[Side Note: I'm typing this while under medication for a bad cold, so if I sound more coherent than usual, now you know.]
- OK, time for the home stretch of these damn things. 4 years and 17 tapes later, and I'm finally almost done. For the fourth time explaining this, I somehow lost my tape of August-September '96 matches over the last few years, so this tape starts off after Buried Alive, the infamous PPV for featuring multiple heel/heel matches, bait-and-switches, an interesting gimmick main event, and the World Champion was nowhere to be seen. This tape features all the build up to the 10th annual Survivor Series, being held at Madison Square Garden. I haven't watched this tape in years, so I can't remember for the life of me what's on it.
- Psycho Sid vs. Owen Hart (w/ Clarence Mason):
Just a little bit of explanation to open things. Sid won the #1 Contendership to Michaels' World Title by beating Vader at Buried Alive. Owen Hart is presently (as in then) half of the Tag Team Champions with the British Bulldog, by defeating the Smoking Gunns at IYH: Mind Games. Clarence Mason had subtley taken over as manager for the Bulldog and Owen, which lead to Cornette bringing in the Headhunters for about a week before the angle was scrapped. Crowd starts a "Sid" chant (not piped in) as the match begins. Lockup, and Sid throws Owen onto his face. Lockup #2, and this time Owen kips up from the throw down, but gets thrown over the top by the throat for his showing off skills. Owen tries a sneak attack from the top rope, but gets caught with a blow to the midsection. Owen comes back by slamming Sid into the canvas face first and follows with a missile dropkick. I noticed Owen no longer has the cast on his arm, and as I type that, he clotheslines Sid out of the ring. Here comes the Bulldog to run a foul no doubt, but Sid floors him for trying shit. Owen heads outside now and clips the knee of Sid. Commercial break, and we come back to Owen stomping at the inside of the left knee of Sid, and ramming his leg into the ring post. Sit down splash across the knee of Sid as McMahon pimps the Survivor Series via split screen graphics. The Bulldog pounds away on Sid's knee while Owen keeps referee Blind-Hebner distracted. Owen continues working over the leg of Sid by wrapping it in the ropes. Owen with a series of headbutts, but a cross body press is blocked with a slam. Sid off the ropes, and he misses a leg drop. Owen goes back to the leg and applies an Indian Deathlock. Note to Triple H: It took Owen 2 seconds to do it here. It took you 4 minutes to do it everytime you try it. I think it's a sure sign you shouldn't try doing it. Anyway, Owen keeps the beating on Sid's leg, by kicking his leg from under his leg, but Sid has a hard time selling other than making funny faces. Sid makes the comeback with a chokeslam out of nowhere, but I'm guessing Bulldog runs in before the powerbomb. Yeah, here's Davey Boy to clothesline Sid down, drawing the DQ at 6:35. * Not Owen's finest moment as he seemed to be dogging it a bit, but it's pretty much the best you can do when you have Sid in the ring for a rather small amount of time. Heel beatdown continues until Shawn Michaels runs in and suddenly is superman enough to take out Bulldog and Owen.
- The Godwinns (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. The Smoking Gunns:
God dammit, can't one tape go by where I don't have to see fucking gay cowboys and stereotype hillbillies wrestling? These two teams must've fought on TV 20 times in 1996, and none of the matches were any good. Trust me, I've seen them all just about. Since my last tape, Sunny has dumped the Gunns because of them dropping the titles, which lead to the Gunns spliting up. Jim Ross joins the commentary team to stir the pot between the Smoking Gunns. I forgot to mention this was during the time frame where J.R. heel'ed it up because of reasons unknown. Lockup between Phineas and Bart goes nowhere. Phineas with a wristlock, but Bart reverses into his own, then into a hammerlock and standing side headlock. Phineas counters into a hammerlock, so Bart hammers him in the face and slams as we go to a commercial. [Hall of Fame Commercial featuring Pat Patterson, "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, and Vincent J. McMahon] We come back to... Helmsley running over Mr. Perfect! Wait, what happend to the match?! Uh.... no match, no rating, but that was the best wrestling sequence I've ever seen from these two teams.
- Jim Ross introduces Bret Hart for a SPECIAL Interview. This marks (I believe) the first live appearence of Bret Hart on WWF Television since Wrestlemania XII. Short and sweet, after even more double talking, he confirms his allegience to the WWF, and accepts Steve Austin's challenge for Survivor Series. Austin is conveniently watching this backstage with Brian Pillman, T.L. Hopper, Salvatore Sincere (we'll see more of him down the line), and others. Just a random observation since I like mentioning random crap, Bret Hart says he'll be with the WWF Forever.
