- With the random review of the week (really Random, I don't even know what week this was from), here's an episode of the weekly NWA-TNA PPV, and it looks to be from February-March 2003. After careful examination, it seems to be the February 19th episode... oh goody. I think I should've rigged this to review a good show. Also, I'm dubbing this to another tape, so no fast forwarding for me.
- We start the show off with a video package, highlighting Raven's shocking debut on January 22nd, 2003 (dig the planted sign "Vince fears Raven"), and stealing the NWA World Title, then we get clips of El Kabong beating up Raven with weapons a week later. Later That Night... A.J. Styles wants the title, so Raven confronts him. Of course, Jeff Jarrett beats both of them up by himself and recaptures the belt. Later That Night AGAIN....Styles takes the belt. This keeps on going for another 5 minutes. Oh look, it's Vince Russo's gang of idiots Sports Entertainment Xtreme (SEX... AHAHAH! Clever!) beating up Jarrett.
- As usual, Mike Tenay and Don West are doing commentary. We take it backstage with the dumb blonde bitch in the rain, and we see Vince Russo pull up with A.J. Styles... OOOH! SMELL THE CONSPIRACY!
- Americas Most Wanted vs. The Harris Brothers:
What a way to open the show. This is a #1 Contenders Match for the Tag titles, currently held by Triple X (Low-Ki, Daniels, Skipper). Harris and designated assigned Don Harris start. Harris pounds on him in the corner, then Don Harris does the same... wow, too many Harris' in the match. Chris Harris clotheslines Don Harris in the corner, then mounts him for punches, but Don Harris no sells that. He charges AMW Harris, but goes flying over the top rope. Could you believe AMW was only a 2-Time Tag team Champion at this point. James Storm with a plancha onto both Harris Brothers, but they fail to catch him, making it look rather weak. Back inside the ring, and Ron Harris pounds away on Storm. Irish whip and Storm catches Ron Harris with a head scissors takeover. Storm escapes a choke with a dropkick, and superkicks Ron for a two count. Chris Harris tags back in and takes R.H. over with a bulldog for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Don Harris trips up Chris Harris and rams him into the security rail. Here comes a steel chair, and Ron Harris boots it into Chris Harris' face. Look at the porkers in the front row acting like idiots... anyway, inside the ring, Ron takes over Chris with a belly-to-belly suplex, and Don tags in with a samoan drop for a two count. You know it's a Southern Crowd, as they do the "Go (Name Here) Go" chant. Ron comes in to beat on Wildcat in the corner. Irish whip to the corner, and he comes in with a clothesline. He does it a few more times, but Wildcat catches him with a Spear (which looked worse than Edge's). Both teams tag... but Dumbass Referee #1 doesn't see it from the faces. The Harris Brothers double team Wildcat in the corner while Storm continues to distract the referee. Irish whip, and the Harris' with a double big boot. Ron Harris with a knee to the misection. Irish whip, and Wildcat with a surprise roll-up for a two count. The Harris Boys continue the double teaming in the corner, and in comes Don with more punching. Don takes a cheap shot at Storm, but gets hung up across the top rope, and Wildcat cradles him... for three at 7:04?! Wow, talk about an anti-climatic finish to a match, but this one sucked enough ass that I don't care. DUD Honestly, there's nothing here that should be considered for any points. Thank GOD TNA dumped the Harris Brothers, and glad to see TNA has no faith in AMW in pulling off a good hot tag, since they obviously suck at doing it.
- Backstage we go again, and Vince Russo is getting in the face of the Harris Brothers for losing, then threatens to kick both of their asses. I would love to see that, cause knowing Russo, he'd book himself to go over in 90 seconds or less. We cut back to the broadcasters, and Mike Tenay runs down A.J. Styles. Vince Russo comes into the ring to talk smack with Tenay, because when people pay $10 for a weekly PPV, they expect 30 minutes of talking from a Non-Wrestler with a thick New York accent. Vince Russo brags about "making" The Rock, Steve Austin, D-X... Newsflash TNA: YOU DON'T BRAG ABOUT WHAT ANOTHER PROMOTION HAS DONE, NO MATTER WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR IT BACKSTAGE. Russo drops the first "shit" of the night, and here comes the American Dweam, Dusty Rhodes, with some of the biggest hick music I've ever heard for a wrestler's theme music ever. Big Dusty brings up the midget beating off in a trash can back during the first few months of TNA's existance. After months of talking, the Harris Boys run in to beat on Dusty, but VADER of all people runs in to make the save. Considering his hate for Russo, I was fucking surprised.
