WWF Saturday Night's Main Event - March 14th, 1987:
- This would be the final SNME before the big Wrestlemania III PPV, featuring Hulk Hogan v. Andre The Giant for the World Title, Randy Savage v. Ricky Steamboat for the IC Title, Roddy Piper's "Final" Match (pfft...) and a whole lot of filler shit that no one gives a crap about. So, with the build up complete, here we have a very lackluster show, featuring more of the Savage/Steele feud that electrified no one, and a Battle Royale with Hogan and Andre, and 18 midcarders who go nameless in the promos.
- Opening Show promos from Hulk Hogan, Bobby Heenan & Andre The Giant, Miss Elizabeth (wait... she actually talked? AMAZING~! Too be she was horrible at it), The Hart Foundation & Jimmy Hart (who talk about their "first time"... defending the titles), and Jake Roberts. As usual, the opening montage is done to "Obsession", which gets stuck in my mind whenever I hear it... oh yeah, and McMahon and Ventura are on commentary for those who didn't know.
- Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan, who does the usual threat throwing, this time at Andre The Giant, and lumps the other 18 people into the category of "Everyone Else" and "The Heenan Family". We then go to a Flashback of George Steele kidnapping Elizabeth in January. Interviews follow with Randy Savage, George Steele, and Elizabeth (who says about 5 words before being interrupted by everyone).
- WWF Intercontinental Championship Match:
"Macho Man" Randy Savage © vs. George "The Animal" Steele:
Special stipulation for the match is that the winner gets the managerial services of Elizabeth, who is sitting on what looks like a really cheap, second hand chair that officials use in Tennis. These two have been feuding on-and-off for over a year, and all of the matches sucked, so don't expect the trend to be broken here. Savage nails a double axehandle on the floor before the match as Steele helps Elizabeth up the chair, then kidnaps her himself, but Steamboat (with music que) cuts him off in the aisle and sends him back to the ring. Steele pounds on Savage in the ring and then bites. Savage gets sent into the turnbuckle in a bulldog position, and Steele clobbers him a few more times. Steele takes time away from the match to take a bite out of the turnbuckle and throw the stuffing into the air. Savage with a running high knee to the back, followed by a scoop slam. Savage goes to the top rope, and comes off with another double axehandle. Stomping by Savage, followed by some choking. Steele comes back with a... face hold. Savage tries a clothesline, but Steele turns it into a bite and into a choke lifty. Steele goes to town on another turnbuckle and throws the stuffing into Savage and the referees face. Steele tries kidnapping Elizabeth again, so Savage attacks from behind and slams the chair onto him, then rolls back in to beat the count-out, picking up the victory at around 4:00 (no actual bell to start). * Hey, this might've been the best match these two have had, but maybe that's because it was barely 4 minutes, and it didn't include Savage running around the ring for most of the match.
- 20-Man Over-The-Top Rope Battle Royale:
(Participants: Hillbilly Jim, "Outlaw" Ron Bass, Paul Orndorff, Haku, Tama, Blackjack Mulligan, "The Natural" Butch Reed, Sika, Hercules, Billy Jack Haynes, The Honkytonk Man, Demolition Ax, Demolition Smash, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Lanny Poffo, Nikolai Volkoff, Koko B. Ware, Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan)
Most of the introductions are done during the commercial break and a Interview with Bobby Heenan and Andre The Giant, which is basically the same boring thing said during the opening of the show. Once again, I'll be laying off from doing actual commentary since most Battle Royales have nothing but punch-kick brawls for 90% of the match, and will only cover eliminations, or spots that are weird or interesting, like Butch Reed fighting Andre or something else lame like that. Before we can get a Hogan/Andre confrontation, Paul Orndorff attacks from behind and a bunch of heels stomp him down. Hogan no sells, though, and eliminates the Honkytonk Man first at 0:34. Haku of all people makes the save for Hogan from Orndorff and Hercules while Andre disposes of fellow heel Sika at 0:58. The Islanders, Hillbilly, and Mulligan team up on Andre to no avail, and Haku goes bye-bye at 1:37. Poffo takes a headbutt (and blades), and gets tossed at 1:50. Poffo is busted open, leaves a puddle on the floor, and gets stretchered out later. Ware and Hogan team up on Bass, then Reed and Bass go at it. Hogan works on Hercules, then dumps out Bass at 3:22. The Bees double team on Tama, while Demolition works on Hillbilly Jim. Andre hip tosses Mulligan out at 3:48. Hogan hammers on Volkoff, and dumps him at 4:06. Brian Blair is gone thanks to Andre at 4:25. Ware takes a beating from Andre while everyone else hugs. The Heenan Family (Orndorff & Hercules) team on Hogan while Andre headbutts Hillbilly Jim into 2001's Gimmick Battle Royale. Hogan gets whiped into Andre, and here comes the brawl, but Orndorff interrupts after 2 punches. Hogan no sells him and Smash, and dumps Orndorff at 5:59. Andre headbutts Hogan from behind, and dumps him at 6:10, to the surprise of everyone. Andre completes the elimination of the Killer Bees, this time tossing Brunzell out at 7:38. Everyone now gangs up on Andre, and all 8 of the remaining men are eventually able to dump him at 8:09. Now we're left with no one of note. Hercules throws Tama out like a piece of garbage at 8:19, the biggest "bump" for an elimination of the match. Hillbilly Jim dumps Demolition Ax at 8:22. Smash avenges his partner by back dropping Hillbilly Jim out at 8:43. Wrestlemania opponents Reed and Ware battle it out, with Ware dropkicking Reed out at 9:09.
