WWF Smackdown! - April 29th, 1999:
- Hey, remember when WWE only had 1 A-Show and a couple of D-Shows that combined for a 0.3 nielson rating? I hope you would, it was last week (rim shot). Really... back in 1999, WWF managed to juggle around a roster of 50-60 wrestlers on just Raw, with Heat being the often home for midcarders who couldn't fit on the main show every week. Smackdown marked the return to primetime network television since FOX aired the last episode of Saturday Night's Main Event in November of 1992. Although the show didn't air again until August (which featured a lame HBK heel turn that went to Parts Unknown), this was the pilot, and WWF's first shot at it during the hell known as the Russo Era.
- Tonight commentary team is the unusual combination of Michael Cole and everyones favorite bitch slapping manager, Jim Cornette. The ring is dressed like Raw, since Smackdown still didn't have it's own look, and it was just the pilot episode. The recap to open the show includes Triple H beating down the Rock, the Undertakers lame-ass "Where to, Stephanie?" line from Backlash, and the crap with the "Black Wedding" that featured Stephanie strapped to a cro... I mean symbol. God damn, did WWF really suck ass from around March 1999 through Survivor Series.
- We get the ball going with Vince and Stephanie McMahon (looking high or just plain stupid) coming out for some talk-talk-talking. UPN makes sure to take the camera off Stephanie as she goes between the ropes (BOO!). Crowd chants Asshole at Vince, although he's technically playing the face character. McMahon wants to thank everyone who has made him a success... like KEN SHAMROCK?! BIG SHOW?! Just for trying to (and failing) to save Stephanie on Raw? Uh...uh. I guess Hogan and Bret Hart was still on McMahons shit list. Stephanie gets on the microphone, so I hit Fast Forward with little mental discussion. Shane McMahon and the Corporation break up the blab-fest from them. Shane heels it up on his family. Remember when Triple H would just stand in the background with the Mean Street Posse? No wonder he's so protective of his never-ending push. Out comes The Undertaker and his Ministry of Jobbers to keep this horrible segment going (15:00 mark right now). Oh wait, it's just the Undertaker cutting a promo on the Titantron. This finally ends as we get the main event announced of Austin & Rock vs. Triple H & The Undertaker. Nothing to do with the show, but the match screen of Bossman has his arms as thin as a 5 year old girlscout. I love technical goofs.
- Val Venis vs. The Blue Blazer (w/ Jeff Jarrett & Debra):
Interesting combination. The Blue Blazer is obviously Owen Hart, during the angle that pretty much killed the guy. Owen and Jarrett would switch off playing the Blazer, trying to pretend they weren't the Blazer, until a black wrestler (either Koko B. Ware or D'Lo Brown, depending on the source) came out when both men were in the ring together to further confuse people but not really. Vince Russo was definitely booking this crap. Blazer trips up Venis from behind, and hammers away. Irish whip and the Blazer with a back drop. Scoop slam by the Blazer, and he oes up top for a missile dropkick. Venis gets rammed into the corner, where the Blazer stomps away. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, but Venis misses a charge. Venis pounds on Blazer in the corner. Venis with a boot to the face, followed by rights. Irish whip ot the corner, and Venis charges in with a clothesline. Irish whip, and Venis with a back elbow and elbow drop. Delayed veritcal suplex by Venis, and he heads up to the second rope for ane lbow drop. Debra climbs on the apron to distract Venis, but he catches Blazer coming with a fisherman suplex. Jarrett comes in with a punt to the balls while the referee is trying to get Debra off... the apron, and Blazer covers for the three count at 2:21. * Your typical Russo match. Rush-a-mania running wild betwene two guys capable of having an awesome 15:00 match. Nicole Bass (don't ask) comes out since she had a thing for Val's Penis, so out comes the Godfather to lay out both the Blue Blazer and Jeff Jarrett. While he tries making Debra his ho, the Blazer drops Godfather with a spinning heel kick, and Jarrett lays him out with the stroke. Stomp-stomp-stomping occurs.
- Backstage, The Rock talks to himself for a moment about being with Steve Austin until we get a commercial break. Blue Blazer follows with a interview. He denies he's Owen Hart despite it being his voice. After what looks like a botched line (I kicked your leg from under your leg!), apparently there's too much cleavage, and he can't say Vals name because it rhymes with something. The WWF needs a superhero. Blazer tells his Little Blazers to take their vitamins, say their prayers, and drink their milk.