- Mr. Perfect vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
The backstory here is rather lame. Perfect doesn't like Helmsley, Helmsley doesn't like Perfect. Over the last few months, Mr. Perfect has been randomly kidnapping Hunter's valet for a day (you dirty man!), probably because they find his much smaller nose more attractive. Anyway, this is Mr. Perfect's first match since October of 1993 when he began to suffer from his nagging back problems dating back to the Summer of 1991. He was penciled in for a feud with Lex Luger following Wrestlemania X, but he wasn't cleared for wrestling, so that was scrapped. Anyway, onto the match... oh wait, remember I said Helmsley ran over Perfect (with some kind of metal box)? Well, Perfect is too injured, so he's being replaced by...
- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
"Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable & Mr. Perfect) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley:
I fucking hate these bait-and-switches, especially when it's pimped all night! Fucking bastards at WWF! Mero is suckered into the defending the title, mainly because Hennig accepted on Mero's behalf. Smell a conspiracy? Commercial breaks joins the match in progress, with Mero whipped Hunter to the corner and taking him over with a back drop. Irish whip, and Mero with a japanese arm drag, followed into an armbar. Irish whip escapes the hold, but Mero dropkicks Helmsley over the top and to the floor. Mero goes for a plancha, but Helmsley pulls Sable in front. Sable slaps him, and Mero follows out to continue the beating. Back into the ring and Mero with a sunset flip for a two count. Helmsley floats over with a two count, and Mero bridges out and back slides Helmsley for another two count. Criss cross sequence leads to a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker from Helmsley. Hunter sends Mero to the corner and stomps away. Hunter with a suplex then measures up Mero for a knee drop across the forehead for a two count. Irish whip and Helmsley connects with the running high knee (to zero reaction) for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Mero sells like he's been shot. Mero sweeps the legs from under Helmsley and sling shots him into the corner for a two count. Helmsley no sells the long stretch with a clothesline and covers again. Mero comes back with another close fall. Irish whip to the corner, and Mero catches Helmsley with the Samoan drop. Mero heads up top, but Helmsley pushes the referee into the ropes, crotching Mero in the process. Hunter goes up for a superplex, but Mero counters and comes off with a standing moonsault for a two count! Irish whip to the corner is reversed a few times until we get a ref' bump. Helmsley goes to get a chair, so Perfect runs in to grab the chair... and bashes it over Mero's head! Perfect disposes of the chair and Sable, the idiot she is, tries to tell the referee what happend. Good luck, bitch. Helmsley picks up Mero and pedigrees him for good measure for the IC Title at 6:28. *1/2 Not that good of a match, but keeping it short was definitely a good thing, and that I believe was the first time the WWF ever pulled that finish. Of course, we would see that ending multiple times since then, but it was still a fresh concept. For those that care, Mr. Perfect's REAL next match on WWF TV didn't occur until the 2002 Royal Rumble where he made his return after ditching the company following the Survivor Series (and thus leaving Helmsley out in the cold).
- Time for a very special episode of Monday Night Raw. The previous week on WWF Television, Steve Austin snapped on "best friend" Brian Pillman, and crushed his ankle with a steel chair, which has become known as "pillmanizing" someone. Anyway, Austin made more threats toward Pillman, including invading his house. Oh yes, it's this episode. If you don't know what I mean, you'll find out soon enough. Kevin Kelly is reporting live outside of Brian Pillman's house in Walton, KY. KK says they're in suburban Cincinnati. I was under the assumption that Cincinnati was in Ohio, but whatever, I'm sure there's more than one in the country.
- "The Stalker" Barry Windham vs. Goldust (w/ Marlena):
Both men are being accompanied to the ring by their Survivor Series teammates. In Windhams case, Marc Mero, Mark Henry, and Rocky Miavia, while Goldust has Crush, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, and Mr. Perfect (Lawler is the 3rd member, doing commentary). The Stalker gimmick is basically Barry Windham dressing in camoflauge, but he got rid of the face paint. Barry must have a record for most amount of lame gimmicks in WWF. First he was The Widow Maker, then the Stalker, then he become some NWA loser in 1998. Windham pounds away on Goldust outside the ring, and the action spills back inside. Windham with an arm drag, sending Goldust into the corner. We cut to Doc Hendrix via split screen interview, giving us an update about Steve Austin, who's on the phone. Goldust pounds away on Windham, but a criss cross leads to a Windham diving clothesline. He follows with another, but Goldust comes back with a thumb to the eye. Austin quotes his own bible phrase about 25:47 or whatever, but it doesn't matter. Windham with a powerslam for a two count. Delayed scoop slam by Windham, and he has a hard time applying a figure-four leg lock. Nothing much of note follows until Goldust lands outside and gets thrown back in by team Mero. Windham continues to control the match and goes for his signature superplex, but Goldust rakes the eyes and kisses Windham off. Goldust comes off the top, but kisses boot. Commercial break and we come back to both men punching. Irish whip, and Goldust catches Windham in a leap frog attempt and the two spill to the floor. For a moment, I thought we'd get a Starrcade '87 incident. The Survivor Series teams brawl outside the ring until get a No Contest called at 4:57. 1/2* I just don't like giving out DUD's to Barry Windham matches. How did he go from one of the best wrestlers to a piece of crap? I know, I know... knee problems.
