WWF Royal Rumble 1991
- We're back once again, or should I say I'm back, since this is a one-person review. Anyway, I'm back again in the string of crappy Royal Rumble Reviews. The 1991 edition was the first to feature a World Championship match (and in a bit of a coincidence, that was the year the first time the Survivor Series match featured one as well), and took away some star power for the undercard. Once again, this is the Coliseum Video version, so a match between Koko B. Ware and the Mountie has been cut. I don't remember ever hearing about this on the syndicated television shows, but it did happen, so HUZZAH! Before we get to the show, Sean Mooney runs down the card from the Event Center. Damn, I miss those.
- Once upon a time, live from the Miami Arena in Miami, FL, held on January 19th, 1991, it's time to Rumble! It's time for the Royal Rumble! Commentary is being done by Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper. Again with the yearly tradition, the 30 participants for this years match: The Immortal Hulk Hogan! Bret Hart! Road Warrior Animal! The Undertaker! Tugboat! Rick Martel! Mr. Perfect! Jim Duggan! Earthquake! Saba Simba! The British Bulldog! Paul Roma! Tito Santana! Butch! Jake Roberts! The Warlord! Demolition Smash! Texas Tornado! Road Warrior Hawk! Jimmy Snuka! Luke! Jim Neidhart! Demolition Crush! Dino Bravo! Greg Valentine! Hercules! Shane Douglas! Brian Knobbs! Haku! and the Macho King! Plus The Ultimate Warrior defends the title against Sgt. Slaughter, The Rhodes Family meet Virgil & Ted Dibiase, Big Boss Man squares off against the Barbarian, and the Rockers meet the Orient Express! It's time to Rumble!
- The Rockers vs. The Orient Express (w/ Mr. Fuji):
Whoa, this is an amazing trade off for the previous years opening match. For those who forgot, this is the good version of the Express, Kato (Paul Diamond) and Tanaka, formerly Bad Company in the AWA. Ironic that they face the Rockers, who I believe they swapped the titles with back in 1987. Just a random tidbit: The Rockers attire is the one used for Marty Jannetty's hasbro figure from the 1993 series (featuring other "greats" like the Head Shrinkers, Giant Gonzalez, and The Bushwackers, and yes, I bought nearly the entire series). Tanaka knocks Jannetty off the top rope to the floor before the bell. Double back drop on Michaels. They set up for their finisher, but Jannetty dropkicks Kato out and nails a cresent kick to Tanaka. Irish whip, and they double slam him. They head up to the top for their finisher now, but Tanaka is pulled out by Kato, so the Rockers hit simultanious suicide dives! Kato comes back in to formally start the match with Jannetty. Jannetty with a standing side headlock, and to jerk with me, DOESN'T let go to come off the ropes with a shoulder block. Kato tries powering out, so Jannetty takes him over with the hold. Irish whip to escape, and a crisscross sequence leads to a series of roll-up reversals until Kato takes over Jannetty with a hip toss. Kato with an armbar, and Jannetty counters with a head scissors. Kato floats over into a cover for two, and Jannetty bridges up to backslide Kato for a two count as well. Lockuip into the ropes, and the Express work him over. Irish whip is reversed, and Kato runs into Tanaka, who had just tagged in. Jannetty takes over Tanaka with an arm drag and applies an armbar. Michaels tags in to come off the top rope with a sledge, and takes over Tanaka with a modified northern lights suplex before going back to work on the left arm. Irish whip to escape, and Michaels puts him down with a shoulder block. He tries again, but Tanaka nails him with a diving forearm for a two count. Reverse chinlock applied by Tanaka. The crowd is really into this, to my surprise. Irish whip, and Michaels and the Express do another crisscross. This time Tanaka stops short before running into Kato, but Michaels rams their heads together. Irish whip, and Michaels puts Tanaka down with a running high knee (Triple H stole that!), then goes to a chinlock. Tanaka fights free with elbows to the midsection, but gets caught in a Sleeper Hold. Kato comes in to nail Michaels from behind, thanks to Jannetty stupidly bothering the referee. Tanaka catches a kick from Michaels and sweeps the other leg from under him. Tanaka with a big