- Back once again to the most awesomest arena in the history of sports and entertainment, it's time for some Madison Square Garden action from the World Wrestling Federation. Honestly, this episode is hardly my favorite (or anywhere near favorite) when it comes to the workrate, but there's a couple of things on here that made me "wantie" this. Let's set the WAYBAC machine for August 25th, 1984 and head to the arena for the first match. Commentary is done by Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes.
- Opening Match: B. Brian Blair vs. Iron Mike Sharpe:
I've already explained Sharpe... he's a loud canadian who had a cast-thing on his wrist for about 20 years. This was pre-Killer Bees era for Brian Blair, and he's not much higher than whooping-boy at this point. It's noticable that fans are still packing into the arena as the match begins, with lots of wandering around and empty seats. Sharpe, of course, plays the stalling game, because he sucks and has nothing better to do than waste everyones time. Every time Blair does something, Sharpe stalls. Headlock and go-behind, Stall. Mule Kick, stall. Crisscross sequence leads to Blair scaring Sharpe to stall more. Another crisscross, and Blair comes out on top with a dropkick and several arm drags. Sharpe goes flying out of the ring, hanging himself up by the ankles under the bottom rope. Back inside the ring, and Sharpe grabs a headlock. Sharpe rakes the eyes of Blair across the top rope. Sharpe continues to control by hammering on Blair in the corner. Blair comes back with a monkey flip and fyling head scissors, sending Sharpe out of the ring and into the crowd. After more stalling, we finally get them both in the ring again. I smell a time limit draw. About two minutes is wasted on Blair refusing to shake Sharpes' hand. Blair puts Sharpe down with some rights and drops an elbow across the left knee. Step over toe hold applied by Blair, and Sharpe escapes by raking the eyes. Sharpe takes over Blair with a hip toss and catches him off the ropes with a back breaker. Blair mounts a small comeback, but collapses under the weight of Sharpe on a slam attempt. Sharpe pounds away on Blair and sends him flying to the outside to a chorus of boo birds. Sharpe soon follows out to throw Blair into a pile of unoccupied steel chairs. Sharpe keeps Blair out of the ring by knocking him off the apron every 5 seconds. Blair slides under the ring to play the game of hide and seek, and comes out on the other end to hammer him like a bitch. Irish whip and Blair with a fist to the midsection. To the second turnbuckle, and Blair comes off with a bionic elbow, causing Sharpe to tumble out of the ring. Blair with an elbow off the apron to the back of Sharpe's head, and them rams him face first into the apron. They brawl more, and it's a double Count-Out at 13:01. Nearly 15 minutes for that suck-ass finish?! Puh-lease. * Blair did his best to make a "good" match out of this (good being used very loosely, here), but the incredible amount of stalling, punching, and more stalling just pissed me off. The sad thing is that these two wrestled the same match about 8 times at MSG in the span of a year.
- Rick "Quick Draw" McGraw vs. Salvatore Bellomo:
Interesting match since both men were JTTS faces, but I read that one of them was subbing for the Magnificent Muraco, so there you go. McGraw, I believe, is the Jobber who unfortunately died during an angle where Piper did a stretcher job to him, looking very tasteless in the long run, and Bellomo is an untalented and out of shape loser. He's Italian though, so he scores points in my book for that, at least. We get a handshake, since both guys are faces. To be perfectly honest, I have no interest in this match. It's just boring shit with about 500 headlocks and armbars. McGraw is decent in the ring, but not good enough to carry Bellomo, who has the personality of a sock, and I don't mean the kinds in cartoons that talk with a thick Brooklyn accent, either. I mean one of those nasty, disgusting tube socks that someone ejaculated into about 500 times to the point it's too sticky to put near any part of your body. Since the match is still going, I'd like to take this time now to share my love for Smackdown vs. Raw 2006. Such an awesome game, although the Story Mode could've been done a lot better, since it's so restricting thanks to the voice-overs of the WWE SuperStars. Even on Super-Fast-Forward, this match is taking forever to sit through. Now I can see why neither of these guys made it in the WWF, especially McGraw, who's only about 5'8" on a generous scale. I'd also like to mention that really weird Madonna music video on VH1. What the hell is up with that? Come on... there's a reason You Got Served is considered one of the worst movies in film making history. Back ot the match, and the two good guys start brawling because neither is able to pin another jobber. This match has to be considered a practice in masochism and cruel & unusual punishment, because it's really fucking painful. The bell for the Time Limit Draw rings at 18:08... I guess the time keeper had a heart, because two more minutes of this would've been too much. DUD Since I didn't actually watch it, but it really stunk on Fast-Forward.
