian try their own Wassup, but Bubba rolls up Christian and D'Von tosses Edge into the jewels of Christian. 3-D to Edge! 1... 2... 3, and the Dudley Boyz win the Tag Team Championship for ONLY the second time in the WWF at 9:58. *** One of the best non-garbage brawl matches I've ever seen the Dudley Boyz in, with a well-booked heat segment, hot finish, and a super-hot crowd. I wasn't expecting this one to be very good back when it happend live, to be honest.
- Courtesy of Sunday Night Heat earlier tonight... Vince McMahon says Austin will be in the Rumble and Trips gets his Title Shot, because they didn't INTENTIONALLY physically provoke each other on Smackdown. Whatever the hell that means. I didn't think that storyline started until AFTER this Pay-Per-View. Backstage we go with Drew Carey meeting Trips and Steph. He mentions meeting Kamala at the airport... singing. MORE Backstage, as the APA promise to show each other "their's"... and we see them showing each other their numbers. They tease them being #1 and #2 judging by Bradshaws reaction. Crash Holly comes in to talk track, giving Faarooq a chance to work in his "damn" response. I loved the APA... until 2002.
- WWF Intercontinental Championship; Ladder Match:
Chris Benoit © vs. Chris Jericho:
Benoit had won the Intercontinental Title back at Armageddon from Billy Gunn, and since then he started feuding again with his on-again-off-again-on-again friend/enemy/bed fellow. They've been in Submission matches, 2 out of 3 Falls Matches, No DQ Matches... now it's time for the Ladder Match! Just a side note... Benoit was one of those guys I've always liked. I could tell because I was hoping he would turn face so I could "cheer" for him. Jericho and Benoit trade blows before the bell, with Jericho winning that one. Irish whip, and Jericho with a back elbow, followed by a clothesline. Jericho with chops in the corner, before they became overused by EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING ROSTER. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Benoit goes for the Crossface. Jericho rolls out to escape and tries for the Walls of Jericho, but Benoit kicks away. Benoit posts Jericho's shoulder and beats him in the corner. Benoit with a shoulder breaker, but a second attempt is escaped. Irish whip is reversed, and Jericho comes off the ropes with a diving forearm. He tries for his springboard dropkick, but Benoit pulls the ropes down, causing Jericho to spill to the outside. Benoit makes a go for the ladder, but that's prevented, so Benoit whips Jericho into the post. Benoit with the ladder, and wisely sidesteps a baseball slide and throws Jericho into the steps. AWESOME COUNTER! Benoit sets up the ladder for some climbing, but Jericho pulls him down with an electric chair drop. Jericho with the ladder now, and he uses it as a battering ram to wipe out Benoit's face. Jericho uses it again to ram Benoit in the midsection. Jericho sets the ladder up on the top rope and stomps away at the midsection of Benoit. Irish whip is reversed, and Jericho eats steel, and falls to the outside with the ladder. Benoit goes for a suicide dive, but Jericho hits a home run off Benoit's head with a steel chair! HOLY SHIT! Jericho suplexes Benoit across the security wall and uses his own leverage to try and ram the ladder into Benoit. Thankfully, Benoit rolls out of the way, giving the impact more pain than Jericho. Benoit uses the ladder to run over Jericho much like Jericho did to him earlier in the match. Benoit bashes him over the back with a steel chair, then throws him back in the ring. Irish whip, and Benoit kills Jericho with a charging clothesline. Benoit props the ladder up in the corner, and we all know what's coming (most likely). Actually not, as Benoit uses Jericho as the battering ram this time to ram his shoulder into the ladder. Benoit tries again, but he gets shoved into the ladder instead. Jericho crotches Benoit on the ladder and performs a quasi-Russian leg sweep from the top rope! HOLY SHIT PART 2! Benoit is back up to dropkick the ladder into Jericho's face. Sharp back suplex by Benoit as J.R. does a Shawn Michaels blowjob (Lawler: Did Shawn invent it? J.R: I don't know... YOU DAMN RIGHT YOU DON'T KNOW!) Back to the match, and Jericho whips Benoit face-first into the ladder. Jericho does a see-saw with the ladder to bash Benoit in the face again. Jericho heads to the top rope and missile dropkicks the ladder into Benoit again. Jericho starts climbing for the first time in the match... very... slowly until Benoit can pull him back and back suplex him over the top rope! Benoit goes up for the belt now, but Jericho interferes and somehow applies the Walls of Jericho on top of the ladder! HOLY SHIT PART III! THEN HE THROWS HIM OFF BACKWARDS! THEN BENOIT KICKS THE LADDER OVER! Jericho bashes Benoit good with the ladder and kicks him in the head for fun. Jericho tries a dive off the ladder, but Benoit