WWF Sunday Night Heat - August 8th, 1999:

- Weird choice to review this, eh? I didn't even know I had this episode on tape until literally 2 hours ago, so while I'm actually excited to see it without anything that good on it, let's get the review going, because I'm hepped up on something, and it ain't sugar. :-P

- This is a very special episode of Sunday Night Heat, because it's actually being broadcasted live from... wherever the hell they are broadcasting from (Joe Louis Arena). Many shots of WWF Main Eventers... The Brood, Droz, and Debra in the opening. Weird, considering back then the main eventers actually did appear on Heat frequently. Now when they do, we think of it as burial. On commentary is everyones lover Michael Cole and Kevin Kelly.

- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
D'Lo Brown © vs. Val Venis:
Brown is also the European Champion, but that title isn't on the line... and dig the big pop for Val Venis' entrance. I didn't notice he was that over, considering this is live, and they couldn't pipe in the reaction. Brown is being pushed, so we know this was before he crippled Darren Drozdov. Brown gets a pretty good pop too, which amazes me considering he's just a midcarder. Highlights from Raw sees Brown pin Jarrett after a belt shot to become a double-champion. Before the match starts, out comes Jarrett and Debra (to another big pop... hot crowd). Venis sneaks attack Brown, but a series of counters leads to a Brown tilt-o-whirl slam. Side leg kick by Brown, followed by a scoop slam. Signature leg drop from D'Lo gets a two count as we see Debra's old push-up bra tits. Brown hammers on venis in the counter, and now mounts him... mind out of the gutter, people! Venis escapes with a nasty spine buster for a two count. Double underhook slam by Venis into a cover for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Venis with a back body drop, followed by a clothesline. Venis with a series of knee drops followed by a side russian leg sweep. Jarrett runs in now and attacks Venis for the DQ at 2:11, interrupting a match that was heading somewhere. Brown cleans Jarrett's clock, and Venis joins in on the beating. * Match had promise, so we should've expect some bookers to ruin the match by having a rushed DQ finish.

- Backstage Road Dogg and Kane are talking strategy for their match tonight against the Acolytes. Actually, Road Dogg talks strategy while Kane stands there playing with himself. I'm guessing X-Pac was selling injuries this week which explains why he isn't Kane's partner. We get highlights from a few weeks ago courtesy of the Slam of the Week or whatever, and it's Big Show and Undertaker destroying X-Pac.

- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
The Acolytes © vs. Road Dogg & Kane:
I know right now that this match isn't going to be pretty, so let's hope they keep it short (and knowing the booking at the time, it will be). Just so you know, yes, Road Dogg does know what city he is in for the show. Road Dogg even creates a new opening to suit his partner. The Acolytes run in before the match starts though, and as usual, Kane makes the big "face saves his partner from trouble" entrance as the Acolytes nail a double team neckbreaker on Road Dogg. Kane takes a beating from both men, but he takes down Bradshaw with a clothesline, and Faarooq eats boot. Another clothesline sends Bradshaw out, as does one to Faaroow. Bradshaw back in with some pounding, but he runs into a side suplex as we see Road Dogg dead outside the ring. Kane follows out for Faarooq and rams him into the steel steps. Kane drops Bradshaw across the top rope and nails a top rope clothesline as Hardcor eholly comes out. Faarooq clips the knee and Bradshaw nails the clothesline from hell. Hardcore Holly tags in as Kane's "partner" and stomps away in the corner... but no DQ? Kane no sells though, but the Acolytes double team him. Holly now hammers on Faarooq and clotheslines Bradshaw. Now Holly takes a beating, and is given a double team powerbomb for his troubles. Kane and Holly take some stomping from the Acolytes as Road Dogg tries getting back in. Open shots on Kane from Faarooq as we see the Undertaker and Big Show watching backstage. I guess you can call this a No Contest at 3:00 since we cut backstage to The Rock WALKING~! and don't go back to the match. Call it a * again, because it was an entertaining brawl, although I'm getting fed up with stupid finishes like this all over every show I watch.

- Commercial for WWF Attitude made by Acclaim. I see shots of basically everyone that was still employed, which doesn't include guys like Dr. Death Steve Williams and Goldust. We see a Lwrence Taylor commercial because apparently he's in the hall of fame.

Backstage, Terri Runnels drugs Meat's (Shawn Stasiak) Snapple (what, couldn't afford anything), and sadly, we have to witness him walking around in his underwear. The less said about the Meat gimmick, the better, but this is leading somewhere we don't want to venture.

