I'm going to try and do something unknown of the wrestling world to the common fan... unlike those who feel they need to review nothing but great matches of various people from Chris Benoit, to Bret Hart, Ric Flair, the Midnight Express Express, and other guys who it's hard to see a bad match from during a certain stage of their careers, I'm going towards a subject we all know and most of you don't love. To test my faith as a fan, I'm going to do my best to review my 5-tape compilation of matches of Glen Jacob's character Kane, from 1997 through the present day, proving again that odd-ball zombie characters have a hell of a long life span. Since I've already reviewed my 1995-97 tapes, there's no need to do one on the Isaac Yankem D.D.S. and Big Daddy Cool II Days... Thank God.
- Courtesy of The Undertaker: The Phenom Home Video released in 1998, we get highlights of the HBK/Undertaker Hell in a Cell Match from Badd Blood '97. Most famous for being the most overrated 28-minute squash match in the history of wrestling, where I actually (for once) defended how horribly booked Shawn Michaels was in his matches with the Undertaker. The match shown in video package form for 4 minutes makes it seem A LOT better than it actually was. Anyway, 26 minutes into the match, Undertaker clobbers Michaels with a steel chaier and signals for the end... and the lights go out. An explosion later and Paul Bearer brings out a mysterious masked figure, who rips the door of the cage off. McMahon speculates it's the mysterious Kane (or Cain/Cane/Kain, depending on the day of the week). After a brief staredown, the Undertaker becomes distracted by the four-posts pyro, and Kane quickly lays out the Undertaker with the Tombstone Piledriver. Michaels crawls over slowly and wins the match. Whoo-ah.
- Paul Bearer Interview from the Survivor Series '97 Free-For-All. Bearer promises destruction to Mankind at the hands of Kane. He can't be stopped you know, but Bearer invites Mankind to "die trying." Next up is a recap video for the upcoming match between Kane and Mankind. We get highlights of Kane making an impact by squashing as many JTTS' possible in a span of three weeks. On the list included a pre-pushed Hardy Boys (with really funky ring attire), Flash Funk, Dude Love (during Foley's days where he switched roles on a weekly basis), Ahmed Johnson, and I'm sure I forgot someone. The attack on the Dudester forced Mick Foley to transform into Mankind to gain a measure of revenge, including KO'ing Kane with a lead pipe that bent in half with little impact. That was no sold though, and this match is coming up next. WWF was sure good at doing these video packages, and the formula of "unstopable monster going through everyone with little effort" proves again that it's the most successful.
- Mankind with a Interview before the match, and it's a pretty good one. He uses the "Brick Wall" theory, but instead of going around it, he's going to go for it head-on over and over again until h can't go anymore. I really should make a compilation of Foley promos. The broadcast team doesn't pick up on the Mankind/Paul Bearer relationship from the last year or so, even after Foley mentions it in this promo.
- Mankind vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer):
From the 1997 Survivor Series. I've already reviewed this match, but I guess I can go through it once more. In the dumbass idea of the night (other than screwing over a guy who was money in the back in canada for a guy who was money in the bank in one city and was known for having attitude problems with management), the entire match is done with Kane's red pyro light on. I guess it was done to confuse people, or something. I just thank God by January-February '98 they ditched that idea. I noticed that WWF hasn't done the entire entrance in forever (the organ music before the pyro goes off). I guess it ate up 15 seconds that can be better used for something else. Mankind attacks before the bell and rams Kane into the security rail. That's no sold and Kane choke lifts and throws Mankind next to the ring steps. Into the ring for the first time and Kane sets off his pyro to a big pop. Kane hammers away across the back of Mankind with clubbering blows. Mankind tries a comeback with boots to the midsection and several headbutts. Charging clothesline by Mankind takes both men over the top rope, but Kane is still on his feet, and drops Mankind with a clothesline off his own. Kane picks up the steel steps now and launches them like a barrel (DONKEY KONG!) into the face of Mankind. Back into the ring again, and we hear Paul Bearer laugh like a sick monster dude. Kane continues to control the match, so Mankind tries hyping himself up by pulling out his hair, but he walks into a big boot. Mankind gets rammed into the turnbuckle and Kane does... something. The lighting and camera is bad, so it's either a choke or a rake of the eyes. Anyway, he follows up with choking in the corner. Kane continues to hammer away and now comes the regular choke. Irish whip to the corner and Mankind walks out into a sidewalk slam (called CORRECTLY by Jim Ross!). When was the last time Kane did that? Oh well, I guess he just decided to use the same formula for the side suplex. Another boot to the head sends Mankind out of the ring. Mankind blocks an Irish whip, but not for long, and Kane just pounds the shit out of him before whipping him into the ring steps. Mankind comes back with a boot to the chest and a one-man flap jack onto the ring steps! Mankind hammers away with rights and goes for a chair. Mankind gives Kane a seat and they head back into the ring. Mankind with a series of lefts and rights followed by a boot to the side of the head. Mankind connects with the wedgie piledriver. Mankind unwisely decides to put the mandible claw on Paul Bearer. Kane sits up on cue and choke throws Mankind off the apron through a table! You can tell the spot was coming, since Mick put his foot on the bottom rope to give leverage for himself. Kane comes out after Mankind and slams a piece of the announcers table on him. They go around the ring, so I'm guessing this is No DQ/No Count-Out. Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Mankind kicks him in the family jewels and connects with a DDT on the concrete! Mankind goes up to the apron and comes off with the running elbow drop. Lawler actually makes a good analogy regarding Mankind's offense attack, comparing him to the japanese kamikaze. In the mean time, Kane slams Foley off the second rope to the floor! Damn, Foley really is doing his best to play whooping-boy. Mankind slowly crawls back into the ring, but the Tombstone Piledriver is academic, and Kane wins his Debut at 9:29. ** I really was a bit hard on this match last time, if I remember. Although it could've done with a couple of minutes shaved off to give it more of a squash match feel, Foley did his best to work around the flaws of his opponent and did plenty of his signature spots to keep the crowd interested, but not look incredibly fake or planned way ahead of time.
- Courtesy of In Your House: D-Generation X, a.k.a one of the worst WWF PPV's of all time, The Undertaker is squashing the Aztec Warrior Jeff Jarrett, who, in a shocking turn of events, couldn't get over doing that. About 2 minutes into the match, you-know-who (not Voldemort from Harry Potter) runs in, has a stare down with The Undertaker, then chokeslams Jeff Jarrett for the hell of it. Easy payday, if you ask me.
- From what seems to be the episode of Raw before the 1998 Royal Rumble. Shawn Michaels (looking like a gay biker) insists that he has a new member of D-Generation X to introduce (more of that bait-and-switching, by WWF), but the Undertaker comes out instead. After D-X does a VERY mild beatdown on him, Kane makes the surprise appearence... and makes the save?! Yep, the first of many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, MANY face turns, and anyone with half of a brain knows what was coming, even as a younger mark.
- Royal Rumble '98 time! We're JIP with the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels. Undertaker has the match won, but the midcard stooges of DX, The New Age Outlaws (before they joined) and Los Boricuas (oy) come out to do a sequel to the 1994 Run-in Show. This time though, Undertaker has back up in the form of Kane (to a monster pop)... then in a funny ass moment, Kane does his pyro spot, except the pyro doesn't go off. Then, in the least shocking move of all time, he turns on the Undertaker, beats the shit out of him, then plants him into the casket with a chokeslam to give Michaels the victory again. Then, oh boy, after the match, Kane and Paul Bearer drench the casket in "gasoline", and Kane sets it on fire in the entrance area, killing the Undertaker. Jesus, Kane turns twice in a week and the Undertaker no sells death again. I guess it's normal for the WWF (especially since Kane turns every other day now and the Undertaker dies every week). Oh, and if you haven't noticed, Kane rarely ever wrestled on TV back then.
- Video Package for Vader/Kane from No Way Out (of Texas) '98. To make it look like Vader has any chance, we get a lengthy recap of him beating the shit out of random opponents, although it's mainly TAFKA Goldust being the victim. Then we get more clips of Kane beating people up, with highlights from the '98 Rumble. For no real reason, Vader and Kane clashed on an episode of Raw is War. Vader was one of the first people to really get a chance to look like he can beat Kane, but that wasn't going anywhere. Highlights from several episodes of Raw where Kane tombstoned Vader and Vader retaliated by using a fire extinguisher in Kane's face. Lengthy video package.