catches him coming and applies the crippler crossface! Jericho taps like a bitch, but that's not a way to win the match. Benoit posts the shoulder of Jericho again, but Jericho manages to flap-jack Benoit into the ladder! Jericho rams Benoit into the corner with the ladder. Benoit blocks a suplex from the ladder and throws Jericho off... DIVING HEADBUTT! MISSES!!! I'm running out of sperm during all of these orgasms! Jericho props the ladder across the chest of Benoit and starts climbing. Benoit escapes and dumps the ladder over, causing Jericho to clothesline himself across the top rope! Benoit starts climbing again... Jericho grabs the chair from the outside and bashes Benoit a few times before tipping the ladder over, causing Benoit to land across the top rope, and fall to the outside! Jericho climbs up the ladder and grabs the belt for the victory and his 3rd IC Title Reign at 18:43. ****1/2 Awesome spotfest. Just fucking awesome. Sure, Benoit added some psychology by working over the shoulder of Jericho throughout the match, but this was all about the (then) inventive ladder spots, and they were damn impressive. Easily my favorite singles ladder match of all time.
- Backstage we go with Drew Carey hitting on Trish Stratus. Vince McMahon walks in on this, then books Carey into the 30-Man Royal Rumble Match for later in the show. Now we see Chyna and Billy Gunn backstage, talking about nothing. I wonder who has a bigger dick in that room... Post-Match Interview with Chris Jericho! WOO! New Intercontinental Champ-EEN!
[I REFUSE TO REVIEW THE NEXT 10 MINUTES OF PURE CRAP, AND ALSO REFUSE TO EVEN WATCH IT. IT'S STUFF LIKE THIS THAT MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH FOR BEING A WRESTLING FAN, CONSIDERING DARREN DROZDOV WAS LEFT PARALYZED BARELY A YEAR EARLIER IN A WWF RING. IF YOU NEED A REVIEW, GO LOOK IT UP SOMEWHERE ELSE.]
- Backstage, Harvey Wippleman delivers Drew Carey some wrestling attire. In comes KAAAAAANE~!, and he's not impressed with Carey. Hell, he doesn't even say a word. Cut to Lo' down arguing over who is going to compete, since only 1 is able to compete in the Rumble... until Vince tells them he gave away their slot. To Drew Carey. Singh: Who's Drew Curry?
- WWF World Championship Match:
Kurt Angle © (w/ Trish Stratus) vs. Triple H (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley):
Yes, the two top heels in the promotion are booked in a World Title Match... but the storyline isn't focused on them, oh no. It's on Stephanie and Trish. Hey, look at the white, creamy stuff on Trish's cleavage. I wonder who thought that was funny and/or dirty. Damn, I forgot what it was like to look at Stephanie when she was really bangable. Now she's a shell (and a bra size too large) of her former 'self. Trish too has lost it a bit, but not enough to notice it without close inspection. Damn, I forgot what it was like when Angle's theme didn't have "You Suck" chants. Lockup to start, and HHH applies a wristlock. Angle rolls through and kips up before taking Trips over with a firemans carry and applying an armbar. Triple H takes it into the corner and applies a side headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Angle takes Trips over with a hip toss and clotheslines him out of the ring. Back into the ring, and HHH hammers away on Angle. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Angle takes him over with a back drop. Angle applies a wristlock and takes Triple H down to the canvas. HHH escapes with a knee to the midsection, but a back suplex attempt is escaped and Angle takes Trips over with a snap suplex. Angle with a few more suplexes for a two count. Angle comes out to attack, but Trips dominates and rams him into the security walls. Back into the ring, and Angle hammers away with rights. Trips takes him down with a drop toe hold and applies a modified STF. Trips with a dragon screw takeover (someones been playing No Mercy), followed by kicking at the leg. Angle comes back with an enziguri, but it look like it missed by a whole lot. The action spills outside again, with Trips working over the leg, but not effectively. At least Angle is selling... until he does a running charge into the corner, totally no-selling the leg work. Trips rams Angle's leg around the ring post a few times, then goes for a chair while Stephanie bothers the referee. Chair shot to the knee! TAKE THAT! SELL IT NOW, MOTHERFUCKER! Trips atomic-knee drops Angle across the steel steps, and tosses him back into the ring. Trips measures Angle up and clips the knee from behind. Trips jerks on the leg of Angle and drops an elbow across the knee. Trips drops a leg across the knee of Angle and applies an Indian Deathlock, and much quicker than usual. Angle fights out of the hold with roundhouse rights. Irish whip, and HHH connects with his signature knee-bash for a two count. Trips slams the knee of Angle against the canvas and takes it into the