Final Four: Billy Jack Haynes, Koko B. Ware, Hercules, Demolition Smash
Quite the selection here, and it shouldn't be too much of a surprise who will be the final two. Let's see... Smash was (at the time) part of a filler Tag Team not scheduled for a match at Wrestlemania, Koko is a JTTS who eliminated his opponent, and Hercules faces Haynes at Wrestlemania. Ware and Hercules pair off while Haynes hammers on Smash. Hercules stomps a mudhole in Koko's ass, then Smash sends Haynes into the corner. Haynes saves Koko from elimination, but Hercules casually presses him up and tosses him out at 10:05. Double clothesline drops Haynes, and Smash hammers away while Hercules takes his time gloating to Heenan at ringside. Hercules wants Haynes for himself, but Hercules misses a clothesline, allowing Haynes to clothesline Smash out at 10:56. Haynes hammers away on Hercules, and now it's an exchange. Heenan gets on the apron for the distraction, allowing Hercules to dump the idiot out at 11:17, and thus winning the Battle Royale. No Rating, but it wasn't too bad, even though the final 4 was a pathetic crop of characters.
- We go backstage with an Andre The Giant interview (while standing on something to appear to be 10 feet tall). Heenan gloats that his prediction of winning was right, despite picking Andre to win. They share a good laugh about eliminating Hogan without any help. Jake Roberts up next with an Interview, and it's pretty cookie cutter, and his first SNME appearence as a face, since Roberts was still technically a heel in January '87.
- Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan):
I'm thinking that there was a No Contest between these two before that lead to this, but all I can remember is their match at Madison Square Garden on February 23rd. Roberts starts out with a wristlock, but Bundy powers out with a forearm across the neck. Lockup, and Bundy misses a right in the corner. Roberts applies a standing side headlock, while McMahon talks about the possibility of Bundy squashing Damien... so that's where the idea came from. Lockup, and Bundy applies an armbar, but Roberts is able to kick his way free. The two engage in a test-of-strength, and guess who wins this one. Roberts kicks Bundy in the leg to break free of the hold, but gets dropped with a forearm across the back. Roberts gets sent into the turnbuckle, and Bundy hammers away with forearms. Front facelock applied by Bundy.Roberts makes the mild comeback with jabs, and drops Bundy with a big right. Roberts goes for Damien for no apparent reason. Heenan is able to steal the sack before Roberts gets it as we go to a commercial. Roberts comes back to ringside with the bag, but gets stomped by Bundy for his troubles. Irish whip, and Bundy connects with a clothesline, followed by several shoulder blocks. Bundy tries for a third time, but Roberts moves out of the way and Bundy crashes into the corner. Roberts "Cokes-Up" and pounds away on Bundy, then drops him with a clothesline. Here comes Damien again. The referee stops him, so Roberts knees him in the midsection, drawing the DQ at 6:14. Roberts and Bundy continue brawling, until Roberts plants Bundy with a DDT. Heenan makes the save though, before Damien could get put on him. 1/2* Not too good of a match, and unless in the ring with someone else known for excellent psychology (example: Steamboat, Dibiase, Savage), Roberts matches tended to suck a lot.
