WWF Raw Is War - December 7th, 1998:

- Opening montage highlights Austin KO'ing the Undertaker with a shovel, as well as Kane and him assaulting Paul Bearer and stuffing him down a manhole head first. Last week, with the help of the Rock, Boss Man defeated Mankind in a Ladder Match for the Hardcore Championship. Tonight, Mankind and Austin team up to take on The Rock and The Undertaker.

- Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler will be doing all commentary, because of Jim Ross' sudden attack of bells palsy, as well as his mother dying around this time as well. Cole, for those who don't remember, REALLY sucked back in 1998-99, and the Cole today sounds like Jim Ross circa 1989 compared to when he first started out.

- Triple H, X-Pac, and Chyna come out for the opening promo of the show. Apparently there's a rumor that the New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn) have sold out to the Corporation... and sooner rather than later, they come out with Shawn Michaels, dressed up like gentlemen, and sipping expensive bottled water with their pinkies extended! Oh man, if this doesn't make them heels, I don't know what will. I can't believe the WWF would turn their most over Tag Champions since... well, probably the Steiner Brothers, heel out of nowhere! Damn them... oh wait...

- D'Lo Brown (w/ Mark Henry) vs. Jeff Jarrett (w/ Debra):
The match is scheduled for 20 minutes, as is every non-title match on Raw. Highlights from Heat show Goldust make a challenge to Jarrett, where if Goldust wins, Debra has to strip, and if Jarrett wins, Goldust gets nekked. Yeah, Russo sure was all over this one. Brown and Jarrett had fairly good outings in the summer of '99, so maybe they can do something here. More Heat highlights show Brown KO Jarrett with a guitar. Jarrett with a sneak attack and drives a knee into the midsection of Brown. Irish whip to the corner, but Brown charges out with a clothesline. Brown to the second turnbuckle with a diving clothesline, sending Jarrett outside for some stalling. He yanks Brown to the outside to pound away, but Henry comes over to help. Back inside and Brown controls with punches and slaps to the chest. Whip to the corner, and a charge misses as Cole mentions JR's absence due to his mama's death. Jarrett with a swinging neck breaker, and he heads UP TOP~! for a cross body press and a two count. Punches are exchanged, and Brown sends Jarrett to the corner. He runs into a Double J elbow, and Jarrett with a russian leg sweep for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Jarrett with a sunset flip attempt, which fails. Brown gets kicked in the balls behind the referee's back and is sent to the corner. Irish whip and Brown catches Jarrett going for a back drop and drops him HARD with the running Liger-Bomb. God damn, did that look awesome. Jarrett, of course, no sells as Goldust comes out in a brown trench coat... uh oh. Goldust flashes Debra (of course, we don't see anything), and that allows Brown to sunset flip Jarrett for the victory at 4:24. *1/4 Not too bad for a TV match, but way too rushed and a little too punchy-kicky for my liking. Thank God we didn't see Goldust's golden globes, or I might've brought up my lunch.

- Commercial featuring two super-dorks who look like the guys from the 1997 Slammy Awards where the 1 guy pissed his pants. Oh yes, it's thge horrible WWF Cologone and Eau de Toilet commercial that sold out in arenas around the country. WRESTLECRAP!

- The Brood (Gangrel & Edge) (w/ Christian) vs. The Head Bangers:
I said it before and I'll say it again. Gangrel's entrance kicked serious amounts of ass, and the Brood should've been pushed better than JTTS' and lackies to The Undertaker. Mosh hammers on Gangrel to start, but gets sent to the corner, and Gangrel takes him over with a double hook suplex. Edge tags in for a clothesline in the corner, and Gangrel follows suit. Double DDT from out of the corner by the Brood gets a two count. Thrasher pulls down the ropes on Edge and slams him onto the steel steps. Back into the ring, and Mosh with a scoop slam. Thrasher to the top with a front drop suplex of Mosh onto Edge for a two count. Irish whip, and connect with a double flap jack on Edge for a two count. Here comes Luna to cause a DQ at 2:07, as does... Tiger Ali Singh? Here comes the Oddities to beat up the Towel Heads and the Head Bangers. Golga (a.k.a John Tenta) with the butt splash on Thrasher and Luna beats down Babu (Singhs man servant) outside the ring. Match was about 3/4* for some cool spots, but too short with a senseless brawl. What was the point of Tiger Ali Singh and Babu being there? Stupid Russo...