- Big Show vs. Test:
Jesus Christ, how many times did these two guys wrestle in 1999? Test as in between aborted push #1 as Vince McMahons muscle and aborted push #2 where he was fucking Stephanie McMahon. Highlights from Raw of Big Boss Man turning on Test, or whatever way you want to say how the angle came across. Test with a boot to the face followed by rights as Boss Man comes to the ring area. Irish whip is reversed, and Big Show with a running DROPKICK! Holy crap! Big Show calls for the end, and drops Test with the Show Stopper for three at 0:48. Yes, I actually remember the name his chokeslam was called. DUD Pretty much no rating. Boss Man tries scaring Big Show with his nghtstick, but that doesn't work, so Boss Man went back to the drawing board when he found out Shows daddy had cancer. Boss Man chokes out Test, so Show comes back to make the save. This would lead to Test forming UP YOURS with Show, Shamrock, and Mankind a week or two later. UP YOURS was another genius Vince Russo idea, if genius is the new word to describe horrible crap.
- The Rock makes his way to the ring area for God knows what according to Michael Cole. Rocky runs down Shane McMahon and Triple H, which isn't something new for him to do, since he feuded with Triple H for about 8 years it seemed in 1998. Rock makes sure to still act heelish, by telling off Steve Austin, which leads to Austin coming out now. God damn, how many people have access to their own microphones in 1999 WWF? Austin talks for a little with more trash talking until Shane McMahon comes out for the second time tonight. The lights go out, and the Undertakers music hits. Undertaker comes out by himself, and out comes the Ministry of Jobbers and the Corporation. Yes, it's the teaming of the Corporate Ministry of Jobbers! This makes so much sense, considering the Undertaker was tormenting all the McMahons, including Shane, hung the Boss Man at Wrestlemania, and generally made the Corporations life a living hell for several months.
- Kane and X-Pac interview. Highlights last week show Kane post-Blood Bath from the Brood chokeslamming X-Pac for no reason. He did so again later that night after X-Pac called him out for his actions. No answers are really given, so we just go to the ring for out next match.
- D'Lo Brown (w/ Ivory) vs. Darren Drozdov (w/ Prince Albert):
Man, Russo is all over the show. A wrestler named PRINCE ALBERT. What's Russo's fascination with naming people after dicks? For those who don't know, a prince Albert is a dick piercing, which is something Albert (real name Matt Bloom) had done sometime earlier in his life. That's nothing compared to Vince McMahon hiring Droz based on the fact he could vomit on command. You would notice that this combination is very weird. Not for any real reason, but it was D'Lo Brown who botched a running Ligerbomb to Droz during a Smackdown taping later in the year that broke Droz's neck and put him in a wheelchair to this day. Lockup to start, and Droz with a knee to the midsection. Irish whip, and Brown with a shoulder block. Hip toss is blocked by Brown, and he takes over Droz with his own. Brown with slaps across the chest in the corner, followed by a whip to the corner. Droz charges out with a diving back elbow. Irish whip, and Droz with a nice powerslam (to no reaction). Droz mocks D'Lo's head jiggle, so Brown takes him down with the running Ligerbomb... well, that was weird to see. Brown hammers on Droz, but eats a kick to the face and Droz connects with a charging clothesline. Irish whip, and Brown nails a standing side kick. Signature leg drop connects, but Droz comes back with an eye poke. Sky High out of nowhere connects, and Brown goes to the top rope, allowing Albert to toss him off behind the referee's back. Droz gets whipped into Albert on the apron, so Brown nails a plancha on both men. Back into the ring, Brown with a scoop slam. Albert comes in the ring and nails a sitout powerslam, drawing a DQ at 3:20. 1/2* Match didn't really go anywhere, and was pretty heatless. Albert tries giving Brown a nose piercing, but Mark Henry runs in and lays out Albert and Droz. This would trigger another Mark Henry push, because WWF didn't feel like paying him for 10 years to sit on his ass and do anything. They just put his ass in the ring to do nothing instead.
- We get a video package of Sable being on all kinds of shows, like that show on USA network that I forgot (Pacific Blue?) Howard Stern, and some other crap. We follow with a New Age Outlaw interview conducted by Kevin Kelly, which also goes nowhere.
- WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
Kane & X-Pac © vs. The New Age Outlaws:
Yay, time for the battle of best friends, which would be X-Pac and the Outlaws, who still comprised the remaining members of D-Generation X. Kane and X-Pac get seperate entrances, so no cool double Pyro FX. Kane must hold a record for different teammates to win the Tag Titles with. Off the top of my head, he's won them with Mankind, X-Pac, The Undertaker, The Hurricane, and Rob Van Dam. "Ironically" enough, he's feuded with 4 of the 5, and squashed the other because he's a Cruiserweight. Gunn isn't in the mood to play the Catchphrase Sing-a-long Game... FORSHADOWING~! X-Pac and Road Dogg start the match. Lockup, and X-Pac applies a standing side headlock, and turns it into a hammerlock. Road Dogg with a series of elbows to the face, but he runs into a spinning heel kick. Irish whip, and Dogg takes over X-Pac with a hip toss after some countering. Both men crotch chop at each other, so Gunn tags in for some face-to-face. Kane pulls X-Pacs hair and tags himself in for some ass kicking. Gunn with jabs in the corner, so Kane chokes him and throws Gunn into the corner for his own punches. Irish whip, and Kane with a clothesline, followed by a leg drop for a two count. Kane continues the beating on Gunn, who does a half-assed flair flip in the corner. Gunn ducks a clothesline and hammers on the right arm of Kane. Kane drops him with a short-arm clothesline drops Gunn again, and Kane reluctantly tags out to X-Pac. Gunn drops him with a shoulder block, and connects with a pathetic looking dropkick. Dogg and Gunn argue over double teaming. Road Dogg applies an armbar as the match slows down some more, depsite X-Pac being the one in the ring. Gunn comes back in and nails his diving splash in the corner, but misses a second attempt and eats ring post. Kane gets the hot tag and continues making Gunn his bitch for the night. Irish whip, and Kane with a big boot. Road Dogg comes in and does his signature jabs. Double dropkick by the NAO drops Kane, and Road Dogg with the Shake Rattle N Roll knee drop. Kane no sells though, boots Gunn, and double goozles Dogg and X-Pac. Gunn stomps away to prevent it, but Kane double clotheslines the Outlaws off of an irish whip. Bronco Buster to Road Dogg misses. Kane whips Gunn to the ropes, but gets a low blow from Dogg, and Gunn nails the Fameasser for a two count. Gunn and Dogg continue having problems. Kane knocks Dogg into Gunn, who was press slamming X-Pac, and X-Pac falls on top for the victory at 7:01. 3/4* Quite a sloppy, overbooked mess to finish the match. I honestly can't explain what the hell happend there, but the rest of the match wasn't bad enough to warrant complaining. This would lead to Gunn turning heel on Road Dogg about a week later, triggering one of the worst failed pushes since King Mabel.
- Doc Hendrix with an in ring interview for The Brood. I still believe Gangrel had the most kickass entrance in the Attitude era, and maybe ever in WWF history. Who knew back then Edge and Christian would get some nice pushes later on, while the leader would get depushed to Jakked and jobbed out before a serious injury sidelined him for a year and lead to him being fired. Really bad and silly sounding interview with too much fake "evil" laughter ends with the Brood giving Hendrix the Blood Bath, which lead to Hendrix going back to using the "Michael Hayes" name, to the joy of... well, not many people that were around since he was that name. This also lead to the Hardy Boyz being given an actual push other than being Job boys.
- No Holds Barred Match:
Ken Shamrock vs. Bradshaw:
Another Vince Russo certificate of authenticity... pointless gimmick matches between two guys no one gave a rats ass about, or in Shamrocks case, anymore. Bradshaw has a bat in his posession. Shamrock attacks from behind and sends Bradshaw into the ring post. He misses with a baseball bat swing like his name was Adam Dunn, and Bradshaw sends him into the steps. Into the ring we go, and Shamrock is sent to the corner. Clotheslines by Bradshaw, followed by the fallaway slam for a two count. Shamrock takes out Bradshaws knee, and comes up with a half-assed sunset flip into the grapevine ankle-lock applied (so Angle stole that from him too?), but Bradshaw no sells and gets to the ropes. Bradshaw eats the ring steps and Shamrock whips him into the timekeepers table. Shamrock stomps away and yells at the referee. Shamrock gets the bat again, and strikes out for a second time like Mark Bellhorn. Bradshaw has the bat and smacks it across Shamrocks back. Irish whip, and Shamrock ducks a swing (so he's Jason Giambi circa 2004?) and KO's Bradshaw with the bat... for about 4 seconds. Choking commences, and Bradshaw is out of it at 4:04. 1/4* Well that was indeed pointless. Remember when Bradshaw was used to put over midcarders? I missed Smackdown, so I don't know (lame joke #2).
