Monday Night Raw
December 5th 2005
-Good Lord, I am so sick of “Across the Nation” as an opener song. Replace it already!
-Our hosts for the evening are Joey Styles and Jerry Lawler.
-WWE is acknowledging Ric Flair’s road rage arrest, and we will be a guest on the debut of the “Cutting Edge” which is yet another talk show segment, this time hosted by the frequently injured Edge.
-Vince McMahon drives a garbage truck out to the ring. Considering last week Vince threatened Eric Bischoff that he would “take out the garbage” I can only assume these two incidents are related. Also, Vince has apparently turned face. There are two podiums set up in the ring, as if there will be a debate. Vince takes a microphone and reminds the fans that he is taking out the trash. Vince wanted Bischoff to set a goal last week and accomplish it. Bischoff failed to do so. Vince calls out Eric Bischoff, surely for another round of “embarrass the guy who almost put me out of business because I now employ him.” Bischoff looks worried, and rightfully so. Bischoff takes a microphone and puts over his love of being Raw General Manager. Vince announces that tonight we will see the “trial of Eric Bischoff” along with Vince as the judge. Vince introduces Bischoff’s “lawyer” Jonathan Coachman. Coach is all dressed up, sporting “Johnny Cochrane sunglasses.” Coach takes a microphone and defends Bischoff by calling him an “asshole.” Coach puts Bischoff over as being ruthless and the reason Raw is “exciting” and even claims that Bischoff deserves a raise. The fans don’t agree. Vince goes on to introduce the prosecution… and it’s Mick Foley! Hurray! Foley comes out dressed up nicely as well. Foley states that “no one has done more to benefit Raw than Eric Bischoff.” However, Foley is referring to when Bischoff, years ago, on WCW Nitro gave away that Foley was winning the WWE Championship on Raw. Foley reminds us that when this announcement was made, half a million fans turned from Nitro to Raw, and never regained any grounding in the ratings war. Foley goes on to trash Bischoff and states that Bischoff has failed to ever entertain the general public. Vince and Foley have got to be loving this, the entire segment was the complete and total burial of Eric Bischoff, the man who once lead WCW to 80+ weeks of dominance in the ratings over the WWE. This was a different way to open the show and it only clocked in at about 13 minutes so it did not drag on either.
World Tag Team Championship: Big Show and Kane © vs Val Venis and Viscera vs The Heart Throbs vs Tyson Tomko and Gene Snitsky
The garbage truck is still parked out by the ring. This could get annoying. This is a fatal four way match and it’s pretty chaotic to begin with. Viscera catches Kane with a splash in the corner. Viscera turns around and walks right into Big Show. Kane and Show double team Viscera, hitting an ugly double Chokeslam. Snitsky charges into the ring and gets caught with a double big boot. Antonio of the Heart Throbs goes for a cross body off the ropes, but is caught by both of the champs. Show and Kane toss Antonio out, and go after Val Venis and Romeo. I’m not even sure who the legal men are supposed to be. I can only assume this is a “tornado” tag match. None of the three challenging teams are attempting to fight each other though, they just want to take out the two giants. Kane clotheslines Venis into the corner, and Show follows up with a Chokeslam attempt. Tomko hits a big boot on Show, and almost falls down. Romeo and Tomko get caught by, Kane. Show and Kane hit a triple Chokeslam on Romeo, Venis, and Tomko. This was a complete and utter squash match of two men destroying the sad remains of the tag team division on Raw. ¼* The match was only about three minutes.
Winners and STILL World Tag Team Champions: Big Show and Kane
-Backstage the trial of Eric Bischoff continues in a court room setting. Vince McMahon is the judge, and Chris Masters is guard. Foley calls his first witness, Stephanie McMahon. Foley asks Stephanie if Bischoff has conducted himself professionally as GM. Stephanie says that both she and Shane McMahon believe Bischoff should be removed. Stephanie brings forth some video footage. The clip is from the Smackdown Halloween party from 2002, where Bischoff showed up in a Vince McMahon costume, took it off, and forced a kiss on Stephanie. I remember when that angle first took place, it was extremely random and lead to nowhere. Finally, three years later, it amounts to something! Good job, WWE! Coach tries to object, but gets caught off by a vicious “SHUT UP” from Vince. This was actually pretty entertaining.