- We're back LIVE in Brian Pillmans home, along with his wife. He throws threats at Stone Cold as we get a glimpse of some memorabillia and newspaper clippings on the wall behind him. McMahon is questioning Pillmans vulnerability, so Pillman pulls out "Pillman 9mm Gun", causing chaos... with no one really. Commercial break, and we come back with Austin beating the crap out of "Pillman's Friends." One gets thrown into a kid pool, and the white guy gets his head slammed in a car door. The black guy gets hit with a little toy cart thingy. Austin comes around to Pillman's house as we go to the match.
- Alex "The Pug" Porteau vs. The Sultan (w/ Bob Backlund & The Iron Sheik):
What the hell is with all of these losers? The Sultan is better known as Fatu of the SST/Head Shrinkers, and most currently as Rikishi, the dancing fatman who wiped his ass in everyones face. The Pug is just a journeyman known mostly for his run in GWF. He recently (as in last year) competed on a Florida Indy Show (also featuring the likes of Dennis Knight and The Warlord), for those 2 of you that care. Porteau hammers on Sultan, but gets dropped with a series of leg sweeps. Absolutely DEAD crowd. Sultan with an arm drag and by a belly-to-belly suplex then some choking. The Sultan with a back suplex, followed by a headlock takeover. Side back breaker by the Sultan, and he finishes this baby with the Camel Clutch at a crisp 2:08. DUD Well, that sure was a major squash. I think there's more heat in my love life than there was in this match.
- Back to Pillmans house as we see Austin breaking in through the window. Melanie (or maybe Kevin Kelly) screams like crazy as Pillman whips out his gun... and the cable feed to the situation goes out. Damn you WWF and your bait-and-switching! [Commercial of WWF Music CD, and some kid dressed like a girl and fondling himself like Goldust is REALLY not healthy]
- "Wildman" Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. "Razor Ramon" (w/ "Diesel"):
Oh sweet Jesus on a Christmas Creature Cookie. Razor Ramon (or better known as Fake Razor or Razor II) is being portrayed by Rick Bogner, some Indy punk who kinda looks like Scott Hall, but kinda doesn't in the fact he's a bit shorter and has a beer belly. Diesel is now played by Glen Jacobs, a.k.a Isaac Yankem, Unabomb, various other shitty gimmicks, and most notably as Kane. You would think that changing your gimmick from a Kevin Nash wannabe to a half-brother of an undead zombie fathered by Paul Bearer who was horribly burned in a fire as a child would be a bad thing. Anyway, someone thought dressing up these 2 guys as Hall and Nash was a good thing, but judging from the crowd (sitting on their hands), it didn't work. I lied, they are getting a reaction, the kind I would call "X-Pac Heat." Lockup to start goes into the corner, and "Razor" with a bitch slap. Lockup #2, and "Razor" throws Mero into the corner. Mero with a series of rights, followed by a drop toe hold. Arm drag by Mero and he works into an armbar. Wristlock by Mero as some guy gets on the phone about the situation where the feed went out. In the meantime, Mero school boys "Razor" for a two count then works back into an armbar. Mero continues working the arm as we go to a commercial break. [Commercial for the first Tomb Raider game... damn that was a long time ago] Mero heads to the top rope, but "Razor" no sells and press slams Mero across the top rope. "Razor" applies an armbar as I hit the fast forward button. Choking and chinlocks galore from the Bad Guy. Mero makes the comeback with a back suplex and roundhouse rights. Running knee lift connects, and the Wildman heads up top for a missile dropkick for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Mero sets the impersonator on the top and nails the hurricanrana, but it only gets a two count. Out comes Hunter Hearst & Mr. Perfect as we go to another commercial. Mero goes for the Wild Thing, but Helmsley throws him off. "Razor" connects with the Razor's Edge, and that's all she wrote at 10:22. DUD Crappy craptastic crapmatch, and who the hell did Mero piss off to warrant this jobbing streak to people with no talent?