- Mankind Interview, but I don't care at this point. I want to get this show over with as fast as humanly possible.
- Mankind vs. Big Boss Man:
Please make it quick, Wrestling Gods. Boss Man by 1999 was seriously lacking in his in-ring abilities he had from the late 80's, and Foley was never that good in a wrestling match. Boss Man attacks Foley before the bell, and nails the second rope sit-down splash right out of the gate. Irish whip, and Mankind connects with a double arm DDT. Mankind calls for Socko, so I'm guessing they were running low on time here. Boss Man bails, so Test comes out and throws Boss Man to the Wolves, where Mankind rolls him up for a two count. Boss Man pounds away on Mankind, but goes flying over the top rope after missing a clothesline. Here comes the Big Show now to send Boss Man into the ring, but no DQ? Mankind with SOCKO~! and Boss Man is down and out of it at 1:35. DUD Well, that was pretty brisk. I guess we got the 3/4 formation of UP YOURS, so we're just missing Ken Shamrock from the gang.
- Backstage Billy Gunn attacks X-Pac for no good reason, until Kane scares him away by telling him his fortune that he would be jobbing to Funaki on Jakked in 2001.
- "Stone Cold" Steve Austin & The Rock vs. Triple H & The Undertaker (w/ Shane McMahon, Paul Bearer, Chyna, the MSP):
Final match of the show, thank the fuck Christ. I don't think I can stand another 2 minute match and 50 more minutes of talking. For those who care, Triple H is still using the long tights look. The Rock goes for Triple H, but a 2-on-1 affair occurs until Austin plays the face savior and cleans Triple H's clock in the aisle. The Rock controls the Undertaker inside while Austin works over HHH. Austin goes for the Undertaker this time, but gets dropped with rights. No Bell rings, so I'll make up a time. Lou Thesz Press by Austin, and he nails the F-U elbow drop for a two count. Triple H stomps on Austin in the corner, but that doesn't last long. Austin with rights, followed by a Stunner attempt, but HHH blocks and nails the running high knee. Scoop slam and Trips misses a knee drop. Irish whip, and Hunter with a knee to the face (whats with him and knee moves?) for a two count. Working over in the corner by Triple H bores me to sleep. Triple H sets Austin up on the top turnbuckle, but gets shoved down and Austin comes off the ropes with a double axehandle. The Rock tags in for some roundhouse rights on Hunter. Undertaker tags in now, and gets clotheslined out of his boots. Irish whip, and Undertaker comes back with the DDT for a two count. Irish whip, and the Rock returns the favor for a two count as well. Double clothesline spot comes out of nowhere. Undertaker pounds on Rocky, but it's all hell breaking loose. Here comes the Corporation Ministry, Big Show, Ken Shamrock, and Test to have a Royal Ass Kicking Run-In Non-Finish trademarked and copyright reserved by Vince Russo 1998-2001 at the 5:00 mark. -* for a horrible mess of a main event. Vince McMahon comes back, but gets leveled with an unprotected chair shot from the Undertaker. Austin with a stunner on 'Taker, the he nails Shane with one to end the show with. BEER BASH FINISH!
Final Thoughts: If you love Vince Russo, this is the perfect episode of Smackdown for you to watch. Horrible segments, a bunch of 2-3 minute matches, a main event with 5 or more people running in, and all around horrible ideas. I give WWF credit for trying some big angles on the pilot episode, but the ideas ended up failing miserably, especially the Corporate Ministry crap which did nothing for nobody in terms of caring. Major Thumbs Down depsite it being the first ever Smackdown.
I'm so confused about this "first ever" Smackdown thing. This isn't the only place I've seen this called the first smackdown either.
But I swear, I WENT to the first Smackdown, in Kansas City, Kemper Arena. Main Event was Rock v Triple H WWE Title, I believe, with Shawn Michaels as the guest ref. He turned heel, superkicked the Rock during the People's Elbow, and gave Triple H the win. The only other thing I vividly remember is something to do with Tori v someone, and Tori running around in a man's shirt. It was lame.
Anyway, I thought it was the FIRST EVER Smackdown. Any of you historian-like guys help me out with why I might be confused on this matter?