corner to wrap the ankle of Angle across the rope and drop a knee across the leg. Trips applies the Figure-Four, since he's a Ric Flair mark. Trish comes into the ring to do something, and this leads to a big catfight at ringside. GIRL ON GIRL ACTION! Out comes Vince to break it up, which causes both valets to go back to the locker room. Back in the ring, and Angle pulls a Sting by cradling Trips in another figure-four attempt. Trips is back to work though, jerking the knee of Angle. Angle kicks off Trips into the ring post, and they trade blows. Angle with a desperation DDT, and rolls on top of Trips for a two count. Angle with an inverted atomic drop and bridging german suplex for a two count. Side Russian leg sweep by Angle, and he heads up to the top rope... Trips low blows him in clear view of the referee and takes him off the ropes with the Razor's Edge! That only gets a two count. Trips with the pedigree attempt #1, but Angle escapes and "accidentally" headbutts Trips in the grapefruits. Angle head up top and nails the moonsault, but that only gets two as well. Trips dumps Angle over the top rope, and we get a rather new ref bump with Trips accidentally nailing him with a sledge from the apron. Back into the ring, and Angle debuts the "I-No-Sell-And-Run-Up-The-Ropes" spot to arm drag Trips from the top rope. The action spills outside again and the referee takes ANOTHER shot into the steel steps thanks to a sandwich job. Trips brings the World Title into the ring, but Angle takes him over with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Angle with the belt now, but it's KICK-WHAM-PEDIGREE to a face pop. Here comes Austin in the finish EVERYONE saw coming to lay out Triple H. Austin with a belt shot on Triple H, and he adds a Stunner for good measure, allowing Angle to make the cover to retain the World Title at 24:14. ***1/4 Pretty good match, but neither man really blends well together. Triple H likes to wrestle an "NWA-Style" match that was big in the 80's, and Angle's offense is too modern to compliment that style. Also the fact both are heels kind of kills any heat either of their offensive spurts would normally get.
- XFL Cheerleaders Commercial! Remember the XFL? I do... it honestly wasn't as bad as some people say, but it wasn't too great either. It should've been allowed more than one year to get a chance to grow on people, since it WAS a new sport promotion, and Rome wasn't built in a day. Sure, the ratings tanked the last couple of weeks, but that was because of lack of promotion from the networks and ESPN. THAT'S IT! ESPN DID IT! BOOS!
- 30-Man Royal Rumble Match:
The video package only highlights a select few people, so we know about 24 other people have no hope in hell of winning. We've got two minute intervals apparently for this years Rumble. As usual, the winner of the Rumble gets a title shot at WrestleMania X-Seven, and the winner wasn't really a big secret, but for those who've never seen the WWF in 2001, I won't spoil it until the end of the match. #1 is Jeff Hardy and #2 is Bull Buchanon, winning the runner up spot for Least Impressive Opening Participants Award. Hardy attacks before the bell, but Buchanon throws him away. Irish whip to the corner, and Bull tosses Hardy onto the apron. Hardy with a shoulder to the midsection of Bull, followed by a head scissors take over. Bull boots Hardy in the corner and floors him with a clothesline. Press slam by Buchanon, but Hardy escapes as he's about to be dumped. Both men exchange blows in the corner until Hardy tries for the first elimination of the match. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Hardy sells like he's dead. #3 is Matt Hardy, totally stealing a page from the 1994 Rumble. The Hardys with the Poultry in Motion, and a double clothesline eliminates Bull at 2:09 (Bull Buchanon - #1 Eliminated). Matt takes Jeff to the corner for a quick elimination attempt. Jeff escapes with a rake of the eyes and they slug it out. Matt takes Jeff down with a back suplex, and Jeff comes back with a jaw breaker (not the candy, sadly). #4 is Faarooq, and the Hardys wisely double team. Irish whip, and Faarooq nails them both with clotheslines and stomps them in the corners. Another poetry in motion (a fucked up one) sees Faarooq catch Jeff for an elimination attempt, but Matt blocks it. Jeff saves him from the Dominator, and they nail the Twist of Fate/Senton Bomb double team. Faarooq is dumped soon after at 4:35 (Faarooq - #2 Eliminated). Matt tries dumping Jeff, but he hangs on. The shirts come off, but Jeff ties his around his waist... FORSHADOWING! They clean each others clock for a few moments. #5 is Drew Carey... and this should be interesting. He takes forever getting to the ring, and in the meantime, Matt and Jeff eliminate each other at 6:37 while fighting on the top ropes, with Matt pulling Jeff with him by the shirt. I TOLD YA! (The Hardy Boyz - #3 & #4 Eliminated).