- More footage from the Pillman house, as we get yet another replay of Austin busting in and Pillman busting out his gun. We cut back to "live" footage of Pillman being restrained. Kevin Kelly cuts himself off when he says "shot" and opts to use the term "explosions" instead. Austin comes back in as Pillman keeps screaming son of a bitch and then drops the F-bomb (unbleeped). Wow... how did that get by the censors? That ends this episode.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Owen Hart & The British Bulldog © (w/ Clarence Mason) vs. Shawn Michaels & Psycho Sid (w/ Jose Lethario):
Introducing to you... the mismatched tag team partners who respect but kinda hate each other! We get highlights of Sid vs. Owen from 3 weeks ago, Michaels vs. Bulldog from 2 weeks ago, and the Face-to-Face confrontation between Sid & Michaels from last week. If this match happend today, it would almost be a guarante that HBK & Sid would win the titles. Owen attacks Sid from behind, but that only pisses off the big man. Irish whip to the corner, and Owen does the chest first bump. Sid throws Owen down by his hair, then hammers on him in the corner. Irish whip to the corner, and Owen comes back with mounted punches. Hold that, Sid no sells and throws him off. Wristlock by Sid, and he tags in Michaels, who comes off the top with a sledge. Michaels applies a wristlock and quickly turns it into an armbar. Irish whip, and Owen with a shoulder block. Criss cross sequence leads to a Michaels monkey flip followed by an arm drag. Michaels clotheslines Owen out of the ring as we go to a commercial. We come back with Michaels controlling the Bulldog with arm drags and a wristlock. Sid tags in with a boot to the chest. Irish whip, and Bulldog boots Sid then executes a delayed suplex. Sid no sells, of course, and tags in Michaels to work ANOTHER armbar. Owen knees Shawn in the back to start the face-in-peril segment. Owen works over Shawn with headbutts and a rake of the eyes. Bulldog chokes Michaels in the corner and we get some double teaming behind the referee's back. Irish whip, and Owen nails a running knee to the midsection then goes to the reverse chinlock. Michaels escapes and rolls up Owen for a two count, but gets dropped with a clothesline soon after. Sid looks constipated on the apron while Michaels continues taking a beating from both Owen and Bulldog. Owen connects with the rude awakening, then heads up to the top rope for a cross body press. Shawn counters for a two count, but Bulldog hammers him to keep the momentum in the champs favor. Michaels continues to take a mild shit kicking, but nothing substancial enough to make me want to pay attention. Heel miscommunication sees Owen missile dropkick Bulldog, allowing Shawn to finally tag out to Sid. House is cleaned and Sid chokeslams Bulldog. Powerbomb is called for, but a bunch of counters happen, leading to Michaels hitting Sweet Chin Music on Sids ear, and Bulldog makes the cover at 11:18. *1/2 Too slow and dull to consider a good match, as all four men had competed earlier in the taping and thus looked like they were phoning it in. After the match, Owen nails Shawn with the enziguri of doom.
- Freddy Joe Floyd vs. Mankind (w/ Paul Bearer & The Executioner):
Yes, we did see this same pairing on the previous tape, which means I'm gonna seriously half-ass this one. This version of the Executioner is Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy, whom most of you will know most famously as a member of the original Fabulous Freebird trio. Of course, by this time his drug problems had fucked him up to the point he was in a coma and needed to relearn everything from basic speaking and walking skills to returning to the ring. It doesn't take a scientist to realize Gordy was a shell of his former 'self by this point in his career. I won't bother with PBP, because from the looks of the opening minutes, it's basically the same match, except Mankind gave Floyd a wedgie piledriver. Mandible Claw finishes Floyd at 2:41. 3/4* Even more of a squash than last time, minus some of Mankind's cool spots. After the match, a cell with a dummy dressed like Paul Bearer lowers from the roof. Undertaker cuts the usual house mic promo without showing up. Good for him I guess.
- Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin:
After about 15 minutes of nothing but recaps and lame interviews, we finally get another match, and it's going to be a squash match rivaling SD Jones vs. King Kong Bundy from Wrestlemania 1. Lockup into the corner, and Austin gives a clean break. Austin with a standing side headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Austin with another headlock, and we cut backstage to Bret Hart watching the match on TV. Austin with a snapmare and into a chinlock, but Holly counters into a hammerlock. Austin misses an elbow drop, so Holly applies a wristlock. Eye rake by Austin to break the hold, and he takes Holly over with another headlock. Irish whip, and Austin with a shoulder tackle, followed by a hot shot. JR pimps an Austin/Vader match for next weeks episode of Raw. Austin comes off the second rope with an elbow drop, but that only gets a two count. Commercial break, and we come back to Austin performing a Lou Thesz Press. Holly tries for a comeback, including his Jim Brunzell dropkick, but that only gets a two count. Holly misses something off the top rope, and Austin finally finishes things with the Stone Cold Stunner at 6:56. * Not too bad of a match, but considering Austin controlled 90% of the offense, this match could've been easily trimmed in half.