- Flashback shows us the Hart Foundation beating the piss out of Davey Boy Smith for the Tag Titles, with a little help from bias referee Danny Davis, who has been suspended for life (and ten years, incase he is reincarnated as a referee). The Foundation cut a promo which resembles their opening promo, so no more recaping for now.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
The Hart Foundation © (w/ Jimmy Hart & Danny Davis) v. Tito Santana & Dan Spivey:
It's Who, Waylon Mercy, and El Matador in the same match! Well, it's that time again for everyones favorite portion of Saturday Night's Main Event... the meaningless filler matches that usually involve a JTTS being squashed or matches no one bothers watching in the first place. I don't get the pairing here, but another source says Mike Rotundo was originally supposed to be Dan Spivey's partner, so just go with that, instead of WWF's excuse that Santana is pissed that Danny Davis cost him the IC Title... 14 months ago, long before the angle even came into question. Spivey (Wearing odd "French Flag" Tights) locks up with Neidhart, and applies a headlock. Cross body press gets a two count, and Spivey applies another headlock. Neidhart with a clothesline to drop the loser, but gets whipped into the corner. Atomic drop by Spivey, and Hart tags in to get pounded on. Irish whip to the corner, and Santana with a cheap shot. Santana tags in for a double back elbow. Santana with a standing side headlock, followed by a scoop slam on Hart. Spivey tags in for a shoulder block, and that gets a two count. Hart with an elbow drop to the back of the head, and here comes Neidhart for some double teaming. Neidhart drops Spivey across the top rope, and Hart follows with a cheap shot. Hart back in with several headbutts, followed by a side back breaker. Neidhart with a slingshot splash onto Spivey for a two count. Spivey continues to take a shit kicking, but no one (including me) cares. Oh yeah, can't forget about the false hot tag. Heel miscommunication occurs, and Santana finally gets back in the match. He unloads on Hart with rights, then sends him 100 mph into the corner. Diving Forearm to Neidhart, a shot to Davis on the apron, and another forearm to Hart. Figure-Four applied, but a lot of shit happens, allowing Davis to cream Santana with the mega phone, and that allows Hart to cover for the victory at 5:29. 1/4* Pretty much unwatchable when Dan Spivey is in the ring, which is the majority of the match, Not a very good match, especially when two of the men in it are capable of much more.
- Final interview of the night... before Hogan gets to talk again, and this time it's Mean Gene with Ricky Steamboat. Nothing much of note is said, so let's just skip to the next, and final match of the show. When the best match peaks at *, you hope for something good.
- Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat vs. The Iron Sheik (w/ Slick):
Well, there goes the hopes of a good match. I never quite understood why a black pimp was managing a team that consisted of a communist and marble-mouth Iranian, but that's what happens when Fred Blassie "retires." Randy Savage joins McMahon and Ventura for commentary, but he just rambles like a psycho... you know, the usual. Sheik attacks Steamboat from behind, then drops him with a thrust to the chest. Irish whip, and we see... Steamboat sell something. Sheik sends him into the turnbuckle, then weakly dumps him out. Steamboat skins the cat, and connects with a back suplex. Steamboat applies a standing side headlock, and follows with a shoulder block. Criss cross sequence, and Steamboat with a hip toss, followed by an arm drag, then into a reverse chinlock. Sheik rakes the eyes and rams Steamboat into the ring steps outside the ring. Back inside, and Sheik gloats about his doing. Sheik suplexes the Dragon from the apron and into the ring for a two count. Steamboat fights back with chops, but Sheik applies an abdominal stretch, which is promptly no sold by Steamer. A hip toss counters the hold, and Steamboat with chops to theforehead. Scoop slam and the Dragon comes off the top with a chop to the head for the victory at 3:29. 3/4* Basic extended squash that usually ends SNME, but at least it was better than I expected it to be (DUD), but not by much. Steamboat and Savage have words from the ring and the broadcast area, but the referees prevent anything from happening.
- Gene Okerlund interviews Roddy Piper, who is retiring after Wrestlemania III to pursue Hollywood. We follow with a musical tribute to Roddy Piper, featuring many of his WWF highlights, like beating up Mr. T, shaving Haiti Kid's head, etc. etc. The video is set to Frank Sinatra's "My Way", not to be confused with Limp Dicks song of the same title... if that's the title of their song. Coliseum Video would put this on one of the Best of... tapes, but replaced the song with the generic Coliseum Video closing theme. Fucking cheap bastards...
Final Thoughts: The wrestling definitely isn't very good, and the only feud featured in a straight match was Steele/Savage, and that didn't even get blown off until the next SNME during a Lumberjack Match, unless I'm confusing years. The big pimping was for the Andre/Hogan main event and to an extent, Savage/Steamboat. Everyone else that participated in action didn't even mention their Wrestlemania opponents, so my theory of not giving a shit was true. Anyway, unless you're a completionist or a Battle Royale mark, or need the 5 minutes of Piper for a compilation, pass on this show, because the wrestling isn't worth it.