chop across the face of Michaels, followed by a second. Tanaka works over Michaels in the corner, but Michaels no-sells and pounds away with rights. Mounted punches to Tanaka and a moonsault onto Kato follows. The Rockers double whip the Express, but get nailed. The Express try the same, and a complex series of counteres lead to simultanious dropkicks from both Rockers, sending the Express out. They tease another suicide dive set, but the Express ducks away, thinking they out-smarted them, until Jannetty and Michaels come off opposite sides of the ring with body presses from the top to the outside! Back in the ring, and Michaels snapmares Kato into a cover for a two count. Irish whip, and Jannetty tags in for a double back elbow before going into a chinlock. Kato quickly fights free, but Michaels tags in for some double teaming. Michaels with a delayed vertical suplex, but Tanaka breaks the cover. Irish whip to the corner, and Michaels gets caught going for a monkey flip with a hot shot across the top rope. WOO! Go Tanaka! Kato stomps an americanized egg roll in Michaels' ass, and Fuji finally gets his shot in with the cane. Tanaka works over Michaels while the crowd chants "U-S-A." Kato tags in and they nail the leap-frog splash across the back double team move used by countless teams since then. Because Tanaka is either Japanese or Samoan (I know he's Japanese), he applies the vulcan neck pinch of agonizing pain. This actually slows down the pace quite a bit, but the crowd is jacked for the show, so it's not so boring. Tanaka goes back to laying a shit-kicking in on Michaels, as does Kato. Michaels tries a comeback in the corner, but gets whipped across the ring to do the flair flip onto the apron, and Tanaka superkicks him back into the ring! Double clothesline by the Express gives Michaels the chance to work in the spinning sell-job, but that only gets a two count. Irish whip, and Michaels stops short to slam Tanaka face-first into the canvas. Kato makes sure to knock Jannetty off the apron to prevent the tag. Irish whip, and Michaels ducks a clothesline with a black belt and uses himself to propel both Tanaka and Kato into each other. Jannetty FINALLY gets the hot tag and is a house of fire. Scoop slams and dropkicks to both men! Irish whip, and a powerslam on Kato gets a two count. Irish whip and now he nails a diving back elbow. Tanaka breaks the count, so Michaels cleans his clock. Irish whip reversed, and a hip toss counter goes into a battle of back slides. Kato wins that thanks to Tanaka, but the cover is botched. Michaels trips up Kato off the ropes, and Jannetty covers for another two count. Irish whip, and the Rockers with a double superkick to Kato. Michaels heads up top, but Tanaka kicks Jannetty into him, causing Michaels to spill on the outside! Kato with a scoop slam on Jannetty, and slingshots him into a Tanaka chop. They try it again, but Michaels nails Tanaka and Jannetty counters the slingshot by sunset flipping the bent over Tanaka while Michaels takes down Kato, and that's good enough for the Rocker three count at 19:15. Pretty damn complex finish that's hard to describe. ****1/4 Now that's the kind of match that should get an insane amount of time considering the time frame for WWF PPV's. Two great tag teams working with a great fluid pace of action, mat-wrestling, and complex stuff that fans would eat up and ask for seconds. The resting was at a minimum, and the crowd involvment made it even more enjoyable. Definitely one of the best undercard matches in Royal Rumble history.
- Sean Mooney is backstage with the Macho King Randy Savage. He wants a World Title Match, and claims that Sgt. Slaughter has already promised him a match if he were to defeat the Warrior for the belt later in the show. To cover all of his bases though, he has Sherri call out the Warrior for a potential match as well. After a lot of nothing and some unwanted sexual teasing, the Warrior hawks a loogie and simply screams out "No" like the psycho he is. Savage gets pissed off of course, trashes his locker room, then runs out for the Warrior, but he's about a minute too late. The whole thing ate up about 10 minutes of PPV time, so I can see why they clipped out Koko/Mountie from later in the show, since this all lead to much bigger things down the road.