- Vader vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer):
The first time I saw this was on the ever famous "Scramble-vision", since I didn't get the PPV when it originally was broadcasted, but I wanted to in some way see this, for the obvious reasons. Vader is still rather over, but by the end of 1998, he was gone from the WWF after being reduced to a JTTS Level. Thanks, Vince Russo. Choice sign of the night "Vader is Good, but Kane rules the World." I thought that was Sid, but I won't disagree. They go face-to-face... Vader tries a sucker punch, but Kane blocks. They exchange blows, and Kane floors Vader with a clothesline. They head outside, where Vader continues pummeling Kane. Kane returns with his own shots, but ramming Vader into the rail is no sold. Crowd chants "Vader" as they head back in... kinda. Kane drops an elbow across the throat of Vader and continues the clubbering. Vader is introduced to the ring steps a few times, and now we DO go back in the ring. Vader ducks a clothesline and goes for a waistlock. Vader with a low blow followed by a series of blows to the back of the head. Vader dumps Kane over the top, but this isn't the Royal Rumble. Vader follows out and whips Kane shoulder first into the ring post, then rams his head into it for good measure. Kane hangs up Vader across the top rope and goes UP TOP for the flying clothesline, which connects. Choking in the corner from Kane. He hammers Vader down to the canvas and chokes with his boot this time. Kane with a suplex and the jumping elbow drop that always misses DOESN'T miss! The match takes a more methodical pace now, as Vader plays dead. Kane dangles Vader across the top rope, then comes off the top rope in the corner with a forearm across the back. Vader tries a comeback, but it's haulted. Irish whip and Kane connects with a clothesline. Irish whip to the corner and Kane follows in with another clothesline. Vader comes back with his signature brutal punches, which are OK since the leather mask protects the blows a bit. Kane no sells them anyway, and stomps Vader down before choking again. Kane with a scoop slam followed by a chop across the forehead. Kane chokes Vader across the top rope then jumps over the top to the floor to hang Vader up again. Vader no sells that now, and clotheslines Kane over the top rope to catch a breather. Kane is persistant though, and quickly comes back in, planting Vader with a DDT. Irish whip to the corner and Kane walks into a series of stiff looking clotheslines. Vader hammers Kane in the corner and comes in with the pump-splash thing he always does. Kane no sells and goes for a chokeslam, but Vader counters with a low-blow and follows with a short-arm clothesline. Big splash by Vader, but he doesn't want to cover... that means he loses, no doubt. Vader heads up the turnbuckles and connects (kinda) with the moonsault! Kane sits right up though. Irish whip is reversed, and Vader pump-splashes and clotheslines Kane outside again. They brawl around the ring, with Kane getting the upper hand by sending Vader into the steps. Vader has the fire extinguisher though, and puts out Kane's fire with it. Back into the ring we go (Again). Vader connects with the powerbomb! Paul Bearer gets knocked off the apron, giving Kane the chance to sit up. Kane puts Vader with a chokeslam, and Vader's night is ended with the tombstone piledriver, giving Kane the victory at 10:59. After the match, Kane takes out a wrench from under the ring, and bashes Vader across the head with it, putting him out of action until Unforgiven (then held in April). **1/4 Good match for an extended squash, but God Damn, did that middle portion bore me to death. The storyline of Vader doing the hit-and-run and pull-out-all-stops was pretty good to give Vader a chance to the marks that he has a chance, but both men no-selling so much hurt it. Either way, a good match, but with Vader, it could've been better. Plus the crowd was pretty mild, and that didn't help much. Bonus 1/4* for both men being able to bump/throw each other around like they were much lighter.
- WrestleMania XIV Commercial Highlighting Undertaker vs. Kane. We cut to a Paul Bearer interview. He rants and raves until we get some canned thunder and lighthing sound effects and the lights start going out. Uh...huh. Paul Bearer isn't effected by the spooky actions, though.
- Undertaker/Kane Video Package leading up to WrestleMania XIV. It's pretty lengthy, recaping the entire saga from the summer of 1997, through the debut of Kane, and the events of Rumble '98. If you want bizarre, you need to see this. Kane had destroyed the Undertaker at the 1998 Royal Rumble by burning a casket with him in it. However, sometime after No Way Out, the Undertaker returned by doing the most dastardly things... cutting off Kane's pyro. THE BASTARD! Kane retaliated by chokeslamming and tombstoning the Gorilla mascot for the Phoenix Suns and setting a stunt-man on fire with a dreaded lightning bolt. Undertaker returned that by setting a casket on fire with a cut-out of Kane inside. Man, I wish I was paid to come up with these goofy ideas.
- The Undertaker vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer):
Finally, we get to the... no wait, here's Pete Rose to do the introductions. He becomes my favorite person ever and #1 heel by running down the Boston Red Sox for sucking and blaming a dead person for their reason of not winning diddly-squat for (then) 80 years. Kane becomes the #1 babyface in Boston then by tombstoning Pete Rose back to the race tracks. Then to one up that, Undertaker comes out with one of the awesome entrances he only does for WrestleMania. In this case, being lead to the ring by a bunch of druids holding torches and with a cool light show. One of the times WWF booked something well. This feud had 7 months to simmer, with very little contact between the two, and litle ring-time for both since the start of it. We get the staredown of doom. Undertaker takes the first shot, but Kane barely budges. Undertaker continues hammering away on Kane, backing him into the corner.Kane catches 'Taker coming with a back elbow and throws him into the corner. Undertaker avoids the charge and goes back to work. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, but Kane runs into a big boot. Wristlock by Undertaker, but Kane counters with a clothesline. Undertaker no-sells though, and goes back to hammering Kane. Irish whip is reversed, but a cross body is turned into Kane catching Undertaker and fucking up putting him into the tree of woe. He stomps away on 'Taker anyway, then starts the choking. Kane gets his shots in now. Irish whip to the corner, sold a little bit better than usual by Undertaker. Kane follows in the second time with a clothesline and pummels Undertaker down to the canvas. Kane suplexes Undertaker across the top rope and comes off the top rope with a forearm across the back of the head. Kane hammers away in the corner, with Undertaker doing the protective boxing strategy to absorb the blows. Undertaker stomps at Kane, but that doesn't go anywhere. Irish whip, and Undertaker jumps onto the shoulders of Kane for some punching, and they fuck up an electric chair drop. I'll blame that on Kane though, but I'd like to see someone balance 330 pounds on their shoulder and do it perfectly. They go outside, and Undertaker is slammed across the security railing, then into the ring steps. Kane picks up the steps now and slams them down across the back of the Undertaker. Kane grabs them again and slams them across Undertaker on the other part of the steps. Watch out Kane, that thing nearly bounced into the crowd. Paul Bearer comes over to get a few cheap shots in. Kane suplexes Undertaker back into the ring from the apron. Undertaker takes more blows in the corner, but comes out with a clothesline. Undertaker bounces off the ropes a few times, but Kane catches him in the goozle and chokeslams him for a two count... but he picked him up. Reverse chinlock applied by Kane... oh no. (hits fast forward) Undertaker eventually fights out with blows to the midsection, but he goes down again. Kane connects with the jumping elbow drop across the face and goes back to the chinlock. Fun story: When goofing around at a friends house with some wrestling, I actually collapsed his bed doing the "jumping elbow that always misses." Undertaker escapes this time by picking Kane up and crotching him on the top rope. That's no sold, of course. Undertaker hammers on Kane on the apron and knocks him off with a big boot. Undertaker bounces off the ropes... and a Suicide dive over the top rope misses and he crashes through the spanish announce table!!! Holy s-h-i-t! Tito Santana gets to job at another WrestleMania. Awesome camera there, as we didn't see it coming until 'Taker was already up in the air. Back in the ring, and Kane comes off the top rope with a flying clothesline (which looks better when doing to someone taller than 6'0") for a two count. Undertaker is back up to exchange blows. Undertaker has the upperhand.... Tombstone... is REVERSED! Kane plants Undertaker with the tombstone piledriver... but only for a two count! Kane shoves Undertaker back into the corner, but Undertaker is done selling. Jim Ross tries saying Kane is burned out by punching too much, which makes sense, I guess, since it's a tired and true formula in Boxing, and he had been punching a lot. Undertaker plants Kane with the chokeslam, and signals for the finish. Tombstone Piledriver connects, but Kane kicks out at two! Undertaker with a jumping leg drop, and second Piledriver, and again Kane kicks out at a count of two! Paul Bearer does his best to sell it from ringside. Undertaker heads UP TOP, and comes off with his own flying clothesline. Kane sits up though, but walks into another Tombstone Piledriver. Three times, and that's just barely enough to get the three count at 16:57. Paul Bearer comes in to get his lickings in on Undertaker for winning, and Kane is back up to make the save of his manager by cleaning Undertaker's clock with a chair shot, then adds a Tombstone onto the chair to add insult to injury. As for the match... well, I'm in a tough spot. On a normal scale, I'd probably rank it in between *1/2-**, since that resting spot was really fucking boring, but the pre-match shenanigans were awesome, and the finish was pretty good, so I'll be a bit generous and go with **1/2. Ignore the extra-long chinlock spot, and the match is pretty good... sadly, this was the BEST match these two, so you can guess how bad the rest of their millions of matches were. I hope you liked my generousity, because the next match is going to be painful to sit through.
