Monday Night Raw
January 9, 2006

-Tonight we see the fall-out from the New Year’s Revolution pay-per-view. John Cena retained the WWE Championship in the elimination chamber match. However, right after the match, Edge cashed in on his “Money in the Bank” title shot and easily beat the bloodied up Cena to become the new WWE Champion. I must say, I was genuinely shocked to read that result earlier this morning. Tonight should be interesting. Oh, and Edge did an interview online, announcing he would celebrate his title win by having sex with Lita in the middle of the ring. I can’t wait to see how WWE gets themselves out of this one.

-Our hosts for the evening are Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, and Jonathan Coachman.

-John Cena comes out to the ring for the opening segment. He gets a great pop from the female portion of the audience, at least. I don’t expect the booing will start until he starts talking. There are more pro-Cena signs in the crowd than usual, perhaps losing the title was the best thing to happen to him. Wow, even some guys are cheering for Cena. Cena addresses Edge using his title shot and winning the title from him. Cena addresses that many of the fans thinks he sucks, and the crowd gives that one a mixed reaction. Cena goes on to recognize that some fans have stayed by his side, through the good times and the bad sides. Cena promises to keep on performing for those who love him, and tells the people who boo him to kiss his ass. Cena announces that tonight he wants to cash in on his rematch clause and challenge Edge for the WWE Championship. Edge’s music plays, and Lita comes out holding Cena’s spinner WWE title. Lita tells Cena that he will get another shot, just not tonight. Lita says that Edge asked her to convince Mr. McMahon (using “oral persuasion”) to hold the rematch at the Royal Rumble. Lita reminds the fans that Edge said he would have sex with her in the middle of the ring tonight, and unlike Cena at NYR, “Edge is going to last longer than two minutes.” Lita promises that Edge will beat Cena at the Royal Rumble, but Edge will do what no one in the audience can do, and that is “get laid.” Cena tells Lita that a lot of people thinks he sucks, but they all know that she does. Cena threatens to beat Edge’s ass at the Rumble. This was the most entertaining Cena interview in a year.

-Chris Masters and Carlito vs Kurt Angle and Shawn Michaels is announced for later tonight. Last night at NYR, Angle cut a promo basically saying that regardless of the sleazy, evil things he has said and done, the fans still cheer him. It looks as if a face turn is coming for everyone’s favorite Olympic gold medal winner.

Women’s Championship: Trish Stratus © (with Mickie James) vs Ashley Massaro

Before the match, Mickie gets on the microphone and encourages the crowd to give Trish a better ovation. Ashley is getting this title shot for winning the Bra and Panties battle royal at NYR, or so I assume. It also appears that Mickie and Trish are still on good terms, despite facing each other last night.

Trish has trouble getting Mickie to leave the ring for the match, but finally gets her out. Ashley wrings the arm of Trish, but it is reversed. Ashley reverses, and catches Trish in a head lock. Trish elbows her way to freedom and delivers a fireman’s carry to Ashley. They break, as Mickie cheers on. Trish puts Ashley in a head lock and takes her down into a cover attempt. Ashley kicks out, but Trish takes her down with another head lock. They get back up, and Ashley drops Trish right on her face. Ashley goes for a cover, but the match ends in a disqualification when Mickie attacks Ashley at 1:47. That was certainly less painful than when the first Diva Search winner, Christy Hemme, got her title shot. ¼*.
Winner by DQ: Ashley Massaro

-After the match, Trish angrily stops Mickie from continuing the assault. Trish storms away, leaving Mickie distraught in the ring.

-Hurray, we get a return video package for Rob Van Dam! The whole f’n show is coming back! He is going to be an entry in the Royal Rumble!

-Backstage, Vince McMahon meets John Cena. Vince congratulates Cena for winning the elimination chamber match. Vince says it is too bad, but at least Cena has the rematch at the Rumble. Vince says he wants to make sure no one interrupts the Edge/Lita sex celebration. Cena promises he will not screw it up, but Vince tells him that if he does, the Rumble rematch will not happen.

-We move to Carlito in his dressing room, when Chris Masters storms in and pushes him against the wall. Masters is furious that Carlito rolled him up to eliminate him from the elimination chamber match at NYR. Carlito claims it was an “accident.” That was pretty funny.