- The Godfather (w/ The Ho's) vs. Prince Albert (w/ Darren Drozdov):
Godfather gets boo'ed when he doesn't bring out the Ho's, showing that he wasn't really over, just his brainless bimbos willing to show some cleavage were. This had to be fairly early in Prince Albert's run in the WWF, but I'm most likely wrong. We go to a G vs. E commercial while Albert makes his heatless entrance. Godfather gets on the microphone to run down Albert. He wants a match with the "pillsberry snowman doughboy" Droz, but out comes Vic Grimes (as "Key") dressed entirely in white to attack Godfather. Albert with a side suplex, and in comes Val Venis and Chaz the Wifebeater to help make the save. No Match, no Rating, but this is like a who's who of crappy shit. Chaz beats his wife/girlfriend, Godfather is a pimp, Venis the pornstar, Vic Grimes the drug dealer, Prince Albert named after his dick piercing, and Droz the... well, he's the most normal guy in the ring.

- Backstage Al Snow talks to Pepper, his pet dog. We come back from a commercial and Snow introduces Pepper to the Blue Meanie. He makes fun of the dog, so Snow beats the crap out of the Meanie by smashing a can of Cola over his head and slamming him onto a table. I guess this explains why Blue Meaning & Stevie Richards tried to steal Pepper after Bossman/Snow at SummerSlam.

- Countdown to the Millennium: 26 Hours, 17 Minutes, 33 Seconds... You know what this means.

- Backstage Part II, and Meat is talking about something to Terri that doesn't make him comfortable, which leads to...

- Meat (w/ Terri Runnels) vs. Big Bossman:
Meat is wrestling with a boner! AH! AH! AH! AH! Damn you Vince Russo, may you burn in hell like your name was Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein combined! Who the hell besides him thought a wrestler with a boner was a good idea? AND we get a "nice" close up of said erection. Bossman is the Hardcore Champion, but this is normal rules sadly. "Bossman Sucks" chant to start the match. Bossman points to Meat's boner, and doesn't want any part of it... until he sneak attacks Meat and chokes him in the ropes. Sitdown splash across the second rope by Bossman, followed by a slide outside and punch to the face. Meat with a series of rights, followed by a diving back elbow. Bossman with a short right to the chin, followed by some blows in the corner. Bossman with a sledge across the back of Meat, and now he applies a reverse chinlock. Meat attempts a comeback with more punching, but that doesn't last long. Bossman with a kidney punch and a whip to the corner. Bossman misses a charge, and Stasiak tries a dry hump, so Bossman low blows him. Irish whip, and a powerbomb counters a hurricanrana attempt from Meat, and he pins Meats erection at 3:16. Yes, he put his foot on the guys dick as a cover. DUD Total punch-kick match. Bossman lays a beating on Meat with the nightstick afterwards. Good for Bossman.

- "King Ass" Billy Gunn (w/ Chyna) vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer & Big Show):
Unusual combination, considering both men are technically heels. The Rock joins the broadcast position before the match. I think it's a toss up of who is more attractive... Paul Bearer or Chyna? You make the call. "Ass Man" must be the worst theme music in the history of Wrestling. Gunn attacks before the bell with a series of rights. Irish whip to the corner, and Gunn charges into a back elbow. Undertaker throws Gunn into the corner and unloads with his own rights and elbows. Irish whip, and the Undertaker with a big boot (that misses) for a two count. Crowd chants for Rocky, despite him not even being in the match. Shows how much the crowd cares for this. Gunn with a dropkick and neckbreaker for a two count. You mean Undertaker actually sold something?! Undertaker gets sent to the buckle, and now we get an exchange of eye rakes. Rock mentions "Kayfabe", but it means nothing these days. Gunn boots 'Taker in the corner, but gets dropped with a nasty DDT for his troubles. Undertaker with an elbow across the throat of Gunn. Back inside the Undertaker goes as Rocky hammers on Gunn. Big Show gets a beating for his trouble, and Bearer goes down. Inside the ring, Undertaker makes Gunn his bitch with a Tombstone Piledriver, and that's all Ass wrote at 3:38. 1/4* Meh... nothing match that the crowd couldn't care less about. Show and Undertaker work on Rock and he gets nailed with a Chokeslam. Chyna comes in to save Gunn, but the broadcast ends now.

Final Thoughts: Harmless fluff of a tape, but you could see that Russo's booking was getting out of control. Just look a the Godfather/Albert "match" for an idea on what kind of characters he was pushing for, as well as "Meat", and the fact the matches people cared about had shit finishes or were horribly rushed. Oh well, it's a good way to kill 40 minutes (without commercials), so whatever.

Man Jarrett is pissing me off in a match that happened over 6 years ago. I dug the hell out of the Venis/D'Lo Summerslam '98 match.

Maybe Jarrett was mad both men got better reactions than he's ever gotten? :P

I actually like the idea of a drug dealer gimmick. They kinda half assed one with Droz and the LOD break-up. I always wanted the Simon Dean character to end up being a steroid supplier. That woulda been great.

I'm sure if steroid accusations bother McMahon, he'll make a character to mock it. Like the UPN assholes killing Hassan off, so we get the Network dude that sucks.

I dunno. I thought it was exactly the opposite reason. I think he's never pulled the trigger on a full blown drug dealer/juicer angle because of the whole national trial thing.