- Big Bossman vs. The Barbarian (w/ Bobby Heenan):
If you haven't noticed, I seem to change the use of Bossmans name every other review. While I still think the proper name is a space between each word, it's easy on the typing by just combining the last two, instead of calling him "Boss" or "Man." This was all part of the Rick Rude/Bossman feud set up in September 1990. Of course, Rick Rude is nowhere near here, as he was released a few weeks before the Survivor Series, so things changed from Bossman vs. Rude to Bossman vs. Heenan and his Family Members. Bossman probably already beat Haku, since he sucked, so next on the totem pole is the Barbarian, everyones favorite furr-underwear wearing samoan from New York City. Lots of stalling before the match begins. Lockup, and the Barbarian with a knee to the midsection, followed by some roundhouse rights. Irish whip is reversed, and Bossman catches Barbarian coming off the ropes with a big boot, followed by a back elbow, sending Barbarian out of the ring. Back into the ring, and Bossman hammers away. Irish whip is reversed again, and the Barbarian takes Bossman over with a suplex after failing at a hip toss. The Barbarian with a back breaker for a two count, and undoing Bossman's shirt in the process. Barbarian applies a bearhug... what happend, they clip this or something? Seems weird that he just started working over the back with little Bossman offense before that. Bossman fights free, but is laid out with a shot to the throat. The Barbarian follows with a series of elbow drops, but they only get a two count. Back to the bearhug. Bossman escapes again with a series of headbutts and biting of the nose. Bossman KO's the Barbarian with an enziguri, but he passes out from exhaustion before he can cover. Bossman finally sits up (wait, that's the Undertakers gimmick) and covers for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and the Boss Man misses a charge. Barbarian rolls him up, but that only gets a two count. Irish whip, and the Bossman hot shots the Barbarian for another two count. Irish whip, and a head collision puts both men down. The Barbarian heads up to the top rope and kills the Bossman with a clothesline, but Bossman gets the foot on the rope at the count of two. Irish whip is reversed, and the Bossman's sidewalk slam connects, but THAT only gets a two count. Barbarin goes for a piledriver... and actually nails it! Woah, that looked rather painful. The Barbarian heads UP TOP once again, but this time Bossman counters a crossbody and picks up the victory at 10:06 out of nowhere. And we cut away right after Bossman is announced as the winner. LAME! *1/2 The first half was pretty not good, but it picked up for the second half. To sum it up short, I've seen much worse from both men, especially a match taped at the Maple Leaf Gardens in the Fall of 1990 that was circulated on TV and Coliseum Video about 600 times.
- Fans predict the winner of the title match! Some slut drools over the Warrior! Some kid says the Warrior! Some ugly girl says the Warrior! Well, now we know why the WWF makes fun of us... they judge us all by THESE morons.
- Sean Mooney interviews Sgt. Slaughter and General Adnan. Adnan's promo is basically saying "ala-hala-a-hem" over and over again, while Slaughter just rambles while substituting names with "Puke." the Ultimate Puke, The Puke-amaniacs... you get the picture. I wonder how much money Slaughter sold out for. Warrior gets Interview time too, but he sucks, and his belt leather is the faggy vomit looking purple for this week. The only interesting thing is Warrior's attire is americanized. Who knew Parts Unknown embraced Americans?
- WWF World Championship Match:
The Ultimate Warrior © vs. Sgt. Slaughter (w/ General Adnan):
Uh-oh... a midcard World Title Match before kayfabe died? The champion better watch out, cause that's not a good sign. I don't remember any real build-up to this. Slaughter was just announced as the #1 Contender, or something lame like that, due to impressive victories over Tito Santana and Koko B. Ware. Sadly, Slaughter exchanged the Noogie of Doom for the Camel Clutch as his finishing move a few weeks before this. Warrior double clotheslines both heels before the bell, and snapping the flag pole in half in the process. Warrior clotheslines Adnan over the top rope, then violates the Irawi flag to a major pop. He actually does a good job ripping it in half, too. Warrior whacks Slaughter with the piece of a flag pole and clotheslines him. Warrior stuffs parts of the flag in Slaughters mouth, and catches him out of the corner with a boot and running knee lift. Slaughter gets rammed into the ring post, and now Warrior chokes him with the other piece of the flag. Irish whip to the corner, and Warrior takes him over with a back drop. Another whip gives Slaughter a chance to work in his corner bump and spills out of the ring. While Warrior continues cheating like nuts, the Queen Sherri runs out to add support. Warrior goes into finishing mode with shoulder tackles, but Sherri trips him up. He chases her, and Savage blindsides him in the aisle with a clothesline. Savage mops the floor with Warrior before running away like a thief in the night. Slaughter wisely kills the counts whenever the referee starts them up until Warrior is back at ringside. Slaughter gets in some cheap kicks to the midsection and blows across the back. Slaughter with a back breaker, followed by some spitting. Warrior is introduced into the pointy boots of Slaughter. Irish whip, and a double clothesline puts both men down. Slaughter goes back to work on the back and applies a bearhug. Warrior fights free and slams Slaughter, but he actually SELLS it because Slaughter is fat. Slaughter with a series of elbow drops across the back, followed by a back breaker. Camel Clutch is applied, but Warrior's legs are out of the ring. Warrior does his Hulking-Up act, with the clotheslines and shoulder-tackle, but guess who returns... yup, it's Sherri with the Macho King's sceptor. Warrior goes after her again, and here comes Savage again. Warrior casuaully press slams Sherri onto him from in the ring, and Savage makes a good catch. He wasn't a former minor league ball player for nothing! Slaughter knees Warrior from behind and distracts the referee, allowing Savage to smack a home run with Warrior's head with the sceptor. Slaughter casually pulls Warrior off the ropes, drops an elbow, and covers for the World Title at 12:44, ending Warrior's reign as a medicore champion and kicking off his lame-duck reign. The crowd chants either "Hogan", "Bullshit", or both for that decision, and to rub salt in the wound, Finkel does his "and NEW" introduction really slowly. * Match kinda sucked, but it had a good opening minutes thanks to Warrior of all people. The only reason to watch this match is for the title change, of course.