#6 is Kane, and Drew Carey proceeds to shit himself. Kane spends most of his two minutes circling the ring while Lawler makes jokes about Carey. Drew Carey tries offering a handshake, and when that doesn't work, he offers money instead. Kane doesn't approve though, and goozles Carey for being a horrible shill for most of the PPV. Before the chokeslam can occur, though, Raven enters at #7 and attacks Kane from behind with a kendo stick. In the meantime, Carey, the SMARTEST MAN IN WRESTLING, runs like a bitch by climbing over the ropes and eliminating himself at 9:07 (Drew Carey - #5 Eliminated). Kane with a choke throw into the corner and roundhouse rights on Raven. Kane throws Raven across the ring and works him over in the opposite corner. Irish whip, and Raven boots Kane in the corner. They manage to fuck up a side suplex spot, so Raven runs outside. He grabs a fire extinguisher and blasts Kane in the face with it. Raven dumps a garbage can into the ring, and here comes Al Snow as #8, but prematurely. He hammers away on Raven (they had a program going) until Raven runs back inside to smack Kane with a road sign and garbage can. Snow OFFICIALLY enters now and bashes Kane with a trash can lid. He nails Raven a few times as well, then beats Kane down more with it. Snow brings more garbage into the ring, as well as his bowling bad. He bashes Kane in the midsection with it, then brings out the ball for a 7-10 split on Raven. That's GOTTA hurt. Kane boots Snow down and hammers away in the corner. Raven makes the save for a second, but Kane blocks the garbage can shot and knocks him down. Snow with shots with the garbage can on Kane, and Raven adds one of his own. Irish whip and Raven drop toe holds Kane onto the garbage can. Snow and Raven brawl until Kane sits up.
#9 is Perry Saturn as Kane knocks both Snow and Raven down with (I guess) clotheslines. Saturn trips up Kane from the outside and rams his leg across the ring apron a few times. Saturn with a slingshot splash into the ring and a series of splash across the knee. Saturn with a leg scissors on Kane. Raven applies a sleeper hold, but Kane snapmares him off. Saturn with a dropkick to the knee and a series of rights. Kane boots him in the midsection and follows with a press slam. Snow with a sleeper, and Kane theows him off. Raven with another sleeper while Saturn clips the knee three times and Snow bashes him with a road sign. Now THAT was pretty awesome. They lay a triple-shit-kicking in on Kane before going after each other again. #10 is Steve Blackman, and it's PARTY TIME! He has the bag of doom! Blackman with a series of stick shots to Raven, then onto his ex-friend Snow. Blackman with a back suplex on Saturn. Kane boots Blackman down while Raven bashes Saturn and Snow with a trash can lid. Saturn attacks the knee of Kane again and Blackman joins in for some double teaming. Snow with a spinning heel kick on Raven, followed by stick shots. Kane chokes Blackman down in the corner. #11 is Grandmaster Sexay, and he's sure to turn the tide. He bashes random people with the can lid. Blackman fights off Kane with rights. Raven with a low blow, but Kane no-sells. Raven smacks GMS with the trash lid, then nails Saturn. raven with another sleeper hold on Kane. Kane is FIANLLY pissed off, and CLOBBERS GMS with the trash can, eliminating him in the process at 17:17 (Grandmaster Sexay - #6 Eliminated). Kane smacks everyone with the trash can, bending it in 500 directions. Blackman gets dumped, and Kane smacks him across the face with a trash lid to eliminate him at 17:34 (Steve Blackman - #7 Eliminated). Al Snow is easily dumped at 17:42 (Al Snow - #8 Eliminated), and Raven is booted over and out at 17:46 (Raven - #9 Eliminated). Saturn tries his luck, but Kane bashes him with a Blackman stick and dumps him at 17:58 (Saturn - #10 Eliminated).