- We finally get back to... some loser mark interviewing Jerry Lynn, which makes Goldylocks look like Gordon Solie (in both talent and looks department). Really, it's that painful. At least we get a good match...
- Jerry Lynn vs. Jose & Joel Maximo (w/ Konnan):
...FUCK. The Maximos attack Lynn before the bell, and do some double stomping in the corner. Irish whip, and Lynn comes out with a clothesline to Jose and a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker to Joel for a two count. Boston Crab applied to Joel, then he back drops Jose out of the ring. Plancha to the outside on Jose. Joel comes back with an Asai Moonsault, but Lynn moves away and it hits his partner instead. Back inside the ring, Lynn covers Joel for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Lynn lifts up Joel to dropkick Jose by mistake. Lynn botches a bulldog out of the corner for a two count. Side suplex by Lynn, and he goes to the top rope to get crotched by Joel Maximo, and Jose comes back with an enziguri. Jose with a superplex, and Joel with a weak splash from the top for a two count. Another enziguri by Joel (I'm just using names at random, since no one bothers to tell me which is which). Irish whip, and the Maximos do something with ends with Lynn DDT'ing one, then running into a powerslam by Joel for a two count. Irish whip, and the SAT's with a superkick/german suplex combination for a two count. Irish whip and the Maximos with a double bulldog for a two count. Have I ever mentioned I hate the constant usage of irish whips? It's bad enough that it exposes how fake wrestling is, but using it for every other move gets really annoying. Really ugly spot as Lynn tries a powerbomb on Maximo 1, but then decides to hurricanrana the other. TKO by Lynn to Jose for a two count. Lynn tries a piledriver, buy Joel clotheslines him down, with Jose landing on top for a two count. Lynn is set up on the top rope, and the Spanish Fly is blocked with a double choke drop for a two count... but the music went off, which means someone fucked up, and Lynn is winning. Really retarded spot where Maximo 1 accidentaly tombstones his borther, and Lynn cradle piledrives him for the win at 6:42. * Ugly match, ugly spots, and a dead crowd. I love how people pimped the Maximos as these great spot wrestlers, but they did nothing here other than do some really stupid and unbelievable spots, and looking like losers.
- Raven cuts a promo backstage, bringing up ancient history from ECW where he feuded with Sandman over his wife and kid... remember that? I hope not, since it was pretty fucking tasteless. Raven cuts a promo too intelligent for the crowd TNA is working in front of tonight. Also, it seems as if his microphone keeps crapping out every 5 seconds.
- Shark Boy vs. Disgraceland (w/ Glen Gilberti):
Glen Gilberti, in his promo before the match, takes a cheap shot at Jim Duggan, then questions how masked wrestlers cash their checks... then introduces a fat and out of shape guy dressed as Elvis. So, now we have a Elvis Impersonator Impersonator Impersonator? Oh my God, this is PURE WrestleCrap. Mike Sanders has joined the broadcast team for the match. He has some peanut butter and banana sandwiches with him. Disgraceland pounds on Shark Boy and slams him down. Irish whip, and Shark Boy comes back with a series of dropkicks. Disgraceland catches him doing a cross body press with a back breaker, then dumps him out of the ring. Mike Sanders is REALLY annoying on commentary. Disgraceland takes a bite out of a sandwich, then stomps Shark Boy. He eats another sandwich, but Shark Boy recovers long enough to get in a few punches. Disgraceland comes back with a big chop then sends Shark Boy to the corner. He misses a charge, but knocks down Shark Boy with a forearm. Second rope leg drop misses. Shark Boy spring boards off the ropes with a cross body press, then mounts Disgraceland for punches. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, but Shark Boy boots him in the face and goes for his finishing move, but the Shake Rattle N' Roll ends this shit at 3:11. -** Really, they were doing this just for the sake of doing something really stupid. At least they kept it short, but the crowd being dead kinda gives me the answer to the question I keep asking... Vince Russo can't be that fucking dumb. Mike Tenay comfirms that by saying Russo had ideas of bringing in the INVISIBLE MAN in WCW. Jorge Estrada returns to attack the bad guys for taking his Elvis costume, but gets beat down. Team SEX kidnaps Estrada then gives him with a swirly, probably in a toilet with urine in it or something, because it's Russo after all.