Royal Rumble qualifier match: Rob Conway vs Chavo Guerrero

Hey, they let Conway back on Raw! Good for him. Chavo is still getting big “Eddie” chants from the crowd. Conway takes Chavo down with a clothesline, but gets caught with a slap. Chavo directs Chavo into the corner and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. Chavo continues to bring on the offense, until Conway tosses Chavo over the ropes. Chavo skins the cat, but Conway tackles him down to the mat. Conway follows him down to ringside and pushes Chavo into the apron and then into the barricade. Conway tosses Chavo back into the ring, hits an elbow and goes for the cover. It doesn’t work, so Conway twists the head of Chavo in a rest hold I never get sick of. Chavo fights out of the hold, and reverses an Irish whip into an enziguri. Conway goes to ringside to collect himself, but Chavo flings himself over the ropes onto his opponent. They return to the ring, and Chavo sends Conway to the mat with a clothesline and soon after a hurrancarana. Chavo corners Conway with some punches, but is caught in a standing drop kick and almost covered by Conway. Conway misses a clothesline, and Chavo lands a high crossbody. Chavo puts Conway through the “Three Amigos” and heads to the top rope for the frog splash. Chavo hits the frog splash and covers Conway for the win at 4:30. The match was insanely by the numbers, but the right guy went over. *.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero

-Backstage, Shawn Michaels is preparing for his match. Kurt Angle and Daivari enter, and Angle argues with Michaels over what happened in the elimination chamber match. Michaels reminds Angle that they will be tag team partners tonight, and asks if he can trust him. Angle points to his gold medal and reminds Michaels that he is notorious for stabbing people in the back.

-We go to a different part of the backstage area, and Shelton Benjamin is enjoying a nice walk with his mama. Val Venis comes up to them and introduces himself to Mama Benjamin. Mama Benjamin tells Venis she has seen him in some movies, and then Venis reflects on the porno films he has made. This offends Mama Benjamin, and apparently he will face Benjamin tonight.

Carlito and Chris Masters vs Shawn Michaels and Kurt Angle (with Daivari)

It looks as if the story of this match will be that both teams are not getting along. Carlito goes after Michaels, while Masters charges at Angle. Angle rebounds and tosses Masters from the ring, while HBK grounds Carlito. It appears that HBK and Carlito are the legal men, as HBK applies a head lock. The head lock spot lasts forever before Carlito finally breaks it. HBK tackles Carlito and puts the head lock back on. Tag is made to Kurt angle, who continues the work on Carlito’s head. Carlito clubs his way out, but gets caught in a fireman’s carry and back into the head lock. Carlito counters with a suplex. Angle reverses an Irish whip and catches Carlito with a clothesline and a cover. Angle tags HBK back in, and they double team Carlito. HBK corners Carlito with some chops. Carlito kicks HBK in the chest and tags Masters in. Masters proceeds to become HBK’s bitch as well, being chopped into a corner. Tag is made to Angle, who puts Masters into an arm lock. Masters fights out of the hold, and punches Angle into a corner. Masters charges, but Angle gets a boot to the face of the Masterpiece. Masters hits a big power slam on Angle and looks to get the Masterlock onto the Olympic medal winner. Angle reverses this into a German suplex and charges. Masters dodges the rampaging Angle, who hits the turnbuckle hard. HBK and Angle both wind up at ringside arguing about how the match is going. Angle is censored a few times and we head to a commercial.