- "They are among the blackest souls; a different sin has dragged them to the bottom." - Inferno/Canto III
"For here... one must leave behind all hesitation; here, every cowardice must meet it's death." - Inferno/Canto XXI
"Within those fires there are souls; each one swathed in that which scorches him." - Inferno/Canto XXV
"Within the flames they will suffer. They who went as one to rage now share one punishment." - Inferno/Canto XXVIII
"There is no exit from the flame. You are simply transformed into the language of the fire." - Inferno/Canto XXXIII
- When you need to get people to care about a match that is going to suck, have Freddie Blassie read from Dante's Devine Comedy. To add even more buildup to the match, they had Kane apparently set fire to the "resting place" of his parents, which looks more like a C-Movie stage than an actual graveyard... oh, and then Kane chokeslammed Undertaker through a casket. WWF doesn't do tasteless angles my ass...
- 1st Ever Inferno Match:
The Undertaker vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer):
I just hope to God this match is going to be short, as in less than a couple of minutes. There is no way to build a good match where you are limited to a certain space (see: Malenko/Kidman from Souled Out 2000) and when you can barely breath, since the flames from the pyro setup will burn up as much air as possible. The match starts off on a bad note, as only 3/4 of the pyro for Kane goes off. Undertaker starts off by hammering away on Kane in the corner with rights. Kane escapes a type of wristlock and throws Undertaker into the corner, following up with a clothesline. Undertakers comes out with more rights. Irish whip to the corner, and Undertaker nails the Stinger Splash. Undertaker applies a wristlock and goes OLD SCHOOL, causing the flames to explode about 6 feet into the air. Crowd popped for that one. Irish whip to the corner, and Undertaker gets caught and dropped face first into the turnbuckle. We get instant replay of the flames shooting up as Kane hammers away on Undertaker. Crowd is not too into this match, nor the PPV in general for that matter. Undertaker blocks being put into the fire, so Kane chokes him. Undertaker fights back by kicking Kane away, but gets thrown back down by the hair. Undertaker goes for the mask to prevent more offense from Kane. They look to be sucking wind already, and we're only a few minutes into it. Irish whip is reversed, and Kane takes Undertaker over with a powerslam. More choking. Paul Bearer throws a chair into the ring, and Kane cleans Undertaker's clock with it. Got to give 'Taker credit for not putting his hands up to take away the effect. Jim Ross brings up The Undertaker beating Hulk Hogan for the WWF Title for no reason other than probably bury the WCW Champion. Both guys do more stuff, but it's nothing worth noting. Irish whip to the corner with intensity. I'm too bored to even caps lock that. Kane charges, but runs into a boot. Undertaker bounces off the ropes... with a boot, then takes Kane down with a Russian leg sweep. When does he ever do that? Jumping leg drop by Undertaker, but that's no sold. Finally someone giving Undertaker a taste of his own medicine. Both men go for the goozle, with Kane coming out on top and chokeslamming the Undertaker to hell. Kane scoops Undertaker up, but gets shoved into the corner, and it's the Undertaker's turn to chokeslam Kane. MORE NO SELLING! WOO! Irish whip is reversed, and a double big boot puts both men down. Both men are back up, but Undertaker misses the diving lariat. Kane scoops up Undertaker and puts him down with a side suplex. Kane goes to the top rope, but Undertaker crotches him. Undertaker with some blows, and now he heads up, taking Kane over with a super-plex! Not from the top rope, but still looks cool with two guys that big. More no-selling, so Undertaker clotheslines Kane down. Undertaker throws Kane over the top rope, but Kane is avoid to go further from the flames. He tries taking a walk, but Vader runs-in to make his return and clean his clock... and give Undertaker a chance to nail the suicide dive!! I never tire of seeing 'Taker do that. The crowd finally woke up a few minutes ago. Paul Bearer has another chair... but Undertaker no sells that. Undertaker grabs the chair and scrambles Kane's brains with it, then lays him out with a shot across the back, keeping Kane down for a good 3-4 minutes... come on, he hasn't sold that much on this entire tape! Undertaker chases Bearer up the aisle and onto the stage that Jeff Jarrett was performing on, and slams a drum over his head. Bleed, Uncle Paul! Undertaker comes back to ringside, as Kane continues to play dead for a few more minutes, and Undertaker casually boots him into the apron, setting Kane's arm on fire to win the match at 16:01. Dig the obviously fake substance spread around the arm of Kane to prevent any injury. 3/4* Match was really bad, but a few spots here and there were entertaining. That's all I really have to say about it. For those wondering, the last 5 minutes was just Undertaker walking up and down the aisle. The recap version on the Undertaker video makes it look about a million times better, since it's clipped to about 2-3 minutes and cuts out all the dead spots. The Vader/Kane stuff lead to a "Mask vs. Mask" match at Over the Edge. Guess who won, and guess who doesn't have a copy. The match sucked though, and was the end of Vader's run of being used in a meaningful situation.
- #1 Contender's Match:
The Undertaker vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer):
Three straight matches between these two... lucky, lucky, lucky me. From the 6/1/98 episode of the War Zone (the cleverly titled 2nd hour of Raw), which featured Undertaker whining about never getting a title shot. Let's ignore the fact he held the championship for half of 1997 then feuded with World Champion Shawn Michaels. Austin and McMahon have joined the commentary position to bitch at each other. Undertaker avoids a sucker punch before the bell and goes to town on Kane in the corner. Kane no sells and throws Undertaker in the corner. Irish whip is reversed and Undertaker nails th Stinger Splash. Undertaker heads outside and pops Bearer. Kane follows, but gets caught with a punch and thrown back inside. Undertaker applies a wristlockand heads up to the top rope for some Old School. Undertaker bounces off the ropes, but Kane catches him with the goozle and nails a chokeslam. Kane hammers away on the fallen Undertaker with rights and works him over in the corner. Short-arm clothesline by Kane and he dumps Undertaker through the ropes. Undertaker is introduced to the ring post and tossed back into the ring. Undertaker tries a comeback, but a boot to the midsection prevents it and Kane chokes him down in the corner. The commentary is being made to be more important than the match. Kane with a scoop slam and a forearm across the throat. Boot to the side of the head by Kane, followed by shots in the corner. Irish whip across the ring, and Kane runs into a big boot. Undertaker bounces off the ropes, and walks into a big boot of Kane's. The jumping elbow drop that always misses FINALLY misses, and it's a slug-fest. Irish whip, and Undertaker ducks a clothesline. Chokeslam by Undertaker! Kane is back up, so Undertaker takes him back down with a russian leg sweep. Undertaker nails the atomic leg drop, but Kane kicks out at two. Irish whip to the corner is reversed a few times until the referee is sandwiched in the corner by the Undertaker. Kane goes for a tombstone, but Undertaker escapes and sends Kane into the corner. Undertaker connects with his own Tombstone, but the referee is out. Here comes Mick Foley dressed as Mankind, who was fired earlier in the show as Dude Love. He applies the mandible claw, but Undertaker escapes and hangs Mankind across the top rope, then floors Kane with a clothesline. Undertaker takes a shot at Mankind from the apron, then walks into a Tombstone Piledriver from Kane... and Kane wins it at 6:25! Kane wins! Kane wins! Kane wins! ** The match was about 500 times better than it had any right to be, probably thanks to it being really-really short/rushed, and limited the resting the previous matches between these two had.I'm sure if this went 16 minutes too, it would've bored my shit. Fun fact: I think this was the only time Kane has ever pinned the Undertaker in a singles match, despite wrestling each other about 5 million times in the lasr 9 years.
- Time for the Vince McMahon Humaniatrian of the Year Award celebration. Short and Sweet, McMahon is a bastard who doesn't pay up what he promises to charity, so Austin makes fun of him for it until a casket is brought to ringside under the guise of being the Undertaker. Instead, Mankind comes from through the crowd to attack Austin, and Kane pops out of the coffin to lay an ass beating before stuffing Austin into it.
- Steve Austin/Kane Video Package. From the June 1st, 1998 episode of RAW, Kane actually pinned The Undertaker, which had the stipulation of the winner becoming the #1 Contender for the World Title at King of the Ring. On June 8th, Steve Austin gets set up for a beatdown from Mankind and Kane, who proceed to stuff him inside a casket at ringside. On June 15th was the teased Hell In A Cell, when Austin beat the shit out of Mankind with a chair, and kicked Kane's ass on top of the Cell. From June 22nd, Kane challenges Austin to a 1st Blood Match for the Title, then later in the show, has "blood" rain on Austin in the middle of the ring.