- Sean Mooney is backstage with Ted Dibiase and Virgil. We are reminded of how Dibiase can get Virgil to do whatever he wants, because the money talks, and Virgil has his price. Apparently Dibiase's money is thicker than blood.
- Dusty & Dustin Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase & Virgil:
After months of tormenting Dusty with the purchase of his ex-manager/love slave Sapphire, and the ass-kickings dished out to his son on Saturday Night's Main Event, it's time for the blowoff! Smart money says the Rhodes Family wins because they've been treated worse throughout the feud, but they were also on their way out of the company (only 3 months into Dustin's run with the company), so I won't mind the heels winning. The heels ambush the Rhodes, with Papa/Dibiase and Son/Virgil being the pairs. The Rhodes whip the heels into each other, and Rhodes works over Dibiase with bionic elbows before they take a breather. Dibiase orders Vigil to take out Dustin. Lockup, and they tussle around the ring. Virgil with a chrap shot, but Rhodes comes off the ropes with a diving clothesline, followed by a dropkick, sending Virgil outside again. Dibiase chews him out for his attempts, and it's time to go back in the ring. Virgil with a knee to the midsection followed by rights across the back. Irish whip, and Dustin puts Virgil down with a shoulder block, then clotheslines him over the top rope to eliminate... whoops, wrong match. Dibiase gets up in Virgil's face again, by the way. Dibiase tags in to show Virgil how to do the job... okay, that sounded wrong. Dibiase hammers away on Dustin and floors him with a clothesline. Dibiase sends Dustin into the buckle and continues to dish out the punishment, with extra hot sauce on them wings. Dibiase takes Dustin over with a back drop, and follows with his signature fist drop. Irish whip, and Dustin manages to slam Dibiase's face into the canvas. The Rhodes' play bionic ping-pong with Dibiase, with Dustin sending Dibiase out with a wind-up version. Dusty finally tags in for the first time (lazy bastard) to do some jiving and trash talking. Dusty pounds away on Dibiase in the corner with elbows and catches him off the ropes with a sleeper hold. Dustin tags back in and connects with a dropkick for a two count. Monsoon's racial questioning of the night: Virgil comes in to save his MASTER (I can't believe THAT'S how they made the angle come across). Virgil tags back in and Dustin quickly hurts his knee doing a high knee in the corner. Virgil kicks his leg from under his leg, to the approval of Dibiase. Virgil pounds away on Dustin and clobbers him with a clothesline. Virgil rams Dustin's leg around the ring post a few times, and Dibiase tags in to do more of the same. I must say, even though Dustin kinda sucked back during his first couple of years in wrestling, he knew how to take a good ass-kicking. Heel communication leads to Virgil nailing Dibiase with a clothesline, so Dibiase nails him a few times and dumps him out of the ring. In the meantime, Dusty gets the hot tag, but Dibiase rolls him up for the anticlamatic finish of the feud and match at 9:58. Weird how Dusty wrestled MAYBE 90 seconds of the match. Lazy fat ass... after the match, Dibiase gets on the microphone to talk smack to the Rhodes Family and bark orders at Virgil to put his million dollar belt around his waist. Virgil hesitates, but Dibiase brings up his hard-luck and his momma (what's with black wrestlers momma's being mentioned?), so Virgil makes nice... then out of nowhere clobbers Dibiase with the belt, popping the crowd as if he just found the cure for AIDS, and turning face in the process. Other than Warrior, Virgil actually got the best reaction so far on the show. *1/2 The match overall wasn't a very good one, mainly since it featured an inexperienced Dustin Rhodes wrestling Virgil for most of the match, but the post-match shenanigans were pretty awesome. Too bad the WWF failed to capitalize on Virgil's popularity, took him off the 'roids, and made him a Job Boy until he left in the Spring of 1994.
- Royal Rumble Promos! Tugboat (on crack!)! Demolition Smash (on not-as-much crack!)! Dino Bravo (on roids!) Demolition Crush (with fire arms and cronic!)! Mr. Perfect (on some kind of undertermined substance!)! Tugboat's promo is so fucking horrible, I won't subject it to you good people... well, maybe just a little...