#12 is THE HONKYTONK MAN! He cuts a promo and offers to sing us a song. He sings to no reaction, and Kane being a country music and/or Elvis hater, steals the guitar from Honky's hands and smashes it over his head to a pretty good pop. The Honkytonk Man's elimination is academic at 19:54 (The Honkytonk Man - #11 Eliminated). #13 is The Rock, and it's time to go to school, with Kane as your teacher. The Rock hammers away with roundhouse rights. Irish whip is reversed, and the Rock comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline. The Rock tries dumping Kane, but he blocks and clotheslines the Rock across the ring. Kane stomps away on the Rock in the corner as we exit the Hardcore Phase of the match. Irish whip, and Kane floors the Rock with a clothesline. The Rock comes back with more rights, but runs into a big boot. #14 is The Goodfather, and he lasts about 15 seconds, as the Rock punches him a few times and sends him flying out at 22:24 (The Goodfather - #12 Eliminated). Kane is back up in the meantime, and nails a thrust to the throat of the Rock to put him down. Kane takes the Rock over with a suplex, and chokes away. Irish whip, and the Rock ducks a clothesline to connect with more rights. Irish whip is reversed, and Kane catches the Rock off the ropes with a side suplex. #15 is Tazz... he runs into a choke from Kane, gets set up on the top turnbuckle, and knocked out seconds later at 24:01 (Tazz - #13 Eliminated). Easy paycheck for Tazz, says I. Kane goes back to choking the Rock across the middle rope, and we get an elimination attempt, but with no success. The Rock fights free and scoops up Kane to try and eliminate him now, but again it doesn't work. Kane escapes with a rake of the eyes, and we get a replay of Tazz's impressive performance only moments earlier. Back to live action, and The Rock catches Kane coming out of the corner with a Samoan Drop.
#16 is Bradshaw, and he hammers away on Kane. They whip Kane to the corner, and the Rock puts him down with a clothesline. Bradshaw follows with the Clothesline from Hell on the Rock. Bradshaw pounds on both men for the moment, since they have to pretend they've been in a war. the Rock catches Bradshaw off the ropes with a spinebuster, then walks into a clothesline from Kane. Kane boots Bradshaw back down to the canvas and again his attention is set on the Rock. #17 is Prince Albert, and damn is this becoming a Hoss-Fest. Albert goes for Kane, then goes for the Rock. Kane is pissed off at the snuff job, and pounds away on Albert with the help of Bradshaw. Irish whip and they put Albert down with a double clothesline. Kane then floors Bradshaw with a clothesline. Albert with a bicycle kick to Bradshaw, and we get an elimination attempt on both sides of the ring. Bradshaw with a big clothesline on Albert, followed by forearms. Irish whip and big boot from Bradshaw. #18 is Hardcore Holly, and he goes after Bradshaw for a Battle of Locker Room Leaders. Kane cleans his clock for no reason and Albert nails the Albert-Bomb on Bradshaw. The Rock stomps away on Bradshaw while Albert tries dumping Kane. Holly and Bradshaw double team on the Rock to try and get him out, but he's doing his best Bob Backlund in 1993 impression. Kane whips Albert to the corner, but runs into a boot and Albert follows with a scissors kick. albert goes after Holly again ans tries dumping him. The Rock clotheslines Bradshaw from out of the corner and dumps Kane onto the apron.