After the ad, Carlito is in control of Kurt Angle. He is stomping away at Angle, who is sitting in the corner. Angle gets to his feet and goes for a suplex, but Carlito counters. Angle goes for another suplex and hits it perfectly. Angle tags in HBK, who cleans house. Masters is tagged in, but is the victim of an atomic drop. Carlito tries to stop HBK’s momentum, but HBK is on fire. HBK gets a scoop slam on Masters and heads to the top rope. HBK connects with the flying elbow and signals the Sweet Chin Music. Carlito trips HBK from outside, and HBK falls flat on his face. And I laugh. Angle goes after Carlito, while in the ring Masters drags HBK to the center. Carlito is tagged in, and he goes for a cover. It doesn’t work, so Carlito locks on a sleeper hold. HBK looks to the crowd and God for help. HBK fights out of the sleeper hold, but is drop-kicked back down by Carlito. Carlito seems to think he can win with a drop-kick, so he goes for a cover. HBK kicks out, but it’s back to sleep as Carlito returns with a sleeper hold. HBK once again fights out of the hold, but Carlito takes him down with that lower back knee drop he has been doing. I am not sure what to call it, but neither do the announcers. Carlito goes for a DDT, but HBK desperately counters. Angle walks away from a tag, allowing Daivari to distract him. Carlito puts HBK into a leg lock, while Masters comes in to beat on HBK a bit. Masters is tagged in and hits a press slam. According to Joey Styles, Masters turned 23 last night. Angle checks on his fingernails, while HBK heroically fights off Chris Masters. Angle is “distracted” by Daivari again while HBK needs a tag, and HBK forces Angle into the ring. Masters applies the Masterlock to Angle, while HBK enjoys this sight on the apron. HBK, who is bleeding, waves to Angle. HBK leaves the apron, and hits a super kick on Daivari in the process. Meanwhile, Angle has passed out from the pain, giving Chris Masters the submission victory at 16:57. The match had a good story, but was dull for the most part. **.
Winners: Chris Masters and Carlito

-Apparently the Edge/Lita “live sex celebration” is going to be the main event tonight. Joy oh joy.

-Backstage, Vince McMahon meets with Shawn Michaels. Vince points out that HBK stabbed Angle in the back by leaving him high and dry in the Masterlock. Vince thinks he knows the “real HBK.” Vince announces that next week will be HBK vs Kurt Angle, one on one. I am so there.

-Todd Grisham is standing by with Triple H, who defeated Big Show at NYR with a sledgehammer shot. Triple H discusses how John Cena, who had reigned as champion for nine months, was beaten by a guy who as of a week ago was not even in the picture: Edge. Triple H puts himself over as beating anyone who screws with him. Triple H promises that he is going to win the Royal Rumble match and he will become WWE Championship at WrestleMania 22. Triple H does not care if it is Cena or Edge he faces. This was the typical Triple H promo, but it was short!

-We see the footage of Edge in the parking lot after winning the WWE title last night. Edge says he has worked his entire life to call himself the WWE Champion, and that no one will doubt him anymore. This goes on to Edge announcing he wants to have sex with Lita in the ring as celebration.

Royal Rumble qualifier match: Shelton Benjamin (with his Mama) vs Val Venis

Hey, if Venis, Benjamin, and Conway are all on Raw, who is going to be on Heat this weekend? This match is a tough one for me, because I would like to see both guys win. Benjamin starts off aggressively against Venis. Venis strikes back with some fast punches, and takes down Benjamin. Benjamin rolls out of the ring, where his mama checks on his condition. Venis comes after Benjamin, but Mama Benjamin gets in his way. They return to the ring, and Benjamin hits a knee into Venis. Benjamin aggressively takes down Venis and hits a scoop slam. Benjamin pushes Venis into the ropes, who bounces kidney first into Benjamin’s fist. Benjamin wrenches back the neck of Val Venis in another thrilling rest hold, but Venis fights out of it. Benjamin and Venis trade shots, with Venis getting the upper hand with some chops. Venis cleans house, and plants Benjamin with his modified Rock bottom. Venis rolls up Benjamin, and almost beats him. Venis reverses a suplex attempt and hits a spine buster. Venis climbs to the top rope for the Money Shot, which is always his undoing. Venis misses the move as Benjamin rolls out of the way. Benjamin goes for the cover, and Venis barely kicks out. Benjamin hits some hard knee shots, but Venis takes control again. Venis rolls Benjamin up again, and almost wins the match. Benjamin goes for the T-Bone suplex, but Venis counters. Mama Benjamin stabs Venis in the butt with a hair pin, and Benjamin finally hits the T-Bone for the victory at 4:33. The match was short, but well worked by both men, though I did not like the finish **. The crowd was dead too, but I don’t blame either man for that.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin

-They shill the “live sex celebration” yet again. I think I am going to have trouble awarding a show hyping that as its main event as anything but “thumbs down.”