- Goldust vs. Owen Hart:
Highlights from Heat last night that Owen Hart was "unretiring" to beat up Steve Blackman at Rock Bottom. This was the beginning of the Blue Blazer gimmick returning, to the delight of no one. Lockup to start, and Goldust with a hip toss. Owen mouths off to the crowd to stall for a little time because he was "retired." Go behind waistlock by Owen, but Goldust counters. Owen escapes with a drop toe hold into a hammerlock, and Goldust counters again. Waistlock by Owen followed by a spinning heel kick. Stomps in the corner and a whip to the corner. Owen with a gutwrench suplex for a two count. Goldust fights back with rights, but Owen prevents more with a headbutt and scoop slam. Sharpshooter attempt is blocked and Goldust with a small package for a two count. Owen comes back quickly with the enziguri for a two count as well. Owen with chops in the corner, and Goldust counters with slaps. He misses a charge to the corner, allowing Owen to connect with a neck breaker. Owen to the second turnbuckle for an elbow drop, and that gets another two count. Owen with shoulders to the midsection, bu he gets sent to the corner and dropped with a clothesline from Goldust. Butt-Butt connects as does an attempted anal rape with Owens head. Out comes Jarrett and Debra, and she's wearing a trench coat. She "flashes" Goldust, but it distracts Owen more than Goldust, and that allows Goldust to school boy him for the victory at 4:19. *1/2 Owen basically did all the work, but Goldust was at least game enough to not slow down the match with his moring armbars and chinlock spots.

- Footage of WWF's UK PPV Capital Carnage from the weekend before this Raw. We see a lot of idiot fans who talk like idiots because they're british. Oh yeah, and they have big teeth. Sometimes I wonder if Edge is really canadian. :-D

- The Godfather & Val Venis vs. The Acolytes (w/ Jackyl):
Before the match, Venis-Father give away the Ho's (who are quite ugly looking) to some really fat guy who is obviously a plant. He also had money ready, so he's probably not a first time customer anyway. Blink and you'll miss the Acolytes early run as a team, being managed by Jackyl, and basically getting DQ'ed within 30 seconds of every match. Bradshaw/Godfather and Venis/Faarooq are the parings. Bradshaw gets dumped outside as Venis slams Faarooq face-first into the canvas. Bradshaw and Godfather exchange blows on one side of the ring and Venis rams Faarooq into the steps. More senseless brawling around the ring sees Faarooq eating post and Bradshaw having sloppy seconds of the steps, and the match is called at 0:47. No Contest. Bradshaw lays out Godfather with the Clothesline from Hell, but he no sells it. No Rating I guess, since we didn't get a match.

- Austin comes out for a 20 minute promo, but after about 3 minutes of rambling, The Undertaker interferes via voice over... and we see a Undertaker "Symbol" hanging in front of the Titantron. Oh no... if you don't know what happens tonight, you should be lucky. After Undertaker rambles as well, the symbol is set on fire from some well timed pyro. Woah, only 5 minutes long that segment was? Lucky me... I never liked Austin much, especially when he talked about the same thing over and over again. Just think of him as the 1998-99 version of 2000-2005 Triple H.

- "Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman vs. Tiger Ali Singh (w/ Babu):
We get highlights from last week where Steve Blackman disguised himself as the Blue Blazer. Oh yeah, and Tiger Ali Singh sucks. In other news, the sky is blue, grass is (usually) green, and Osama Bin Laden is evil. Singh assaults Blackman with the flag of whatever country he represents then stomps away. Blackman kicks back and clotheslines him to the floor. Back inside, and Blackman whips Singh to the corner. Spinebuster connects, and Blackman with a dropkick to the midsection. More punches in the corner, and Blackman hangs Singh across the top rope. Snapmare by Blackman followed by an elbow drop. Scoop slam and another elbow by Blackman. Irish whip, and Singh comes back with punches and kicking. Boring... Boring... Boring. The crowd really isn't into this one. Blackman drops Singh with a shoulder tackle followed by the running bicycle kick for three at 2:10. 1/2* Not much of a match, thank God... as I say that, the Blue Blazer comes down the aisle and trips on the way. Blackman attacks and nails a snap suplex. Here's... Owen!? He assaults Blackman now as the Blazer runs away. Dragon Sleeper by Owen as I cheer like a maniac. Owen trash talks Blackman while he's choking him out.

- Mark Henry (w/ D'Lo Brown) vs. Road Warrior Droz (w/ Animal):
We see highlights of last weeks date between Mark Henry & Chyna, which lead to the awesome "Sammy" angle. Not to take anything away from Droz, but giving a legendary team a new member just sucks. Henry hammers on Droz as the broadcast team goes over the "Suicide" situation with Hawk from a few weeks back. Henry and Droz exchange shots, with the fat guy taking over. Irish whip, and he connects with a clothesline. Henry with more punches, but a charge misses and he spills to the outside. Droz follows him out with clubbing blows and stomps. More nothing happens until Droz does his football stance diving clothesline. Henry gets whipped into the ring steps, and here comes Chyna. Ew... Back inside, and Droz finally covers for a two count. Irish whip, and Droz with a diving back elbow. Irish whip, and a shoulder tackle connects. Droz holds up Henry for Chyna, but she does nothing until Droz gets in her face. Henry with a powerslam, followed by a big splash, and Droz is done at 3:25. DUD Pretty bad match, but at least it was short. This was basically Droz beating down Henry to very little heat until the finish.