Tugboat: I'm gonna take them apart piece by piece! I got live preservers for all of them! Life preservers and a big rubber boat as I toss them out! They catch them in the big rubber boat! They all go back to port where they belong because I will be the sole survivor! (Wrong PPV, dumbass, and yes, I stole that bit from The Critic)
- Hulk Hogan gets his guaranteed one interview per show, and actually flubs his lines a couple of times, most notably when he finds out Sgt. Slaughter is apparently doing bad things to an American Flag. You'd think the police would throw his ass in jail (or maybe the Bossman), but it's Logic in Wrestling, once again. I wonder if the Real American Hulk Hogan is going to face Evil Foreign Lover Sgt. Slaughter.
- 30-Man Royal Rumble Match:
We got two minute intervals again, and there's nothing on the line for the match, so it's just a big-ass Battle Royale that anyone could win back then. This years lucky #1 is Bret Hart (the second time he started the match), and #2 is evil French-Canadian Dino Bravo (w/ Jimmy Hart). Since Bret had that never ending side feud with former-manager Jimmy Hart, this is a good way to open the match I guess. Lockup and Bravo shoves Hart into the corner. Lockup #2, and Bravo does it again. Bret bounces off the ropes with a forearm and follows with a dropkick. Hart with an atomic drop, and a clothesline almost has Bravo go over the top, but not quite. Bravo works over Hart with chops. Irish whip, and he boots Bret in the midsection. Inverted atomic drop by Bravo, followed by some stomp-stomp-stomping. Scoop slam by Bravo, but he misses an elbow drop. Hart pounds away with rights , but gets caught with the side suplex. #3 is Greg Valentine, freshly turned face, and he goes after former running buddy (and former Dream Team partner) Dino Bravo. They exchange blows, with Valentine winning that war. Bravo clotheslines Valentine from behind and clubs him down while Hart takes a breather in the corner. Valentine comes back by ramming Bravo into the buckle a few times and dumps him out at 3:09 (Dino Bravo - #1 Eliminated). Valentine for good measure takes a shot at Jimmy on the apron. Hart catches Valentine with an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline. Elimination attempt by Hart as we get the countdown for the next superstar to enter. #4 is Paul Roma (w/ Slick), and he goes for Bret of course. Roma and Valentine double team Hart, then Roma takes some shots at Valentine. Hart with an inverted atomic drop to Roma and a headbutt to Valentine, followed by a double noggin' knocker! Roma and Valentine recover to try and dump Bret, but that ain't gonna happen. Valentine goes to work on Roma now with chops. Hart with a headbutt to tie kidney of Valentine, then some punching on Roma. Not too awesome right now...
#5 is the Texas Tornado and he quickly hammers away on Roma. Hart with a side back breaker to Valentine and Tornado nails Roma with a discuss punch. Valentine takes one and falls on his face. Tornado and Valentine hug near the ropes. Hart with a slam to Roma, but he misses a second rope elbow drop. Tornado goes back to beating on Roma, and Valentine does the same. HRoma pounds on Tornado in the corner and nails a nice dropkick to the face. Tornado goes back to Roma again, and again, nothing much is going on. #6 is Rick Martel, and he goes after Hart in the corner. Roma makes the save and hammers on Martel with forearms. Martel comes back with an eye rake and punches in the corner. Her tries to fireman carry Roma out, but he holds on. Hart and Tornado team up on Valentine in the meantime, giving us face vs. face and heel vs. heel combos. Hart pounds the midsection of Martel with rights and rakes the eyes for good measure. Elimination attempt, but Martel hangs on by the skin of his teeth. Martel with a double axehandle from the second rope on Hart, and Roma nails Martel with a clothesline. More hugging while Hart lies around doing nothing. #7 is Saba Simba (THAT'S TONY ATLAS~!) and he hammers away on anyone he wants to. Tornado with an atomic drop on Martel, but again he survives an elimination attempt. Simba pounds on Valentine and Hart, and Martel and Roma double team the Tornado. Hart goes after Martel again, but it's another failed elimination attempt. Tornado puts the Von Erich Claw on Roma, but that's not a great move in the rumble, since Roma counters with an inverted atomic drop.
#8 is Bushwacker Butch, and the star power in this match is amazing so far! He wander around the ring for a good half a minute until Valentine nails him with a chop. Simba scoops up Martel for an elimination, but Martel holds on and the force takes Simba over and out at 12:38 (Saba Simba - #2 Eliminated). Too much hugging is going on. Butch noggin' knockers Valentine and Roma. Some elimination attempts going on, but nothing happens. #9 is Jake Roberts, and we all know who he wants. Martel tries to attack before he gets in, but Roberts fights back with jabs and a stomach buster. Roberts slams Martel's face into the canvas and nails the short-arm clothesline. Martel rolls out of the ring to hide, so Roberts follows and chases him back into the ring. Valentine catches Roberts coming in with a series of bionic elbows and elbow drops. Roma rams Butch into the buckle a few times while Tornado tries dumping Hart. Roberts pounds on Martel on the apron and bites his knuckles to try to get him off the top rope. #10 is Hercules, so now we have Power & Glory in the ring. Hercules quickly saves Roma from elimination to stomp a double mudhole in Bitch's ass. Hart with a side back breaker on Martel. Tornado and Roberts double team Roma in the corner. Too many people are in the ring right now, and nothing is going on but punching and hugging. Martel pound son Roberts and ties him up in the ropes, but that doesn't last long. Roma pounds on Roberts as we get the next entry...