Royal Rumble qualifier match: Kane vs Gene Snitsky

Kane goes after Snitsky quickly, but gets caught with a big boot. Kane returns the favor with a big boot of his own. Kane delivers a side slam on Snitsky and summons the Chokeslam. Kane hits the move for the victory at 0.48! It is hard to imagine these two hard a long, hard fought feud where Kane sold like a mad man for Snitsky. DUD.
Winner: Kane

-After the match, Kane takes the microphone and proclaims that Snitsky was the first casualty on his path to WrestleMania. Kane says at the Rumble, he will have 29 victims.

-We go to the parking lot, where Edge arrives in a limo. Lita runs out to meet him. Edge is still carrying the spinner belt that John Cena carried around for nine months.

-The bed is set up in the ring and it is time for the sex. Edge is announced as the “new WWE Champion” and this whole thing is still surreal for me. My first wrestling pay-per-view was Summerslam 1998, where Edge made his pay-per-view debut, so it sort of feels gratifying to see him as champion now. Jerry Lawler explains that Lita is Edge’s girlfriend, “which is like a wife, except you get to have sex with her.” Edge takes the microphone and mocks Cena by announcing “The champ is here!” The crowd is booing Edge, which is a good sign. Edge proclaims the best part of his victory is that no one saw it coming. Edge says he outsmarted all of the fans and his win was the most unpredictable move in wrestling history. Edge lists off the elimination chamber participants, saying he outsmarted them all. Edge says in this industry you do not have to be the biggest, strongest, or toughest, but you have to be the smartest. Edge says he bided his time, and this is threatening to reach Triple H levels of drawn out. Edge compares taking the WWE title to the way he saw what he wanted in Lita and took her last year. Edge presents us with a video package looking at his accomplishments. This includes shots of Edge as a child and footage of him appearing in TLC matches, winning the Intercontinental Championship, and hooking up with Lita. The video is set to “Right Here” by Staind and it is actually pretty good. I’m sure you will be able to find it on YouTube.com in about five minutes. The video continues with Edge winning the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania 21, beating up Ric Flair at NYR, and finally spearing John Cena for the WWE Championship. Back in the arena, the crowd is booing the video package. Edge admits that he is awesome and that he has done some serious business in the WWE. Edge says he and Lita abstained from “sexual gymnastics” at the hotel last night so they could save their torrid, passionate sex for the main event on Raw. The celebration is set to begin. Some seedy porno music plays as they get ready. I am so uncomfortable right now. I am not going to go into details of what happens next, I’m just desperately looking for someone to interrupt this. I just hope Edge’s wife is watching, that is assuming they haven’t divorced over the real life Lita affair. Somewhere, Matt Hardy is probably wishing he had jumped to TNA. The screen goes black, so I am assuming that USA network wanted something censored. I cannot believe they are going through with this. They are under blankets, for those of you wondering. Edge pops his head out from under the covers and grabs the WWE title. The madness is finally ended by Ric Flair coming out to the arena! Flair takes the microphone and calls Edge a disgrace to the WWE title. Flair tells Edge that not only is he a bad champion, but he is “dead in the bed.” Flair says once again, the Nature Boy must show Edge how it is done. Flair comes down to the ring, and attacks Edge. Edge is still in his underwear, and is able to crack a chair across the skull of the Nature Boy. Edge is furious and begins to tear apart the commentator’s booth. Edge puts the chair on top of the table and slams Flair’s head into it. Edge takes another chair and cracks against the back of Flair’s head. Finally, John Cena rushes in through the crowd and jumps Edge. Cena chases Edge from the arena. Lita has remained in the bed for the entire time. Cena notices Lita in the bed and peaks under the covers. Cena gestures his hand suggesting what he has seen was “okay.” Cena pulls the covers off, where Lita has put Edge’s shirt on. Cena picks up Lita and hits an F-U on her. Cena and Edge exchange threats as the show goes off the air, and for the first time since the opening segment, I have an optimistic feeling about where things are headed.

Final Thoughts: WWE woke up this morning and discovered how they should be utilizing John Cena. This resulted in a great opening interview segment and a good finale to an otherwise horrid main event segment. The wrestling was nothing to write home about, though there were a couple of decent ** matches thrown in there along the way. But like I mentioned earlier, when a wrestling show spends an hour and a half hyping a “live sex celebration” I cannot possibly give it a favorable review.

Thumbs down.

I dunno...Edge getting a "knobber" while holding the WWE belt with his other hand has set the bar pretty high for all future champs.