- Michael Cole interviews Earl Hebner, the referee for the Main Event. They do this to cover up any kind of accidental blood, like a botched chair shot or something that can cut you open like that. Austin charges onto the screen, and has Marshmellows and hot dogs with him to roast on the fire that Kane will be if he should lose.
- WWF World Championship; 1st Blood Match:
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin © vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer):
Copy and Paste Time: It's time for the Main Event, and really, the winner here is obvious. If Kane wins, he becomes the World Champion, and if Austin wins, Kane, in his own words "will set-him-self-on-fy-re." Kane also is debuting his full bodied ring attire, which originally had the left arm cut off, thus exposing only his left hand, to make the finish even more obvious than before. This match marks the first time EVER that I was cheering for the heel over the face in any match in wrestling (I was still a mark at the time, only being 13 years old). I'm glad to see that Ole Andersons voice distorter has been used once more for this angle. Austin rushes the ring and takes Kane down with a Lou Thesz Press, followed by the F-U Elbow. Austin with a belt shot to the face, but Kane no sells. Austin nails him again, then rips the buckle off one of the corners. Austin with toundhouse rights, but Kane blocks being sent into the steel. Kane with a knee to the midsection, followed by a series of roundhouse rights. Kane takes Austin down, and begins choking away as the crowd chants for Austin. Austin comes back with a clothesline and rights. Irish whip is reversed, and Kane goes for the Tombstone, but Austin slides out, and dumps Kane over the top rope. Kane lands on his feet though, and drags Austin out, who returns the favor with rights and rams Kane into the steel steps. The Cell lowers down (probably the same guy who raised the briefcase at the 1999 KOTR... Pez Whatley) as Kane rams Austin into the security rail. Irish whip, and Austin gets sent into the steel steps. The cell continues coming down as Austin gets whipped face first into the cell. Kane tries holding Austin under the cell, but he holds it up with super man strength. Kane continues beating on Austin and chokes away as we get a unadvertised second Hell In A Cell Match. Kane pounds away with rights and rams Austin into the cage. Kane whips Austin again into the ring seps, and nearly takes out a camera man with him, as we get a shot of a cut across the back of Austin. Austin rams Kane face first into the cell doorway, then stomps a mudhole as the cage is raised up again, taking Kane with him, until Austin punches him off. Kane chokes though and gets dropped on his ass. Austin rams Kane into the security rails several times as we see some ugly guys with painted faces in the crowd. the action continues going up the aisle as Austin tries for a piledriver, but Kane back drops him on the concrete to reverse. Kane sends Austin into the steel now, and hammers him up the miniature ramp. Kane drops a series of elbows across the chest and throat of Austin, but he comes back with knees to the midsection. Austin tries a suplex, but thats blocked and Kane takes him over with one of his own. Kane with a boot to the side of the head as the action continues going all over the place. Austin eats one of the stage lights, and Kane slams an entire security rail across his back. The action finally goes back to the ring, where the cell continues to play "lets make a deal." Austin sends Kane into the exposed turnbuckle several times and chokes him across the middle rope for a sit down splash. Austin dumps Kane outside and back up the aisle we go before Austin drags him back and rams him into the rail and a steel chair. Austin grabs J.R's fan and bashes Kane across the face with it WITH AUTHORITY~! Kane fights back and choke tosses Austin into Hebner, who takes a good smash into the rail. Back inside the ring we go, and Kane comes off the top rope with a clothesline. Kane hammers away on Austin and goes back to the top rope again, but Austin side steps, causing Kane to land face first on the canvas. Kane eats steel again, and Austin with some mudhole stomping. Austin continues ramming Kane into the exposed buckle as we get a shot of the gasoline bottles conveniently marked "Gasoline." Somehow, Mick Foley runs out (or trots) with a steel chair, but Austin fights back as the Cell lowers again. Stunner to Mankind, then a low blow and Stunner to Kane! Austin goes for the chair as Undertaker comes out now, and a conchairto goes wrong as Undertaker smashes the chair into Austins chair and into his skull. Undertaker and Foley brawl some more as we see Austin is wearing a crimson mask. Undertaker throws Hebner into the ring and drenches him in "Gasoline" (probably water), but then gets dropped by a Kane chair shot. Austin avoids the chair with boots, then comes off the second rope with a clothesline. Austin grabs the chair from the death grip of Kane and bashes him across the face, burt Hebner sees the blood and calls for the bell at 14:51, making Kane the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion! *1/2 The match was your typical Main Event Brawl, except Austin was suffering from a high tempature and some kind of problem that lead to him being hospitalized for several days (I notice a very large bandage job on his right elbow), and Kane is no Mick Foley, but very capable. However, the match allowed very little creativity since the object wasn't to pin your opponent. Still... mark out moment city for me, as Kane became the first (and to this day) only masked man to win the WWF Championship. Too bad it only lasted for 25 hours, 21 minutes, and 44 seconds.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Kane & Mankind © (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. The New Age Outlaws:
From a July '98 episode of Raw is War, with the Undertaker and Steve Austin acting as special ringside enforcers. That's just begging for some foul play to occur. I'm pretty sure these teams wrestled twice that night, with the first time being a title change, but I'm not sure. Anyway, this is Joined in Progress with Mankind stomping a a mudhole in Road Dogg's mouth. Road Dogg tries going for the tag, but Mankind prevents by raking the face. He gets stuck in the heels corner, and we get some double teaming. Kane tags in to hammer away on Road Dogg with rights. Side suplex by Kane, and he heads up to the top rope and comes off with the flying clothesline for a two count. J.R. confirms the comment about the titles changing hands earlier in the night. Mankind comes back in and takes Road Dogg down with a swinging neck breaker for another two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Road Dogg applies a sleeper hold. Mankind escapes by ramming R.D. into the corner, and in comes Kane again to work him over. R.D. eats some buckle and Mankind tags rigjht back in. Billy Gunn comes in illegally to pound Mankind while Road Dogg is choked... what the? Mankind is whipped into the referee, and Gunn nails a splash on the referee when Mankind moved out of the way. All hell is breaking loose! Kane with a headbutt to Dogg, and Dogg counters with a low blow. Road Dogg with an inside cradle, but Undertaker pulls Austin out from making the count. Kane is up now and plants Road Dogg with a chokeslam, and now Austin pulls Undertaker from counting the fall. Kane attacks Austin and Mankind goes for Undertaker, and it's a giant schmozz at 4:00. 1/2* Not much of a match, and the full version probably wasn't much better. In comes the Nation to hammer on the Outlaws, and now here'd the rest of D-Generation X. Austin lays out Kane with a stunner, Undertaker takes out Trips with a chokeslam, Henry is stunnered, Gunn is stunnered, Owen is chokeslamed, Brown is stunnered, and X-Pac runs like a bitch. Surprise!
- Highlights from the Raw before Fully Loaded '98. Undertaker was booked in a handicap match against Kane and Mankind, but left the building, so Austin was put in his place. Late in the match, Undertaker comes to the ring with a chair and goes into the unoccupied corner of Austin. He swings... and nails Kane with the chair, causing a DQ. Austin then lays Mankind out with the chair, and Undertaker as well, just incase.
- Video Package for Austin/Undertaker vs. Kane/Mankind for Fully Loaded 1998. We get highlights of Austin/Kane swapping the World Title, Undertaker causing destruction (with highlights from the HIAC Match vs. Mankind), and the teased relationship between the Undertaker and Kane. Who's in who's corner? Who knows! I doubt even the bookers knew at this point, since Russo was with the company in a strong position.
- Kane, Mankind, and Paul Bearer come to the ring to eat up PPV time with a Promo. The New Age Outlaws interrupt and demand a title shot, which leads to a pull-apart brawl. Got to love how WWF seems to build up other PPV's on another PPV. And really, judging by the result of the main event, this was kind of a waste of time, wasn't it?