#11 is Tito Santana, and Roma is out at 18:13 thanks to a missed cross body (Paul Roma - #3 Eliminated). Santana goes after Martel of course, but another elimination attempt doesn't work. Roberts, Tornado, and Butch spoon each other in the corner while Bret and Hercules exchange blows. Seriously, this Rumble is pretty fucking boring when doing the PBP for it. #12 is The Undertaker (w/ Brother Love), and hopefully he cleans house of some of the dead wood in the ring. Undertaker quickly dumps Hart at 20:36 with a double choke toss (Bret Hart - #4 Eliminated). Undertaker works over the Tornado with choking and looking quite scary in the process. Undertaker no-sells a Jake Roberts assault, and no-sells the Tornado Discuss Punch. Undertaker chokes Tornado more, and Valentine adds with more choking. #13 is Jimmy Snuka, and I doubt he's going to be clearing the ring any time soon. Undertaker dumps out Butch at 22:28 (Bushwacker Butch - #5 Eliminated) and goes back to his sucky-mini-match with the Tornado. Valentine and Santana have a little thing going as a flashback to their blood feud from 1984-85. Tornado tries slapping on a sleeper hold, and Valentine comes off the second turnbuckle with a bionic elbow. Santana gets his shots in now, but Undertaker isn't going down. Roberts and Martel continue doing nothing in the corner. #14 is The British Bulldog, and he goes after Valentine as a flashback to their tag feud from 1985-86. Tornado and Santana double team Undertaker in the corner, but he fights free. Undertaker chokes Santana across the middle rope, and since I'm paying more attention to the Underfuckintaker than anyone else, it shows this is boring. As I say that, Roberts nails Martel with an atomic drop, and the Bulldog adds another for good measure. Snuka nails Undertaker with a jumping headbutt and chops.
#15 is Demolition Smash (w/ Mr. Fuji), past the point of being useful. The ring is way too crowded now. Smash hammers on the Bulldog while Roberts and Martel are still doing nothing of note. Bulldog clotheslines Smash out of his boots while Martel avoids a DDT attempt. Martel gets on the apron again, and pulls Roberts out to eliminate him at 27:11 (Jake Roberts - #6 Eliminated). You can see a young Shane McMahon at ringside here, for those that give a damn about lame stuff like that. Smash tries dumping Tornado while Undertaker chokes the Bulldog. #16 is Road Warrior Hawk, and he hammers on everyone, so everyone (ok, almost everyone) gangs up on him for an ass-kicking. Undertaker and Smash would've been a cool tag team, wouldn't thet? Hercules and Hawk go at it in the corner, with Hawk winning the battle. Hawk with knees to the midsection in the corner, then noggin' knockers Herc' with Valentine. Santana with mounted punches on the Undertaker, but that's no sold and 'Taker nails him with an inverted atomic drop. Snuka sends Smash into the corner and nails a headbutt. Undertaker pairs up with Hawk while everyone else hugs on the opposite side of the ring. #17 is Shane Douglas, before attitude problems and viagra took over his life. He goes after Smash while Undertaker eliminates the Tornado at 30:26 (Texas Tornado - #7 Eliminated), and Hawk dumps Snuka right after at 30:30 (Jimmy Snuka - #8 Eliminated). Douglas tries something off the top, but Smash catches him and rams him into the corner. Martel chokes Santana in the ropes while Valentine hammers on Hawk. Hawk fights back with a boot to the midsection and big rights. Douglas and Santana double clothesline Martel, while we get a mini-Demo/P&G match between Hercules and Smash.