Oh yeah, "Lita Nip Slip" is on youtube.com. No way...never expected THAT to happen!

Monday Night Raw
January 9, 2006
Recaped and Review by Matthew Hullum
www.thecageeffect.com

Cena comes out to big pop, and begins a promo. Talks about choices. Edge using his Money in the Bank, and the fans choosing to chant "Cena Sucks!" Surprisingly, he's actually getting more cheers, proving that he needed to be freshened up and drop the title. I still have to wait and see how things roll with Cena. It's also obvious the the fans cheering him are still mostly girls. Thus far, it's good. He just told the fans who boo him to kiss his ass. Tonight, Cena is making a choice to cash in on his rematch clause. Edge's music hits, and Lita comes out with the WWE title on her shoulder. It's the spinner belt. FUCK, Cena's gonna regain the title tonight. Ugh. Lita says that he WON'T get his shot tonight. I just noticed that Edge's name plate is on the title. Yuck, is it going to be the permanent WWE Title now? Edge isn't giving the title tonight, but at the Royal Rumble. Edge isn't fighting tonight, he's going to be doing something else that starts with the letter "F", in the middle of the ring. The thought of Lita naked = mmmmm. Unlike John Cena, when her and Edge are in the ring, Edge will last more than two minutes. Ha! Greatness. Lita's cleavage is at an all time exposure tonight. Unlike Cena, Edge knows what to do in the ring, and that's why Edge will beat Cena at the Rumble. Bank on it. And tonight, Edge is going to do what none of the boys in the arena can do: Get laid. And if Cena can't see that, he can't see her. Cena calls her a one woman hooker parade. Cena may suck, but EVERYONE knows that she does too. Cena is actually on the ball tonight. If he was like this all the time last year, he'd probably still be champion tonight. At the Rumble, Cena will beat Edge's ass. And Lita can bank on that, bitch. Edge vs. Cena at the Rumble. If they're smart, Cena will not regain the title. But we'll see. Right now, I am loving this. Cena without the title is a HUGE breath of fresh air.

Shawn Michaels & Kurt Angle vs. Carlito & Chris Masters tonight. Why the hell are Angle and Michaels teaming? Didn't Michaels eliminate Angle from the Elimination Chamber, and ruin his chances of becoming champ. Oh wait, Carlito did the same thing to Masters. I smell a double swerve of some sort.

Trish vs. Ashley, the Womens Title, next!

- Womens Championship
Trish Stratus vs. Ashley Massaro

Mickie James and Trish are out, and Mickie is trying to get the crowd to cheer louder for Trish. Trish doesn't look pleased. Mickie is looking fucking hot tonight, as is Trish. As is Ashley. Mickie is like Trish's shadow, but the match is underway. Ashley actually knows a move. A bunch of reversals to an armbar. WWE trying to make Ashley look like a credible contender. What a laugh. Trish with a firemans carry. The cover, and a 2 count. Collar and elbow, takedown by Trish. Okay, I take it back. It's not a laugh, it's actually working. Too bad the Women's Title is like a piece of jewlery for Trish to wear. What the fuck?! Mickie James in the ring, attacking Ashley. Lillian is a little off tonight, announcing Trish as the winner, then correcting herself. Trish is pissed at Mickie while Mickie screams for Trish to come back. I give this one * just for the fact that Ashley actually tried.

Winner: Ashley Massaro by DQ @ 1:47

RVD Return Promo airs, and he is to return at the Royal Rumble.

Backstage, Cena is in his locker room and Vince walks in and "congratulates" him. Too bad he lost, but he's got his rematch, right? There's another first time tonight. A "live sex celebration", and it's the first time anything like this has happened, and he wants to make sure nobody interferes. Two people in the ring, and one is a certified ho, Cena says. He wants to see it like everyone else. Vince says if Cena ruins it, he'll lose his match at the Rumble. Between Vince and Cena, Cena says Vince should check himself. There's traces of "oral persuation" still lingering, and Vince leaves..

In Carlito's lockerroom, Masters busts in and slams him against the wall. Masters is pissed that Carlito screwed him. Carlito says it was an accident. Funny stuff. Do I smell a Masters/Carlito feud brewing?

- Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
Rob Conway vs. Chavo Guerrero

Poor Chavo, he's balding. He's balding worse than Shawn Michaels is. Nothing noteworthy here. I'm actually surprised that Conway is on Raw. A bunch of "Eddie!" chants here. Conway elbowing Chavo, followed by an Enziguri. Conway is out on the floor, and I am so glad that the announcers table is back on the floor. It belongs there, this isn't WCW. Just a note, Chavo has on some atrocious boots here. Conway with a tilt-a-whirl, reversed into a headscissors. 10 count, stopped at 5. Dropkick from Chavo, gets a two count. Spinning neckbreaker from Conway. Chavo with the Three Amigos. Chavo to the top, pointing to the heavens again, Frog Splash, and Chavo wins it, even though we all know Conway will end up being in the Rumble anyway. Chavo hasn't loss since he dropped the Kerwin White gimmick, and it's because of Eddie. In a way, it's right, in a way, it's not. Nobody really gave two shits about Chavo before Eddie died. Like Chavo said in his brief feud with Eddie. It was always about "Eddie, Eddie!". He was right. It still is, because Eddie is the only reason he's getting cheered. Oh well, the semi-push of Chavo isn't bad. He deserved it all along, just not like this. Not a good match, not horrible either. *, and that's being nice.

Winner: Chavo Guerrero by pinfall @ 4:31

We're back from commercial and this brings us to...

WrestleMania Big Time Moment: Edge hitting Benoit with a chair, climbing the ladder to become Mr. Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 21. What happened to it being called WrestleMania Recall?

Backstage, Shawn Michaels is taping up when Angle and Daivari walk into his locker room. Last night, Angle had Cena ready to tap out. Michaels cuts him off, and says he eliminated him because Angle drove him face first into the steel. Tonight, they have better things to worry about. Tonight, they're partners. Michaels asks if he can trust Angle, and Angle laughs. He's an Olympic Gold Medalist. He's got LOADS of integrity. HBK is the Heartbreak Kid, and is known for backstabbing. Angle and Daivari leave, and this brings us to....

Mama Benjamin and Shelton walking backstage when Val Venis is standing. Mama recognizes him, and introduces herself. She saw him in his movies. He was in Shaving Ryan's Privates, and Harry Twatter. She's a good Christian woman, and says that Val is going to hell... tonight! Shelton vs. Val tonight, I am guessing.

- Carlito & Chris Masters vs. Shawn Michaels & Kurt Angle

I might be the only one, but Masters has grown on me. Michaels is dominating Carlito via the afro. Angle is in, dominates Carlito for a bit before hitting Carlito with a clothesline to hit gut. WTF? Michaels is in, Carlito into the ropes and a HUGE kick to the head. Carlito tags in Masters. Angle is in, Angle and Masters go at it, Angle runs into the turnbuckle post and this match is actually excitng. Outside the ring, Angle and HBK are arguing. These two would be a good tag team on a permanent basis. Commercial break. It's hard for me to keep up with the action and I could never do live play by play, so I will stop doing PBP and just comment and do a review. This match was hilarious at the end when Angle kept screwing Michaels, which prompted Michaels to pull him in the ring and superkick Angle. Masters locks him in the Masterlock, and Angle "passes out" even though 15 seconds later, he's awake and spewing at the mouth. Michaels also got Daivari with some Sweet Chin Music too. This match was kind of fun, and I enjoyed it. Without a commercial this could have been really good. **1/2

Winners: Carlito & Chris Masters via submission @ 16:57

Backstage, Vince McMahon meets with Shawn Michaels. Vince points out that HBK stabbed Angle in the back by leaving him high and dry in the Masterlock. Vince is great as a "heel who supposedly cares". He books that next week, Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels on Raw. Niiiice! Vince walks away as Shawn does not look too happy.

Todd Grisham is standing by with Lemmy-Lite... I mean, Triple H. That beard is ridiculous, seriously. Triple H says he's the constant on Raw, and says that people can put money on it. He'll win the Rumble, and he'll become the WWE Champion at WrestleMania. He guarantees a victory. The King of Kings will be back on his thrown at WrestleMania. They need to turn Triple H face, and WHAT THE HELL? Torrie, Candice and Victoria are in bed together. Pointless much? Yep.