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Kane & Mankind © (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Steve Austin & The Undertaker:
I've never been a big fan of this match, despite being a fan of almost everyone in it, so excuse me while I slack off. During the show, it was announced that if the Undertaker didn't appear, his suitable replacement would be.... The Brooklyn Brawler. Gotta love that "so-and-so didn't show up until a few minutes ago" part, despite everyone knowing the wrestlers show up to the arena at like 9 in the morning. I just noticed that Undertaker has yet ANOTHER remix of his theme music here. Jesus, the guy has been around for years with the same thing, except the melody speeds up and slows down about 56 different versions of them. Austin and Undertaker confront each other in the aisle, and here comes the heels: Austin/Kane and Mankind/Taker pair up, which is the same for almost the entire match, except Austin fights anyone. Austin flips the bird at 'Taker and pounds away on Mankind. He introduces Mankind into the buckle, but gets kicked in the face. Austin comes back with a clothesline and takes him over with a suplex. Wristlocks are countered and Austin escapes with a thumb to the eye. Mankind rams Austin into the knee of Kane, and in comes the big guy in red... not Santa Claus, to stomp a mudhole in Austin. Irish whip, and Austin bounces off the ropes with the Lou Thesz Press, followed by the F-U elbow. Irish whip, and Austin goes for the stunner, but Kane bails, being the smartest heel of the night. Austin follows out and clotheslines Kane in the aisle. Austin takes care of both men while Undertaker looks on. Back in the ring, and Undertaker tags in to work the arm of Kane. Undertaker with a series of shoulderblocks and a russian leg sweep, then flips Austin off in return for earlier. Mankind tags in, but runs into some punches. Irish whip to the corner and Undertaker nails the Stinger Splash. Repeat. Undertaker with a wristlock and it's time to go Old School. Undertaker runs into an elbow, and now Mankind gets some blows in. He rams 'Taker into the corner, but Undertaker isn't selling tonight, and continues to mop the floor with Mankind. Kane tags in and plants Undertaker with the Chokeslam. Kane with an elbow across the chest, followed by some stomping. Kane goes into a... something. Looks like a face rake from the camel clutch position. Kane with some choking in the corner. Irish whip to the corner WITH AUTHORITY, and Mankind tags back in to continue the punching. Mankind pounds Undertaker down to the canvas and connects with a running knee to the face. Undertaker comes back again, but Mankind nails Sweet Shin Music and the Double Arm DDT. Austin breaks up the cover at the count of two. Cactus Jack Clothesline takes the action to the floor, and Kane puts Undertaker down with a running forearm. Mankind tries the apron elbow drop, but Austin knocks him off onto the announcers table, but it doesn't break! Undertaker with a back drop on Mankind now, and Kane again puts Undertaker down, this time with a clothesline. Undertaker is sent into the steel steps and back into the ring. Irish whip and Undertaker comes off with a DDT on Mankind. Austin gets the questionable hot tag and beats on Kane with rights. Mankind gets a mudhole stomping for his trouble, and then one for Kane. Undertaker clotheslines Mankind over the top rope, and Austin with a splash across the middle rope on Kane. Austin with a steel chair, and hits a home run off of Kane's face for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Kane boots Austin down (although Austin got his hands up and it missed by a foot because of it). Kane dumps Austin over the top rope, and Mankind is there to pick up the pieces. Kane comes out to slam Austin across the security rail as we get Instant Replay of the chairshot. Give Kane the mask again so he can do the unprotected blow again. Anyway, back inside, Mankind chokes Austin across the bottom rope. Kane tags back in and returns the mudhole stomping from earlier. Irish whip to the corner and Austin does the Sean Waltman sell of bouncing off and landing on his face. Kane with some face raking and an elbow drop. Austin comes out of the corner with a clothesline and some last ditch offense. Irish whip is reversed, and Kane puts him back down with a back elbow. Mankind tags back in to stomp-stomp-stomp. Elbow drop to the back of the head by Mankind gets a two count. Mankind applies a version of a sleeper hold, the first actual resthold of the match. Austin fights free and a double-clothesline puts both men down. Kane gets the tag and shoves off Undertaker to piss him off. Scoop slam and leg drop by Kane gets a two count, and the heels double team Austin in the corner with double-foot-choking. Irish whip, and Kane grabs the goozle. The Chokeslam is executed, but Mankind wants to Spike Piledriver him. Austin rolls free and nails the desperation Stunner on Kane! Mankind comes in to apply the Mandible Claw, and another Stunner puts him down, and now all three are out of it. Undertaker gets the "let me think for a minute" hot tag and cleans house. Big boot and low blow to Mankind and a Chokeslam to Kane. Another Chokeslam to Mankind. Kane sits up, and walks right into the Tombstone Piledriver. Austin takes out Mankind and Undertaker covers Kane for the three count and Tag Titles (to a pretty big pop) at 17:29. Let me try and get a fair rating here... whenever Undertaker was in the ring, it was pretty bad, and maybe *. When Austin was in, the action picked up and the crowd came alive, so call those portions **1/2. Combine the two ratings and it comes out as *3/4, which sounds right to me. Still a boring match, but the crowd being hot kept me into it for the most part. Undertaker takes both Tag Belts, for some reason, and I can't for the life of me remember what happend from there.
- From the August 24th, 1998 episode of Raw is War, and we find out that the Undertaker and Kane are on the same page. J.R. naturally fucks up and says "Kane and Mankind" instead of "Kane and the Undertaker." This brings Vince McMahon out (before he had theme music, and real heat) to say he told everyone so. Now out comes Paul Bearer to get some answers from Kane, but of course he can't talk. Undertaker cleans his clock as Kane turns his back on him. Here comes Mankind now to keep the segment going, and he plays bullet-proof vest for Bearer, willingly taking an ass kicking. A Spike Tombstone Piledriver puts him down and stretchered out.
- Hell in a Cell Match:
Mankind vs. Kane (w/ The Undertaker):
From the same show as the previous segment, and if memory serves correct, the only OFFICIAL Hell in a Cell Match to be broadcasted on cable instead of Pay-Per-View. Both men are co-holders of the Tag Team Titles and are scheduled to defend them against the New Age Outlaws at SummerSlam, but since Russo is booking, we just get fucked out of that match. I remembert giving this match a VERY generous rating last time, so let's see how well it holds up. Mankind off the bat tries going up the cage, but the referees pull him down, resulting in them getting their butts whooped. Kane comes out now and gets the door slammed in his face a few times. Mankind with a running knee to the face, and now he tries going up the cage on the opposite side. Undertaker stops it this time, and pulls Mankind off and has him crash through the spanish announcers table! Eh... it lost it's impact, considering some stuff Foley has done, and it really wasn't necessary. Here comes Kane to pick up the remains of Foley. Kane rams him into the cell wall and bashes him with a piece of the table. They finally get in the ring, and the door is chained shut from the inside. Kane stomps on Foley and slams the door on his face, before that, though. Into the ring they go, and Kane brings the steel steps with him. Kane bashes them into the shoulder of Mankind, and then another shot across the back. Mankind rolls outside to get away from the punishment... and Kane follows out with a suicide dive!! OK, so he grabbed the ropes mid-jump, but hey, it's LUCHA-KANE!! Kane grabs the steps and throws them to the outside, but Mankind has disappeared. He emerges from the other side and bashes Kane good with the steel chair, and then another shot across the back. Mankind sprinkles the bag of thumbtacks in the corner, and Kane clotheslines Mankind's head into the 45th row. Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Mankind blocks by trying the claw. Mankind hammers away on Kane and nails the wedgie piledriver, resulting in Kane landing ass-first onto the thumbtacks! HE'S HARDCORE! HE'S HARDCORE! HE'S HARDCORE! Mankind goes up to the top, and Kane plays T-Ball with Mankind's head and the steel chair. Kane with the goozle, and the Chokeslam is academic. Kane scoops up Mankind and plants him with the Tombstone Piledriver. No cover though. Kane bashes Mankind good with a couple of more chair shots and does the Tombstone again, this time on the steel chair! ... and Austin comes in from under the apron to attack Kane, causing this to be a No Contest at around 5:00. LAME FINISH! Austin lays an ass-whooping on Kane. Austin with some mudhole stomping and the Stunner while Undertaker tries breaking in through the roof. Austin with a second stunner to end the segment. ** While I still enjoy this match a lot, and it pretty much is nothing but spots and zero dead periods once it gets into the ring, I can't in good taste say this was a 3-star match like I did last time. I could've done without the ultra-lame finish, as well.
Continues in the next post since the review is that big...
- Highlights of Mankind vs. the New Age Outlaws from SummerSlam. Kane no-shows as Mankind's partner (no shit, Sherlock), causing them to lose the Tag Titles. Afterwards, the NAO dump Mankind into the dumpster nearby, from which Kane emerges with a sledgehammer, and splatters the brains of Mankind (but we obviously don't see it). So, Triple H stole his water-spitting from Headbanger Mosh, and stole the Sledgehammer from Kane?
- Video Package for the Undertaker/Kane/Austin Match for Breakdown, a PPV name that didn't live on after 1998. Kane and Undertaker cause destruction, and Austin is set up as the underdog again because of the stipulation that the Undertaker can't pin Kane and Kane can't pin the Undertaker to win the match. Austin must be involved, gosh darnit! Anyway, most fans probably expected Austin to overcome the odds once more... but even the WWF knew back then when to show someone isn't completely invinsible.