- Tag Team Championship Match:
Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch © vs. The Wild Samoans:
This match is hard to explain, but I'll try. Capt. Lou Albano was managing the Samoans when they were Tag Team Champions, but after heel miscommunication cost them the titles to Tony Atlas and Rocky Johnson, the Samoans were pissed off at Albano, who refused to take the blame for the loss. The Samoans then became the default faces. We get a promo from Dick Murdoch and Adrian Adonis before the match. Adonis was still the street tough from New York and not the pansy in womens underwear he'd become in 1986. In a booking decision straight out of hell, Albano, the guy feuding with the Samoans but not actually "managing" anyone, is the special referee! For no apparent reason, I decide to put on my CD of the Fast Times at Ridgemont High Soundtrack. Since I'll say it eventually, Adrian Adonis is very rarely appreciated for being a pretty good worker, and seems to get a lot of shit based on his character from 1986-87. LOOOOOOOOOONG pre-match instructions segment from Albano. Adonis and and Sika start the match out with a lockup. That goes into the corner, and Adonis gets a knee to the midsection. Irish whip isn reversed, and Sika hands everyone back drops. Afa comes in to scare off Murdoch as Sika beats the be-jesus out of Adonis in the corner, until he bails out like me during a screening of Titanic. Adonis comes back in to try a wristlock, but Sika powers out. Murdoch tags in now to try his hand. Lockup, and Murdoch gets a few knee lifts in, but an elbow to the head obviously doesn't work. A double team bionic elbow doesn't work either, and Sika sends the Champs out with a double noggin-knocker. Albano with an EXTREMLY slow count on the champions. After some stalling, Murdoch hammers on Sika with forearms. Irish whip, and Sika comes back with slams to everyone. More slamming from the Samoans, and Afa knocks Adonis flying over the top rope. Irish whip, and the Samoans with a double clothesline to Murdoch. Sika slingshots Adonis back into the ring, and scares him right back out. Another slow count from Albano while Murdoch/Adonis take an extended breather. Now that I know which Samoan is which, it's back to the CD, available now on Amazon.com. Murdoch does an ambush job, but the Samoans no-sell. Sika is whipped to the corner, but he gets a knee up into the face of Murdoch. Murdoch tries tagging out to Afa, so Sika headbutts him down. Adonis and Afa exchange blows, with Adonis coming on top with the Good Night Irene sleeper hold. Afa wags his finger to show he's still concious, but Albano doesn't really pay attention, and keeps trying to do the three-arm drop. Afa escapes by bashing Adonis into the top turnbuckle, and floors Adonis with a headbutt. Murdoch tags in again while Albano argues with Sika for no reason. Lockup, and Adonis hammers away with his bionic elbows. Snapmare takeover and stomp to the face from Murdoch for barely a one count. Elbow drop by Murdoch and he covers again for a two count. Another elbow drop misses now, and Afa connects with a unique atomic drop. Sika tags back in, but gets suckered into the heel corner, and is left open for some double teaming. Adonis with a scoop slam, and he heads UP TOP, but gets crotched with intensity, and Sika headbutts him to the outside. Murdoch takes another double team beating and drops a BIG headbutt. The cover... and Albano argues with Afa after giving a two count. The Samoans argue with Albano, and he suddenly calls for the bell at 12:05, giving the win by Disqualification to the team of Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch! Scummy heel heat at it's best! The Champs put a stomping on Sika, but Afa chases them off. **1/2 The match was far from a mat-classic, but the storyline with the crooked referee was done pretty well and not-so-over the top as we've seen over many years since then. In short, doing things in a subtle manner work far better than doing it so much that it starts to annoy everyone.