- No Disqualification Match:
Triple H & X-Pac (w/ Chyna) vs. Big Bossman & Ken Shamrock:
Just so everyone remembers, X-Pac was the European Champion, Shamrock the Intercontinental Champion, and Boss Man the new Hardcore Champion. X-Pac and Bossman start the match. Bossman gives up his nightstick after getting crotch chopped. Bossman beats on X-Pac and choke lifts him. X-Pac with a spinning heel kick, and in comes Triple H to hammer away on the Boss, man is he big. Irish whip to the corner and HHH follows in with a clothesline. Bossman drags Hunter outside, but gets rammed into the security wall and ring steps. X-Pac comes off the apron to hammer on Bossman, and here comes Shamrock to work over Trips up the ramp. X-Pac eats ring post and Shamrock slams Triple H on the steel ramp. Bossman with the steel steps, but he misses the charge into the post, and hurts himself. Back on the ramp, and Hunter counters a suplex with one of his own. Back into the ring, and X-Pac chops away on Shamrock. Triple H gets in some of his own shots, and it's Bronco Buster time. Bossman rolls in and bitch smacks X-Pac. Irish whip, and he nails the spinebuster for a two count. Press slam across the top rope, and Bossman beats on X-Pac more. Smothering chinlock applied as the Outlaws and Michaels come to the ring. X-Pac attempts to fight free, but gets dropped like a sack of crap. Shamrock tags in with a side leg kick to the face. Irish whip to the corner, and Shamrock connects with a clothesline. Modified Dragon Sleeper by Shamrock as Gunn sarcastically cheers on X-Pac. X-Pac finally fights free and nails a diving clothesline. Enziguri connects, and in comes Triple H to hammer on everyone. Clothesline to Bossman and a knee to the jaw of Shamrock. Bossman whips X-Pac to the ropes, which are conveniently pulled down by Michaels. He hands Shamrock a chair, but Gunn comes in and wants to do it himself.... then clobbers Shamrock to the surprise of no one... and it's a DQ at 8:22 in a No DQ Match. The Outlaws swerved us! Gotta love Vince Russoa. 1/2* Match was crap, as you would expect from 3/4 of the men in this one, and for a No DQ Match, it had a DQ ending. Didn't ANYONE watch Uncensored '95?

... WAIT A MINUTE! On the replay of Gunn KO'ing Shamrock, I saw Lawler and JIM ROSS sitting at the broadcast position. What the hell is going on?! Capital Carnage was the day before this show aired, and his voice was fine, so him losing his voice or suffering from Bells Palsy shouldn't matter because this was taped on the 1st of December.

- Steve Austin & Mankind vs. The Rock & The Undertaker:
The match has a TV time remaining limit, so don't expect it to be too long, even if it was taped the previous week. Also, don't expect it to be very good. Rocky was still not in full blown "good" mode, Undertaker sucked, and Austin was never too good in tag matches. Mankind gets double teamed by the heels, and here comes Austin for the post-bell-ringing entrance that faces use all the time in big tag matches. Austin takes out Rocky on the ramp and Mankind comes over to brawl with Undertaker., Both pairings go seperate ways, with Austin/Rock on the top of the entrance and Mankind/Taker outside the ring. Lots of punching from everyone until Undertaker chairs the steel steps into Mankinds face. Everyone brawls for a good couple of minutes with the same pairings. Austin gets sent into the ring steps while Undertaker dominates Mankind. Inside the ring, and Undertaker with a chokeslam, but no cover. Finally, at nearly 4 minutes, everyone is in a proper position in the ring for a tag match. Undertaker and Rock take turns beating on Foley, with nothing much of note. Austin has enough and clocks Rocky from the apron. Mankind with a swinging neckbreaker to the Undertaker, and to the shock of me, he sells it... well, not anymore. Rocky gets the tag in and goes for the Corporate Elbow™, and it connects for a two count. Mankind tries for a DDT, but Rock reverses with a botch Samoan drop, followed by a Rock Bottom, but Austin breaks up the pin. Austin/Taker brawl, and it heads out of the ring. Shamrock comes out, as does the Boss Man, and it's a Sports Entertainment Finish at 8:20. 1/2* Usual crappy Raw main event from the time. Undertaker beats on Austin outside while Rock hammers on Foley with the nightstick in the corner. Undertaker clobbers Austin several times with a chair, knocking him out in the process.