- Video Package pimping Jeff Jarrett for tonight's Main Event. We get clips of him punking out that hick country singer on the debut show of TNA (6/19/02), beating up on Shamrock and Takao Omori then picking a fight with some Tennesse Titans (7/10/02), then finally winning the title (ugh...) from Ron Killings (the "uppity negro") with the help of Mr. Wrestling III, who unmasked to be Vince Russo. So... fucking... lame. God Damn, I wish I had th Fast Forward function.
- Backstage, Goldylock tries interviewing J.J. Dillon (wow, he didn't last long as a commisioner, did he?), and he just rambles a lot about A.J. Styles newly-formed alliance with Vince Russo... and here comes the self-proclaimed Living Legend, Larry Zybysko, and he's clueless too.
- NWA-TNA X-Division Championship Match:
Kid Kash © (w/ Trinity) vs. Paul London:
Finally, something I can work with here. No build up of course, because the X-Division played third fiddle to the World Title and America's Most Wanted at the time. Clips of Kid Kash winning the X-Division Title from Sonny Siaki, the one guy I would never have guessed would win the fucking title, considering he did zero high spots, and wrestled like el generico big guy every week. Trying to make Kid Kash play the face doesn't work though, so he's not too good of a champion either. London wants a hand shake, and gets it?! Fucking Kash... Lockup, and Kash with a hammerlock. London counters with a wristlock, then puts on his own hammerlock. Kash counters with a full nelson, into another hammerlock, and London counters a wristlock, then takes over Kash with an arm drag. Kash with an arm drag. London sweeps the leg and covers for two, Kash does the same, and they do the Indy Stand-Off to no reaction since TNA does it all the fucking time. Kash with a knee to the misection, followed by a nasty chop. Wristlock applied, and London reverses through a kip up, and applies his own. Kash does the same, so London hammers him with forearms. Irish whip, and London misses an enziguri, but takes over Kash with a snapmare. London gets dumped ove rthe top, but lands on the apron, and comes in with a somersault and tries a hip toss. Kash blocks, tosses London over again, and dropkicks him in the face to knock him to the floor. Springboard plancha by Kash to the outside. London blocks a baseball slide, does a reverse diamond cutter and nails a standing SSP on the floor. Both men exchange blows outside (Count-Out, anyone?). Kash whips London to the security rail. He goes for the smash mouth (tossing a chair into opponents face), but London catches the chair and does it himself. Back inside, and London comes in with a cradle for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and London connects with a spinning heel kick for a two count. Irish whip to the corner is reversed. London is thrown onto the apron, and Kash with a springboard dropkick to send him to the floor. Somersault plancha by Kash, and he tosses London back in the ring. Kash springboards to the top with a clothesline for a two count. We get instant replay as Kash does some chopping. Irish whip is countered, and a series of more counters leads to the London dro-sault for a two count. Blows exchanged again, with Kash taking control. Irish whip is reversed and Kash with a sunset flip for a two count. Several counters lead to more close falls. London couners a double underhook, and nails a reverse neck breaker type thing (Kash lands on his face instead) for a two count. Kash comes back, but misses a springboard missle dropkick. London slingshots into the ring with a head scissors, but Kash comes back with the springboard hurricanrana (and looked fucking awesome) for another two count! Both men trade back slide attempts until Kash nails the double underhook piledriver for the three count and to retain the title at 8:22. **3/4 Good match for a spotfest with no real story, but a little on the heatless side, and again, oversaturation of Irish Whips kinda bugs me. Kash and London celebrate together, depsite London losing, and making Kash lame for acting like a good guy.