- Pat Patterson vs. Ken Patera:
A little more than four years earlier, this would've been the Main Event. Now it's a meaningless midcard match to fill time between better and more important matches. For those that need a history lesson, Pat Patterson was the first Intercontinental Champion, winning a fictional tournament in Rio de Janero, Brazil, and lost the title to Ken Patera in April of 1980. This was bleach-blonde Patera version and Pre-Jailbird that lost all of his heat. Patera takes forever to remove his warm-up pants. Lockup, and Patera shoves Patterson into the corner. Side headlock applied by Patterson. Patera powers Patterson into the ropes to escape, but opts not to do any cheap shots. Now Patterson works in a wristlock, and turns it into an armbar. The way Monsoon is talking (and future comparisons), Patterson has been sent down to a JTTS role by this point. Patera comes out with a forearm, but Patterson puts him down with a high cross-body press for a two count. Lockup into the ropes, and Patera gets in a clubbing blow across the chest, followed some big forearm blows. Patterson fights back with lefts and rights, and Patera gets caught in the ropes a la Andre the Giant. Patera tries to kick at Patterson, but gets caught. Patera in turn blocks his penis... I'm sure I don't need to finish that sentence. Anyhoo, Patterson wraps Patera's leg around the ring post a few times. Back in the ring, and Patterson kicks Patera's leg from under his leg. Patera gets in another cheap shot to take control and puts Patterson down with a back breaker for a two count. Reverse chinlock is applied by Patera. Patterson powers back up to his feet for an overhead wristlock, but Patterson pulls him back down by the hair and into the chinlock. Patterson goes heel by raking the eyes to escape, sweeps Patera's legs from under him, and slings him into the ring post for a two count. BIG scoop slam by Patterson, and he goes to the top rope... but Patera rolls out of the way. Snapmare by Patterson, followed by a knee drop. Patterson with a shoulder block, but a second is countered with Patera dropping Patterson across the top rope throat first,, and finishes Patterson off with the Full Nelson (non-swinging version) at 9:06. *1/2 I've never cared for Ken Patera's work, and I'm sure I don't need to explain why, but Patterson seemed game here, and kept the match pretty entertaining when on offense. Patera dragged it all down though, when he was in control, so it all balances to a decent but unspectacular match. Also the match being relatively short was a good thing.
- Ivan Putski vs. Jesse "The Body" Ventura:
Oh man, this one is going to suck. Ventura was about a month away from retirement due to what I believe was a blood-clot in his lung or something. He attempted a comeback in 1985, but retired for good sometime before WrestleMania 2. Ventura tries a pre-match attack, but Putski catches it with a shoulder to the midsection, and plenty of clubbing blows. Ventura tries running outside, but Putski follows to ram him into the ring apron. Ventura hides outside as Monsoon brings up an Arm-Wrestling Contest between Putski and Ventura. If you don't know how that ended, you have no right calling yourself a wrestling fan. Back into the ring, and the two exchange lockup shoves until Ventura bails outside again. I'd just like to point out how much of a Billy Graham clone Ventura was, since I have nothing better to do while he stalls like crazy. Putski grabs a side headlock and punches Ventura a few times as if his hands were made of steel. Ventura gets the crap kicked out of him, and is sent outside once again. Back in the ring, and Putski controls Ventura by grabbing him by the beard, and applies another headlock. Putski with some clubbing blows across the back and some stomping. MORE STALLING. Ventura comes back in to apply an overhead wristlock, but Putski is TOO POWERFUL... until Ventura pulls him down to the canvas. They play another game of "try to counter this hold", and Putski fails once again. Putski eventually breaks the hold and chases Ventura around the ring. Ventura gets a cheap shot in as they re-enter the ring. I'm begging for this suckfest to end. Hell, I think I'd trade in watching this match for the Jesse Ventura Story. Ventura continues to poke Putski in the throat, and now chokes Putski with his wrist tape. Putski makes the Super-Roid Comeback™ and returns the favor of choking. Putski totally whiffs on a punch, but Ventura over-sells (kinda) anyway. I lose patience with this match, but it's over already as Ventura knocks Putski off the apron and rolls back into the ring to win by Count-Out at 11:47. DUD This was a painful mess and a great example of why I hate Memphis wrestling (even though it's the WWF in MSG). Heel stalls, heel cheats, heel stalls more, heel cheats more, and a shit finish.