#18 is... No One. Nobody comes out for their number, so we remain with the same guys in the ring right now. Undertaker makes Hawk his bitch and goes back to his favorite hold: the choke. Bulldog makes the unlikely save, so Undertaker hits him in the balls. Santana nails Smash with an atomic drop, followed by stomping in the corner. Bulldog and Douglas team up on Martel, but he won't give up! More hugging! #19 is Road Warrior Animal, and now get the Legion of Doom in the ring. He quickly saves Hawk from the Undertaker and hammers on Smash. Gorilla Monsoon says the 18th entrant is officially eliminated for not showing up, so (#18 Entry - #9 Eliminated). The LOD double team Undertaker and a double clothelsine eliminates the big man at 34:45 to a big pop (The Undertaker - #10 Eliminated). That doesn't last long, as Hercules and Martel double clothesline Hawk over the top rope and out at 34:49 (Road Warrior Hawk - #11 Eliminated). Douglas with mounted punches to Valentine in the corner. Animal works over his feud-partner Smash, but the camera focuses on the recently eliminated Undertaker instead. Everyone tries eliminating someone else, so it's getting boring again. #20 is Demolition Crush, and we are 90 seconds late for the big LOD/New Demolition showdown. Demolition double pound the Bulldog instead of going for Animal. Martel once again holds on from elimination. Demolition with a double clothesline to the Bulldog. Irish whip and Bulldog catches Smash with his head down and executes a swinging neck breaker. Nothing more than punching and hugging continues, and there's WAY too many people in the ring for this match.
#21 is Jim Duggan, and hopefully he cleans house. He pounds away on Smash with soupbone rights, then goes after Martel. Martel tries something off the top rope, but Animal catches him in a bearhug. Santana and Animal double team Crush for about 7 seconds until Martel comes over to help Crush double team Santana. Hercules chokes Douglas down for being a faggot and the Bulldog applies a sleeper on Smash. #22 is Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart), and he needs to clean house. Quake quickly goes toe-to-toe with Animal for a slugfest. Quake wins that one easily and back drops Animal out at 40:52 (Road Warrior Animal - #12 Eliminated). Duggan hammers away on Quake now, but Quake isn't selling for him today. Demolition double team Hercules while Bulldog fails to eliminate Martel for a 500th time. Smash goes after Earthquake with choking. #23 is Mr. Perfect (w/ Bobby Heenan) and he's taking his sweet time. Duggan goes after Perfect upon entry and hammers him in the corner. Duggan charges but he gets back dropped out at 43:02 (Jim Duggan - #13 Eliminated). The ring is still way too full for this kind of match. Perfect with a running dropkick to Smash, and now Santana comes over to clothesline Perfect. Earthquake and Smash double team Perfect for a moment while Martel tries dumping Douglas.
#24 is Hulk Hogan, and FINALLY some time to clean house! Smash goes for ther Hulkster first, and knocks off the doog-rag. Uh-oh, he gone done it now! Hogan hammers away with rights and nails a big boot. Hogan dumps Smash at 44:39 (Demolition Smash - #14 Eliminated). Hogan goes after Earthquake and mounts him for some punching. He tries picking Earthquake up, but he's too fat, and Mr. Perfect makes the save, hoping to get revenge for the last year. Earthquake hammers away on Hogan in the corner and tries eliminating him this time. Bulldog makes the save for Hogan for a few moments, but Quake is back on him like stink on a monkey. #25 is Haku, and no one really cares. I think Douglas got a better reaction for his entrance than Haku. While I say that, Hogan dumps Valentine at 46:19 (Greg Valentine - #15 Eliminated) after 44 minutes in the ring. Martel chokes out Hogan with his own shirt. Hogan fights out with a choke lift, and again Mr. Perfect makes the save. Hogan and SHANE DOUGLAS get in some double team shots on Crush. Now that's a threesome you don't see every day. Douglas saves Bulldog from elimination from the hands of Earthquake. Hercules is still in, but the announcers are more worried about Martel. #26 is Jim Neidhart, and he's sure to turn this match around. WAY too many people in, and even more than I said last time. Santana stomps Quake, but that's no sold, and Quake dumps him out with ease at 48:41 (Tito Santana - #16 Eliminated). Hogan tries dumping Perfect for the third year in a row, but he holds on and tries dumping Hogan in return. Hogan with some big chops on Haku and scoops him up in hopes of an elimination. Haku, Quake and Hercules ty dumping Hogan, but Shane Douglas makes the save!