Now we have exclusive footage from last night after Edge won the title where Edge guarantees Live Hot Torrid Sex on Raw... "doin' it".

Interesting. TNA promo during Raw. Great thing TNA buying ad time on USA to plug Final Resolution.

- Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
Shelton Benjamin w/Mama Benjamin vs. Val Venis

Val Venis back on Raw? Wow, I can't believe this. Hell, I can't even believe he's still under contract. A shame too, considering he's really talented. Without the porn gimmick, he could have been huge based on skill alone. Oh well. He'll lose this, and Benjamin will advance. The only parts of this that were noteworthy were Mama Benjamin stabbing Val in the butt, then getting her groove on to Shelton's theme music following the match. I may not like Mama Benjamin's angle, but it is funny as hell. She got her freak on to shelton's theme and stuck her tongue out at Val post match. *3/4

Winner: Shelton Benjamin by pinfall @ 4:34

The Royal Rumble commercial is hilarious!

- Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
Kane vs. Snitsky

Kane with two moves and a chokeslam and wins the match in 47 seconds. DUD! Kane is on the mic and says he will have 29 casualties at the Rumble and he'll go to WrestleMania. Too bad he'll NEVER win the title again, and it's sad.

Winner: Kane via pinfall @ :47.

Backstage, Edge arrives and Lita is here to greet him. And she's in LIN-GER-IE!! Live display of sex.

- Live Display of Sex
Edge & Lita in the Ring

Edge's promo tonight was great. I still don't know why they kept the ugly ass spinner belt. It doesn't even go with his punker-esque gimmick, but whatever. They aired a video package for Edge showing all of his great moments. It's actually pretty good. Crowd didn't like it though, as they're booing. "I AM AWESOME"! Also, Edge said the word "Bidness". Ha. Edge is on the ball tonight. His description of their sexual encounter is hilarious, and so is the cheesy ass music. Oh my God, this is hilarious. He is taking off his boots, socks. Oh man, this is going to have to end in hilarious form. Oh my GOD, Lita is SMOKING HOT! OH MY GOD!! EDGE HAS A BONER! BONER! BONER! BONER!





FLAIR INTERRUPTS!!! LMFAO!!

Flair: "You are a DISGRACE to the WWE Championship, BROTHA!!"

Flair is steaming because he got owned by Edge last night, and is now the WWE Champion. He says Edge is dead in the bed, and now Naitch is stripping. Oh lord. Flair wants to show Edge how to have sex, and he wants to FUCK LITA AND HE'S HUMPING THE AIR!!! LMFAO! ONE MAN CONCHAIRTO TO FLAIR!! YES!! I missed the Conchairto. And there's nothing Cena can do... Nevermind, he just runs in, and attacks Edge as a naked Lita watches on in bed. Edge runs up the ramp, and Lita is still in the ring. She hides under the covers and Cena takes a peak. Cena smiles and likes what he saw. He pulls back the covers, and she's no longer naked. He gives her the FU and flips over the bed.

Overall: This show was decent and had just over a little over a half hour of wrestling. The angles were good, and Cena didn't regain the title in 24 hours like everyone thought. Overall, I'd give this show a **1/4 rating and that's being generous.

Probably because he's losing the title back to Cena at the Rumble and it's a waste of time to bother switching the belts.

Raw sounds painful by reading these recaps... and only 1 minute of Kane?! That does not make happy a Scrooge.

Yeah, the Kane/Snitsky match was useless. I kind of figured it would be quick with the way they started out with the big boots, but I wouldn't have minded seeing it go three or four minutes.

It's also funny that less than a minute of Kane/Snitsky earned a DUD from me, while 15 minutes of Kane/Snitsky at Taboo Tuesday 2004 only earned 1/4*.

:lol: Funny how things work out that way. With 5 hours, it might've been a 5-Star Classic! And why were you tipped off when they were doing big boots? Is it a rule that says they can only be done late in the match?And damn, Snitsky making Kane look like shit sure did help them two in the long run, didn't it?

(shakes head in shame)

A five hour Kane/Snitsky match would be a five star classic alright... in the negative range. :P

Oh, and the big boot thing giving it away just told me that they were not pacing themselves so I figured the match would be short.

And yes, Kane putting Snitsky over so big back in 2004 was a mistake in retrospect.