- 2 out of 3 Falls; Six-Man Tag Team Match:
The Fabulous Freebirds (w/ Dave Wolff) vs. Pete Doherty, Ron Shaw, Butcher Vachon:
This match is really the only reason I even wanted this episode. A very rare appearence of the Freebirds (Michael P.S. Hayes, Terry Gordy, and Buddy Roberts) in the WWF, and in Madison Square Garden, no less. Too bad it'll be nothing more than a squash match, unless the Duke of Dorchester pulls some magic out of his ass and carries his team to victory. I'll just mention it now before the match begins. Maybe it's me, but on commentary, it sounds like Gorilla Monsoon is having a hard time remember Gordy's name (sometimes it sounds like he's saying "Brody", but it just may be me hearing wrong and the tape being a bit low on volume, and even Lord Alfred is calling him by the right name, so it's me most likely.).
Fall #1: One last thing I forgot to mention is that the Freebirds come to the ring to Lynyrd Skynyrd's "FreeBird", although I probably forgot a "y" in THEIR name somewhere. I note this because other than Hulk Hogan (who used "Eye of the Tiger"), I can't think of anyone else during this time who had an entrance theme. Lord Alfred makes sure to mention he's not related to Michael Hayes before the match. Hayes and Vachon start the match, but first Hayes does some fancy dancing to get the crowd into it. Lockup into the ropes, and Vachon gets in a cheap shot. Hayes returns the favor, causing Vachon to back off. Hayes avoids a second cheap-shot attempt, and Shaw tags in now to try his luck. Lockup, and Hayes applies a standing side headlock. Irish whip escape, and Hayes puts him down with a shoulder block, followed by a knee to the face. Roberts tags in and puts Shaw down with a back elbow. Roberts slips doing a forearm, so he covers by taking Shaw down with a leg sweep and pounds away. Gordy tags in for the first time and shows off his strength by press-slamming Ron Shaw across the ring. Doherty comes in now to take a shit-kicking. Gordy no sells his offense and pounds the shit out of him. Roberts tags back in with a shot across the chest and Hayes plays heel by biting Doherty across the forehead. Snapmare by Roberts, followed by a foot across the eyes. Irish whip, and Roberts with a dropkick to the mouth of Doherty. Vachon is back in, and applies a side headlock on Roberts. Irish whip escape, and Roberts goes down to a shoulder block, but catches Vachon off the ropes with a super scoop slam. Hayes comes in to miss an elbow drop, and plays the face-in-peril for about 15 seconds. All the heels work in minimally effective offense, doing nothing much of note. Gordy comes in to make the save by flooring Doherty with a roundhouse right, but the heels are relentless. Hayes fights free of the beating and tags in Gordy to go up against Vachon. Irish whip to the corner, but Vachon no-sells and punches. Irish whip and Gordy comes off the ropes with a cross-body press for the three count and Fall #1 at 5:42.