He carries him up the ramp... and oh boy, you're going to LOVE this. A couple of KKK members, or guys in black gowns and hoods resembling it, strap Austin onto the Undertaker symbol, arms spread out and feet together. sound familiar? Well, then Undertaker "raises" the symbol in front of the titantron. Yes, the WWF did a CRUCIFIXION ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. You think having "terrorist attacks" on the Undertaker was bad? This was 50 times worse.

Final Thoughts: The first hour was fairly good, with some short, fun matches featuring midcarders that rarely ever got a chance at anything once Russo's booking ideas were expelled in favor of pushing the same 10 guys on TV while everyone wanders around on the B-Shows. The second hour, however, was dog shit. The DX "swerve" was horribly Russo-ish, and doing a crucifixion is simply tasteless. I don't know who thought that up, but McMahon is a top suspect, considering he also came up with such delightful storylines as the hinted incest between him and his daughter, and the Kane/HHH Necrophillia.

Umm... I'm still not sure what happened here.

Whoops. I goofed. :P It should say D'lo won, not Jarrett beating himself.

Nice review, and a bonus for making fun of the British, or as I like to call them, douches.

Except Austin drew. And most people liked him.

And I don't care. I don't like him, that's my opinion.

That's fine, but comparing him to present-day HHH in any tangible sense isn't really fair, is all.

It doesn't matter if he drew money or not, people rambling on and on every show doesn't make me happy.

Austin: "I'm the rattlesnake and i'll kick your ass blah blah blah"

HHH: I ....am... the Game. And you cant.... beat... me."

Yeah, I'm dancing for joy over both guys tired promos from their own specific time frames.

Fair enough. You didn't find Austin's banter, while repetitive, slightly more entertaining than HHH's soliloquys?

You got me there. However, I'd rather watch a Giant Gonzales match than hear HHH talk, so it's not a fair question. :D

Anyone else dreading HHH's "I'm back" promo?

Nope. Raw has sucked a lot more since he left. He's welcome back... for about a week, then I hate him again. :)

I loved it when he wasn't there and we got a motivated Jericho.

Jericho hardly looked motivated, but I can't tell sometimes. He's acted the same for the last 4 years.

Really? I thought his fued with Cena was the best I've seen him look in years. He was being a real dick heel and dragged two straight good bouts out of Cena. To each his own, I guess.

Maybe it's because he's a far better heel than face.

Definetly, but he's been a heel for a long time and hasn't been that on his game.

I disagree. As a fresh heel he's great. However, he was a heel from November 2001 through March 2004, and that just piled on the staleness.

How is that disagreeing? I just said he has been a heel and not on his game......

You said he's been bad as a heel. I say he's only bad when he's a heel for too long. That's a disamagreement.

Oh, I see. Well let me rephrase. I never thought Jericho ever sunk to "bad" level. I just thought he fell from grace a little bit, because I was a huge Jericho fan from his ECW and WCW runs, and I also like what I've seen from his Southern and Japan stints. So I never thought he was bad, just diminished. And then the Cena fued made me love him again, but now he's gone.

He needs a good 6 months off. He was still stale in his Cena feud. The guys been going non-stop since August '99 (with WWE).

Last time I watched an "H-cubed" promo was when I was stranded in Santa Fe New Mexico during a snowstorm back in March...so I can't offer a good opinion of his interviews. To me the more glaring problem is his entrance-- a guy comes in and spits water like a third grader. With as much money as the company's making, their top "special effect" is a guy spewing water.

If he was REALLY evil, he'd blow spit bubbles! Spit bubbles are a sure trip to the principal's office and loss of recess privledges.

As far as HHH goes, I think his entrance is the best part about him. The Motorhead theme is choice, and i like the whole "spotlight spittin water" thing.

I actually think it's high time Triple H had a new entrance, so I hope his October return will provide one. I was sick of the Motorhead song the first time I heard it (it's grown on me a bit since, but it's not something I really enjoy).

Triple H's best quality is his ability to still deliver the occasional great match, IMO.

HHH is the John Mayer of the wrestling business. John Mayer is a great guitartist, believe it or not. He's all extremely smart and funny, and he has a great live show. But his albums blow balls. Absolute puff pieces of grabage. I hate them. But they make his ass money and keep him popular. In the same vein, HHH has the ability to GO. Everyone knows it. The man has been in same fantastic matches. But he spends so much time trying to stay on top, he lets that get in the way. And sometimes, he's just too lazy to care. That's why I hate John Mayer. That's why I hate HHH. They could be good, but they have other things on their mind.

I am not a big fan of Triple H, but he's far from lazy in the ring. His mobility has suffered because of injuries, but lazy? No.