- Bob "Spark Plugg" Holly vs. Billy Gunn:
To the amazement of me, this is from Superstars the day of Survivor Series. Remember, the show was airing on sunday mornings at the time, and we're Joined in Progress. Holly has a wristlock applied, but Gunn escapes with an elbow. Holly with a series of arm drags, and that sends Gunn running to the outside. I'm sad these guys are fighting, even though it's 8 years before they were scheduled to be a tag team. Gunn comes in with a charging clothesline and talks trash by calling Holly "Racecar Man." Way to go with those insults, Billy. He chokes away on Holly and whips him hard to the corner. Snapmare by Gunn, and he applies a reverse chinlock. Jim Ross pimps the mystery partner for Survivor Series. The last time they had a surprise at the PPV, we got the debut of The Undertaker... and the Gobbledy Gooker (groans). Gunn rakes Holly's face across the top rope, but a "We Want Bart" chant distracts him. Holly with a minor comeback, but Gunn knees him in the midsection. Rude awakening from Billy Gunn as we go to a Commercial. We come back with Billy applying a reverse chinlock. Plugg fights free, but gets kicked in the chest. Billy measures up Holly with a knee drop, then rakes the eyes with his boot. Holly comes out of nowhere with an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline. Irish whip, and Holly with a hurricanrana?! Holy what the fuck shit?! Irish whip and Holly connects with a dropkick for a two count. Holly to the top, but Gunn slams him off. Holly no sells and back slides billy for a two count. Gunn with a swinging neck breaker, and he goes to the top rope and comes off with a leg drop for the victory at 6:01. 3/4* Hot final minute, but the rest was boring crap... and when the hell did Bob Holly ever do a hurricanrana?!
- Highlights from the WWF Hall of Fame ceremony, honoring such legends as Captain Lou Albano, Killer Kowalski (inducted by Helmsley), Baron Mikel Scicluna, The Valiant Brothers, Johnny Rodz, Pat Patterson, Jimmy Snuka, and Vince McMahon Sr. (inducted by a younger Shane McMahon).
- Owen Hart & The British Bulldog vs. Frank Stilletto & Tony Williams:
Same episode, and your basic extended tag team squash match. The tag champs dominate with their signature, spots, then decimate one of the bastards with both of their finishing moves. In this case, a Bulldog powerslam followed by Owen's Sharpshooter, resulting in the win at around the 3 minute mark. Wait... did I just say... three minutes? Eh, the joke doesn't work very well these days, considering the circumstances.
- Special Tug-Of-War Competition:
Mark Henry vs. Crush (w/ Clarence Mason):
Also from the episode of Superstars of Wrestling... oh wait, they dropped the "Wrestling" part back in 1992. I keep forgetting that. Mark Henry is dressed up in a lot of red white and blue stuff. We come back from a commercial, and apparently I didn't tape it, because Mark Henry won, but we do get footage of Crush, Goldust, and Hunter Hearst Helmsley laying a beating in on Mark Henry and choking him out with the tug-of-war rope. After a moment or two of that, the officials are able to end the chaos. How will this effect the Survivor Series match "tonight"? Tune into the next review of these next time!
- Mankind (w/ Paul Bearer & The Executioner) vs. Unknown Jobber:
Still from Superstars. We get highlights from Raw with the Undertaker promo and Bearer/Cage incident thingy. Mankind boots the Jobber in the midsection and hammers away with rights in the corner. Split screen presentation with Doc Hendrix showing off the little cell used to keep Paul Bearer in during the Taker/Mankind match at the PPV. Irish whip, and the jobber nails an ugly dropkick. Mankind no sells a lot and applies a rear naked choke. Irish whip to the corner and Mankind follows up with a bulldog takeover. Mandible Claw time ends the match at 1:37. I'm giving up on rating these squash matches, because they really aren't that entertaining.
Final Thoughts: No wonder I haven't watched this tape in so long. A lot of interesting characters, but none of them were that over. The Sultan? The Pug? Salvatore Sincere? The Stalker? Imposter Razor Ramon & Diesel? Come the fuck on... it wasn't just the gimmicks were bad, but the matches weren't anything to brag about either. Nothing really stood out as great, so you can bet safely that this tape won't come out of hiding again any time soon.