Fall #2: Because it makes sense and this was before McMahon lost his mind, the men in the ring for the finish of the last fall start this one, so it's Gordy/Vachon. Vachon applies a standing side headlock, and almost knocks over Gordy with a shoulder block. Gordy comes back with a scoop slam, but gets caught in the corner for a triple teaming. Gordy doesn't take long to ignore that, and sends Doherty and Shaw back to Jobberland with a double clohesline. Roberts snaps Shaw across the top rope and bites away on Shaw after a failed choke attempt. Doherty tags in to choke Roberts in the corner, and gets some good stomping in. Roberts makes the hot tag to both men, but Hayes comes in as the legal guy. Irish whip, and he nails a lunging clothesline on Doherty, and follows with mounted punches. Doherty avoids an elbow drop, but misses a leg drop. The Freebirds clean house of the heels, leaving Doherty to take the shit kicking again. Irish whip, and Roberts/Hayes double back drop Doherty into a botched Powerbomb by Gordy, so Roberts finishes with a jumping elbow drop for the second fall and the overall victory at 3:21. To my surprise, Monsoon mentions the move is the BadStreet Bomb, and describes what it is, probably to cover up the mess-up. I say surprise because the Freebirds were around for MAYBE a month, and were only seen a handful of times on television. ** Once again, the match wasn't much in terms of action, but it was quite entertaining, and it was a breath of fresh air to see unfamiliar faces wrestle at the home of WWF. Too bad the Freebirds din't get any credible opponents here, or I would've been even more generous with the rating.
- "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka vs. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper:
A fairly famous match, but it comes across as disappointing compared to what I imagined. For those not familiar, I won't spoil it... yet. My money is on Piper for being on more drugs for this match. Piper easily gets the biggest heel reaction of the night, thanks to him being awesome and recently bashing Snuka over the head with a coconut. In a cool move, we get a split screen video of both men, since Piper is smart enough to not get into the ring yet. Piper gets pelted with trash before the match begins, taking his sweet time disrobing in the process. When was the last time a match had heat like THIS? Snuka has been standing in the corner, staring a hole through Piper for the past two minutes. The bell finally rings, and Piper ditches the ring once Snuka begins to make his move. Snuka stalks Piper around the ring, and they finally clash, with Snuka pounding on Piper with shots to the forehead. Snuka with blows to the chest and throat of Piper, and now Piper is begging for mercy. Snuka has none at this point, and sends Piper bouncing courtesy of a jumping headbutt. They exchange blows again, but Piper foolishly tries a headbutt. That won't work, so he pokes Snuka in the eyes and that does. Piper with a series of short rights to the face. Snapmare and mounted punching by Piper. Snuka comes back with chops to the throat, and a big chop sends Piper flying over the top rope, to the floor. Snuka follows him out to ram Piper into the ring apron, and back into the ring. Irish whip is blocked thanks to Piper getting his throat hung-up across the top rope. More blows exchanged. An Irish whip is reversed, and Snuka applies a sleeper hold. Piper does a modified hoola-dance to prove he's selling, but the action spills outside. Snuka still has the hold applied, until Piper rams him into the apron. Snuka sends Piper into the ring post in retaliation, and chases him around the ring. Piper goes for a chair, but Snuka grabs it and bashes Piper good instead... but NO DQ. Piper is busted open good, and the crowd is begging for Snuka to kick his ass more. Snuka goes for the wound and hammers away with measured shots to the open cut. Snuka nails a jumping headbutt across the face. Snuka heads up top now, but a cross body is blocked with Piper dropping him across the top rope, causing Snuka to fall outside and get counted-out at 7:06, giving Piper the lame win. Now the fun begins, as Piper goes outside to stomp on the back of the head of Snuka, and ramming a steel chair into his neck! Piper with the chair again, and takes another well measured shot across the back of Snukas neck. Piper finally walks away, wearing a crimson mask, as medics come to ringside with a stretcher to take care of Snuka. Monsoon speculates Piper broke his neck! **1/2 Same excuse as the last few matches, but this had more substance in the "Snuka wants revenge, and doesn't care about winning" storyline. The crowd being super hot made it more enjoyable, and the post-match beating advancing the angle further was the icing on the cake. I don't know the real reason, but I heard this injury angle was to give Snuka time off and "clean himself up."