Mickie James (with Trish Stratus) vs Victoria (with Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson)
Jerry Lawler is still squealing about “puppies” in 2005… that’s just great. This whole feud between Trish/Mickie vs Victoria/Candice/Torrie seems to have stalled out with no progress or end in sight. Mickie hits a snapmare on Victoria and hits a drop kick and a senton to the face. Victoria tosses Mickie out of the ring to Candice and Torrie, who naturally attack her. Victoria catches Mickie and hits a powerslam and goes for a cover. Victoria slams Mickie’s face into the canvas, and hits some punches. Victoria lifts up Mickie for a scoop slam. Victoria stands on Mickie and hits a splash for another unsuccessful pinfall attempt. Victoria corners Mickie, and flips Mickie by the wrist. Victoria continues to work the arm of Mickie James, who fights back with some forearms. Mickie hits a nice spin kick, and some great hook shots. Victoria fails to regain her momentum and gets caught with a head scissors takedown from Mickie. Mickie gets a lateral press on Victoria for a 2 count. Torrie Wilson gets up on the apron to interfere, but Mickie tosses her into the ring and kicks away at her. Mickie gets a spin kick on Victoria, but Candice interferes. Trish leaps up to save Mickie from Candice, while Mickie gets rolled up for the 3 count by Victoria. That was fun while it lasted. ½* Mickie looks upset about losing, and seems a bit unhappy with Trish.
Winner: Victoria
-Back in the court room, Tajiri is testifying against Bischoff, with help from a translator. Tajiri states that he was a big star in Japan and in ECW, but that is ignored by Bischoff. What is this, everyone shoot on Bischoff night? Tajiri states that he hopes Bischoff gets fired. Coach states that they have no questions for Tajiri, but they have a request… and that is Tajiri get back into the arena because he has a match against Triple H! How evil is Bischoff, if you testify against him you get booked in an undesirable match! How delightfully ruthless! Tajiri tries to lunge at Bischoff, but Masters has him removed. Foley’s next witness is Mae Young (nooooooo!) accompanied by the Fabulous Moolah.
-After the break, Mae Young testifies that Eric Bischoff “has no penis.” Coach insists that there is no evidence of this. We then witness video footage of Mae Young forcing a kiss on Bischoff and then low blowing him. This footage is from Bad Blood 2003, as it continues with Young pulling down her pants and giving Bischoff a bronco-buster. Damn WWE for making me relive that nightmare. Coach responds by calling Chris Masters as his first witness. Masters is disqualified for claiming his name is actually Chris “Masters.” Gee, good thing Vince is a fair judge.
-Shelton Benjamin is taping his wrists, as Shawn Michaels comes up to him as they discuss Benjamin’s past amateur wrestling achievements. Michaels and Benjamin are teaming up tonight. HBK tries to get Benjamin fired up for their match. HBK tells Benjamin that he needs to decide if he wants “friends” or “success.” This could actually be the planting of the seeds for a Benjamin/HBK feud, which would be really great. That is, assuming it does not end with Benjamin not being put over.
-After a break, we’re back in the court room. Coach has another witness on his way to the arena that will prove that Bischoff deserves to keep his job.
Chavo Guerrero vs Lance Cade
It is great to have old-school Chavo back. Lance Cade looks mad tonight, probably because his short lived team with Trevor Murdoch was broken up so quickly. They tie up, and push each other around the ring. Cade corners Guerrero, and hits some punches. Cade whips Chavo into the opposite corner, but gets caught with a big boot. Chavo hits an uppercut on Cade, but gets tossed over the ropes. Cade goes to the floor after Chavo, and hits a stiff club to the back of Chavo’s neck. Cade throws Chavo back into the ring, and hits a backbreaker. Cade goes for a cover, but Chavo gets a shoulder up. Cade is furious that the crowd is supporting Chavo (with scattered “Eddie” chants). Chavo fights back with some uppercuts, blocks some punches from Cade, and fires away with some punches of his own! Cade catches Chavo and corners him again, with some kicks, punches, and choking. Cade is showing some good intensity in this match. Chavo reverses a stalling suplex into a DDT on Cade. Chavo goes to the top rope and hits the frog splash on Cade for the win! The match was pretty by the numbers, but the crowd was hot for Chavo and Cade showed some good intensity. *1/4.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero
-Back in the court room, Coach is questioning Daivari. Daivari says that Bischoff gave him a job when no one else would. Daivari also references back when Foley was commissioner, and Foley sucked. However, it turns out Vince McMahon wasn’t listening. He had Ashlee Simpson on his new iPod and “Wow, does she suck!” They take a recess, and Foley breaks out a snack. That Simpson crack was hilarious.