#19 is K-Kwik, but he's a rookie, so he barely gets a reaction. K-Kwik hammers away on Albert in the corner, then gets some shots from Albert. Kane and the Rock continue having their little match while the other guys do stuff. Kane tries dumping Holly, but gets kicked in the balls for his troubles. The Rock tries eliminating K-Kwik in a battle to see which black guy gets pushed. Bradshaw with a powerbomb on K-Kwik at the same time as Kane powerslams Holly. #20 is Val Venis, and thankfully the last member of RTC in the match. He pounds away on Kane and a nails a series of knees to the midsection. Kane returns the favor with an inverted atomic drop. Holly stomps away on the Rock and chokes him down in the ropes. Bradshaw with a big spear on K-Kwik, but doesn't follow up. Kane continues making Venis his bitch in the corner, and Val sells like a madman that was an ex-porn star. The Rock with a powerslam on K-Kwik, and I notice the ring is starting to get too full. #21 is William Regal, the reigning European Champion. Regal hammers away on K-Kwik for the biggest contrast of styles so far. Regal with a twisting back suplex, then he goes after Bradshaw. Rocky whips Venis to the ropes and connects with a spinebuster. Kane with a short-arm clothesline on Regal, followed by stomping. Bradshaw with a series of clotheslines on Venis, followed by a firemans carry attempt. TOO FULL! #22 is Test as we see Bradshaw kill Venis with the HECK clothesline. Test attacks Regal and dumps him out at 37:14 (William Regal - #14 Eliminated). Test goes after his former partner in T & A and stomps a mudhole in his stomach before choking down Kane in another corner. Test with a running big boot to Val Venis, who is taking a shit kicking in this match. Kane with a double noggin' knocker on the ex-T & A and choking in the corner.
#23 is the Returning Big Show! He apparently was sent to OVW to lose weight, and he comes back even bigger than before! Show cleans house for a second, clotheslining Test out at 39:13 (Test - #15 Eliminated) and then press slams K-Kwik out at 39:19 (K-Kwik - #16 Eliminated). Big Show with chokeslams all around until he comes down to one final man... the Rock. Rock naturally kicks him in the balls to escape, then after the big spitting roundhouse right fails, clotheslines the Big Show over and out at 40:26 (Big Show - #17 Eliminated). Big Show is pissed though, and pulls the Rock out to kick his ass for a while. #24 is Crash Holly, but he has no hope in hell of winning. Everyone gangs up on Kane to probably give him a chance to take a breather, since he's been in the ring for nearly 40 minutes. On the outside again, and Big Show chokeslams The Rock through the announcers table. Everyone has Kane up against the ropes as we get the countdown. #25 is The Undertaker, and it's about time for another session of cleaning house with the Brothers of Destruction. The whole storyline going was "are Taker and Kane back together again", and we find out as they clean house.
Undertaker hammers away on everyone and dumps Bradshaw out at 43:28 (#18), Kane dumps out Crash at 43:30 (#19), Undertaker dumps Hardcore Holly at 4:33 (#20), Kane clotheslines Albert out at the same time (#21), and Undertaker finishes with throwing Val Venis out at 43:39 (#22). Kane and the Undertaker do a face-to-face confrontation, but they don't fight.
#26 is Scotty Too Hotty, and in a nutshell, he's fucking fucked. He takes a double shit-kicking from Kane and Undertaker, with a chokeslam as the final nail in his coffin. They easily dump Scotty out at 45:45 (Scotty Too Hotty - #23 Eliminated). #27 is Stone Cold Steve Austin (monster pop), but Triple H runs in before he can get to the ring and kicks his ass for costing him the World Title earlier in the night. The Rock is back in the ring, and he takes a shit kicking from the Undertaker and Kane. In the meantime, Triple H busts Austin open, giving us one of the first blade jobs in Royal Rumble History. Austin sure was a good bleeder, although I guess I can credit that to him not knowing where his hairline was. #28 is The One Billy Gunn, and he hammers away on Kane. He takes some shots at the Undertaker as well, but Kane manages to calm his gay ass down with a charging clothesline into the corner. Not much to say, since we get way too many shots of nothing happening with Steve Austin. Undertaker beats on Gunn in the corner, and Kane chokes him down while the Undertaker goes back to working on the Rock. Irish whip, and Undertaker with a nasty DDT on the Rock. #29 is the Returning Haku, and at the time the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion. Oh, and he has a BIG ASS MOTHERFUCKING AFRO! Haku works over Undertaker with rights and lefts in the corner. He headbutts both Undertaker and Kane, no-selling their offense in the process AT THE SAME TIME! Kane and Undertaker with throat thrusts while Haku fights back with chops. They choke him into the corner to calm him down until Billy Gunn makes the save. Haku rams Undertaker into the turnbuckle and chops more. The Rock hammers on Gunn while he has Kane on the apron for the dumbest move of the night. COUNTDOWN TIME!