- Highlights of the World Title Match from Breakdown, with (of course) Steve Austin defending against Kane and the Undertaker in a "Triple Threat Match." Kane and Undertaker seemed to working together for the most part until the pinning of Austin came into question, and thus they started turning on each other, resulting in double teaming with Austin and fighting each other. They were able to settle their differences to nail a Double Chokeslam, but both men pinned Austin, and we get no decision as the PPV Ended.
- Highlights from Raw the next night. After Austin interrupted the title ceremony by laying out McMahon despite 50 rent-a-cops and the Undertaker and Kane being with him. McMahon, pissed off Irish guy he is, puts Kane and 'Taker in a match for the World Title at Judgment Day (then held in October), with AUSTIN as the Special Referee. McMahon runs his mouth, flips them both the bird... and, well, you know. Kane and 'Taker beat the shit out of McMahon and break his ankle with the ring steps. STICK IT TO THE MAN! Kane might be the only person not named Steve Austin allowed to beat up every McMahon.
- MORE Highlights, this time from Judgment Day '98, with Kane vs. the Undertaker. Austin, of course, is hardly the fairest referee in the world, and we find that out about 30 seconds into the match. The full-version of this match REALLY sucked, which is funny since you have two guys with the same ring style, and they wrestled each other COUNTLESS Times. Clips of Undertaker being thrown around and no-selling, and Austin doing really fat counts or no counts period. To quote Jim Ross, this was "bowling shoe ugly." Cut to the finish and Paul Bearer makes his return... after being gone for a whopping 7 weeks. In a "surprising" turn of events, Paul Bearer turns on Kane by hitting him with a chair, and reforming his alliance with the Undertaker. Uh-huh... anyway, both men are down, Austin counts both down, and declares himself champion. This sets up the 14-Man Tournament at Survivor Series '98.
- Kane vs. Edge (w/ Gangrel & Christian):
From the November 9th, 1998 episode of Raw is War, during Kane's "I don't know what to do" phase that WWE would recycle every other month for him, it seems. Earlier in the night, Kane ran in during a X-Pac/Undertaker match and shot a fireball in X-Pac's face (while aiming for Undertaker). You can tell his glove was gimmicked, since it was like a foot longer and stuck in a certain position. Edge had turned heel (for the first time) two weeks before when helping Gangrel and Christian do a beatdown on Kane. I have a contract to say this in all of their matches: Gangrel/The Brood had the most awesome entrance ever. Kane brings a torch and a can of "gasoline" with him. Now we get highlights from last week as Kane chokeslams everyone in his path (except Terri Runnels, who was "pregnant."). Edge tries a sneak attack, but is put down with a big boot. Choke lift and slam by Kane, and he sends Edge to the turnbuckle for some punishment. Choking from Kane. Irish whip and Edge boots Kane in the face. Edge sends Kane outside with a clothesline, but it's not sold, and Kane pulls him outside and rams him into a lot of stuff. Kane slams Edge across the security wall, and we head back in the ring. Edge with some token offense, but Kane isn't in the mood tonight. Irish whip to the corner and Kane catches Edge coming out weith a scoop slam. Edge rolls away from the elbow drop and punches more. Edge tries a hurricanrana, but Kane blocks with a Powerbomb. Kane sets Edge up on the top turnbuckle, but Christian causes a distraction. Edge with a missile dropkick, but Kane still won't sell. DDT by Edge is also no-sold. In your bucktoothed canadian face, Edge! Kane cleans his clock some more and sends him flying. Kane sets Edge across the top rope, jumps up to the top rope, and comes off with a forearm across the back! Kane sends Christian off the apron then press slams Edge onto Gangrel.. except Gangrel was too far away, so Edge just lands on the floor. Payback for nearly killing a Los Boricua with a botched sunset flip thing during his debut. Kane heads outside and throws Christian into the wall. Kane runs up the stairs and comes off with a flying clothesline to Edge! Gangrel eats wall now and Edge is thrown back in the ring. Christian and Gangrel attack, but Kane no sells. Edge connects with a suicide dive, and it's a triple team outside, drawing the DQ at 4:28. Back into the ring, and Kane floors Edge with a short-arm clothesline. Christian jumps off the top rope and gets caught with a Chokeslam. Gangrel takes a Chokeslam. A Chokeslam to Edge, and a Chokeslam to the referee gives Kane the cycle. He piles all of them up in the middle of the ring and dumps the can of gasoline all over them... but a bunch of Road Agents and Referee's prevent the torch from being lit, resulting in the crowd booing the decision. * Match was nothing more than a lot of punching and cool spots (although the last minute or so really ruled), but the post match stuff had me (and everyone in the arena) marking out, so I gave it a 1/4* boost. Sadly (HA!) I don't have the Survivor Series '98 match with the Undertaker, but you can guess it sucked.
- Highlights from a December '98 episode of Raw is War. Austin and Kane somehow form an Alliance to beat up the Undertaker, then take their actions out on Paul Bearer. Isn't it illegal for Kane to beat up his father like that!? After a lot of nonsense, they take the action outside when Kane and Austin proceed to dump Paul Bearer into an open manhole... HEAD FIRST. Ew... Well, I guess I can predict who booked THAT, too. Vince something-or-other...
- The Highlights CONTINUE PART DEUX! Austin and Undertaker are having a bad Buried Alive Match (bad being the understatement of the review), which goes on FOREVER. After a lot of nothing and Michael Cole sounding like an idiot (what, are you surprised?) Who should appear, decked out in a red suit? Not Santa Claus... damn, I used the same joke twice in one review. Anyway, Kane runs in, beats up Undertaker, puts him in the open grave, and Austin wins. 1 minute explanation for 30 minutes of suck. Since I don't have the next particular episode of Raw, Kane was locked in an insane asylum until Vince McMahon bailed him out... only under the conditions that Kane do whatever he says. OOOOH! BLACKMAIL! I LOVE IT!
- Pat Patterson & Gerald Brisco vs. Mystery Opponent:
From the January 4th, 1999 episode of Raw. The Stooges come out with Shane McMahon (selling a beating from earlier) and Kane, who's wearing a sign on his back promoting the Brisco Body Shop, and being mocked by the Stooges. The opponent for Brisco and Patterson... is KAAAAAAAAANE~! Sorry, had to do it just once in this review. They protest the match, of course. Out comes Vince McMahon to tell the Stooges they'll pay for what they let happen to Shane the previous week (when Mankind kicked his ass). Kane goozles Brisco then does the "I twist your hand" spot. Patterson offers Kane a cigarette and a condom! Brisco tries a cheap shot, but Kane doesn't sell and kicks his ass, culminating in a Chokeslam. Patterson grabs a steel chair... then unfolds it for Kane when he turns and sees him. Kane field goal kicks the chair out of the ring (DANGEROUS!) and Patterson is another Chokeslam victim. Kane crotches Brisco on the ring post and drops an elbow on Patterson's crotch. Kane goes for Shane, but Vince calls him off. No match I guess, but it was funny.
- And the parade of Highlights returns! From the 1999 Royal Rumble (a.k.a the Worst Rumble Match ever, by a long-long-long-long-long distance from the other crappy ones). Al Snow, Goldust, the Godfather and Kurrgan are the 1999 version cannon fodder for Kane, but then he stupidly goes over the top rope to go after the guys in the white coats carrying nets. No one ever accused him of being the brightest bulb in the lunch box.
- X-Pac vs. Kane (w/ Chyna):
First, we get highlights from Raw two weeks ago where X-Pac cheated to help Triple H win a Steel Cage Match against Kane. This is from the special Raw Saturday Night, the night before St. Valentine's Day Massacre. X-Pac is currently the WWF European Champion, but this is non-title, and even if it wasn't, we already know who left the match as the Champion. Kane throws X-Pac in the corner, but X-Pac keeps booting him in the face. X-Pac with a series of rights and kicks, but a spinning heel kick is caught and Kane connects with the spinebuster. Kan works X-Pac over in the corner and whips him across the ring. Kane hip-tosses X-Pac across the ring. X-Pac tries a comeback, but gets choked down in the corner. Short-arm clothesline by Kane, and X-Pac again tries a comeback. Kane prevents that with a knee to the face, followed by a hard scoop slam. X-Pac gets dumped out of the ring, and Kane follows to slam X-Pac across the security wall. Kane sets X-Pac against the ring post and grabs the steel steps, and that results in Kane bashing himself with the steps. Back into the ring, and X-Pac works on Kane with kicks and dropkicks him off the apron. X-ac uses his speed to keep the momentum in his favor and takes Kane down for a moment with a basement dropkick. X-Pac goes for the X-Factor, but Cyna runs in for the DQ at 2:59. Kane clotheslines X-Pac back into 1998 and Chyna adds a slam, a.k.a the only move she can do on men without botching it. Triple H makes the save. 3/4* Match was extremely rushed, but from what was there (and history of the two), this could've been a good match, but a las, Russo booking limited every match to 2-3 minutes (at most). Later in the night, Kane got DQ'ed about 4 seconds into his portion of the Gauntlet Match against Steve Austin, so I won't waste my time.