- I won't even bother doing commentary for the next match, featuring Mike Sanders beating the crap out of Tough Enough III Loser Jonah Adelman... yes, NWA-TNA thought using a barely trained wrestler on their PPV instead of a Dark Match was a good idea. Really fucking lame, and to top it off, Sanders needed a distraction to beat him! The distraction was some blonde bimbo flashing him on camera, but I'm pretty sure she had those pastie things on, since it appeared like she had no nipples... unlike the Lillipop incident a few weeks later. Vince Russo and exposing boobs... they sure do go together hand in hand, don't they? Nice observation... it was 10 seconds into the match before Jonah did rest holds... 10 SECONDS! Not a good sign, and no wonder no one's ever heard from him in the last 2 years. For those that care, the time of the fall was 5:33, and to steal a line from Scott Keith, that's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
- The Sandman & Steve Corino vs. Raven & Low-Ki:
Interesting combinations... I'm a mark for both of the heels, but think the two faces suck, and Steve Corino is one of the most overrated wrestlers in the last few years. If they stick it to Sandman/Raven and Corino/Low-Ki, then it'll be entertaining, but Low-Ki/Sandman seems like the biggest clash of styles ever. Sandman and Corino go through the crowd to eat up a few minutes. Raven and Low-Ki go into the crowd as well to beat up on Corino, and Sandman does a plancha from the crowd onto everyone! HOLY CRAP! Corino and Sandman double team Raven back to the ring area. Low-Ki tries to save, but gets to play monkey-in-the-middle, and what a fitting title for a guy who looks like one. Sandman works over both men, then whips Raven into a garbage can with Corino at the helm. Sandman puts a can over Raven, then smacks a second garbage can into the one over Raven's head. Low-Ki whips Corino into the security rail and Raven bashes Sandman with a cooking sheet. Raven piledrves Sandman through a table. Corino comes back with a garbage can lid to Raven, then nails Low-Ki with the handle side. We FINALLY get into the ring, where Corino hammers on Raven in the corner. Irish whip to the corner, and then Corino sends Low-Ki into Raven. Superkick to Raven followed by some choking with the boot. Low-Ki nails a cartwheel kick (actually, it missed, but Corino still sells) to take control, and Raven comes back with a diving clothesline for a two count. Raven with an elbow to the back of the head, followed by a snap suplex. Raven sets up a chair, and we know what's coming... but Corino counters! Well, Raven doesn't bite and throws the chair into Corino's face as he had the drop toe hold going. Low-Ki tags in to beat on Corino, and knees him in the face. Corino blades... surprised? Low-Ki stomps away on Corino, and Raven tags back in to pound away on the cut. Irish whip, and Corino comes back with a DDT/Stunner double move to Raven and Low-Ki. Sandman is finally on the apron as Corino does a doublw low blow to the heels. Sandman gets the drunk tag and bashes both men with a garbage can a few times. Sandman with a drop toe hold onto the garbage can on Raven. He lodges the can in between the ropes, then drop toe holds Low-Ki into it for a two count. Raven takes the garbage can and floors Sandman with it. Corino with a clothesline takes Raven and himself over the top rope. In the meantime, Low-Ki covers Sandman for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Raven trips Sandman up. ECW chant as Corino beats on Raven outside the ring. Low-Ki does the 619 tease, but gets caught with a singapore can leg sweep by Sandman for a two count. Raven comes back in the ring, and ends it soon after with the Evenflow DDT at 8:09. ** Fun garbage match to kill some time, but with a little more time, it probably could've had some better weapon shots. However, it's a 2003 Sandman match... could you expect any more from him?
- A.J. Styles Video Package. Thank God he dropped that "Zip It" catchphrase, because it really sucked. We get some clips of Styles doing some high spots, like that corkscrew moonsault from the top rope, and a Styles Clash on the entrance ramp. TNA really did waste a lot of time with these Video Packages. They could've easily added 4-5 minutes to the X-Division and previous Tag Match if not for these things. I understand them for build up, but when on a PPV, they shouldn't be that long.