- Terry Daniels vs. Fred Marzino:
Don't worry about who these guys are, since they are no-name fillers between the main events of the show. Besides, we only see about 20 seconds of the match, as we see Snuka being carted backstage into the medical room where the doctors and various other people work on Snuka and check to see the extent of the injuries done to him. Snuka does a pretty good job selling the injuries, acting as if he were knocked out with a glazed look over his eyes. Or maybe he was stoned out of his mind, I don't know. It just comes across as pretty good, and very extreme for the time frame. I don't recall many other times an angle like this took place at MSG and was focused on during various other matches. Eventually they slap a neck brace on Snuka to prepare him for loading into the ambu-lance. For those that really need to know, Daniels pins Marzino at 3:55 with a sunset flip, even though it was a super-fast count from the referee. No Rating since we saw pretty much none of the match. The crowd loves the decision though, since Marzino is a Massachewshits bitch.
- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
Tito Santana © vs. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine:
Before the match, we get more footage of Snuka being attended to backstage. Lord Alfred is playing the roaming reporter, going backstage to try and get an update on Jimmy Snuka's condition. We don't get introductions, but we know who everyone is. Valentine goes for a quick slam, but Santana blocks. Valentine then decides to try a drop toe hold, and Santana blocks that too. Arm drag takeover by Valentine, countered into a head scissors by Santana. Santana applies a standing side headlock, and wrenches on the neck of Valentine. Santana blocks an atomic drop, and connects with one of his own. Lockup, and Valentine with a forearm to the side of the head. Santana returns the favor with several of his own, backing Valentine into the corner. Santana reapplies the side headlock, and a crisscross leads to Hammer nailing Santana with a back elbow. Valentine with a bionic elbow across the forehead, followed by mounted punches. Valentine connects with a shoulder breaker, and nails the wind-up forearm across the throat of Santana for a two count. Valentine with a knee to the midsection, followed by some bitch slapping. Santana comes back to his feet to exchange blows, and puts Valentine down with a knee lift. We see Snuka being taken out of the arena on a stretcher, cutting away at probably a hot portion of the match. We come back to the ring with Valentine having a seated reverse chinlock applied. We cut backstage, and come back with Valentine pounding away on Santana in the ropes. Valentine drops an elbow across the chest from the outside, and continues to bring the pain. Valentine takes his sweet time to pounce on Santana again, which will bite him in the ass... wait, instead Valentine takes down Santana with a back suplex for a two count. Valentine goes back to work with a series elbows to the face for another two count. valentine tries pinning the shoulders of Santana down with a knuckle lock now, but to no avail. Modified legal low-blow by Santana, and they exchange blows again. Irish whip is reversed, and a leap frog leads to the referee being wiped out! Irish whip, and Santana comes of the ropes with a Flying Forearm/Cross Body, and that wiuns it at 7:24, despite Valentine gets his foot on the ropes. Hammer, in frustration, applies the Figure-Four Leglock to Santana, no doubt because he was robbed by the man, Dick Kroll. Valentine and Santana would go on to feud over the IC Title for the better part of the next year. **1/4 I was a bit disappointed here. Not so much that the wrestling wasn't good, but it got jipped with very little time to work a great match, and they had to play second fiddle to the Snuka Neck Breaking Incident™, which was the obvious focus through the last half hour or so of the show. The crowd litters the ring with garbage as the show comes to an end.
Final Thoughts: Don't let the match ratings fool you. While I admit nothing was mind-blowing awesome, the storylines advanced through this show and the pretty good booking makes it quite enjoyable. However, the downside is the rather pathetic undercard, featuring way too many lowcard/JTTS punks that no one cared about, and in one case, getting WAY too much time while the main events of the show combined for less. On the plus side, you had Piper/Snuka, Murdoch & Adonis/Samoans, Santana/Valentine, and The Freebirds, and the down side is everything else. I say the plus outweighs the minus, so I'll give it a Thumbs Up Recommendation.