Final Field: (#6) Kane, (#13) The Rock, (#25) The Undertaker, (#27) Steve Austin, (#28) Billy Gunn, (#29) Haku, (#30) Rikishi:
Rikishi tries taking a cheap shot on Austin, who is crawling back to the ring, but Austin is playing possum and whoops Rikishi's fat ass for being a dumbass. Austin FINALLY enters the match officially and cleans Billy Gunn's clock and does some mudhole stomping in the corner. Austin hammers away on Haku and clotheslines him out at 52:43 (Haku - #24 Eliminated). Austin pounds away on Kane in the corner and does more mudhole stomping. Undertaker goozles Rikishi and actually gets him up with a chokeslam. Rock whips Undertaker to the ropes, but gets kicked in the face for his troubles. Rikishi goes back to Undertaker, but gets nailed with headbutts. That hurts Undertaker though, and Rikishi superkicks him out at 53:51 (The Undertaker - #25 Eliminated). The Rock hammers away on Rikishi with roundhouse rights. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Rikishi nails that reverse-ass avalanch. Rikishi goes for a Banzai Drop, but the Rock is up to low-blow him on the second turnbuckle, and Rikishi is dumped out at 54:48 (Rikishi - #26 Eliminated). So the final four is Austin, Kane, Rock, and BILLY GUNN. I wonder who is eliminated next. Gunn hammers away on Austin and nails the Fame-Asser. Gunn flicks Austin off, so Austin no-sells and dumps him over at 55:21 (Billy Gunn - #27 Eliminated). The Rock nails Kane with a DDT, and all three men are down. The Rock and Austin prop themselves up in opposite corners, and they lock eyes for the first time in the match, although it's only been 2 minutes since Austin entered. Kane FINALLY gets a chance to play dead 48 minutes into this. Rock and Austin exchange rights and lefts, with Austin coming out on top of that exchange. Rocky fights back and lays out Austin, then preps' for the Rock Bottom. Austin blocks with elbows to the side of the head and connects with the Stone Cold Stunner! Austin with mudhole stomping on the Rock until Kane saves. Austin hammers away on him again and catches Kane coming off the ropes with a Lou Thesz Press. Austin with mounted punches and a stomp below the belt of Kane. Rocky is back up again and nails the Rock Bottom on his next attempt. The Rock side-steps Kane in hopes of dumping him out, but Kane goes between the ropes. Rock and Austin bunch up near the ropes after another exchange of rights. While this happens, Kane sneaks up from behind and dumps both over the top, but only the Rock is eliminated at 59:06 (The Rock - #28 Eliminated), leaving Austin one-on-one with Kane. Austin ducks a clothesline and pounds away on Kane with rights. Austin bounces off the ropes and runs right into a goozle. Kane with the chokeslam, but he's too exhausted to follow up on that. He signals for the end, and damn his hair looks funky after a 50+ minute performance. Austin with a desperation low blow, and both men go down again. Kane rolls out of the ring to grab a steel chair and brings it back into the ring with him. Austin blocks a chairshot attempt with a boot to the midsection. Kane scoops Austin up for the Tombstone, but Austin rolls free and nails the Stone Cold Stunner. Austin grabs the steel chair now... he bashes Kane with the chair several times and follows with a clothesline, eliminating Kane at 1:01:52 and winning the Royal Rumble. **** One of the top 5 Rumble matches. The only downside of the match were from entrants #16-22, as everyone just kinda did random stuff and bunched up near the ropes doing nothing. Other than that, there's nothing worth complaining about.The first 10 minutes was your basical rumble stuff, then we got a pretty awesome hardcore rumble for 10-12 minutes. From there, an entertaining mini-match between Kane and the Rock. After the dead period, the ring was cleared of all the dead wood, and we got a pretty good finale with the first showdown with the Rock and Austin since the fall of 1999. Also, I think it would only be fair to use my blind loyalty to put over Kane's awesomeness. The guy was in the ring for 55 minutes with all kinds of opponents, and was the center of attention for almost the entire thing, with minimal periods of time to lie around doing nothing until the ending to give us Rock/Austin. Of course, with typical WWF, instead of following up on the performance (including a record setting 11 eliminations), he was buried in a midcard tag feud against Haku and Rikishi. LAME!
Final Thoughts: Easily the best Rumble PPV from top to bottom. The Dudleys having a pretty good wrestling match, one of the best ever ladder matches, a good World Title match, and a great Rumble match makes this a Highly Recommended PPV. I would just recommend avoiding the crap with Chyna between the Ladder and World Title matches, and go on from there without asking any question. Awesome PPV! AWESOME! WOO! WOO! AWESOME! (marks out and knee drops nothing)