#27 is Bushwacker Luke... and we all know the story. He marches in the ring, Earthquake dumps him out four seconds later at 50:37 on the opposite side of the ring, and Luke marches back to the locker room as if nothingg happened (Bushwacker Luke - #17 Eliminated). I present to you the most memorable quick elimination in Royal Rumble History. Douglas tries dumping out Perfect, but Perfect escapes and chops the skin off his chest in the corner. Damn, Douglas has been in the ring for about 20+ minutes, and he was rarely ever featured in big matches on television. Hogan continues taking a shit-kicking from the usual cast of heels. #28 is Nasty Boy Knobbs, replacing someone who I can't care to remember (Honkytonk Man, I think). Knobbs hammers away on everyone, so he gets the Hawk treatment of getting his ass kicked by like 7 people at once. Hogan rams Perfect into the buckle a few times until Crush makes the save. Knobbs escapes elimination from the hands of the Anvil and Hercules. Perfect continues to attack Hogan, and whoops him good in the corner. Knobbs backdrops Hercules out at 53:54, after at least 40 minutes in the ring (Hercules - #18 Eliminated). #29 is The Warlord, and he'll go for the Bulldog... yup, he did. Those two had that never ending feud in 1991, for those that like to forget. Crush mounts Hogan in the corner, so Hogan dumps him easily at 54:51 (Demolition Crush - #19 Eliminated). Good bump from Crush, too. Perfect and Warlord double tema Hogan until we get heel miscommunication. Not much of note happens but Hogan does clothesline the Warlord out at 55:54 (The Warlord - #20 Eliminated), for the second time in Rumble history (the other being Warlord's infamous 2 second stint in the 1989 match). Not much else happens as we get the countdown... 10... 9... 8.. 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... BZZT!
Final Field: (#6) Rick Martel, (#14) The British Bulldog, (#17) Shane Douglas, (#22) Earthquake, (#23) Mr. Perfect, (#24) Hulk Hogan, (#25) Haku, (#26) Jim Neidhart, (#28) Brian Knobbs, (#30) Tugboat
Damn that's way too many people to be in the ring at the end of the match. Brian Knobbs dumps Douglas out at 56:40, ending his PPV run for the WWF for another 4+ years (Shane Douglas - #21 Eliminated). Neidhart and Hogan double team Perfect while Tugboat choke lifts Martel. Haku beats up his own stablemate, but Heenan doesn't protest. Hogan blasts Perfect wth a big chop then goes after Tugboat with mounted punches. Tugboat comes back with a splash in the corner and an attempted elimination. Hogan hangs on, and dumps Tugboat at 58:51 (Tugbaot - #22 Eliminated). The British Bulldog crotches Perfect on the top rope and dropkicks him out at 58:59, which causes Heenan to toss his towel about 6 rows back (Mr. Perfect - #23 Eliminated). Neidhart is next out at the hands of Martel at 59:28 (Jim Neidhart - #24 Eliminated). Bulldog back drops Haku out at 59:41 (Haku - #25 Eliminated). Martel goes at it with the Bulldog while the Hart Gang goes for Hogan. Martel comes off the ropes with a double axehandlke to Bulldog, followed by a slam. He gos up to the top rope, where Bulldog crotches him and knocks him out at 1:00:35 to a monster pop (Rick Martel - #26 Eliminated). Bulldog saves Hogan, but Quake and Knobbs double team him and dumps Bulldog out at 1:00:59, leaving Hogan to go against Quake and Knobbs of all people (British Bulldog - #27 Eliminated). Knobbs with a series of elbow drops, and Earthquake adds a big splash. The double teaming continues, and Earthquake nails the vertical splash for extra effect... and yes, Hogan pops right up when the heels celebrate the beating. Hogan nails them both with clotheslines and boots Knobbs over and out at 1:02:26 (Knobbs - #28 Eliminated). Hogan Hulks-Up on Earthquake, nails the big boot, but a slam attempt fails and Quake squashes Hogan like a bug. Earthquake with several elbow drops, and we all know what that leads up to... Earthquake nails a powerslam and covers for some reason (wrong promotion and decade, Quake), but Hogan kicks-out and Hulks-Up for a 2nd time! Hogan gives Quake the finger (not THAT finger), nails some roundhouse rights, a big boot, and Hogan finally slams Earthquake. Hogan plays to the crowd and clotheslines Earthquake from behind to eliminate him at 1:05:14 and win his second straight Rumble Match. **3/4 Rather poor Rumble match this year, with a lot of worthless hugging and punching, very little big confrontations, and overall just a lackluster list of participants thanks to a more filled out undercard. As usual, Hogan does his posedown while showing off signs from the fans at ringside, including the "Peace in the Middle East" sign that seems to be shown a lot. I think the winner for 1991 was rather obvious, more-so that the heel walked out with the World Title in the undercard, and Hogan was the only top face with a hope in hell of winning.
Final Thoughts: Outside of a great opening match, nothing on this show stands out as "must-see." Sure, nothing was awful either, but everything is rather boring. The meat of the show, the Rumble Match, was booked rather badly, with some shitty pacing with the ring being filled with too many people at once to tell any kind of story, and only about 2 of the participants really had a chance of winning, and when one of them didn't even enter (Randy Savage), it wasn't much of a surprise. Overall, I'd recommend getting a copy of the Rockers/Express match, but everything else you can pass on. Mild Recommendation to Avoid.