-After a commercial break, Edge and Lita are in the ring for the historic first edition of “The Cutting Edge.” Edge claims he is going to push buttons by asking the hot questions. Edge is now calling himself the “Rated R Superstar.” He puts Lita over as being the only woman “hot enough to be on the show.” Edge claims the rest of the roster are “PG-13” and that they are all too scared to be on the show. Edge claims that Ric Flair has backed out of being on their show. Edge and Lita go on to mock Flair, and I can only imagine this will lead to an Edge/Flair match for the Intercontinental Championship. Edge makes fun of Flair’s legal troubles and even displays Flair’s mug shot on the titantron. Sergeant Slaughter and Michael Hayes come down to ringside to try and get Edge to shut up. Lita calls them two legends that make their living by kissing Vince McMahon’s ass. What the hell is up with all the shoot comments tonight? Hayes and Slaughter get into the ring. Hayes takes the mic and tells Edge that the show is over. Hayes loses his temper and puts Edge in his place. Hayes puts himself, Slaughter, and Flair over as being the guys who built the business into what it is today, so that young kids like Edge can have rental cars, guaranteed days off, and all that crap. Hayes then hits a personal note, by asking Edge how many times he has been in a main event, sold out an arena, or been World Champion. The shoot comments keep coming! Edge dares Hayes to hit him, but says he won’t because the other Free Bird, Terry Gordy, is not here… because he is dead. Ouch. Hayes unleashes another gem in “The only reason you have this show is because you’re banging Matt Hardy’s ex-girlfriend!” A brawl erupts, which ends with Edge hitting Hayes with the Money in the Bank briefcase. Slaughter goes down as well. This is the most crowd heat Edge has gotten since the spring.
Triple H vs Tajiri
Hey, it’s 10:14 and we’re just seeing Triple H for the first time of the evening! I would say he has gotten better about hogging the spotlight. Tajiri starts the match aggressively, cornering Triple H with some stiff kicks. Triple H fights back with an effortless clothesline to the back of Tajiri’s head. Tajiri is caught by a vertical suplex, and Triple H slows the pace down. Tajiri struggles to his feet, and stops Triple H from charging him. Tajiri hits some chops and even a hamstring elbow! Tajiri continues the assault and briefly gets Triple H into the tarantula. Triple H reverses it and sends Tajiri to the ringside area. Triple H takes the fight back into the ring and gets a stiff kick to the head from Tajiri. Triple H recovers quickly, and hits a spinebuster on Tajiri. Triple H hits the pedigree and it’s over in less than four minutes. This was a glorified squash, but Tajiri got enough stiff shots in for this to be worthwhile ¾*.
Winner: Triple H
-The trial of Eric Bischoff continues. Coach’s next witness is Simon Dean… which is really random. However, Dean no shows. Suddenly, the Boogey Man appears in the witness stand. He’s got his clock, and simply states that it’s time for a “new face.” Boogey Man goes on a rant that I couldn’t quite understand, but smashes the clock over his head and leaves.
-Rita Cosby has a front row seat. That’s… strange.
-Backstage, Triple H is walking around. He walks into Big Show (last week Big Show verbally punked out Triple H in the ring) and they have a stare down.
-Back to the trial, Maria comes out as the next witness. Maria requests that Mick Foley question her as “Mr. Socko.” Foley puts Socko on his hand and this is pretty amusing. Maria claims that last week Bischoff abused his power, and should be dismissed. Maria briefly breaks the ditsy act, before waltzing out. Coach would like to call one final witness, but Vince disagrees. Vince states that the trial shall move back to the ring for closing arguments. These have been entertaining segments, but I can’t help but resent the lack of wrestling.
-Smackdown Rebound is next. We take a look back at Randy Orton’s day being ruined by the Undertaker.
-Shawn Michaels and Shelton Benjamin vs Carlito and Kurt Angle is the main event tonight. Hey, Shelton Benjamin is main-eventing! When was the last time that happened?
Kurt Angle and Carlito (with Daivari) vs Shawn Michaels and Shelton Benjamin
Kurt Angle is still having the crowd censored when they chant “You suck” at him. It is still funny. Last week, Michaels beat Carlito in an one on one match, though Carlito put up a worthy fight. Benjamin and HBK cannot quite agree on who should start the match, but HBK lets Benjamin do it. Benjamin puts Carlito in a head-lock to start things off. Carlito tries to escape, but Benjamin holds on to the arm. Benjamin wrenches Carlito’s arm until Carlito breaks loose. Benjamin aggressively hits a belly to belly suplex on Carlito and fires away with some punches. Benjamin seems to be taking HBK’s advice from earlier to heart. Carlito makes the tag to Angle. Angle hits a single leg takedown on Benjamin, but Benjamin kicks Angle out. Benjamin hits an arm drag and clothesline on Angle. Benjamin goes for the T-Bone suplex, but Carlito interrupts. Benjamin removes both Angle and Carlito from the ring, and he plays to the crowd, receiving the type of face pops I bet John Cena wishes he was getting these days. We head to a commercial break, as Shawn Michaels looks proud of Benjamin.