- "Last Monday" on Raw is War, a.k.a the week before WrestleMania XV. Kane is scheduled for a match with TAFKA TAFKA Goldust... but something isn't right. Most notably, Dustin Rhodes looks like his nose grew three sizes that day. Oh wait, that's Triple H dressed up like Goldust! He whips something out of his robe... a "flamethrower", and shoots it off into Kane's face! For you see, Kane accidentally shot a fireball into Chyna's face the week before, thanks to a special recap. Funny, since leading up to WM XIV, Goldust dressed up as Triple H for no real reason.
- Triple H vs. Kane:
From WrestleMania XV, and part of the completely retarded angle about Kane hooking up with Chyna and Chyna turning on D-X because they were "holding her back", despite never actually showing any signs of importance within the company other than lacky to Triple H. I forgot... Russo. How silly of me. Before the match, the San Diego Chicken attacks Kane... but of course, Kane won't sell, and unmasks him to be Pete Rose. If you saw WrestleMania XIV (or read earlier in the review), you know what happens. So that's two mascots Kane got to beat down on television. Uh... why is Kane's music playing again? HE JUST ENTERED THE RING FOR HIS MATCH! Trips comes in through the crowd and low blows Kane before the bell. Kane shoves Triple H off from the corner, but we get more punching from HHH. Kane with a boot to the head, but Triple H back drops him out of the ring. Kane drags Trips out and hammers away. Kane misses a short-arm clothesline, wrapping his arm around the ring post in the process. HHH whips Kane hard into the ring steps. Trips with a running high knee knocks Kane back to the outside, and a baseball slide sends Kane crashing into the security wall. Triple H rams Kane into stuff and they go back into the ring. Irish whip is reversed and Kane with a big boot. Trips gets dumped over the top WITH AUTHORITY! Jesus, this match is boring. Trips goes to the ring steps, so Kane choke lifts him off and crotches Trips across the security wall. Kane clotheslines Triple H into the crowd, onto the Mean Street Posse. Kane slams HHH's back into the ring post a few times... please, end this. Once again back into the ring, and the pace slows down even more. HHH sells being whipped into the corner like it really hurts. Kane pounds Trips down to the canvas, and at this point, I can go through websites inbetween each notable move. More punching and kicking, more ignoring from me. Triple H comes back with punches, but Kane choke throws him over the top rope. Kane with a plancha, but Trips, champion of the year he is, doesn't know where to stand, so Kane pretty much misses but doesn't. See: Undertaker from No Way Out 2003. Back into the ring, and Trips throws Kane off the top rope by the arm to break the momentum of Kane. Trips tries another comeback, and it takes two knees to the face to put Kane down. Out comes Chyna, because we need runnning in from someone. Kane goes for a Tombstone, but Trips slips free and goes for the Pedigree. Kane escapes with a double leg sweep and drops an elbow across the chest. Chyna puts the ring steps into the ring for no reason. Kane grabs the steps, giving him a chance to have them kicked back into his face. Drop toe hold onto the steps by Triple H. Does this match have ANY actual flow to it? Trips clotheslines Kane out of the ring, and we again play ring-around-the-ring. Stuff happens, I don't care. Back-back-back into the ring, and Kane nails the Chokeslam. Chyna brings a chair into the ring now, and in a swerve everyone saw coming, she bashes Kane with it, drawing the DQ at 11:34, and turning face in the process. Kane doesn't sell of course. If by reading this review you have no idea what the hell happend during this match, you're not alone. I wrote it, watched the match, and still don't. 1/4* Because I have a heart, and don't want to give a DUD... yet. Trips push-kills Kane onto the steel chair for good measure. Trips and Chyna turned heel no more than 15 minutes after this, and you shouldn't be surprised, since Russo is booking, and he's known to book people turning about 50 times per show.
- Sometime after Backlash '99 (featuring X-Pac jobbing to Triple H despite interference from Kane), the unlikely duo of Kane and X-Pac won the Tag Titles... and speaking of Kane and X-Pac, here's an interview from them. Highlights from the the last week episode of Raw show Kane, post-Blood Bath from the Brood, chokeslamming X-Pac for no reason. He did so again later that night after X-Pac called him out for his actions. No answers are really given, so we just go to the ring for the next match of the broadcast.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Kane & X-Pac © vs. The New Age Outlaws:
From the Pilot episode of Smackdown! on April 29th, 1999. Yay, time for the battle of best friends, which would be X-Pac and the Outlaws, who still comprised the remaining members of D-Generation X. Kane and X-Pac get seperate entrances, so no cool double Pyro FX. Kane must hold a record for different teammates to win the Tag Titles with. Off the top of my head, he's won them with Mankind, X-Pac, The Undertaker, The Hurricane, and Rob Van Dam. "Ironically" enough, he's feuded with 4 of the 5, and squashed the other because he's a Cruiserweight. Gunn isn't in the mood to play the Catchphrase Sing-a-long Game... FORSHADOWING~! X-Pac and Road Dogg start the match. Lockup, and X-Pac applies a standing side headlock, and turns it into a hammerlock. Road Dogg with a series of elbows to the face, but he runs into a spinning heel kick. Irish whip, and Dogg takes over X-Pac with a hip toss after some countering. Both men crotch chop at each other, so Gunn tags in for some face-to-face. Kane pulls X-Pacs hair and tags himself in for some ass kicking. Gunn with jabs in the corner, so Kane chokes him and throws Gunn into the corner for his own punches. Irish whip, and Kane with a clothesline, followed by a leg drop for a two count. Kane continues the beating on Gunn, who does a half-assed flair flip in the corner. Gunn ducks a clothesline and hammers on the right arm of Kane. Kane drops him with a short-arm clothesline drops Gunn again, and Kane reluctantly tags out to X-Pac. Gunn drops him with a shoulder block, and connects with a pathetic looking dropkick. Dogg and Gunn argue over double teaming. Road Dogg applies an armbar as the match slows down some more, depsite X-Pac being the one in the ring. Gunn comes back in and nails his diving splash in the corner, but misses a second attempt and eats ring post. Kane gets the hot tag and continues making Gunn his bitch for the night. Irish whip, and Kane with a big boot. Road Dogg comes in and does his signature jabs. Double dropkick by the NAO drops Kane, and Road Dogg with the Shake Rattle N' Roll knee drop. Kane no sells though, boots Gunn, and double goozles Dogg and X-Pac. Gunn stomps away to prevent it, but Kane double clotheslines the Outlaws off of an irish whip. Bronco Buster to Road Dogg misses. Kane whips Gunn to the ropes, but gets a low blow from Dogg, and Gunn nails the Fameasser for a two count. Gunn and Dogg continue having problems. Kane knocks Dogg into Gunn, who was press slamming X-Pac, and X-Pac falls on top for the victory at 7:01. 3/4* Quite a sloppy, overbooked mess to finish the match. I honestly can't explain what the hell happend there, but the rest of the match wasn't bad enough to warrant complaining. This would lead to Gunn turning heel on Road Dogg about a week later, triggering one of the worst failed pushes since King Mabel.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Kane & X-Pac © vs. The Brood (w/ Christian):
From the Special episode of Raw on May 24th, 1999. I don't feel comfortable giving star ratings to anything from this show, but what they hell, it's only one time. Kane and X-Pac retained the titles the night before at the PPV no one remembers anything but one incident from, by defeating D'Lo Brown and Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry. Back in 1999, I was really digging the team of X-Pac and Kane, and kinda was hoping Kane would "D-X" himself by trading in the red for green on his ring attire to fit in better. Gangrel and Edge will represent the team, but we all know someone will switch places. X-Pac and Edge start, with X-Pac scaring Edge with his mock-karate. X-Pac with a standing side headlock, and turned into a hammerlock. Edge counters and turns it into a headlock. edge with a shoulder block, and a spinning heel kick "connects" (a.k.a misses pretty clearly). Edge with a series of rights, and now back to the headlock. Irish whip and Edge with another shoulder block. This time the crisscross leads to X-Pac flooring Edge with a spinning heel kick. Gangrel tags in, as does Kane. Kane with a boot to the midsection, and the Brood comes together for a double DDT. Kane no sells and hammers on Edge. Irish whip, and Kane with a tilt-o-whirl back breaker. Gangrel bounces off the ropes and is put back down with a back suplex. Another back breaker to Christian this time, and a choke lift takes Edge into the corner for some punishment. X-Pac tags in with his signature kicks, and he takes a cheap shot at Gangrel on the apron. Christian and Gangrel beat X-Pac back into the ring. Irish whip to the corner, and Edge misses a splash. Enziguri by X-Pac, and both teams tag again. Kane comes in with a clothesline off the top to Gangrel. Irish whip and a big boot to edge. Another to Gangrel, and a clothesline to Edge. Christian is taken out again, and X-Pac with the Bronco Buster to Edge. 5 years later, and that would be Lita. Kane chokeslams Gangrel, then press slams X-Pac onto Gangrel for the victory at 4:03. * Fun match, but no real substance, and just everyone hitting big moves leading up to the finish. That's the best you could expect from everyone on this particular night. My tape collection really dies for the next few months, so we pick things up in August of 1999.