- NWA World Championship Match:
Jeff Jarrett © vs. A.J. Styles:
Finally, we are ready for the Main Event of the PPV. Have I mentioned that the tunnels TNA uses really fucking rules, and makes the entrance ramp for these old PPV's look really cheap and second-rate? Also, for a promotion called Total NONSTOP Action, they sure did a lot of filler tonight, didn't they? I mean, A LOT. Lockup to start, and Jarrett does a Hogan and shoves Styles into the corner. Styles with a waistlock, and Jarrett counters. Styles counters with a wristlock, and Jarrett turns it overhead. Styles with a hammerlock, and Jarrett counters again with a drop toe hold. Styles grabs an armbar, works into a headlock, and back up. Wristlocks are countered, and Jarrett with a firemans carry to escape, followed by a clothesline. Styles comes back with a boot to the midsection and punches. Irish whip, and a criss-cross leads to a Styles dropkick. Spinning heel kick by Styles gets a quick two count. Styles with a basement dropkick into the face of Jarrett, and covers for two again. Styles tries the spinning thing again, but Jarrett catches him with a punch, and then some mudhole stomping. Irish whip, and Jarrett with a dropkick, followed by a clothesline, sending Styles to the outside. Jarrett with a plancha, and it looked pretty good too. Instant Replay is needed! Jarrett whips Styles into the security rail, which results in Styles pulling a Jannetty oversell by flipping around before making contact. He tries again, but Styles counters, and Jarrett gets a mouthful of steel. Back into the ring we go.. Styles with a scoop slam, followed by a running senton for a two count. Both men block suplexes, and Styles becomes the winner of that match by snapping over Jarrett. Styles rams Jarrett into the buckle, and pounds away with rights. Styles bounces off the ropes with a clothesline, and the crowd is Pro-Styles, despite him being the heel. Irish whip is reversed, and Jarrett boots him in the midsection. They exchange rights. Styles goes for a hurricanrana, but Jarrett counters with a sit-out powerbomb. Both men get back up to their feet, with Jarrett controling with punches. He presses Styles into the air and drops him across the knee. Irish whip to the corner, and Styles catches Jarrett coming in with a boot. Styles with a Tornado DDT attempt, but it's blocked, and Jarrett goes for a superplex. Zbysko holds the ankle of Jarrett, allowing Styles to sunset-flip powerbomb Jarrett for a two count. Irish whip, and Styles gets back dropped onto the apron. Jarrett with a shoulder to the midsection, but Zbysko hooks the leg on a suplex attempt, allowing Styles to fall on top, only for a two count. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Styles nails the enziguri, followed by stomping in the corner. Zbysko nails Jarrett with brass knuckles behind the referee's back (West: You dirty bastard!), but Jarrett kicks out at two. Here comes J.J. Dillon to eject Zbysko backstage, which is OK in my book, since I hate typing his name. Styles goes for the Figure-Four, and in the spot I hate, Jarrett counters with a cradle for a two count. Styles maintains control, and springboards off the ropes into a sleeper hold. Jarrett fights off and escapes with elbows to the midsection... and here's the referee bump. At least this ref takes them good. Jarrett nails the Stroke, but there's no referee... oh wait, here comes another, but only for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Styles catches Jarrett's boot and sweeps the leg. Styles applies an STF, but Jarrett fights out with elbows to the back of the head. Jarrett blocks some kind of submission move, them monkey flips Styles to KO this referee. The Harris Brothers run in and nail the H-Bomb. It's Vader Time! Vader and Dusty brawl with the Harris Brothers while Jarrett plays dead. Vader makes Ron Harris his bitch and takes him out of the ring again. Styles wakes up to cover Jarrett, and here comes the referee to make a two count. Irish whip is countered with a knee to the midsection, but Styles escapes a Stroke and goes for the Styles Clash. Jarrett escapes that, but another reversal leads to the Styles Clash, but that only gets a two count! Styles goes up to the top rope, but Jarrett catches him coming off with a clothesline! Here's Sonny Siaki now with some kind of twirling neck breaker drop while Desire distracts the referee. Styles ends up beating on Siaki, and nails him with the Styles Clash. I guess he isn't part of S.E.X.? Jarrett no sells two finishing moves from Siaki, and then out of nowhere, connects with a second turnbuckle Stroke on Styles to retain the World Championship at 16:05. Hmm... interesting. I originally was going to go with a ***1/4, because it was quite a good match, but that last 2 minutes was a WCW Nighmare. SEVEN run-ins (Vader, Harris', Rhodes, Zbysko, Siaki, Desire), and two ref-bumps cheeses me off, so I'll knock off half-a-star, and give it an appropriate **3/4. We quickly cut to an obviously pre-taped video with Russo "outside" of "Jeff Jarrett's House", and that's how the PPV ends.
Final Thoughts: Talk about horrible luck. I randomly grab a tape labeled "TNA PPV", and it ends up being one of the worst ones possible to review. The opener was a horrible match featuring the Harris Brothers (of course), followed by 25 minutes of talking by Non-Wrestlers, then a heatless and spotty (and botchy) match with the Maximos, and to top it off, Disgraceland. The X-Title Match was quite good, but the suck that followed in the former of Sanders vs. Jonah really killed it off. The Tag Match was a fun brawl, nothing more, nothing less, and the main event was good until the entire locker room ran in. I don't know what else to say but avoid the first 45 minutes like the plague, and fast forward through the Sanders match if you really need to see the three matches that didn't suck. Or maybe you loved WCW in 2000, which is what TNA seemed to be doing during this episode. Thumbs Down, of course.