After the break, Shawn Michaels is in the ring and he has Carlito cornered. Carlito quickly regains control and grounds HBK. HBK rebounds with a swinging neckbreaker, and tags in Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin hits some clotheslines on Carlito and a backbreaker for a 2-count. Benjamin is flipped over the ropes onto the apron, but hits a high knee on Carlito. Daivari interferes, grabbing Shelton by the legs. Daivari feeds Benjamin to Carlito, who foolishly goes for a cover. Carlito tags in Kurt Angle, who hits some big punches on Shelton. Angle grounds the younger former amateur star and chokes the life out of him. Shelton fights back, but gets caught in an overhead belly to belly suplex by Angle. Angle tags Carlito back in, who clubs away at the back of Benjamin’s neck. Carlito keeps hammering away, and decides he should go for another cover. The tag is made to Kurt Angle, who hits a German suplex on Benjamin. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Shelton counters, into a DDT. Both men need a tag. HBK and Carlito both get tagged in. HBK hits an inverted atomic drop on Carlito and follows up with a scoop slam. HBK goes to the top rope for the flying elbow. HBK hits the elbow perfectly and signals the Sweet Chin Music. Shelton Benjamin makes a blind tag, and misses a flying Crossbody. Carlito uses Benjamin’s momentum against him and rolls him up for the victory! Shawn Michaels had the win secured, but Benjamin screwed everything up. This was definitely the beginning of a feud. *** for an interesting match up. After the match, HBK offers his hand to Shelton Benjamin, but it is rejected.
Winners: Carlito and Kurt Angle
-A limousine arrives at the arena, and out come Vince and Stephanie McMahon. They run into Triple H. Triple H tells Vince that he thinks Eric Bischoff should stay. Triple H would rather deal with the devil that he knows instead of the devil he does not know. Vince tells Triple H that the only reason he wants Bischoff to stay is because he knows he can manipulate them. Vince leaves Triple H alone with Stephanie. They have not been involved with each other in storyline terms for a few years, so this is pretty significant. The camera fades out with the two staring at each other.
-The court room is set back up in the ring for the closing arguments in the trial of Eric Bischoff. Foley uses HLA and Daivari as Angle’s referee as examples of Bischoff abusing his power for too long. Foley insists that it is time to take out the trash. Coach begins his argument, but Bischoff cuts him off. Bischoff wants to represent himself. Bischoff says that he has created a ton of controversy and that brings in the cash. Bischoff reminds Vince that he came up with the Elimination Chamber concept, that has spiked pay-per-view buyrates. Bischoff then makes an Elimination Chamber match for the next Raw pay-per-view, with the WWE Championship on the line. Bischoff tells Vince that they are very much alike, due to them being both hated and respected at the same time. Bischoff politely asks to keep his job, claiming that if they work together they will make a fortune. Vince tells Bischoff that he made some good points, but before he can continue the music of John Cena plays and Cena comes out to a highly respectable face pop (of course I expect everyone at TSM is talking about the boos they think Cena is getting at this very moment). Cena gets on the mic, and NOW he is getting some boos. Cena calls Bischoff a “jack-off.” Cena says that Vince and Bischoff are not alike at all, because Vince is a “pioneer of free speech” and Bischoff is a “pioneer of censorship” in reference to the censoring of “You suck” during Kurt Angle’s entrance. Cena asks the fans if Bischoff should remain the GM, and the crowd boos. Cena asks if Bischoff should be fired, and the crowd pops. Cena says the people have summed up Bischoff’s career into two letters: F-U. Vince asks the crowd if they would like to see the Elimination Chamber match (light pop). Vince makes the EC match official at New Year’s Revolution, with John Cena defending the belt. Vince then turns to Bischoff and says the words we’ve been waiting to hear all night: “YOU’RE FIRED!” Cena lifts up Bischoff and hits the F-U. Bischoff rolls out of the ring. Vince McMahon lifts up Bischoff and dumps him into the back of the dump truck… and it compacts! McMahon takes the wheel of the truck, and drives off. I can’t help but imagine this is Vince living out a fantasy he’s had for years!
Final Thoughts: Wow, this was quite the Raw. The show fell into a consistent groove and flowed along nicely. The entire show built up to a climax, and I even marked out for the firing of Bischoff. The wrestling was nothing to write home about, but it got the job done. The angles more than made up for the lack of wrestling this week.
Thumbs up.
Woah, Rowe have Raw a thumbs up.. for once! (rewatches the tag title match) Why can't they let Kane do this to people I hate, like Cena, Triple H, Undertaker, Blandy Orton, etc. etc.
Only saw a few parts. I laughed when the translator "translated" Tajiri's testimony. "Bee-shoff!"
Mick Foley's RC Cola and a moon pie... old joke that goes back a ways and I doubt anyone got it. I can't remember where it's from, but I want to say "Amos & Andy". Other than than, what I saw of Foley sucked. "I will prove Bischoff has no penis". If you're trying to prove a guy is incompetent at his job...what the HELL does that have to do with his crank?
And if the fans are cheering for Bischoff's dismissal, then that means that they think the product SUCKS. Way to make the audience feels like a bunch of chumps, WE