- From the 8/8/99 Heat. Backstage Road Dogg and Kane are talking strategy for their match tonight against the Acolytes. Actually, Road Dogg talks strategy while Kane stands there playing with himself. I'm guessing X-Pac was selling injuries this week which explains why he isn't Kane's partner. We get highlights from a few weeks ago courtesy of the Slam of the Week or whatever, and it's Big Show and Undertaker destroying X-Pac.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
The Acolytes © vs. Road Dogg & Kane:
From the August 8th, 1999 episode of Sunday Night Heat. I know right now that this match isn't going to be pretty, so let's hope they keep it short (and knowing the booking at the time, it will be). Just so you know, yes, Road Dogg does know what city he is in for the show. Road Dogg even creates a new opening to suit his partner. The Acolytes run in before the match starts though, and as usual, Kane makes the big "face saves his partner from trouble" entrance as the Acolytes nail a double team neckbreaker on Road Dogg. Kane takes a beating from both men, but he takes down Bradshaw with a clothesline, and Faarooq eats boot. Another clothesline sends Bradshaw out, as does one to Faaroow. Bradshaw back in with some pounding, but he runs into a side suplex as we see Road Dogg dead outside the ring. Kane follows out for Faarooq and rams him into the steel steps. Kane drops Bradshaw across the top rope and nails a top rope clothesline as Hardcor eholly comes out. Faarooq clips the knee and Bradshaw nails the clothesline from hell. Hardcore Holly tags in as Kane's "partner" and stomps away in the corner... but no DQ? Kane no sells though, but the Acolytes double team him. Holly now hammers on Faarooq and clotheslines Bradshaw. Now Holly takes a beating, and is given a double team powerbomb for his troubles. Kane and Holly take some stomping from the Acolytes as Road Dogg tries getting back in. Open shots on Kane from Faarooq as we see the Undertaker and Big Show watching backstage. I guess you can call this a No Contest at 3:00 since we cut backstage to The Rock WALKING~! and don't go back to the match. Call it a * again, because it was an entertaining brawl, but again, and to no surprise, there was no kind of substance. Have I ever said I really hated Vince Russo and his horrible ideas on how to book television matches (or matches in general, for that matter)? Sometime after this (the next night?), Kane and X-Pac won the Tag Titles from the Acolytes, making this match pointless.
- Recap for Kane/X-Pac vs. Undertaker/Show. Highlights of Undertaker and Show basically squashing X-Pac and Kane at every chance they could on Raw for the last couple of weeks. This was really the beginning of "Kane is showing emotion" storyline that pretty much made the character a wuss for the remainder of the year, as he shows compassion for X-Pac, then breaks kayfabe by calling in "Sean", no doubt told to do so by Russo. I can't complain otherwise, since this time frame was probably the best and least offensive storyline given to Kane that didn't revolve around out-of-this-world gimmick matches and incidents.
- X-Pac and Kane Interview. Everyone thinks they are the underdogs of the match, but X-Pac refuses to believe so. Of course, he does all of the talking, since Kane still couldn't at this point in his career, another thing that WWF managed to fuck up. Then he barely spoke with a voice box, and now he speaks perfectly clean english without questioning.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Kane & X-Pac © vs. The Undertaker & Big Show (w/ Paul Bearer):
From SummerSlam 1999, and the final match on the tape... Thank GOD. I thought it would never end. Just think... I have 4 more tapes like this, and this was probably the best one! Kane has the uber-cool "Road Uniform" as I like to put it, consisting of black with red instead of the red with black he wore for every match up to this point. Oh, and Undertaker has yet another version of his theme music here. Jesus... Unless everyone feels like busting ass and/or X-Pac does the carry-job of a life-time, I wouldn't count on this being that good. Kane and X-Pac go after the challengers before the bell. Undertaker dominates X-Pac while Kane pounds away on Show. Undertaker and Show double team Kane in the corner. Irish whip to the corner, but Kane ducks a Show clothesline and puts Undertaker down with his own. X-Pac comes off the top with a cross body on Undertaker for a two count. X-Pac with a series of rights, but one shot by the Undertaker puts him down. Undertaker with a headbutt, followed by a wristlock being applied. Undertaker jerks the arm of X-Pac, but misses a short-arm clothesline. X-Pac hits and runs until Kane tags in to beat on Undertaker in the corner. X-Pac gets his shots in while Kane scares the referee. Kane with a clothesline sending Undertaker outside, and X-Pac comes off the apron with a sledge. X-Pac tells Undertaker to suck it, so Undertaker elbows him down. Goozle by Undertaker, but Kane saves him from the Chokeslam and elbows Undertaker off the apron. Kane slams Undertaker into the announcers table and boots Big Show down. Kane heads up to the top rope with the flying clothesline. I noticed Kane lost a lot of distance on that over the years. Big Show drags Kane out of the ring, but Kane won't sell for him tonight. Undertaker comes back with a DDT on Kane, but he sits up from it. Big Show tags in to work over Kane in the corner. Weird... Kane has won Tag Titles with all three of these guys. Irish whip across the ring, but Show runs into an elbow. Kane bounces off the ropes, and runs right into a big boot from Show. He sits up after taking an elbow drop, so Big Show chokes him down. Knee drops by Big Show across the chest of Kane, followed by an elbow across the back of the head. Irish whip, and Kane mounts a comeback with a boot to the face and roundhouse rights. Big Show ignores the blows though, and powerslams Kane for a two count. Undertaker tags back in to stomp away on Kane in the corner. I notice a sign that says www.Gerweck.com, for those that care. Kane comes out of the corner for a clothesline, but Undertaker ducks. They exchange roundhouse rights, with Undertaker winning that, and a double clothesline puts both men down. X-Pac tags in and hammers away on 'Taker. Irish whip is reversed, and X-Pac nails the spinning heel kick for a two count. X-Pac with a series of kicks to the chest, but Big Show yanks him down by the hair from the apron. Undertaker dumps X-Pac outside, and Show press slams him across the security wall. X-Pac is thrown back into the ring as Kane comes over to hammer on Show. Undertaker chokes X-Pac across the middle rope and nails an elbow across the throat. Undertaker atomic drop crotches X-Pac into the ring post, and here comes Kane to save the day again. Inside the ring, and Show drops a headbutt onto the walnuts of X-Pac. Show throws X-Pac around like a doll and drops a BIG knee onto the chest. Jumping elbow drop misses, and X-Pac is GREASE-RATTING UP~! He proceeds to jump into a bearhug. X-Pac escapes with some nose biting, but Show catches him with a chokeslam for a two count. Big Show calls for the Show Stopper, but Kane saves by punching Show in the nose and X-Pac adds a low-blow for good measure. Undertaker cuts off the hot tag, so X-Pac kicks him in the dick too, and in comes Kane. He drops Undertaker with several clotheslines and hammers away on both opponents. Charging clotheslines into the corner, and in comes X-Pac to send Undertaker outside with a spinning heel kick. X-Pac tries a cross body, but Undertaker catches. X-Pac escapes the grip of 'Taker to ram him into the ring post. In the meantime, Kane stomps a hellfire and brimstone mudhole in Show, and in comes X-Pac with the Bronco Buster! Undertaker pulls Kane outside and whips him into the ring steps. Big Show with the Showstopper on X-Pac, but it only gets two! Undertaker tags in because he's pissed off and beats on X-Pac. Tombstone Piledriver connects, and X-Pac is D-O-N-E at 12:02. ** While the wrestling was, of course, not very good, they told a pretty good story here with the Davids vs. Goliaths storyline, and everyone looked pretty motivated for the match, which is a surprise to me, since Big Show was pretty sluggish around this time, as was the Undertaker, while X-Pac was busting his ass it seemed to probably justify his position on the card. Of course, by that time next year, he really didn't give a damn.
Final Thoughts: The best way to describe this is to tell someone to watch a tape of nothing but Tito Santana matches from 1991-1993. While they were watchable-good, they were pretty much all rather boring or just didn't stand out as spectacular except for a few instances. Obviously I won't bother with recommendations, since everyone here is a Kane-hater, so I'll just wish myself luck in trying to get through the next tape without wanting to hang myself with christmas decorations.